What Doesn't Kill You

by Cate Dean

  Before he knew it, the steak, and potato, and even the pile of asparagus were all gone. It took all his control not to lick the plate clean. With a satisfied smile, he picked up the remote, clicked the TV on, and leaned back against the mound of pillows.

  If he ate this well after every torture session, he might just survive it.

  *

  “Zach. Wake up, Zach—I don’t know how much time I have. Come on, son, I need you to wake up.”

  The voice drove through him, yanked him out of a sound sleep. He bolted up, blinking at the unfamiliar surroundings. His first thought was that he left the TV on. Until he looked at the dark screen.

  “What the—oh, man.” He clutched his head, pain bouncing around the inside of his skull. “No more steak right before bed.”

  “I don’t think it was the steak.”

  He froze, recognizing the deep voice. The voice he could not possibly be hearing. Slowly, he raised his head. And stared into Simon’s eyes.

  “No—” He scooted across the bed, tumbling to the floor. Pain flashed through his right side. “This is a dream. You are not here. I am not seeing you right now—”

  “Sorry for the bad news.” Simon moved around the bed, crouching in front of Zach. “But you are wide awake.”

  “What—how did you—damn, my head hurts.”

  “Join the club.”

  Zach stared at him. “But you’re a—” He couldn’t bring himself to say it. “How can you feel—anything?”

  “Another question to add to my growing list.” Simon stood, pushing hair off his forehead. “I don’t know how much time I have, so I’m going to get straight to the point. I’m here to help you.”

  Zach used the bed to stand, and lowered himself to it. “Help me how?”

  “Top of my question list, kid. Right before how the hell did I get here. Though I do have a theory about that one.” Simon looked around, a smile on his face. “Let me guess—Annie decorated for you.”

  “Got it in one. I don’t dare change anything, not with her sleep deprived and able to run after me again.” Grief and wonder tangled around each other as Zach studied him. “I can’t tell her, or Mom, can I?”

  Simon let out a sigh. “I don’t know if anyone else can see me. I wasn’t sure you’d be able to. Until you fell off the bed.”

  “Ha ha. Can we not mention that again, ever?” They grinned at each other, Zach’s fading as the truth sank in. “You’re a ghost, right?”

  “Since I’m dead, I’d say yes.” Simon sat next to him on the bed. Zach waited for him to sink through, but he seemed pretty solid for a ghost. He had on the same clothes he died in—faded jeans, an even more faded denim jacket, white t-shirt. And not a drop of blood. “I know you’re freaked out right now, and I’m there with you. But I was brought back for a reason, Zach. And that reason is you.”

  Swallowing, Zach reached out. His hand passed right through Simon’s arm. Cold shocked him; his tattoo lit up like a blue neon sign. He jerked his hand away, expecting to have frostbite, but it looked normal. He tucked it into his armpit, the pins and needles tingle painful and comforting. He hadn’t lost feeling, at least. But his tattoo didn’t fade. Instead, it pulsed, slowly, like a heartbeat.

  “So.” Zach cleared his throat. “What do we do now?”

  “First—don’t ever do that again.” Simon rubbed his arm, pain flaring in his eyes.

  “You felt that?”

  “You stuck your hand in my arm. Hell, yes, I felt it.”

  “Sorry.”

  Simon shrugged, a smile easing the pain. “I’d be curious, too. That hand okay?”

  “I’ll live. It still burns, like I stuck it in a freezer, and hung out a while.”

  “Interesting. Since cold usually announces a ghost, it makes sense.”

  Zach waited for Simon to keep talking, but he started to—fade. “Simon—”

  He stood, looking down at himself. “Damn it. Watch yourself, Zach. I’ll be back as . . .” His voice faded with him. Zach pushed off the bed, getting as close as he could without touching, and heard Simon’s last words. “—find out why I was sent here—”

  He blinked out of sight, leaving behind a snap of cold that iced every window and mirror in the bedroom. Zach glanced down at his tattoo. The neon blue blinked out. Like it was connected to Simon’s presence. Weird.

  Zach crawled under the covers, huddling against the headboard, and stared at the spot where Simon had disappeared.

  He had a feeling life was about to get more interesting than he ever wanted.

  ~*~

  Reader’s Guide to the Claire Wiche Mythology

  As a fiction writer, I do take liberties, but I always start from a point of truth, or mythology, depending on the subject. Because I pulled from so many different sources, I decided to add a reference guide. Now you can see where I started, and where the mythology for the book took off. Happy reading!

  Azazel – there are several stories about Azazel, depending on the religion. In the Hebrew Bible, in the rite of the scapegoat, a goat was sent “to Azazel” in the desert, with the sins of Israel on its back. This rite was performed every year on The Day of Atonement. Azazel was the desert demon, the spirit of desolation and ruin, and the source of all impurity. In the Book of Enoch, Azazel is listed as one of the leaders of the Watchers, the angels who bred with women and created the Nephilim. They taught men the art of warfare in the time before the flood, and taught women to beautify and adorn themselves. For these sins, he was bound hand and foot by the archangel Raphael, and cast into darkness. He is also referenced as one of the three leaders of the fallen angels.

  For my purposes, Azazel is a fallen angel, and sits at the right hand of Lucifer in Hell. Claire was his first, his Lieutenant, his most trusted. Until she began to care about the humans she was supposed to torture. For this, she was banished to earth, to wander among those humans, alone. Azazel not only protects her when she returns to the gates of Hell, he gives her what he considers a gift – a wall to block the power of the demon, to allow her and her new soul to live as much like a human as possible. And now, with her grace gone, she is human. Or is she?

  crystals – crystal healing has been popular for centuries, and has been documented as far back as 1550 BC, in an Egyptian medical document known as the Ebers Papyrus. References to them are found across religions and in everyday society. For every health issue, physical or mental, there is a crystal that can help. Lapis for boosting the immune system, helping with depression, and a host of other ailments. Hematite for mental clarity and confidence, along with blood cleansing properties. Rose quartz for self-acceptance, self-love, and personal worth.

  Claire has been tied to amethysts for decades – partly for the calming, healing aspect, and partly because it ties her to her true self: the angel she was, before pride had her exiled with Lucifer. The amethysts that she and Zach wear bond them, an important lifeline that turns out be life and death.

  cursed objects – everyday items that carry a curse, one that will give the owner certain – perks, but will take so much more in payment. Most often, that payment is their life.

  The tarot deck James carries has power that is almost as ancient as Claire, and carries with it a price for that power. One that James ultimately pays.

  demons – ah, demons. Here is the universal definition of a demon: something not human, and that is almost universally malevolent. Hebrew mythology calls them “workers of harm,” beings that entered the body and caused all sorts of ailments, depending on the demon or spirit. The only cure was to draw them out by using incantations and talismans. Christianity has had demons in their mythology for centuries. The modern Roman Catholic Church has sanctioned exorcists, who perform exorcisms on the possessed, using prayer – a modern form of incantation. Throughout literature, fallen angels are considered demons.

  Claire is one of the fallen, banished from Heaven for siding with Lucifer in his rebellion against God. She has lived without the demon, but it has c
ost her. What will happen if that demon still lurks behind the soul that had been given to her with such sacrifice?

  fallen angels – here is an interesting fact: the term “fallen angel” does not appear anywhere in the Hebrew Bible or the New Testament. It was adopted because of the interpretations of the Book of Revelation, Chapter 12. The Jewish faith took their interpretation from the Book of Enoch (see Azazel). The most prevalent belief is that these angels “fell,” or were cast down, because of their rebellion in Heaven, either against Michael or God.

  I have taken on the belief of a war in Heaven, and the angels siding with Lucifer were cast down into what became Hell, and eventually turned into demons. Claire is cast out of Hell because she remembers what she was, and starts to have compassion for the condemned souls. And Zach is a shiny new fallen angel, direct from Heaven to human. He will have much to sort out as he grows into his new role as human, with extras.

  guardian angels – there are as many beliefs about guardian angels as there are religions – and they are found as far back as the ancient Greeks, who believed that God sent a spirit to watch every individual. There are angels assigned to protect an individual, messengers to guide men to the kingdom of Heaven, to protect children. They are found around the world, across many religions.

  My guardian angels are a bit different. They are the souls of mortals, not quite ready for Heaven, not quite bad enough for Hell. They are sent to help, to guide, to nurture and care for people in need, in order to help wipe away the stains on their own souls. Zach was not a guardian, but an angel trapped Between Heaven and Earth, with no escape. Once Claire helped free him, he became something different. Something human, but not quite. That becomes more evident as his powers start to manifest, in unusual ways.

  iron – found in hematite, magnetite, goethite, limonite and siderite, it is one of the raw materials used to make pig iron, which is then used to make steel. Cast iron is made by melting down scraps of pig iron, scrap iron, scrap steel, lime stone and carbon. Melt out contaminants, adjust the recipe, and you get a lovely cast iron skillet. In folklore, iron is believed to be the best protection against witches, sorcerers, demons and other evil spirits. It can also repel ghosts.

  I use iron as a tool and a weapon. Claire has not been affected by iron, or salt, until she comes in close contact with the tarot deck, and it releases a part of her she thought long gone.

  Jinn/Djinn/genie – there are many versions of the Jinn mythology, depending on what source you read. In Islam, the Jinn were created by Allah from smokeless flame, and, like man, given free will. In Muslim cultures, Jinn have been given different qualities. As an example – in Morocco it is believed that the Jinn can grant three magical wishes. Stories of the Jinn litter the One Thousand and One Nights, where the tale of Aladdin and the lamp can be found.

  This is where I veer away from mythology and folklore the most. Marcus came from the idea of the Jinn, but he is a completely different entity within the confines of my fictional world. As I wrote him, Marcus simply evolved, and I liked what he became so much I decided to go with it. So he is Jinn, but not any Jinn you will find in religious or folklore text.

  Lucifer – in Latin, lucifer means bringer of light, morning star, light bearing – depending on which source you use to translate. In the Bible, he is called son of the morning by God, before he is cast out of Heaven. The relevant passage is in Isaiah: “How art thou fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! how art thou cut down to the ground, which didst weaken the nations! For thou hast said in thine heart, I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God: I will sit also upon the mount of the congregation, in the sides of the north: I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will be like the most High. Yet thou shalt be brought down to hell, to the sides of the pit.” (King James Version). There are more arguments and discussions about Lucifer – one, also in the Book of Isaiah, ascribes the name to a Babylonian king who was destined to fall.

  I am going with the straight up: Lucifer placed himself above God, and was cast down to Hell with the angels who followed him. He became the Lord of Hell, Satan, Beelzebub – whatever name you want to label him. Claire fell with him, served at his right hand, until she remembered what she had once been, and lost the venom and the hate needed to torture condemned souls. Lucifer is always in the background, a reminder of who and what she was, what she became because she believed in him.

  pentagram/pentacle – a five point star, typically drawn in five straight strokes. Used by the Ancient Greeks and the Babylonians, it is best known for its magical ties, and is worn by many who practice and believe in pagan faiths. If the pentagram is inside a circle, it is known as a pentacle. In Christianity the pentagram was believed to represent the five wounds of Christ, and was protection against demons. If the top point of the star is reversed – pointing down – it is a symbol of Satan, literally reversing its meaning.

  Claire’s tattoo is broken, useless. But once the demon emerges, she finds the need to create another barrier, and has a fresh tattoo added to her right shoulder – her dominant side, to help control the beast. I use them as they are listed in the Wicca faith – pentagram is the star, and pentacle is the star inside a circle. Most jewelry is in the form of the pentacle.

  tarot – tarot was originally a card game, played in Italy from the mid-fifteenth century, its popularity spreading to France, Switzerland and Germany. Like a modern day deck, it has four suits, plus an augmented fifth suit of permanent trumps, creating a 78 card deck. It was only later that tarot became a source for divination and readings. The occult tarot deck is different, consisting of the major arcana – 22 cards with no suits, and the minor arcana – 56 cards broken into four suits.

  Tarot plays a huge role in the book – specifically, a tarot deck with power unlike any of them has ever seen. Power to resurrect Claire’s demon, and make Zach long for what he gave up everything to escape.

  triquetra – Latin for three cornered, a triquetra is also known as the trinity knot. As a religious symbol it has been used to represent things and people that are threefold. An example is the Christian blessed trinity of Father, Son, Holy Spirit. In the Pagan religions it is a symbol with several meanings – the three stages of the Triple Goddess, the three realms of earth, sky and sea, and the connection of mind, body and soul are some examples. It is also considered a symbol of protection.

  Claire’s triquetra tattoo is as useless as her pentacle, and she lets it show now, reminding her of what she lost, and what she gained.

  Wicca – a spanking new religion, it appeared at the first part of the 20th century, and was officially named Wicca by the 1960s. Many practice ritual magic, and they follow what is known as the Wiccan Rede: “an it harm none, do what ye will.” It can be practiced in solitary, or as part of a coven, and is as involved, and often as convoluted, as any religion.

  Claire used Wicca as a cover – now she has Annie as the resident witch, and the shop is her haven, her way of reconnecting to the human part of herself, while still able to make a living.

  witchcraft – by simple definition, it is the practice of magic. The full definition would take another book. Short and sweet: before the Church stepped in, those who practiced witchcraft for the good of all were respected, and often revered for their talent. They were sought out for their skills with healing. In modern society, witchcraft has regained a sense of the respect and awe it once had, and people openly practice without fear of persecution.

  Annie practices witchcraft – and has gotten more proficient, especially with Marcus as a teacher. She uses her power and skill only when necessary, and with a baby on the way, avoids using it at all. Until a tarot deck brings out the dark side to her power, the side she never dared to touch. There is so much to be mined in the area of witchcraft, I don’t need to embellish.

  WHAT DOESN’T KILL YOU

  THE CLAIRE WICHE CHRONICLES BOOK 5

  Cate Dean

  Copyright, 2013


  All Rights Reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form without written permission of the author, except for use in any review. This is a work of fiction. The names, characters, locales, and events are either pure invention or used fictitiously. No character is based on or inspired by any known or unknown persons, and all incidents come from the author’s imagination alone.

  Cover by Nadica Boskovska

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  Books by Cate Dean

  The Claire Wiche Chronicles

  Rest For The Wicked – The Claire Wiche Chronicles Book 1

  A Gathering of Angels – The Claire Wiche Chronicles Book 2

  Carry On Wayward Son – The Claire Wiche Chronicles Book 3

  Annie’s Song – The Claire Wiche Chronicles Book 4

  What Doesn’t Kill You – The Claire Wiche Chronicles Book 5

  The Claire Wiche Chronicles Volumes 1-3

  Choices - A Time Travel Novella

  Last Chance Jack – A Fantasy Short Story