Maybe Radimir isn’t as dangerous as I envisioned him to be. Perhaps he’s the good guy. Only time will tell. It seems we will have plenty of that together.
HALEIGH IS DELIGHTFUL, THOUGH her grasp on the Russian language is deplorable. Luckily, what I don’t understand of her and what she doesn’t understand of me can be figured out between Alex, Haleigh’s Byki, and Ruslan. I hope that I can remember more of my English because I truly enjoy Haleigh. I would like to get to know her much better, especially if her husband, Maxim, and Radimir work closely together. And she is technically my family.
“How did Maxim meet?” I struggle with the words and she just smiles as she places her hand on her rounded belly.
We are sitting at a café, breaking for lunch before we continue shopping for her newest addition. A girl. A princess, no doubt.
“My father owed him a large debt. He offered a trade. Debt gone and me his wife. The first day I met him was our wedding day,” say says.
She is speaking slowly for me. Luckily, I can understand her. I gasp at her words. Could it be true? I saw pure love shining in Maxim’s eyes when he looked at her, and in hers when she looked at him.
“But you love him, no?” I ask.
I must know if it is possible. Haleigh smiles brightly and it is breathtaking, her green eyes shining.
“I love him very much, but we had a rough start,” she admits, her voice soft, almost a whisper.
“It is possible, then? To fall in love with man who owns you?” I ask.
I know my words probably sound cruel, but I don’t know enough of the language to make them sound any better. Haleigh nods her head as she takes a sip of her water.
“It is very possible, Emiliya. Radimir is a good man. Do not fear him. He will take care of you, and hopefully one day you can love each other like Maxim and me,” she says softly.
I nod, taking in her words. One day we could love each other. Is it truly possible? I can only dream that it is at this point, but now there is a hope building inside of me.
“I have no experiences with men. Not really,” I admit, casting my eyes down. I know Ruslan and Alex are listening, but they are kind enough not to comment.
Haleigh gathers my hands in hers and I look up at her.
“Maxim was my first lover as well. I know it is scary; but Emiliya, it can be so very beautiful, too. If the feelings are there, you must try, or you will never know,” she says with a smile.
I want to believe her.
I chew on my bottom lip and nod. She is the American version of me. Tears prick my eyes as I am so happy to now have a friend, a woman who understands everything I am going through and more.
“I have been with another. Not by choice,” I admit. It feels odd to make this confession aloud. I have never told another person.
“I have too, Emiliya. It does not count if it was by force,” she murmurs as her eyes fill with tears.
I understand her heart. I do not need to fully comprehend her words. She and I are so much alike; it is as if I am looking in the mirror. Our souls are sisters. I smile slightly and squeeze her hand before taking a deep breath.
Haleigh and I finish buying all of the decorations and too many cute baby girl things before Ruslan places his hand on my shoulder. He whispers that Radimir will be home in thirty minutes and that I must leave. I hug Haleigh and her sweet baby Maks one last time before telling them goodbye. Haleigh has already invited me to lunch next week, and I am so very happy to have met her.
“Haleigh is right. Radimir is good man,” Ruslan says as we drive towards the apartment. I stiffen. He truly was listening to us.
“He has not had an easy life, Emiliya, but he is a good man. He will show you many good things in this life if you choose to stay with him, to be his lover and his wife,” he says, his voice deep and rumbly.
I chew on my bottom lip again, uncertain of this conversation between us. It doesn’t feel right. Fortunately, I don’t have to respond because we are at the apartment. I sigh in relief and hurry to the elevator. Ruslan is always one step behind me and stays silent all of the way up to our floor.
When I walk inside of the apartment, Radimir is standing at the window, looking out over Moscow. I can see a drink in his hand. His suit jacket is thrown on a chair, and his sleeves are rolled up his forearms, showing off all of his blue tinted tattoos.
Slowly, tentatively, I walk toward him.
It is dusk, not quite dark, and he paints a beautiful picture with his strong muscled body against the buildings and lights in the city.
“Did you have a good day, kotik?” His voice is soft, but there is an edge to it—an edge I do not understand.
“I did. Haleigh is very nice, but I must work on my English. Her Russian is terrible.” I smile at my own little joke. She knows her Russian is bad and she just laughs and waves it off, not interested in remedying it.
“Tell me, how should I feel that you talk of our intimacies in public?”
I gasp and take a step back. Ruslan must have told him. Radimir turns around and gone are his cool blue eyes. They have been replaced with dark, angry eyes.
“It… it wasn’t like that, Radimir,” I stumble over my high heel, trying to back away from him. He is frightening.
“It wasn’t? Then tell me what exactly was it like? Now, not only does Haleigh know, but Ruslan and Alex, and god knows who else was listening. They all know that you are untouched—in my possession, but not my possession. How does that make me look? I tell you. It makes me look not like a man, is how it makes me look,” he spits out angrily.
I can’t stop the tears from falling down my cheeks as his angry words hit me, each one feeling like a dagger to my heart.
“That was not how it was meant, Radimir.” My lips are trembling and I am now yelling at him. “I was just telling her that I have no real experience with men, that I was unsure of my ability to make you happy,” I cry out before I fall to my knees. My legs buckle, no longer able to hold me. I feel weak and foolish, but I can’t control myself.
“I heard of that, too,” he spits out. I suddenly feel dirty, soiled—all over again. It has been years, but the feeling will never disappear, especially with the way he is looking at me right now.
I close my eyes, burying my face in my hands, and wait for the backlash; the hitting, the screaming —something.
It never comes.
Radimir picks me up like a child, cradling me to his body. I press my face into his neck as the tears continue to fall down my face. He walks toward the bedrooms, but right past mine and straight into his. He lays me down on his giant fluffy bed. Before I even take a breath, he is lying down behind me, his arms wrapped around me and his face in my neck.
“Sshhh. Sleep, my beautiful girl.” My body is shaking from my sobs, but eventually I fall into exhausted, confused sleep.
When Ruslan called to tell me that Emiliya was discussing our lack of sex life with Haleigh, admitting that she is not a virgin, I was shocked and then I was angry. He confessed that it sounded as though she was forced, and it pissed me off even more.
How could she have been violated?
How did I not know this?
She was given to me to protect.
She is living with me.
I am caring for her financially and otherwise, and yet I don’t fuck her.
I know absolutely nothing about her.
I felt like Klavdia had replaced Emiliya. Like the situation with Klavdia was repeating all over again. A woman I own who won’t fuck me. Who plays games with me. Who will surely fuck somebody else behind my back while denying me what I crave.
I refuse to go through a situation like that again, and immediately Emiliya was replaced by Klavdia’s face and I became enraged. When she walked through the door and came up to my back, I could smell that it wasn’t Klavdia behind me. It was Emiliya, but it didn’t matter. I needed to man up.
I will not be a pussy for Emiliya, not like I was with Klavdia.
When she br
oke down crying, it nearly tore me apart. I realized that Emiliya is not Klavdia. Emiliya was talking sincerely and was genuinely worried.
Klavdia wouldn’t have cared. She would have thrown something in my face and tried to turn it around on me, but Emiliya just apologized. She explained the situation, and immediately, I felt like a bastard.
Now, with her wrapped in my arms, everything feels right. This feels right.
I watch her until her breathing evens out and I decide to make a call to Ruslan. He should not have told me of such girl talk. It isn’t right. I pull a light blanket up my kotik’s sexy as sin body and reluctantly leave the room.
“Ruslan,” I bark into the hall and wait for him to materialize.
Ruslan is handsome, I suppose. He has dark hair and eyes; his body fit, but he is nowhere near as muscular as I am. I trust him to an extent, but I trust Maxim more.
“Radimir,” he greets.
I can tell by the caution in his gaze that he must have heard our argument.
“Was it necessary to inform me that the woman living under my roof, under my protection, and under my care was not pure and was admitting to not being with me? This is something she confessed to her friend. It was not meant for my ears, and it seems you did not tell me everything of that conversation, because she was concerned with pleasing me. It was also not said with anything other than normal female curiosity, searching for advice from her companion,” I point out. I then watch as Ruslan swallows, and I see his body grow tight.
“You believe her word over mine? I told you what she said,” he growls. I shake my head. I am not willing to become angry about this. It is pointless.
“I believe Emiliya, yes. She told me the conversation and it aligns with yours. You just didn’t disclose the entire context,” I say, lifting a brow as he shakes his head.
“This woman has you by the balls, Radimir. What happens when she turns into another Klavdia?” he asks.
I push myself from the wall I have been leaning against, slowly and cock my head to the side.
The man is jealous.
“My balls are where they should be, Ruslan, which will always be none of your concern. Why are you so interested in what happens with the women I share my life with?”
“I’m not interested. I am just trying to be a friend.” He takes a step back and shakes his head.
“On your knees,” I growl, pulling my handgun from my back. Ruslan doesn’t go on his knees; he knows that is a death sentence.
“Never. Not for you and not for authority,” he states, his voice now devoid of emotion. I poke out my bottom lip and nod before pulling my phone from my pocket.
“I need Ruslan to be questioned,” I say after Sergei has picked up my call.
Ruslan’s eyes go wide as I end the call and look at him. He knows what is coming. Within five minutes, Sergei is in my living room. I explain to him about Ruslan’s meddling, about his obvious over-concern for my sexual relations. Sergei agrees that it is odd. He pulls Ruslan completely off of his feet, and the floor he had been standing on, by his hair and throws him to one of his men.
“I send you a new man tonight. Tell me, though, how is the girl?” Sergei doesn’t dick anybody around, so I know he is concerned when he asks.
“She will be fine. She just needs a little bit of time,” I admit truthfully.
Sergei looks at me and nods once before walking towards the door.
Then he stops.
“You claimed Klavdia, too, just needed time, my friend. Do not let this creature slip through your fingers. Take it and take her, she is much more than Klavdia ever could be. Claim her and keep her,” he says.
“We are to be married within five days’ time,” I explain. He nods with a hint of a smile on his lips before turning around. He has torturing to get to, and Sergei loves his torturing.
I decide to grab some water and head upstairs, back to my Emiliya. I am going to hold her for the night and hope that tomorrow she will accept me into her life, into her body, and eventually into her heart. She has already begun to worm her way into mine.
Little does she know that all she must do is ask, and she will have whatever it is she wishes. Even if it is to leave me, I will give her anything. That makes me a pussy, I know, but when it comes to women, that is what I am. I aim to rectify this, this time around. Emiliya will not have the opportunity to feign shyness from me. I will not allow it.
I take everything off of my body except for my boxers. I usually sleep nude, but Emiliya would probably be terrified if she woke with my hard cock pressed against her perfect ass. And it will be, since I haven’t been laid in a few weeks.
I lie down and wrap my kotik in my arms, feeling her soft as fuck body pressed against mine. I have to hold myself back from taking her right here and now when she lets out a small moan and then snuggles into me.
I WAKE UP SWEATING, and there is something heavy on my stomach. I try to roll away, but the heaviness tightens around me and pulls me closer, making me pry open my eyes. I look around at my surroundings.
I am not in my room. No, my room is all white and plain. This space is painted dark blue and has brightly colored modern paintings on the walls. I slowly try to scoot away again, but what I can guess is an arm pulls me, slamming me against a hard body. I feel who must be Radimir and his… his… himself pressing against my ass, and I still.
“I like you here in my bed, kotik. Do not try to get away so quickly,” he murmurs, his breath hot against my neck.
One of Radimir’s hands starts to slowly rub against the bare skin of my stomach and I realize that I’m wearing nothing but my bra and panties.
“H-h-how did I get here?” I whisper, closing my eyes tightly. My body is melting into Radimir’s, welcoming his soothing, soft touch.
“I couldn’t leave you alone after everything last night. I am sorry for accusing you the way I did. It wasn’t fair and it wasn’t nice.” His lips touch my shoulder as his hand travels down to the waistband of my panties.
My stomach quivers and I suck in a breath at his intimate touch. This feels absolutely nothing like the one and only time I was intimate with a man.
“I want to touch you, Em. I want to feel you,” he murmurs against my ear. His breath is hot, and his lips touch my skin as his fingers dip just below my panties.
“I-I…” Words fail me, my body is burning for him. I want him to touch me. I want to feel his hands all over me, but what does that make me? What does it all mean?
“I take care of you, kotik. I will make it good, believe me,” he pleads.
I bite my bottom lip and nod. What am I saving myself for, anyway? This is the man I have been given to, bartered for. Though the cause is different from my father’s, it has been a barter, nonetheless. I am still not free. I have never been, nor will I ever be free. But being trapped and kept by Radimir doesn’t seem like such a bad thing, anymore.
This man will soon be my husband, and I should try to make my life as joyful as possible.
“So sweet, Em, so very sweet,” he murmurs as his hand travels down to my center.
I feel him slowly run his finger through my pulsing, heated core before he rubs my clit softly. Radimir’s lips kiss behind my ear, sending a wave of want throughout my body. I have pleasured myself a few times, but never did it feel like this; never did my heart race like I was running a marathon; and never did I ache for more.
“Radimir,” I whimper, wrapping my hand around his strong forearm.
“Yes, Emiliya. Does that feel good, my little kotik?” His voice is deep and husky.
I arch my back, searching for more friction, for more… just more. Suddenly, one of his fingers slides inside of me and I gasp as he groans.
“So tight. Fuck,” he growls.
I can feel something inside of me building as my hips move of their own accord. I can’t help myself. I feel a bit dirty and wanton, but I want more and I want it harder. I want him. The man. Never has it felt this way—with my horrible experience
or with myself.
“Radimir,” I cry, searching for more. Before I know, it I am on my back and he is above me, his hands on either side of my face.
“I must have you, Emiliya,” he announces. I gulp, looking at him with wide eyes.
What does this mean?
I don’t have time to ask any questions. Before I can take a breath, I feel a tearing inside of me. Then, all of a sudden, a white hot flash of pain overwhelms me as he enters me completely. I know that I am no longer a virgin, but after my body was torn through the first time, nothing has ever been inside of me. Years have passed and I feel as though I am reliving the horror all over again, at least the painful portion.
I cry out, tears streaming down my face, but Radimir must not notice or care. I feel nothing but a burning sensation as he moves inside of me—in and out of my body. I just want it to be over. I want to die, right here and right now.
“You feel so good, kotik,” he whispers against my neck as he nuzzles and kisses me.
I don’t care how good he thinks I feel. It hurts like hell! One of his hands wraps around my hip while the other slides between us and he starts to rub my clit. I can’t concentrate on anything but the pain in my hip from his fingers, and the pain of him sliding in and out of me.
“Come for me, Em. Fuck, you’re too tight,” he grinds out through a clenched jaw. I begin to sob, unable to do as he wishes.
He starts pushing into me even harder and faster, his deep grunts filling the room. When I think he is surely going to split me in half, he stops. I feel him pulsing inside of me for a few seconds before his body finally goes slack. He kisses my cheek, my neck, and my shoulder, easing out of me.
I roll to my side, away from him, and curl into a ball. That was horrible. I never want to do that again; but I fear he will want to do it repeatedly, and often. I thought when I did give myself to a man, willingly, it would be different.
Now I know the truth.
Radimir’s fingers slide down my naked spine and it makes me shiver, but not from want as it did before. Now I shiver with disgust, with pain, and with feelings of betrayal. I feel him stand from the bed and then the water in the bath begins to run.
Seducing the Badman (Russian Bratva #2) Page 4