Better Off Friends

by Elizabeth Eulberg

  “Hey, California!” Keith came over and did that guy hand-slap/chest-bump combination that must be taught in some dude class. “Welcome, welcome, all!” He looked me up and down, and I gave him a stare that made it clear I wasn’t the least bit interested in anything he was looking for.

  “Hey, man,” Ian said, coming between us. “Thanks for the invite.”

  “Oh, right, you two are together. See, I keep forgetting that, since she’s always with him.” He pointed to a clearly annoyed Levi.

  “Keith, this is Carrie.” Levi gestured in her direction.

  For whatever reason, Keith laughed. “Okay, I get it, I get it.” He reached down in a cooler and pulled out some cans of pop. “I’d say go long, Levi, but I don’t think my mom would appreciate getting pop on the carpet.” He laughed again. We all remained stone-faced.

  We each took a can and made our way over to the corner of the kitchen.

  “Don’t let him get to you,” I said to Levi.

  “But he’s right. I can’t catch anything … except grief.” He shook his head.

  I turned my back to Carrie and Ian. I knew how embarrassed Levi got about his lack of catching skills. “You’re getting much better. The other day, Adam was telling me you caught a ball nearly all the way down the block.”

  “I guess.” His voice was faint. “But it’s so humiliating sitting on that bench every single game.”

  “I thought you only wanted to play football to make some friends and fit in.”

  He shrugged. “But it doesn’t mean I don’t want to play.”

  “I know, but look around. You’re at a party and Keith invited you.”

  “He invited everybody.”

  “But at least you’re here. And he’s ribbing you. Isn’t that the bro way of being friendly?”

  “The bro way.” He laughed.

  “You know, how guys show affection. Or mark their turf. Kind of like how dogs pee on something to let you know it’s theirs.”

  “Do you have any idea of what you’re talking about?”

  “Of course not,” I admitted. “But does it at least make you feel a little better?”

  “Yeah, just a little.”

  I elbowed him playfully. “Well, that will not do. Clearly my job here is not done. Let me count the ways that you’re a stud.”

  “Wait, wait.” Levi pulled out his phone. “I need to record this. I may even make it my ringtone.”

  I grabbed his phone and spoke directly into the mic. “I, Macallan Marion Dietz, do hereby swear that Levi Rodgers is a total manly man, the ultimate bro. Reason number one, he does a mean British accent. Reason number two, he knows to always compliment a lady’s cooking skills. Um, reason number three. Um …”

  “Nice.” He grabbed his phone back. “You can’t even come up with three reasons?”

  “See, there are just so many reasons, my poor brain is on overload.”

  “Good save.”

  “Phew!” I wiped my brow dramatically.

  “Hey!” Danielle approached us. “I didn’t see you guys come in. But then I saw your dates outside and figured you were doing that thing you do.”

  Danielle could read the nonverbal exchange Levi and I shared. “Let me guess. You didn’t realize your dates left.”

  I grimaced.

  She shook her head. “You guys are too much.”

  “Clearly,” Levi and I said in unison.

  “Well, may I suggest that you take your party outside and keep your dates company?”

  “Thanks!” I gave Danielle a quick hug before she returned to her marching band friends.

  Levi and I went to the glass patio door and saw Carrie and Ian leaning against the deck railing. Ian was telling some story that was making Carrie laugh.

  “Well, at least they’re having a good time,” Levi remarked. “In fact, it looks like they’re having a better time now than they did at dinner.”

  “Levi.” I stopped him from opening the door. “I think that maybe it’s not the best idea for us to go on double dates.”

  He nodded. “I know. It’s hard to throw anybody into our mix. I don’t want to mess things up with Carrie.”

  “You and I will still hang out. I’m only saying that maybe date night should just be date night. Not forcing our dates to put up with the two of us.”

  Levi’s gaze was fixed straight ahead. His jaw was tightly clenched.

  “Levi?”

  When he didn’t respond, I followed his stare. Ian moved closer to Carrie and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. She blushed, but leaned into him. He then put his arm around her.

  “Are they flirting?” I gasped out. There was no way this was happening.

  Levi and I remained frozen as we watched Ian and Carrie get closer and closer. He said something else that made her laugh. She twirled a piece of hair with her finger. Then he leaned farther into her. Her smile dropped. They were studying each other. Intensely.

  I recognized that look on Ian. He tilted his head and put his index finger up to her chin.

  This was so not happening.

  “I can’t …” Levi’s pained voice snapped me into action.

  I slid the glass door so quickly it rattled.

  “How could you?” I found myself in front of Carrie. I know I should’ve been more upset with Ian, but at that moment I was furious at Carrie. Levi had been on a few dates with her, he’d asked her to come hang out with his friends and go to a party he was invited to, and this was how she repaid him?

  Carrie shrank from me. But Ian stepped closer. “Are you being serious right now?” I’d never seen him mad before. But he was mad now.

  “Are you being serious right now?” I threw back.

  He looked at me with disgust. “Do you realize how messed up this is? You’re mad at Carrie? Do you even care about me? You know what — you don’t need to answer that. It’s clear that your only concern is Levi, not your boyfriend. No, wait, your former boyfriend.”

  “Let me make sure I’m getting this straight.” My mind was trying to keep up with everything that had happened in the past few minutes. “You were flirting with another girl. If I hadn’t stepped in, you were probably going to kiss another girl. You were going to cheat on me. Yet you’re mad at me? And you’re breaking up with me?”

  “Do you have any idea how much this hurts me?” Ian’s voice cracked, and I could tell it was completely genuine. I felt awful. Maybe I had hurt him. But I certainly knew I didn’t do anything that justified cheating.

  “How are you putting this on me?” Confusion swirled around in my head. Ian and I had never fought. Not once. We were talking about going into Milwaukee for our one-year anniversary. And now he was breaking up with me? “Have you been drinking?”

  “You know I don’t drink,” he snapped at me. “Maybe I did do this on purpose, for you to see what it’s like to have your boyfriend give another girl all your attention. I really like you, Macallan. But I can’t sit here and play second best to Levi anymore.”

  “You wouldn’t think any of this if he was a girl.”

  “But he’s not. And that’s the problem. Why don’t you two just go out already?”

  This was what it always came down to. The perception that there was no way Levi and I could be legitimately best friends and only friends. Nobody ever got that.

  Mostly because those people never had a best friend of the opposite sex.

  Or maybe it would be more appropriate to say that none of those people had Levi as a best friend.

  “If you’ve had such a problem with it, why are you only saying something now?”

  He groaned. “Because I figured that the closer you and I got, the less I’d have to deal with him?”

  “Deal with him?”

  “You know what I mean.”

  “No, I don’t.”

  I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard Levi’s voice say, “I’m so sorry.” I had forgotten that he and Carrie were there. In fact, a whole crowd had started gath
ering around the door.

  Carrie was hunched over in a clear attempt to disappear. “I should go,” she said quietly.

  “I’ll drive you home.” Ian walked into the group of observers with Carrie following behind him.

  I heard some clapping. “Dudes,” Keith called out, emerging from the crowd. “I know I can always count on you two for entertainment. If only I had some popcorn! That was insane.”

  “Really, Keith?” I asked.

  Something in my voice stopped him. “Oh, man, I’m sorry, Macallan.”

  I stood there waiting for him to make a sarcastic follow-up comment. But he had a look of actual sympathy on his face. Which made me feel even worse. If Keith felt bad for you, you knew your life must be pathetic.

  “Let’s get out of here.” I grabbed Levi by the arm and led us out of the house.

  “Um, our ride left,” Levi said with quiet resignation.

  “We’ll figure something out.” I opened the door and started walking. “I think fresh air might do us some good.”

  Levi stayed uncharacteristically silent for several minutes. I left him alone with his thoughts, as I had a ton of mine to sort out. Mostly, what had just happened? Maybe I was missing some signals. I racked my brain for signs that Ian had been unhappy. He’d made lots of jabs at how much time I spent with Levi and usually pretended to gag whenever I would talk about him. But he was a guy. I’d thought he was teasing me.

  Regardless of what I’d done, it didn’t give him any excuse to flirt the second my back was turned. But what made me the most upset was that it had been Levi’s girlfriend. I would’ve thought Ian would’ve wanted Levi to have a girlfriend.

  “Is any of this making sense to you?” I asked Levi.

  He shook his head and kept walking. This was bad.

  We found ourselves walking to the same place. We didn’t discuss where we were going, we just led each other to Riverside Park. We silently walked over to the swing set and sat down. Me in the middle swing with Levi seated to my left. This was how we always sat when we’d go to the park after school in seventh grade.

  I started rocking my swing back and forth.

  “So I’ve been thinking,” Levi announced, remaining motionless on his swing. “I think you’re right. We shouldn’t go on any more double dates.”

  I looked over and saw a slight smile on his face. “Are you making a joke?”

  “Well, it’s either that or come to face the fact that I’ve been cheated on twice.”

  “She didn’t technically cheat.”

  He clicked his tongue. “Yeah, only because you stopped it.”

  “We don’t know what was going to happen.” I didn’t believe the words as they came out of my mouth. I tried to lighten the mood. “I guess I really need to stop going to parties where your girlfriends are. And where there are doors.”

  “Tell me about it.”

  He got up and went behind to push me. I closed my eyes and let the swing take me higher and higher.

  We stayed like that for nearly an hour. I glanced down at my watch. “We either have to start walking home or call one of our parents.”

  We decided it was best to call Levi’s mom for the ride. Dad and Uncle Adam were very protective of me, so I didn’t think they would take it lightly that I’d been essentially abandoned at a party. Although I was with Levi, which would’ve made them feel a little bit better. They both really liked Ian, so I knew they’d be disappointed to hear it was over.

  Over. It was so strange to think about it.

  Levi and I sat on the curb while we waited for his mom.

  “Are you okay?” I asked.

  “Not really.” He wrapped his arms around his legs. “I don’t know, I’m wondering if there’s something wrong with me.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with you,” I assured him.

  “But why do girls keep cheating on me?”

  “You’ve had one girl cheat on you and one girl make a poor decision.”

  He sighed. “Maybe I’m a bad kisser.”

  “I’m sure it’s not that.”

  “How would you know?” He got me there. “Let’s think about it. My first girlfriend here was away from me for ten days and started sucking face with some other guy the second she was alone with him. Tonight my girlfriend was away from me for like two seconds and she was going to make out with another guy. It clearly has to be me.”

  “You’re being silly.”

  “I don’t think I am.” Then Levi was the opposite of quiet. He spent the next five minutes going on and on about how it must be that he was a horrible kisser and that he would never have a girlfriend because he’s lousy. How he was never going to date another girl because he couldn’t trust them. How pathetic he must be that EVERY girl jumped at the chance to be with someone the second his back was turned.

  It was getting extremely annoying.

  Levi was usually pretty laid back about things, so I wasn’t used to his being so hard on himself over a girl. And being so overdramatic.

  I kept trying to tell him it wasn’t about him. It was about how Emily liked to flirt and wasn’t really “girlfriend material” because she preferred to date and play the field. And who knew about Carrie? She was young. She’d made a mistake.

  But that wasn’t enough. I was getting so frustrated with Levi. Part of me wanted to smack him, but I knew that wouldn’t shut him up.

  “Nope, that’s it. I’m a horrible kisser. And it’s going to spread around school and then no girl will ever give me a chance.”

  “For the love, Levi!” I shouted at him.

  And before I really knew what I was doing, I grabbed his cheeks and pulled him in for a kiss. He was tense, probably from shock, for the first couple seconds. Then his arms were around me and he eased into it.

  I pulled away and Levi struggled for breath. “Wh-wh-what …” he stammered.

  “You’re fine. You are not a bad kisser. It has been verified. Moving on.”

  His eyes were wide, his mouth speechless.

  I loved that he was so flustered.

  We saw his mom’s car approaching. I stood up and he remained on the curb. I reached out my hand to help him up. It took him a second to process it. He got up on his feet, still completely stunned.

  “So that’s one thing I have over your friends in California and your bros here,” I said to him.

  He returned a blank stare.

  I laughed and hit him on the shoulder. “I don’t think any of them would’ve had the nerve to prove to you that you’re not a bad kisser. You’re welcome, by the way.”

  He stayed mostly silent for the ride to my house.

  I laughed silently to myself in the backseat.

  All it really takes to fluster a guy is a simple kiss.

  Yeah.

  Still speechless, I see?

  Give me a break, will you? There I was, pouring my heart out, when you attacked me. I usually prefer to be taken out on a date first. At least buy a guy a slice of pizza before you take advantage of him. Especially if he’s emotionally fragile.

  Yes, poor you. You were being ridiculous and that was the only thing I could think to do to shut you up.

  I really need to start talking more.

  Are you blushing?

  Um, what were we talking about?

  How I’m the love of your life.

  Obviously.

  Here’s the basic difference between having a girl as a best friend as opposed to a guy.

  When you complain incessantly to your guy friends about being cheated on and how you might not be a good kisser, they’ll give you crap, change the subject, or even smack you.

  But when you’re best friends with a girl and you blather on and on, she kisses you to make you shut up.

  When it first happened, I was shocked and confused for the first 1.3 seconds. Then I decided to go with it. Macallan was an excellent kisser. I was a little disappointed when she pulled away and acted like nothing had happened.

  And
people think guys don’t get attached when things get physical.

  Of course, I tried to get her to kiss me again. But she didn’t fall for it. Anytime I’d be purposely annoying to her, I’d say, “Uh-oh, somebody better get me to shut up,” and then pucker my lips. Macallan would ignore me and go back to whatever she was doing.

  That was annoying.

  Spring finally arrived, and with it came the warmer weather and track.

  Even though we were already in the middle of the season, I still got nervous for every race. It mattered too much to me. I had to keep telling myself to remember to breathe. Then I shook my legs out. I could hear the introductions and the crowd. But I looked straight ahead. The only thing that mattered was the 400 meters in front of me.

  I heard the call to line up. I positioned myself at the start, ready to bound forward at the sound of the shot.

  I went into this zone right before a race. Everything else faded away; I gained tunnel vision. A calmness overcame me as my body readied itself to pounce, to run.

  The shot rang and I blasted out. My muscles automatically responded from all the training I’d done. I breathed in short bursts, propelling my body faster and faster. I rounded the first bend of the track and could sense that we were in a tight group. By the halfway mark, I knew there were only a couple other runners left. I used every ounce of energy for the remaining course, not wanting to leave anything behind.

  I knew it must’ve been close because the only voice I could hear was Macallan’s, and she was being more intense than usual. When I crossed the finish line, it took me several yards to get down to a jog. I looked next to me and Ian was right by my side.

  “It’s gonna be a tight one, man.” He gasped, clearly out of breath.

  I could only nod. I hadn’t yet fully recovered.

  He patted me on my back.

  Ian and I had formed a sort of truce after the near-cheating incident. I was more upset with him for what he’d done to Macallan, though she didn’t seem as bothered by it as I would’ve been. But I guessed that when you’ve been through everything she had, breaking up with a boyfriend in high school wasn’t the worst loss.