Radimir is next to me a second later. He slowly lifts my body, carrying me toward the bathroom. He lowers me into the warm water, which makes me hiss when it touches my very sore center.
“Soak in the tub, kotik. It will ease some of your pain,” he whispers. I just close my eyes.
I don’t want to look into his beautiful, cold blue ones. I don’t want to be here. I want to go anywhere else. I want to be ignored again. I want my brother. I want anybody that gives half of a shit about me.
I soak in the tub for what seems like hours, or at least until the water turns cold and I am shivering. Radimir doesn’t appear; and though I am happy to be rid of him for the moment, I wish he cared. He pretended to care so much. Now that he has gotten what he wanted, he is nowhere around. I should have known his words of not touching me unless I wanted it—of caring for me no matter what, without any form of payback—I should have known that was nothing but a mouthful of lies.
All men lie. Every man I have ever known has lied to get whatever it is that they want.
I dry off my body. Quickly, I run from Radimir’s room to my own. I find a pair of lounge pants that will not be constricting on my still aching body, and a tank top. I decide against a bra, because what would be the point in covering anything up anymore?
I walk downstairs and am surprised to see that Radimir is standing in the living room, talking to a man. He is tall, big, and broad, but not as muscular as Radimir. He turns his green eyes to me and I watch as they roam down my body, pausing at my breasts before he smirks.
I want to cover up, but I am too shocked. No man has ever openly ogled me. Ever. Radimir turns around and sees me. His eyes do the same; but when they stop at my breasts, instead of a smirk on his lips, his eyes turn a deep navy blue, and his jaw goes hard in what I can only guess is anger.
“Emiliya, go back to your room. I bring you lunch in a moment,” he barks harshly. I take a step back and then turn and hurriedly go back to my room.
I want to cry, but I don’t, I am tired of crying. How was I to know that someone would be downstairs? I tell myself that I am going to stand my ground, that I am not going to fall apart. I figure if I say it enough, it will become a fact.
“Food,” Radimir barks, throwing down a tray with a sandwich and a bag of chips. I don’t even like chips.
I choose to ignore him and look the other way. Suddenly, my body is being lifted from the floor and my chin is being held painfully with his thumb and forefinger, forcing me to look into his eyes. Cold and hard.
“Are you mad because I yelled at you while my new guard was staring at your tits? Forgive me for not wanting him to see my woman’s hard nipples.”
I try to wrench my face from his grasp, but he just pinches me harder, forcing me to stop.
“Answer me,” he barks. I pinch my lips together as my act of defiance.
“Fine. You don’t answer me, I’ll take it out on your ass.” I gasp in shock and he smiles, but he looks like the devil reincarnate.
“That’s right, you heard me. I’ll spank that perfect round ass of yours until it’s gleaming bright fucking red from my palm. That is, unless you want to answer me,” he says with a smirk firmly planted on his lips.
I growl and he just laughs, but it isn’t a kind laugh. Its demonic. I realize, for the first time, that this is not the man I thought he was. These are his true colors, and they are ugly and terrifying.
“I didn’t know someone would be downstairs,” I whisper, my body going slack.
I’m giving up the fight because I will never win in this world of men and war. I will never come out on top. I know how to submit. I know how to give up and do whatever is needed to make my life bearable. I just hoped that I would never have to do it with Radimir. I saw pieces of him that I thought were so different from my father, and I hoped too hard that he would be a completely different man.
“Good to remember for the future: men will be in and out of this house, and you should never walk around inappropriately. Unless you want them to watch you and possibly fuck you; and if that’s the case, then I can make arrangements,” he offers. A shudder runs through my body at this man, this beast. He cannot be human.
So affectionate just hours ago, and now so cold and heartless.
“Why are you being this way?” I ask with tears welling in my eyes.
“I have already had one whore and a bitch in my house for years; I’ll not tolerate another, unless you want to make me money at it.”
I want to scream.
I want to fight.
I want to call my brother and tell him of the horrible mistake he has made in trusting this man, but it would do no good.
“Do what you wish, Radimir. I will not stop you. I am your property,” I calmly state. He flinches from my words and lets me go, backing up as he just looks at me, conflicted.
“Fuck,” he breathes before he opens the door and slams it behind him.
I slink back down on the ground and I cry. Again.
I stay in my room the entire day and the next. Radimir comes inside every few hours and just looks at me without saying a word. Then he leaves me to stare at the wall from my curled up position on the bed.
On the third day, I am weak from lack of food and drink. I feel the bed dip down behind me, and the big arms I once felt safe in wrap around my body.
“I am sorry,” he murmurs, pulling me into him. I don’t respond. I can’t.
“Please, kotik. Drink and eat something. You are frightening me,” he whispers, sounding so very broken that I almost feel badly for him—almost.
I ignore him. Unwilling to speak. I want to leave. I want to leave him and leave this prison he’s put me in. But who am I kidding? This is the life I was born into, bred for. The life I will die in. I knew that this would not be an especially loving relationship, but the way he treated me at first, I had hope. Now, my hopes are dashed and I’m left feeling lifeless. Nothing matters.
If he’ll allow me to leave him, then perhaps he won’t be angry. He can do whatever he pleases without some new bitch like me to take care of, and I will finally be free. I will be free from living my life under a man’s thumb; free from pretending to be perfect; free from pain.
Radimir’s arms are wrapped so tightly around me, holding me. A move that once felt safe now feels suffocating. There is no way out. I am completely stuck here. I close my eyes tightly, continuing to ignore him, like a child and not the woman I am.
“Just go,” I whisper harshly.
“Never,” his body shakes slightly behind mine and I think that he could be crying, but I don’t care enough to look. I end up drifting off to sleep.
I want her to call me a bastard, scream, throw something, or even hit me. Klavdia would have done all those things, if I ever let her. She tried on more than one occasion. Instead, Emiliya just lies there. I feel like the bastard I am.
I have hurt her.
I have said things to her that were not right; and the way I took her, it wasn’t good.
It probably made her think of the guard who brutally raped her.
Once I discovered she had been taken by force, I did some digging. I found the truth. It wasn’t hard. One day, her long-time guard was transferred and a doctor had visited my Emiliya the same morning.
That guard must have been a much smaller man than I, because Emiliya bled like a virgin. There was so much blood. I should have been more gentle. My instinct took over and I wasn’t gentle at all. I was punishing in my lust for her. It is clear that I do not deserve her. I need to set her free, I need to let her go while still protecting her, as I have vowed to her brother.
“Is that penthouse you lived in still available?” I ask Maxim over the phone, not even bothering to say hello.
“As far as I know, nobody has moved in. Why? What’s happened?” he asks. Maxim can probably tell by the dead tone to my voice.
“I need arrangements made for my things to be moved there, just my personal items; everything else stays in thi
s place,” I admit.
Maxim hums deep in his throat, and I know the man has something to say.
“You are to be married in two days, Radimir,” he points out. I bark out a harsh laugh as my reply before he continues. “Give her time, Radimir. She will come around,” he offers. He doesn’t realize that—no, she won’t. I have made sure of that with my cock and my devil tongue.
“I do not deserve her. I have hurt her enough. I need to be out by tonight. Arrange it,” I order. Maxim wisely does not say another word.
I call Haleigh at home to ask for another favor.
“I thought you might contact me. What has happened?” Haleigh asks.
She is forever Miss Intuitive, and I want to laugh at her accusing tone as she assumes that I am the one who has fucked up. She is correct.
“I am moving to Maxim’s old place. I was wondering if you could come over in the morning to check on Emiliya? She hasn’t been well and I have been worried about her.”
There is a pause and then Haleigh speaks.
“The stripper pole place? Really, Radimir? That’s gross,” she says.
I can almost picture her nose scrunched up in disgust. I chuckle at her words, because I too think it is over the top. I would much rather be lying beside my beautiful girl, but that isn’t possible. I fucked up too much for that to be an option at this point.
“Please, take care of her and let me know that she is all right?”
“It’s only been a few days, Radimir. What did you do?” she accuses.
I can’t tell her. To have the only two women I have ever truly cared for hate me, it would be too much.
“Doesn’t matter anymore. I’m leaving and she will be free of me, but she will have my protection no matter what. Erik, my new guard, will be hers from now on.”
“Ruslan is gone?”
“Yes,” I respond immediately.
“I will be there first thing in the morning. But Radimir, please do not give up. Whatever you have done wrong, you can fix it. Trust me. Maxim and I had troubles, and I never thought we would be where we are now; but we worked on it, we talked, and we allowed love in. You can, too,” she rambles and pleads. I smile at her words. She is truly a woman in love, wanting everybody else to fall in love as well.
“Take care of her. Help her heal, and then help her find the lover she deserves,” I whisper before hanging up the phone. My stomach clenches at the thought of the words I have just uttered. A lover she deserves. The thought makes me sick. I thought I could be that for her. A lover. I’m nothing but a monster.
Twenty minutes later, some men arrive to move my things, and I show them what to take. By dinner, I am in the sex pad. That’s truly what it is.
It feels dirty and it feels wrong; but then again, so do I.
It fits me perfectly.
SOMEBODY IS IN THE room with me, but it doesn’t feel like Radimir. His presence is overwhelming and almost sucks the air from my chest when he is anywhere near me. No, this presence feels light and sweet.
Automatically, I think it must be Haleigh. She is light and sweet. Soft thin fingers brush back my hair and my eyes flutter open to see that it is indeed the beautiful, smart, sexy Haleigh at my bedside. A brief bit of embarrassment and humiliation washes over me.
“What did he do to you?” she asks, her eyes full of hurt and pity for me.
I pinch my eyes closed and shake my head. I will never tell anybody how he took me, or the threats he made to me. They were cruel, and his intentions to hurt me did their job. I hurt.
“He has left. He will not come back any time soon. You must get up and you must take care of yourself,” she tries to order. Her words shock me once they register. Radimir is gone. He has left me. Alone.
“What am I to do now?” I rasp, my throat sore from lack of nourishing water. He’s done what I wished him to do, left me alone, yet it feels wrong.
“You will do what every woman who has been hurt and left before has done. You will get up and take care of yourself. If you want him after you are healed, then you will fight for him and you will get him back,” she says. Her eyes hold a fierceness I have never seen before.
I don’t understand everything she has said, but I understand enough. I need to take care of me, and I think it is time that I do that. I feel lighter knowing that he won’t be walking through the door at any given moment to demand anything from me. I have never had to care for myself, I have always been told what to do and how to do it. This is new and it’s frightening; however, I’m also a little excited.
I wonder if there will ever be love for me? If Radimir was serious in his apologies to me? If I will ever be able to forget the things he said to me, the threats he made? I want to believe they were spoken in the heat of anger, and that he didn’t mean them. But I don’t know him well enough to know what he’s capable of, or if the real Radimir was the man who made me breakfast and swore I did not owe him anything, or if it is the man who threatened to whore me out.
“Have you ever lost Maxim?” I ask, needing to know. I need to know if it is possible to end up in love like they are. Maybe it won’t be with Radimir, but hopefully with someone.
“Yes. For years, I lost him. But then I had enough and I fought for him,” she says with a smile. I nod and sigh. I must get up. I must fight for me and then for him, if I even want him. Today I don’t. Tomorrow I may. If I can get past his hurtful words. I need his protection more than anything.
Haleigh helps me stand and fixes a warm soup for me to eat. She doesn’t ask me any details, she just talks about baby Maks and her Maxim. She tells me all about taking Maxim with her shopping, and how he just bought one of everything so he didn’t have to suffer her trying anything on anymore. I laugh and realize that it is the first time I have laughed in days. Haleigh is good for my soul.
“When you are ready, Emiliya, please talk to me. I can help,” she pleads. In the depths of her eyes is true understanding.
I nod and hug her before she stands and leaves. She is going home to her happy family, while I sit in this big apartment, alone and miserable.
I pull out my phone and call Yakov. I want to talk to someone familiar, my brother. He doesn’t answer his phone, and I can’t help the wave of disappointment that rushes over me. A few moments later, the man from days earlier walks into the living room and just stares at me.
“I am Erik. I am to inform you that Radimir will not be returning. If you should need something, I will be available and at your disposal. You are not to leave the apartment without me,” he clips. I nod in understanding and then he bends down, his face close to mine.
“You are not allowed to entertain male guests, but if you need to be fucked, feel free to contact me,” he grins, licking his lips.
I gasp at his words and he just laughs and walks away. My stomach roils. Who is this man that Radimir has left me with? I blink back the tears as I decide that I will not let either of them control or intimidate me any longer.
This is the first time in my life that I have truly been alone. My guard is outside, but I’m alone inside of the apartment, and nobody will be coming home later to check on me. It’s an odd feeling to finally be free. To finally have what you have desired all along. Freedom. But at what cost?
The quiet apartment, the loneliness I suddenly am surrounded with feels daunting. This isn’t what I thought freedom would entail. I can make my own choices now, I have finally gotten what I wanted all along, and yet, it doesn’t appeal to me. It doesn’t make me happy.
Yakov made the choice of Rad for me, and it was a good choice. He was capable of being kind and considerate. He was strong where I am weak. He made me feel. I felt with him, for the first time.
Pouting didn’t change the way he viewed his outburst toward me. I thought he would beg for my affections, that he would give me attention. It was childish. I, however, did not expect him to leave me so easily.
I walk over to the large window in the living area and look out at the city. People are wal
king around the city blocks below me. I feel cold inside, empty, the fire that Radimir lit has been doused. I leave the window and slowly walk into his bedroom.
The room is now empty and devoid of anything that resembles Radimir. His chargers for his phone are now gone from his nightstand. His coins that he scattered next to the chargers, gone. I slowly walk into his closet to find it completely empty. Everything of his is gone. His suits aren’t lined up neatly, and his expensive leather shoes have been taken. It feels cold now that he isn’t here. I feel cold.
I miss him.
I miss the safety that he brings me.
I miss the Radimir that he first presented to me. The hope of what we could have had. I was falling for him. It was easy to begin to feel for him.
Maybe we will never find love between us, but he has always promised me safety. For the first time, I felt that. Safe. It was a living, breathing thing, and now he’s gone. I let my emotions get the best of me. I let my guard down. I need to make this right. I need to have him beside me, not only because I crave the safety he can provide, but also because I was beginning to like him—as a person.
I am the daughter of Ivan Chekov, and the sister of Yakov Chekov. I am stronger than this. It is time I start acting like it. I am not some nobody. I am famous for my name alone.
I dress in a tight fitting, navy blue wrap dress that shows off my body, and I go out. I tell Erik to take me to one of my former favorite places, a place I have not been since I was given to Radimir. A place I visited almost every day to get away from my father, to enjoy some sense of solitude. I have a wedding dress to purchase and a man to marry. My wedding is to be tomorrow. That will surely not happen, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t plan for one in a few days’ time.
I have been out with Haleigh, but I am famous. I am the daughter of Ivan Chekov, and I am always in gossip magazines, so today I’ll make myself available to paparazzi. Hopefully, this will draw out Radimir. If it doesn’t, then I will have to behave more drastically.
Seducing the Badman (Russian Bratva #2) Page 5