Bound by Honor Bound by Love

by Ruth Ann Nordin

  “Because the people respect the chief, and he doesn’t let his emotions get in the way of good judgment.”

  “Of course he does.”

  His jaw dropped. “Onawa!”

  “It’s the truth, Citlali. The chief lets his emotions dictate what happens in the tribe all the time. Just because he doesn’t show them on the surface, it doesn’t mean they’re not influencing his decisions. What do you think is behind his urgency to remove the white people from the tribe? He’s afraid and angry. The white people are too numerous for us to do anything about, and as much as he’d like to believe we can live isolated from the rest of the world, we can’t.”

  “I realize that.”

  “But he doesn’t.”

  He sighed and took her hands in his. “I tried talking to him, but he won’t listen to me. What am I supposed to do about that?”

  “You need to do what is best for the tribe. When he dies, you’re going to be our leader. He won’t be around for you to consult anymore.”

  With a nod, he squeezed her hands, and though he kept his gaze lowered, she caught the unshed tears in his eyes. “I know. The way we’ve done things can’t continue. It’s not logical.”

  “He’s afraid of change,” she softly began, “but that’s all life is. The seasons teach us that. People are born and they die. Nothing stays the same forever. What good is resisting this? Do you really want to push everyone you love away because you can’t adapt to the changes going on around you?”

  He winced. “Is Chogan right? Am I pushing you away from me?”

  She took a deep breath and tried to determine the best way to answer his question.

  Citlali’s hands fell to his side. “I am. Then why are you here?”

  “I love you. I’ve loved you ever since I can remember. I don’t want to divorce you. I’m here because I want you to give me a reason to stay.”

  He wrapped her in his arms and held her tightly to him. “You love me?”

  Noting the surprise in his voice, she asked, “Didn’t you know?”

  “No.”

  “I thought you did. Everyone else said it was obvious.”

  “You never told me. I told you and waited for you to tell me, but you never did, and after that, I felt foolish in having said it.”

  “So you meant it?” she whispered, tears of relief coming to her eyes.

  “I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t, and given what had just happened between us when I said it, I couldn’t stop myself from admitting how I felt.”

  She laughed and kissed him. All the sorrow and uncertainty of the last couple of months departed, and it felt as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. He loved her! And in that moment she knew that whatever else happened, they would get through it together because he loved her. He wasn’t fulfilling his obligation to the chief, and he didn’t marry her just because she would bring the sacred bundle to his clan.

  “I love you, Citlali,” she whispered.

  “And I love you,” he replied.

  She traced his jaw with her fingers, finally feeling free to touch him, to explore him the way she’d wanted to do for so long but feeling too shy to. With his confession, she was granted the permission she desired.

  “You’ll always stay with me, won’t you?” he asked.

  “Yes.” Her eyebrows furrowed, she added, “It worries you that I might leave you in the future?”

  “It is the way of our people. You could leave my lodge at any time, and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

  She realized he wasn’t going to like what she said next but knew he’d find out from his family when he returned to the tribe. “I did leave your lodge, Citlali, but I was so hurt that you left without telling me. I felt as if I didn’t matter to you, but I’m here and I can see that I do. I won’t leave you again.”

  He took her hand in his and placed it over his heart where she felt his steady heartbeat. “There are things that the white man does that I envy and their ways of marriage are one of them. I know that if you wanted to leave, I am to be gracious and let you go, even if it means seeing you marry another man, but I don’t think I can ever be gracious about something like that. I don’t like the uncertainty of our marriage customs. You’re a part of me. You complete me.”

  “You complete me, too.”

  He studied their hands and hesitated for a moment. “I’ve had a lot of time to think while I’ve been out here.”

  Curious, she studied the serious expression on his face. “What have you been thinking about?”

  “The chief, the tribe, the white man, you… Mostly you. But I don’t think I believe the same things the chief does anymore, the things I was brought up to believe.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “The Lone Man, the value of the sacred bundles, the meaning behind our ceremonies… They don’t mean the same thing to me that they mean to the chief. I think I’m beginning to embrace the white man’s ways, his values, his beliefs, his religion. I don’t know what to do about that.”

  “What else can you do but accept the fact that you’re changing right along with everything else?”

  “And can you accept this about me?”

  She kissed his cheek. “You’re not the only person who’s been thinking these thoughts. I have as well.”

  “Have you?”

  “I talked to Woape and Julia. They tell me what the white man’s ways are.”

  “So we might be more alike than we thought.”

  With a smile, she said, “Probably.”

  “Thank you for coming,” he whispered, returning her smile. “I wanted to return to the tribe and talk to you, but I was afraid you’d have nothing to do with me and now you’re here.”

  She kissed him again, and he brought her back into his arms and held her close. When the kiss ended, she sighed in contentment.

  “Are you hungry?” he asked.

  “Yes. I see you caught a fox.”

  “It took me all day. I’m not a hunter. Chogan would laugh if he saw it.”

  She slipped her arm around his as they headed for the fox and the quiver he had dropped on his way to meet her. “Don’t worry about what Chogan thinks. Chogan’s desire is to hunt. Yours is to lead. I doubt Chogan would do as well in leading as you do.”

  “Maybe not, but he’d never admit it.”

  She chuckled, and she noted a slight grin on his lips. “You should smile more often.” When he didn’t respond, she added, “It’s alright to show emotions, especially the good ones. I want to see you smile more.”

  “I’ll work on it,” he promised. “And we will talk more in the future about things that are bothering us?”

  “Yes, we will.” She leaned against him as they continued walking, and she knew everything was going to be alright.

  ***

  The chief’s verdict spread through the tribe, and Chogan had just returned from hunting a turkey and coyote when he heard it. Julia came up to him as soon as he handed his mother and aunt the game in his lodge.

  Noting the way Woape held a crying Penelope a couple feet from the firepit, Chogan turned to Julia. “What’s wrong?”

  Julia released a shaky breath and lifted Dakota into her arms. “The chief has ordered Anoki to shoot Cole with an arrow in two days because Cole killed Quanah.”

  “But he didn’t mean to kill him,” Chogan softly stated, careful to keep his voice low so Penelope wouldn’t have to go through any more heartache than she was enduring. Because of the chief’s heartless decree, she lost her children and now she was about to lose her husband if someone didn’t do something to stop it. “Anoki will refuse to do it, won’t he?”

  “I don’t think so,” she whispered.

  Chogan glanced at Dakota and turned his gaze to Tate who was playing with a string of beads while sitting in his great-aunt’s lap. Then he looked at Julia and thought of how he’d respond if a white man told him he couldn’t take his children with him if he wanted to go back to the tribe
. He’d do everything he could to keep his family together.

  “I’m going to talk to Anoki and the chief,” he finally said.

  He didn’t wait for Julia to respond. She knew him well enough to know he’d speak up on Cole’s behalf, which is why she came to him as soon as he entered the lodge. Thinking he might have more success with Anoki than the chief, he headed for his lodge but found Anoki talking to two men by one of the drying platforms where corn and deer meat hung to dry.

  “Anoki,” Chogan called out before the men noticed him.

  The men turned in his direction, and Anoki eyed him warily. “What do you want, Chogan?”

  “I heard the chief told you to kill Cole.”

  With a heavy sigh, Anoki crossed his arms. “Why is it that any time the chief makes a mandate, you’re the first one there to tell everyone else not to do what he says?”

  “You’re always creating a disruption,” Bodaway said. “Don’t listen to him, Anoki. He’s not the first or second chief, and he’ll be out of the tribe soon enough.”

  As the men turned to dismiss him, Chogan reached out and touched Anoki’s shoulder. When he looked back at him, Chogan asked, “What’s wrong with you? A man’s life is at stake, and you act like nothing is wrong.”

  “Something is wrong, Chogan!” Anoki shrugged his hand off his shoulder. “Who are you to go around the tribe as if you’re the chief? You have no right to tell me what to do. That white man killed one of our own.”

  “To protect his children,” Chogan argued. “If someone tried to take your children away because the chief told them to, what would you do?”

  “This is a fruitless argument,” Bodaway interrupted. “It won’t bring Quanah back.”

  “And neither will killing Cole,” Chogan replied.

  “You might feel differently if Quanah was your brother,” Anoki said, his jaw set in a firm line.

  “Well, one thing we can’t say about the chief is that he’s a fool,” Chogan replied. “He chose you because you are Quanah’s brother. He wants to use your anger so you’ll carry out his wishes. This isn’t about Quanah. It’s about making sure Etu and Yepa stay in the tribe so they can marry other full-blooded Mandans and preserve our line.”

  “The chief feels the loss of every Mandan. Quanah isn’t a pawn,” Bodaway said, his lips formed in a tight line.

  “Quanah is a pawn,” Chogan insisted. “As tragic as his death is, killing Cole will only make it worse.”

  “No, it’s not,” Bodaway snapped.

  “Yes, it is. Cole has a wife and two children. When you kill him, you’re hurting them.”

  “He should have thought of that before he took out his gun and started shooting it.”

  Chogan gritted his teeth. “He didn’t mean to kill anyone. He only wanted to leave with his family, and none of you would let him.”

  “Those children aren’t his.”

  “You think because he’s white and the children aren’t, that he doesn’t love them?”

  Anoki held his hand up to stop Bodaway from replying. “You’re right. There’s no sense in talking to Chogan. He has a white wife and a white brother-in-law. He’s one of them.”

  Chogan bit back his reply as they shook their heads at him then walked away from him. What was the point? He didn’t belong in the white man’s world, and he didn’t belong here. The only place he belonged was with Julia and their children. He imagined Cole felt the same way. Since his children weren’t white, he probably faced similar discrimination around other people whose minds were too small that they couldn’t understand love didn’t know the boundaries of a person’s skin color.

  Though he knew it wouldn’t yield better results, he headed for the chief’s lodge. He had to make the effort. If it was him, he’d hope someone would stand up on his behalf.

  He arrived at the lodge and noticed that two older men were standing at the entrance. Surprised, he asked, “Ever since Citlali left, the chief has taken up bodyguards?”

  One of them chuckled. “Well, Citlali is an effective bodyguard.”

  “It takes two of us to do the same job he does,” the other joked.

  Chogan laughed, feeling some of the tension leave his body. “The chief needs people to guard his lodge now?”

  “It’s not quite the way it looks. He’s taken ill and we need to be nearby in case the medicine man needs to be notified.”

  “Is it serious?” Chogan asked.

  “He’s old. He can’t live forever.”

  Chogan glanced from one to the other. “How much longer do you think he has?”

  One of them shrugged. “The medicine man has been saying the prayers and doing everything he can to ease his pain. He thinks the chief has no longer than a week.”

  “We need Citlali,” the other said. “Where is he and when is he coming back?”

  “He’s at the spot he always goes to when he seeks a vision,” Chogan replied. “I don’t know when he plans to come back.”

  “I hope it’s soon. We need someone to direct us after the chief dies. No one knows what to do.”

  “How could people not know what to do?” Chogan asked with a light chuckle. “We won’t listen to the chief, and we’ll do what’s best for our families.”

  “And what is best for our families? You’re almost finished with the cabin you’re taking Julia and your children to. You won’t stay here. Your wife’s aunt and Woape’s father will marry and join you. So no matter what happens to this tribe, you won’t be a part of it. For the rest of us, we have to figure out if we should have anything to do with the white men, and if so, how much? Do we still trade with them? Do we stay here or move our tribe further away from them?”

  The other man nodded. “We just don’t understand what we’re supposed to do after the white people leave the tribe.”

  “And what if the chief dies and the white people stay?” Chogan asked.

  “Again, how much interaction should we have with the white man?”

  “Just continue as you do now,” Chogan said.

  “But we didn’t interact with them the way Citlali does. Citlali organized all the trades and knew the white men we could trust. Sure, we have Gary, but Gary can’t do the job a chief can. Can’t you tell Citlali to come back?”

  The other man nodded. “You know where he is, and you don’t mind telling him what you think.”

  Chogan sighed. “How can he intimidate you?”

  “Are you kidding?” one asked. “With the way he looks at you as if he can tell what you’re thinking…? Not all of us like the thrill of confronting something dangerous.”

  Chogan chuckled. “Citlali’s not dangerous.”

  “It took him one strike to knock you unconscious, and you say he’s not dangerous?” the other asked with an incredulous laugh as he nudged his friend in the side.

  His friend nodded. “He might not be a hunter, but he has no problems taking down his opponent.”

  “And he knows how to work with the white men,” the other agreed, lowering his voice. “He has built trust with them and has gotten us better deals in our trades than the chief ever did.”

  “Fine,” Chogan relented. “I’ll get Citlali and drag him back here, even if he’s kicking and screaming.”

  The man laughed. “Citlali doesn’t kick and scream. He’s always calm.”

  “You haven’t seen him when his defenses are down. Fortunately, he doesn’t scare me like you two timid children,” Chogan teased. “Let me see the chief, and then I’ll make arrangements to go to Citlali.”

  Looking relieved by the prospect of getting Citlali back, they moved aside and let him into the lodge. Chogan didn’t bother announcing himself as he walked over to the chief who was lying on a blanket near the fire pit. Chogan nodded to the chief’s grown granddaughters who tended to the food. They returned the nod.

  “Leave us,” the chief told the women.

  After they set aside the food they’d been cutting, Chogan sat beside the chief, facing him.
The chief was old, but it didn’t occur to Chogan just how old he was until then. It was a wonder the chief managed to walk through the lodge the day before.

  “Now that we’re alone, you can say it,” the chief said.

  Despite the difficulty he seemed to have breathing, Chogan was surprised the man managed to speak as loudly as he did. “And how do you know what I’m going to say?” Chogan asked.

  “Because you’ve grown soft to the white man’s ways. I’m no fool. I knew as soon as you heard that the white man who tried to steal Etu and Yepa from us is to be put to death, you’d come running in here to protest. I can’t help it if you spout your poison to me, but I won’t have you doing it in front of my family.”

  “How can you be so heartless?”

  “The white man would kill one of us if we killed one of their own. This isn’t about being heartless. It’s about doing the same thing they would do to us.”

  Chogan shook his head. “Cole wasn’t trying to kill anyone. It was an accident.”

  “But the result is the same. Quanah is dead. He was strong and in good health. He would’ve had good children.”

  “There’s more to life than having Mandan babies.”

  “Just because you failed to provide us with healthy children when you were with your first wife, I’m not surprised you’d be bitter when other men can help replenish the tribe.”

  Chogan bolted to his feet and glowered at him. “Cole won’t die. I’ll do whatever I have to to make sure of it.”

  “Spout off all you want, but you don’t have the power of a chief. Your protests will be of no effect.”

  Resisting the urge to wipe the smug grin off the chief’s face, Chogan stormed out of the lodge, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. As much as he hated to admit it, the chief was right. The majority of the tribe still listened to the chief, and right now only Citlali had the authority to override the chief’s decision.

  He debated finding Citlali that night and dragging him back to the tribe, but he knew Onawa went out to talk to him. And he knew the influence a wife had over her husband. If he let Onawa spend tonight with Citlali, he might have an easier time in convincing Citlali to return and intervene in this situation. Tomorrow. Tomorrow he’d bring Citlali back to the tribe. And Citlali better be ready to do the right thing. With a frustrated sigh, he returned to his lodge to tell Julia what happened.