I feel paralyzed as I blink, unable to utter a single word. This is the most he’s actually opened up to me and let me know what’s going on in his head. He almost always keeps me in the dark and shits on my feelings, but now he’s speaking his mind. And I’m scared. Because he’s saying exactly what I want him to.
“I don’t know what to say,” I admit with a shaky gulp.
He stalks over to me. I try to walk away, but he grabs my hand and pulls me into his chest. He turns around and presses me into his chest as he leans against the wall. “I’m the one on the wall now. I’m the one who is naïve and inexperienced. I have never told anyone I liked them before. I don’t know how I’m supposed to not be an asshole because it’s how I’ve always been. But I will try—and I mean try—to not be one around you, not toward you.”
“How do I know this isn’t just a trick?” My voice is fragile, on the cusp of breaking. I can feel my walls that I’ve built slowly crumble.
“You don’t,” he says, and I look away from him. “But—” He touches my chin and slowly brings my face to his. “If you truly can’t trust me…you can walk away.” I feel my skin tighten as I watch him drop his hands from my face, but he doesn’t straighten himself. “I’m not going to hold you back or mess up like I always do. You have a choice to either believe me and let me try for you…or walk away and never speak to me again. And I promise this time, I won’t go against your wishes.”
I don’t know what to say. I don’t even know how to speak. He’s saying everything I dreamed he’d say. And I want to reciprocate it all and throw my arms around him and feel that horde of butterflies losing their minds in my stomach. But all I can do is picture him breaking my heart. I’ve never had my heart broken before, and I know that with relationships comes that inevitable factor. And although my mind is screaming, and my body is pleading for me to not think about the repercussions like I always do with everything, I do the opposite. I do what my critical mind is whispering in my head: he’s going to hurt you.
“Goodbye, Grey.” My voice wavers as I back away. I walk away from the boy with dark eyes and sunken heart.
I’m trying to study, but I can’t focus on anything when the image of Grey heartbroken is glued in my head. I shouldn’t have left him like that. I shouldn’t have said goodbye. Countless of shouldn’t haves fill my mind until I am wracked with unsurmountable guilt. And it won’t shake away. Not with my piles of novels, class notes, texts with Mason—nothing.
Nothing can get that boy in black out of my mind.
I’m writing in my notebook, adding onto what I’ve already written on my program entry, when I hear the door handle jiggle. Figuring it must be Julia, I continue to write. But then I remember her telling me she was spending the day with Jaimie and wouldn’t be back for hours. Fear spreads through my body, and my heart picks up speed. I look up from my writing. My heart bursts in fear as the door swings open.
In the doorway is a panting Grey. Did he run all the way here?
“What are you doing here?” I put my book to the side and stand.
“What we both really want,” he says cryptically. Before I can speak. Before I can breathe. Before anything, he storms over to me, pulls me against his body and smashes his lips onto mine.
Chapter Thirty-Five
I know I shouldn’t. But I kiss him. I kiss him back. Hard.
The taste of his lips, cigarette smoke lingering on the pad of his tongue with traces of fresh mint, seeps into my own and fills my senses. He sucks up all the words I would have said and silences me with the crashing waves of his body colliding with mine. I feel every thought drip away from my body and leave a puddle of consciousness on the ground.
I step on it as I pull him down to my height. His arms wrap around my waist, and he picks me up until my feet are no longer touching the floor.
I wrap my legs around his waist and feel my lady parts heat up as he grabs the back of my thigh and walks over to the bed. The minute my back meets the bed, I let out an airy moan and throw my head back, my hair spilling over the soft sheets.
“Lock the door,” I manage to finally say when he pulls back for a breath. I feel cold and empty when he gets up to shut the door, but the heat is intensified by hellfire when he comes back and attaches his toxic lips to mine. His tongue sweeps against my mouth and his teeth nibble on my bottom lip. I gasp in pain but am choked with pleasure when he slides his tongue with mine; his lips meet mine in a slow but passionate rhythm that makes me shiver.
I clutch the hem of his shirt and drag it up, sliding my nails against his warm skin as my hands ascend. When they touch the nape of his neck, he pulls his lips away and leans up. I watch with a strong desire for his bare skin against mine as he pulls his shirt off and flings it to the floor without any thought.
My breath stops in my throat, and my body shakes. His body is covered in tattoos I saw before, but only briefly, and on the right side of his hard stomach is a bruise the size of two fists combined. I feel a strong urge to stop this, as amazing it is, and take care of it. I want to ice it and bandage the cut on his upper cheek, probably from another fight. But my desire to nurse him and make sure he’s okay is washed away and replaced with the desperate need to get closer when he collides his mouth with mine.
Our mouths mold together like perfect pieces to a puzzle. I arch my back and feel his arms pick me up by my waist and push me back against a mound of pillows. I tangle my fingers in his hair and tug, savoring the feeling of his chest rattle reverberating into me until my body shakes and my soaking center grows wetter than ever.
“These—” He leans back, pulling my bottom lip with his until he’s on my hips and it snaps back and curls into my mouth. His hands tug at my jeans, pulling my hips off the bed. “Off. Now.” I nod with hot cheeks, not prepared but somehow excited since he will be the first ever person to see me in my underwear.
I fumble with the button and the zipper, and he tugs the fabric down my legs. After throwing them on the floor without moving his eyes from mine, he climbs back onto me and tugs at my shirt. He stays silent, but I get the message. I lift my arms and let him peel the shirt off of me.
The minute my chest is bare to him, he leans forward and clasps one hand against my cheek and tugs at my hair with the other. My hair washes down my back like loose curls of a waterfall, and he tips my head up while pushing me back onto the bed.
“What are you doing to me, Liv?” he groans, lust deepening his voice as he grabs my wrists and pin them above my head.
“I should be the one asking that,” I breathe, my voice ragged. His dark eyes consume me for a split second before a wicked smile crawls over his face and sends a whisper of shock in my ear. He leans down and gently glides his tongue up the length of my neck. I shudder and utter something between a curse and an undefinable word.
“Tell me what you want, baby,” he whispers into my ear before enclosing his mouth and grazes his teeth along my earlobe.
“You. Oh my—please. Grey—don’t—stop—” I can barely string a complete sentence together. I feel his lips stretch into a smirk against my skin, like a tattoo being imprinted on my skin. I still but the fire inside rages on when I feel his hand slide between our bodies.
I lift my back as his large hand presses against my stomach before continuing down. “Grey—” His name is caught in my throat. He shushes me by leaning down and swiping his tongue against my swollen bottom lip.
“Shhh…let me make you feel good, Princess.” His words unleash a flood gate I cannot ignore. I slide my shaky tongue across my bruised lips and feel anticipation drumming through me as his hands creep along the hem of my white panties. He looks down and nearly growls. “White. How innocent yet fucking sexy.”
“Grey.” I reach down there and wrap my small hand around his wrist.
“Eager, are we?” he taunts, flashing me his great white teeth like the big bad wolf. I guess that would make me the unknowing Little Red Riding Hood. But I wouldn’t mind this wolf eating me up. Not when it feels th
is good.
“Stop teasing me,” I beg and run my hands up to his neck. I have no idea where this side of me has been, but she breaches my insecurities and pleads for this dark, beautiful man to touch me.
He doesn’t quip anything back. With a flash of pure danger dancing across his eyes, he slowly but surely slides his hands into my panties. I don’t know what to expect since I have never stimulated anything down there, but I have a feeling I’ll like it. Especially if he’s the one touching me.
I’m right, because the moment his fingers brush against me, I feel my entire body shudder and conform with his. I almost jump into his arms from the shock of one simple touch.
He doesn’t laugh or make fun of me like I expected him to. He sucks in his bottom lip and slides a finger up my…whoa. I suck in a deep breath and feel my heart pound its way through my veins, traveling to every nerve in my body.
He stops his teasing and glides his middle finger down. He strokes me gently. Possessively. Taking my breath away. I let out something short of a moan and clamp onto my lower lip until I taste blood. His finger drives in a slow circle as if it’s just starting up. But I don’t know if I can take this at a faster pace if I’m losing my mind over this slow one.
“Does this feel okay?” he asks, sounding truly concerned.
I nod and suck back a smile when he plays with the swollen nub. “Y-yes, it feels nice.” Nice isn’t enough to describe what I’m feeling, but it’s a start.
Through the darkness of the room, I see his teeth and the crinkle of his eyes as he smiles. “Nice?” he tsks. Grey leans down and whispers against my lips, “I don’t fucking do nice. Let’s kick this up a notch, hmmm?”
Before I can question what he is about to do, he attacks my lips with his. The kiss is wet and sloppy but ignites a spark in me that wants so much more, but all I can do is moan and curse in my head as he picks up pace. I pull away and dig my fingers into his forearm that’s holding his upper body up while he is on his knees.
My body is no longer mine. It’s his now. His to touch, please, kiss, bite, and everything in between. I squeeze his bicep and succumb under his touch until I am nothing but putty in his arms. I feel as though I have been thrown into a pit of consuming grey flames. His flames. My skin is melting, and my tongue is swelling.
He bites my neck and kisses me with everything I’ve never known enough to desire. I moan his name over and over and over again until my throat is hoarse and all I can do is think about the fucking amazing way he is making me feel.
“You like it, baby? Do you like it when I play with your pussy?” His words make my cheeks flush and my tongue twist into a knot. They’re so dirty and dark. A gasp leaves my lips as his fingers feather against me before picking up speed. “Hmmm? You are so fucking wet for me, it’s unbelievable.” He bites his lower lip and teases his finger at my entrance, but I lift my hips and warn him I’m not ready for that. If he goes there…I may not be able to control myself anymore.
“G-grey,” I stutter and roll my hips against his fingers. I feel my stomach pinch with a peculiar prick. I try to speak and ask him what I’m feeling, but I can’t, because before I can blink, I feel myself arrive at a high of intense pleasure. I see black and white and then nothing. My back arches off the bed as I dig my nails into his biceps.
“Grey!” I let out a shout and revel in his vibrating body as he groans and sucks on my neck. Everything crashes against me like I’m a rock and his body—his fingers—are the rough waves slapping against me, eroding me until I am nothing but a pile of dust.
Slowly, he removes his fingers, and my hips buck up and make contact with the front of his jeans. The feel of the cool buttons against my fiery skin sends a shock of pleasure, and an incoherent curse slips out of my mouth. I fall back on the bed and bounce. My legs feel numb, and my heart is racing in my throat.
That was…I feel like I’m crashing back down from cloud nine, but the crash isn’t so bad. It’s heavenly.
He falls next to me and pulls me into his arms, kissing my hairline.
“How was it? Did you like it?” he asks. I can feel his eyes burning holes into the side of my head. I turn my head, feeling my heart stop. I find my hand lying against his swollen cheek with my lips against his.
“It was nice,” I tease him and shrug my shoulders.
He groans and pouts like a child. “You know I don’t like nice.”
Still hyped up with the feeling of my first sexual-type experience, I climb up onto his jean-clad waist and bite my lip while tilting my head, my hair falling to the side.
“Well, you’re just going to have to take it.” My voice sounds deeper and holds a shot of lust.
“If you don’t get off now…I will be forced to take you right here…” I freeze and hold in a moan when he grips my thigh, feeling fire seep into my flesh and caress my bones. “Right now,” he finishes with hooded eyes and a lazy smirk.
“You’re right.” I feel my cheeks expand as blood rushes through them. I fall back into my spot, but he pulls one of my legs to lay against his waist. Silence falls between us, but it’s a comfortable silence. The kind that fills you whole and makes you feel…at home. I look up and stare at him.
He eyes are closed, and I examine the way his chest rises and falls in a calm pace.
Leaning on my elbows, I nudge myself up and stare at his lips. “I like you too, Grey.” I kiss his lips gently before falling back against his side, splaying my hand across his chest, atop his heart. I fall asleep feeling at one with this dark soul.
***
I wake up to a humming noise. I sit up with groggy eyes and turn around. It sounds like it’s coming from the floor, under the pile of clothes. I look over my shoulder with a lazy smile. Grey is still asleep, looking adorable as ever with his nose scrunched up and his eyebrows furrowed. It’s fascinating how miserable he can look even when sleeping.
I roll my eyes and gently pull his arm off me and sit up on the side of the bed. I blush when I look down. I am still naked…down there and tingling.
I bite my lip but sober my thoughts enough to lean down and look through the clothes for the source of the nuisance sound.
I let out a labored breath before my hand makes contact with something hard. I pull my hand back and frown. It’s Grey’s phone. My heart clamps up when I realize it can be—and most likely is—Diana. Calm down, Olivia. He hasn’t told her about you two yet, and you guys may not even be together. Do not freak out. I convince myself to calm down before I can shatter what we are just now building.
With a wide, fake smile, I flip the phone over and look at the screen. My heart plummets to the pile of clothes. I’d rather it be Diana. Hell, I want to call the girl and tell her to be the one calling instead. Because on the phone screen is the last thing I could have ever wanted to see, especially after what just happened between us.
A gorgeous girl with auburn hair, sparkling blue eyes, and a smile brightening her attractive features. But it’s not just her that sends my body into overdrive. It’s the arm that is slung over her shoulders. That arm belongs to Grey, who has his face nuzzled into her cheek with a smile so big and beautiful and genuine, it makes me question everything.
I shut the screen off and pad over to Julia’s bed after grabbing my underwear. I quickly put my feet through it and slide under her sheets, unable to get back into my own bed because of the large snake occupying it.
He lied to me. And for what? To hurt me? Well, congratulations, Grey. You hurt me.
I don’t think I’m able to fall back asleep when all I can think of is him pleasuring me and what I just saw, but when I do, I dream of black eyes and that man in my dream who repeatedly runs me over. But this time, I can see his face.
The driver is Grey. It’s been him this entire time. My mind knew this would happen, but I—being the stupid naïve girl I am—I let my heart convince me that he was a good person under all the bad. Obviously, I was wrong.
Chapter Thirty-Six
I wake up sc
reaming at the top of my lungs. The image of Grey running me over as Jonah calls for help is seared into my brain. All I can see are his black eyes and hear Jonah’s cries of pain. My skin is on fire, and I feel tears well in my closed eyes. I reel back in the bed and bang my head on the wall behind me.
But the pain doesn’t compare to the tightness in my heart or the swelling in my tear ducts because of what I saw last night. That damned picture of Grey and that girl. He looked so happy…that’s what’s really scaring me. The fact that he’s so clearly in love with a girl and yet treats me like crap and drags my feelings along like I mean absolutely nothing to him, no matter what lies he probably told me yesterday.
All he’s proven to me is how cruel he can be. Maybe he got bored and decided to kick his antics up a notch where it hurt—my trust.
“Liv!” I open my eyes and watch as Grey scrambles out of my bed and rushes toward me. I close my eyes again, unable to look at him without slapping him around, demanding to know: why me? “Are you okay?” he asks, his voice shaking like he’s concerned. Like he cares. I cringe when his arms wrap around me and starts rubbing my arms in a comforting gesture.
“I’m fine.” My tone is harsh. I lean forward and stand. “I’m going to shower. Be gone by the time I come back.” I leave no time to listen to anything he has to say.
I grab my towel, slippers, and toiletry bag and leave the room in one swift motion. The door rattles from how hard I slam it.
I hear the slightest movement: the handle is being twisted open. I stop in the middle of the hall and wait to hear him open the door and storm out, demanding to tell him what’s wrong. But the shifting stops. I bite my tongue and continue walking.
***
The day passes by at such a sluggish pace, I nearly think the day will never end. And it doesn’t help that I’ve been in such a sour mood. I’ve been so hung up on Grey and that girl and the overwhelming feeling of betrayal.
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