“Tell the whole world, why don’t you?” I gesture with my hands for emphasis.
She crosses her arms and shrugs. “He deserved to know.”
“Liv, what’s going on?” I turn to Mason when he covers my hand with his. My heart breaks at the sight of his face. I have to turn away and stir my coffee.
When I offer him a casual shrug, he lets out a breath and nudges me with his knee. I look up, ready to change the subject, but the second my eyes meet his and I catch a glimpse of hurt behind them, my defenses drop, and I lean back in my chair with a slump.
“When I was leaving the library last night, I was…attacked by a guy who tried the same thing a few weeks ago.”
His eyes go wide, and he grips my hand. I reluctantly look up from my coffee. “How could you not tell me? I thought we were friends.”
“Of course, we are.” How can he possibly think we aren’t? He’s the only thing keeping me sane.
“Then why didn’t you tell me?” He sounds genuinely hurt.
“Because…because I just didn’t know how to, okay? Because I actually thought it was going to happen, and I was so scared and mortified, and I…I just needed a little while to process it. I’m just glad Grey was there to stop it before anything could really happen.”
He looks confused. “Grey was there?”
“Yeah, he said he came to you and forced you to tell him where I was. Speaking of which, why did you tell him?”
“Because I worried about you too,” he says. “It’s not entirely safe around here to walk home by yourself. Scary to admit, but there are a handful of guys who think they’re entitled and tend to prey on unknowing girls such as yourself. So, even though I hate the guy, I told him. I figured I’d rather take your anger toward me than you be hurt on your way back.”
“Well, thank you.” A smile spreads across my face. If he hadn’t told Grey where I was, he wouldn’t have stopped…what he did. “I really appreciate it.” I take a sip of my coffee and watch as his cheeks redden before he waves at me.
“I’m happy to have helped. I’m just mad I didn’t meet you at the library,” he says, his expression growing dark. “If I were there, I could have stopped him from touching you at all.” I place a hand on his and give him a warm smile.
“You helped in the best way possible—trust me.”
He smiles and nods. “I’m just happy you’re okay now.”
“So am I.”
“Ain’t y’all cute?” Jaimie jests, smiling over her mug. I shake my head with a smile as I sit back in my chair and briefly adjust myself before drinking more of my coffee. “Liv? What is that on your neck?” Jaimie slowly asks, pointing a finger at me.
I instinctively pull the collar of my cashmere turtleneck sweater up and shrug. “What’s what?” I try to play coy. How did she even spot it? She’s two feet away from me! I hoped she would recognize my extreme hesitance and give up, but why would she ever do that?
“That…thing.” She leans across the table and snatches the collar down before I can stop her. The sharp gasp she makes causes my body to warm up with everyone’s eyes on me. “Olivia Westerfield, is that a hickey I see?” She snickers as she pokes the bruise.
“Stop it!” I hiss and slap her hand away. She falls back in her seat, unable to stop laughing. “So what if it is?”
“Grey gave that to you, didn’t he?” She gasps theatrically when I don’t immediately respond. “He did! Oh, that is just priceless!” She slaps her knee repeatedly while snorting in horrendously loud laughter. If everyone in the shop wasn’t looking before, they sure are now, but Jaimie couldn’t care less.
“Will you keep it down?” I seethe, rolling my shoulders uncomfortably. The look of shock Mason gives me makes it feel like I’m on fire. I kick her knee. She yells in pain and kicks me back. “What’s so funny about it, anyway?” It’s not like Grey and I together would be completely comical. Would it?
“Nothing, it’s just—I bet that’s your first one, huh?” she asks, arching her eyebrows, but her and I both know the answer to that. She chuckles and yanks down her own sweater. Marks litter her glowing caramel skin. All around her neck and collarbone. “Honey, join the club. So what does that make y’all?” She sits back in her chair and skeptically eyes me.
I drink my coffee with a shrug. “I don’t know.” I honestly have no idea what Grey and I are anymore. We were friends for a short while, but after all he’s done, I don’t know so much anymore.
“Let me get this straight. You two made out, he left you with that, and then hours later he had his hand around your neck,” she clarifies. “Sounds like toxic-ass relationship to me. Or a secret fetish of his. You should go further next time to know for sure.” She shrugs innocently, but I see the glint of evil in her eyes.
“Jaimie.” Mason gasps.
“What? I’m curious as to what she’s capable of. We can compare experiences when he goes down on you—”
“Jaimie, please, censor!” I slap my hands over my ears and shake my head as she throws her head back, laughing. I roll my eyes at my crazy friend and look at my saner friend. I spot a dark mark on his neck, peeking out of his sweater.
“Mason,” I gasp and laugh. “Who gave you that?”
He blushes profusely and twirls his straw in his coffee. “Remember that girl I told you about?”
“Sarah?” Jaimie and I both exclaim in unison, look at each other, and burst into hyena-like laughter.
Sarah is a sweet but terribly shy girl. She is the last person I would have ever expected to do something like that to Mason. But then again, these two probably thought the same about me when they noticed how attached I became to Grey. Honestly, neither did I. But how was I supposed to see him coming? To say he was a surprise would be an understatement. I wonder if there was a way I could have avoided him altogether and if I would have taken that route. Probably…maybe? I have no idea. But what I do know is that there’s no going back.
***
I leave for my class twenty minutes later. I’m crossing an intersection toward the main campus when my pocket buzzes. I step onto the other side and pull out my phone. My mood staggers a little bit. It’s my mother. I feel my chest tighten and hesitantly answer her call.
“Hello, Mot—”
“Why have you not sent me proof of your completed assignments, Olivia?” she interrupts.
She could have at least said hello before barking at me. I bite my tongue to keep myself from saying something slick to her.
“I was thinking I could take it easy for a while,” I tell her nervously. “You know, pace myself enough to avoid ending up in the hospital again. But I’m still studying. I just don’t want to make myself sick again.” My heart is thumping loudly against my ears as I anxiously wait for her to respond. “Mother, what do you think?”
“I guess it would be okay if you keep me updated regarding your grades,” she says around an irritated sigh, but I’ll take it.
I smile from ear to ear and nod ferociously even though she can’t see me. “Yes, yes, that’s do-able. Thank you, Mother.”
She mumbles incoherently. “But you must focus on your studies and nothing else. I don’t want to be surprised, Liv. You know how much I despise surprises.”
“Of course, Mother.” I turn the corner when my phone rings. I pull my phone away and feel my heart skip a beat. Grey. “I have to go. I’m at my first class for the day. But I will call you later; maybe we can catch up and—”
The line goes silent.
I let out a breath and stuff my phone back into my pocket. Such a lovely woman, my mother is.
***
Grey has been trying to call me all day, but I’ve been ignoring every one of them and sending them to voicemail. I eventually grew overwhelmed by the amount of times he’s texted and shut my phone off before burying it in the bottom of my backpack.
I can’t speak to him. Not when my emotions are all out of whack. I promised myself that I was done with him. I told him I was done wit
h him. And even if he did save me, it doesn’t mean everything that happened before is just magically wiped away. I just wish we could start fresh without any problems or any dark pasts to drive us apart before we can even get close.
I’m at the door to Psych class when I feel a hand grab my hand and pull me around. Paranoia consumes me, and my breathing becomes heavy as I begin to scream and scramble away from the guy. Images of that wretched monster from last night flash before my eyes.
“G-get away from me!” I scream and pull back, my eyes glued to his chest, unable to face his menacing green eyes. But when I look up, I see black instead.
“Calm down,” Grey says. His tone isn’t cocky or teasing.
I pull away from him and push a lock of my hair behind my ear. “Don’t do that,” I tell him in a shaky voice.
“I’m sorry.” He looks down and takes a breath before looking back into my eyes. “Why have you been ignoring me all day?” He sounds genuinely hurt.
“I haven’t been,” I lie, ripping my eyes from his.
He steps forward and shakes his head. “You have, and you know it.” I tense when he takes my hand and locks eyes with me before I can look away. “What did I do wrong?”
Nothing, it’s me. I have feelings for you, but I could never admit that because I am a coward, my subconscious answers for me.
“Everything,” I say, fog covering my eyes. His face drops, and I pull my hand away from his. “I need to get to class. I don’t want to be late.” I offer him a smile, but he disregards it and steps in my way to the door. I sigh and ask, “Can you please get out of the way?”
“No,” he answers, reaching out and cupping my cheeks. His hands burn a hole in the middle of my chest. I lick my lips and guard my eyes as I look up at him. “Not until you tell me what’s wrong.”
“There is nothing wrong, Grey,” I tell him in a patronizing tone, like he’s losing his mind. It’s the only way I can brush him off without dealing with what’s brewing inside me.
I want to sweep it under a rug and never look back, because the only thing this dark guy in front of me can bring is heartbreak. I can feel it lingering within me, prepping my heart for his inevitable strike toward it.
I bet he can do it without even knowing, because he’s just that dangerous. And I’d like my heart for my actual suitor, which he could never be. Not realistically, at least.
His eyes sweep across my face. “Yes, there is. I can sense it. I can see it right now…you’re avoiding me…why? I thought last night—”
“You thought it was enough to erase what you did from my mind?” I finish for him, giving off chilling laughter. His frown deepens as I narrow my eyes at him. “Well, you thought wrong. Now, let me go. Unlike you, I actually came here for education. Not to take a dip in the pool of desperate girls willing to fling themselves at you.” I shove his hands away forcibly, my chest tightening. I walk toward the door when I am suddenly pushed against the wall. “Great. What? Are you going to choke me now? Give me a good slapping?”
“Stop talking like that!” he snaps, then takes a deep breath and slowly backs away with his hands held up. “I just—why are you acting like this? You know I’d never hurt you.”
“Like yesterday?” I arch my eyebrows and put my hands on my hips. I don’t like this version of myself, but it’s necessary. He’d only hurt me. I’m protecting myself. “Like just now? How do you want me to act? Forgiving when you push me against walls and put your hands on me?” I nearly shout.
“I never meant to,” he says with a pained expression. “It just happens. I—I can’t control myself when I’m around you.”
I feel myself reel back but keep my composure. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
He opens his mouth to speak but ends up closing his eyes and turning around while clutching his hair. A war is raging in his head. His eyes have gone wild, and his tongue slides across his lips more times than I can count. I hate seeing him this way, which is becoming more often than I’d expect.
When I push him away, it seems the people in his messed-up brain decides to declare war and stomp all over his mind like it’s a battlefield. I want to tell them to leave him alone and cradle him in my arms, but all I can do is stand and watch as he gets his bearings together.
“It means that I’m losing myself when it comes to you,” he finally lets out after a while of his hands running through his hair, leaving a tousled mess.
I scoff and roll my eyes. “You always lose yourself, Grey. It’s called having anger issues.”
“But it’s not that, I—” he starts.
“I don’t care what issues you’re going through,” I cut him off and shrug. “You don’t have to entertain my stupid idea of us being friends anymore. You were right. We could never truly have a friendship. We’re just too different.” I pause and adjust my bag briefly before quietly adding, “We should just stay out of each other’s way, okay?” I nod and give him a stretched smile while pivoting on my heels.
“No,” he says, loud breathing following closely behind. “No, no, no—that—we can’t—don’t walk away from me. Stop walking. Please, Liv…I said to stop walking!” His voice breaks, and so does my heart.
“Why should I?” I call out over my shoulder.
I hear him mumble incoherent words before he curses to himself and screams the last thing I ever expected. “Because I fucking like you!”
Chapter Thirty-Four
All of my breath has been knocked out of my body, leaving me reeling back. My ears feel like they’ve popped as my mouth goes dry. People walk past me and enter the classroom I can’t seem to enter myself. I can’t move my feet, and I can’t hear anything except the rhythmic beats of my heart.
I don’t know how to respond because I don’t know if he’s telling the truth or not. All he’s ever done is hurt me, lie to me, so how can what he just said be true? I want to believe it, trust me. But I just can’t let my walls down.
“Liv, say something,” he pleads.
“You want me to say something?” I click my tongue in my mouth and swivel on my heels. “I hate you.” My voice is a bare whisper.
He flinches like he just got struck by a bullet. “You…what?”
“I said I fucking hate you, Grey! Why don’t you just give up trying to ruin my life any more than you already have and leave me alone? Do you enjoy hurting me? Is that it?”
“No, of course not. I like you, Liv. Why would I do that if I like you?”
“Stop saying that!” I scream and shake my hands in frustration. I have to turn away to escape his wide, wet eyes and quivering lips. I hate to see him like this. I never thought I would ever see him cry or get this worked up or tell me he likes me. This must be some sort of sick joke.
I turn back around and hold my ground, my hands balled at my sides.
“I don’t understand. Is it your mission to hurt me every way possible?” My voice breaks. I try to hold back tears, but I can’t help one from falling down. He tries to walk toward me, his hand held out, but I take two steps back and watch as his face sinks. “Because it looks like you’re a sadist who loves to watch me break over and over again.”
“How could you say that?” His voice shakes.
“Because I know you, Grey!” I shout and point a finger at him. “You hurt me every chance you get! You tell me you like me now and then you go running straight to Diana’s legs, and it hurts me every time. Me! So excuse me if I’m a little skeptical hearing that you like me.”
“But I do!” he exclaims, closing his eyes as if to gain his composure. It’s like he’s trying to hold back his true cruel side before he can finish this equally malicious side from playing with my feelings. Hurting me like he’s never hurt me before. “And I know you like me.”
“What?” My voice is weak, shot, off-guard. I shake my head and look away. If I tell him I do, he’ll just use that as even more ammo against me. I’m too scared. I’d never be able to escape his torment. “I do not—”
He
grabs my hands and forces me to look into his dark, trapping eyes. “Oh, yeah?” His gaze looks down, and his jaw grinds to a halt. “Then why are you playing with your charm bracelet?”
I open my mouth to defend my habit that clearly displays my anxiety, but no words save me. “You make me…nervous,” I admit with a shuddering breath as he lets out a breath and closes his eyes. “B-because you’re hurting me. Your grip is too tight.”
A loud bark of laughter leaves his lips. “You’re really destroying me here, Princess.” He drops my hands and walks away with his hands in his hair. I watch as he leans against one of the brick columns with one of his legs propped up behind him.
“I am?” I laugh humorlessly and grind my teeth. “You’re the one who relentlessly hurts me, laughs at me, mocks me—”
“I’m an asshole,” he says around a vile laugh. “So what? I thought by now you would have gotten used to it.”
“Why would I want to get used to a guy who treats me like shit? A guy who is too damn confusing for me to understand? You want me to like you when all you do is sleep with Diana over and over and keep me on the hook like a damn backup!”
“Why can’t you just admit that you have feelings for me too?”
“Because you put your hands on me!”
“Stop bringing that up.” The intensity lingering behind his words makes me jump, and he shakes his hands like he’s seconds away from imploding. “I am feeling things for you, Liv. You! I honestly cannot control myself, especially when it comes to you.”
“Why not?” My veins throb in my neck, my hands wild.
“Because whenever I’m around you, I just want to grab you and fucking kiss you and so much more that you have absolutely no idea about! You make me lose my shit. You make me want to pull my fucking hair out. And I…I don’t know how to keep all of my emotions in, and I lose it sometimes. You’re in my fucking head, non-stop!”
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