Cowboy Up

by Stacy Finz

  “Morning, Ree.”

  Aubrey stopped in her tracks. They hadn’t said two words to each other since their scene at Sew What. “Good morning, Wren.” She waited for a snarky reply or a cutting remark, but Wren simply waved like they were the best of friends and went on her way.

  Okay.

  Jimmy Ray, Laney, and few of the restaurant staff were gathered around the cash register, hunkered over the Mill County Times. They couldn’t tear themselves away from whatever they were reading long enough to seat her. Brett hadn’t shown yet, and Aubrey wanted the one table in the restaurant that was wheelchair accessible.

  She cleared her throat and waved at Laney, who grabbed a menu and started to show her to her and Mitch’s old table. That was a switch. Last time Aubrey had been in the coffee shop, Laney had called the cops.

  “Brett’s meeting me.” Aubrey nudged her head at Brett’s usual booth, and Laney sat her at that one instead.

  “You read the news?”

  Aubrey didn’t have to ask what news Laney was referring to and refrained from saying, “Look at your prodigal son now.” She merely nodded. “I heard about it.”

  “I’m not surprised about Pete. He always was too hoity-toity for this little town, always looking to make a quick buck so he could live like a king. But Jill”—Laney shook her head—“that one surprised me. Poor Randy and Marge. Heard they’re not pressing charges, even though this’ll put ’em in a big black hole.”

  Nothing about Mitch, Aubrey noticed. But the fact that Laney—and Wren—was even talking to her showed that perhaps people in town were rethinking their opinion of Prince Charming.

  “It’s very sad,” she told Laney, unwilling to dish, lest it get back to Brett. He had to be going through hell.

  “And that cattle inspector…Red something or other…just despicable.” Laney shook her head.

  Aubrey realized now that Red was the man she’d recognized with Pete that day in the coffee shop. The bell above the door rang, and Brett wheeled his chair in.

  Laney immediately hushed up and grabbed another menu and waved him over to the table. “How are you, sweetie?”

  “Fair to middling,” he said, trying for a smile. “Just coffee for me, Laney, and whatever Aubrey wants.”

  Laney wandered away to get them both coffee, but Aubrey could tell she was trying to eavesdrop. The big snoop. Brett pecked Aubrey on the cheek and maneuvered his chair to the other side of the table.

  “How are you really?” she asked and reached across to take his hand.

  “Pretty shitty. Jill and I are taking a break.”

  “I’m sorry, Brett.” She didn’t know what else to say.

  “She told me everything.” He locked eyes with her. “I’m sorry she and Mitch betrayed both of us, Ree. And I’m sorry you got treated the way you did for covering it up to protect me.”

  Aubrey swiped at a tear with her hand. “I’d do it again.”

  “Ah, Ree, you’re an amazing friend. But I could’ve taken it, you know? I survived two tours of duty. I’ll survive this.”

  The way he said it, strong and resolute, made her believe him and feel slightly silly for treating him like a piece of china. Perhaps Cash had been right. Brett was stronger than she thought.

  “What’ll you do?” she asked.

  “I’m moving to Sacramento for a while. There’s a vocational program there that trains disabled veterans. I’m taking up carpentry and hoping to join my uncle’s cabinetry business.”

  “That sounds great, Brett.” Despite everything, he seemed focused.

  Laney came with their coffees. Aubrey ordered the breakfast special and waited for Laney to leave.

  “Do you think you and Jill can work things out?” He loved her so much and Jill must’ve felt something for Brett. He was such a wonderful man; how could she not?

  “We’re gonna try. We’ve got an appointment with a marriage counselor.” He choked up a little. “I’ve put her through hell, Ree. What she did to her parents…well, there’s no excuse. But she did it to save our family. That’s got to count for something.”

  It seemed pretty misguided to Aubrey, but she was trying not to judge.

  “We’re planning to sell the house, and anything we make on it, we’ll pay back to Jill’s parents. She and the kids will move in with them so Jill can help around the ranch. Mitch has promised to write them a check for the cattle as restitution.” He paused, staring down at the table. “I don’t know how Mitch feels about Jill, but she says she doesn’t love him, that their affair was just an escape from what was going on in our home. Honestly, I’m still trying to deconstruct that. I haven’t reached forgiveness yet, but I’m working on it.”

  “That’s good,” Aubrey said. “No matter what happens between you two, forgiveness is healthier.”

  Laney brought Aubrey’s breakfast and showed great restraint by not loitering. Anyone could tell that Brett was emptying his soul to Aubrey and needed privacy. Kudos to Nosey Parker Laney.

  “What about you?” Brett asked. “Can you forgive Mitch?”

  She took a bite of her eggs, stalling to form her thoughts and to give the most honest answer she could. “I don’t know if I can ever forgive him for what he did to you, and later to Jace. But the truth is I never felt the anger I should’ve that he cheated on me, that days before we were to be married he slept with another woman. All I felt was relief, because he’d given me an excuse to break off the engagement and move on.” It wasn’t a flattering assessment. If anything, it was weak. She’d been willing to marry a man she didn’t love for the simple reason that it was easy. “Does that sound weird?”

  “That you wanted an out and he provided one by sleeping with Jill?” Brett hesitated, then said, “I once told Jill that I didn’t think you loved Mitch. At the time, I was sort of pissed off about it. He was my best friend and I thought he deserved a woman who was crazy about him. Jill said I was being ridiculous, and I figured she knew more about women than I did.” He stopped and held eye contact. “But it sounds like I wasn’t far off the mark. So to answer your question, no, I don’t think it’s weird. Do you love Jace’s cousin?”

  “Cash?” Her eyes went wide. “Wha…what…makes you think that?”

  He picked a potato off her plate with his fork and took a bite. “You two were standing by the barbecue at Jill’s party, talking. Your face lit up at something he said, and I watched those green eyes of yours dance with pure joy, and I remember thinking I wished Jill still looked at me that way. That’s when I knew. I knew you loved him.”

  Her throat clogged, and it took everything she had to hold back tears. “Bad timing.”

  “Huh?”

  “His daughter’s mother just died and he’s just getting to know Ellie. And I just broke up with Mitch. Plus, I might get this really amazing job and…Well, you know how it is.”

  Brett tilted his head to the side and looked at her. Really looked. “No, what I know is love is a gift that doesn’t come around every day, and when it does, you freaking hold on to it with both hands. You fight for it, even when it’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done. Even when you’re lying bloody and battered by the roadside not knowing if you’ll ever walk again and it might just be better to die. But you fight…you fight for love.”

  He turned his head away, because he didn’t want her to see him crying. But if he’d looked, he would’ve seen that she was crying too.

  * * * *

  First thing the next morning, Cash picked up Aubrey to take her to get her car. He got out of the cab to open the passenger door for her and couldn’t keep himself from pulling her into his arms and kissing her hard on the mouth.

  “You smell good and taste even better.”

  “Mm.” She leaned into him, her full breasts pressed against his chest.

  In another second, he was going to carry her back into t
he cabin, leaving her car for yet another day in the pay lot. But Aubrey abruptly pulled away and quickly straightened her blouse.

  “We should get going. I’ve got a full day,” she said and immediately put space between them.

  He wondered at her sudden coolness. It was as if she was angry with him and had momentarily forgotten her ire during their kiss. Or maybe she just had a lot on her mind.

  “Everything okay?”

  “Of course,” she said. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

  “I don’t know, you tell me.”

  “I suppose I’m just anxious.” She slipped into his SUV and buckled up.

  “About the job in Vegas?” All night, he’d mulled the prospect of her leaving and had finally come to the conclusion that they were at stages in their lives that didn’t intersect. He had a daughter who needed his full attention and she had a shining career ahead of her that would flounder here in Dry Creek. It was what it was, he tried to tell himself, and accelerated out of the driveway. “You haven’t heard anything yet?”

  “It’s only been a few days,” she said defensively.

  He held up his hands in surrender. “I wasn’t passing judgment, Aubrey. It was simply a question.”

  “Steer.” She put his hand on the wheel. “I’m just a little on edge and it makes me grumpy.”

  Cash supposed he was too. “Don’t worry about it.” He reached over and tried to take her hand, but she tugged it away on the pretense of finding something in her purse.

  “If I get this job, you’re not even going to ask me to stay, are you?”

  Cash was a little taken aback by the accusation in her voice. He was working under the assumption she’d wanted the job and was as committed as he was to keeping their summer romance casual. “It would be selfish of me, don’t you think?”

  She didn’t respond, just continued to search through her purse as if it contained the goddamn holy grail. He drove through Dry Creek and headed to the interstate, getting more aggravated with each passing mile.

  “Aubrey, don’t throw out a question like that if you plan to be passive-aggressive about it.”

  “I was curious is all.”

  He shot her a look, calling bullshit on her feigned indifference. If she had something to say, she should spit it out. “Are we about to have our first fight?”

  “It’s not our first. We had one over me not telling Brett about Jill and Mitch.”

  He hadn’t considered that a fight, just a difference of opinions, but okay. “How about you tell me what we’re fighting about, because apparently I’m dense.”

  “That’s an understatement,” she muttered under her breath.

  What the hell had he done? Five minutes ago, he’d had his tongue down her throat and she was grinding on him like she thought he was a pretty good guy. Now, he was suddenly Satan personified. This was exactly why he’d never had much luck in the relationship department. Women were just so damned mercurial.

  “Aubrey—”

  Her phone rang, and he stopped talking as soon as she picked up. She was being pleasant enough with whoever was on the line, which confirmed that her hostility—because it was definitely hostility—was directed solely at him.

  The call went on for ten more minutes, and by the time she hung up, he’d gleaned it was the Vegas development company making her an offer. His stomach churned and he told himself it was something he ate for breakfast.

  “Sounds like congratulations are in order.” He tried to act pumped, but it felt like a vice was squeezing his chest.

  “Yep, they made me an offer,” she said, more angry than happy. “I’m supposed to take a couple of days to think about it.”

  “Is it a good offer, salary-and benefit-wise?”

  “Uh-huh, very generous.”

  “That’s great,” he said a little too brightly.

  “Just fantastic,” she returned, doing little to hide her annoyance with him.

  She spent the rest of the ride dicking around with her phone. And he did what he always did when it came to relationships. Nothing. Not a goddamn thing. It was easier that way.

  When they got to long-term parking, she showed him where her Volvo was. He pulled into an empty space next to it, cut the engine, and got out to open her door. But she didn’t wait, jumping down before he could get there. She shoved her key in the lock of her station wagon and jerked open the door.

  He gave her heap a fifty-fifty chance of making it home. Maybe with all that money she’d be making in Vegas, she could afford to buy herself a new car. “I’ll follow you.”

  “Not necessary.” She started to get in, then stopped. “FYI: I’m in love with you, idiot. If you asked me to stay, I would.”

  He stood there, feeling the full weight of what she’d just said. I’m in love with you.

  I’m in love with you.

  I’m in love with you.

  Minutes ticked by, and he didn’t say anything back. He just continued to stare at her with his hands shoved in his pockets, unable to utter so much as a word. He really was an idiot.

  A shuttle pulled up to a plexiglass bus stop in the corner of the lot and a family of five got on with their luggage. The noise from cars whizzing by grew louder. And the hot rays of the sun beat down on the asphalt, making him see wavy lines in the blacktop.

  “It can’t work,” he finally said. “I’ve got a twelve-year-old who needs my full attention, a ranch that’s falling down with no way to fix it, a thirteen-year career that’s over and nothing to show for it. You deserve a man who can focus on you…give you everything you need and then some. I’m afraid that man isn’t me.”

  He started to walk away when she called, “You give me everything I need and then some.” She held his gaze, willing him to respond, willing him to love her.

  But he couldn’t. He couldn’t give her what she wanted, so he got in his truck, wishing he could drive her out of his mind…out of his heart. Forever. Just get on the interstate and go north, past the Oregon border, across Washington State, all the way to Vancouver if he had to. Anywhere but here, where the hope in Aubrey’s eyes was like a dagger in his heart.

  Then he thought about Ellie waiting for him at home, about how Dry Creek Ranch wasn’t going to take care of itself, and he did what he always did and put responsibility first. But the whole ride home was filled with Aubrey. Her face, her voice, her laugh, the kindness she showed to his daughter, the way she made him feel. Like a good man, like the best man he could be.

  You give me everything I need and then some.

  But it wasn’t true. All he could give her were the leftovers, and that wasn’t enough. Not for him and not for her. In Vegas, she’d have opportunity and a chance for career advancement. Here, she’d have none of that.

  Cash rested his head against the steering wheel as he sat in front of his cabin. He snuck a look at Aubrey’s driveway, but she hadn’t arrived home yet. Maybe she wasn’t coming home. The realization that she’d be leaving for good left a stabbing pain in his chest. He didn’t expect the ache to go away any time soon. But he told himself he’d done the right thing, even if it hurt worse than anything he could remember.

  Ellie came out onto the porch, and when she saw his SUV parked in the driveway, came running down the stairs. He forced himself to get out of the truck.

  “Hey, kiddo. Where’s Uncle Sawyer?”

  “In the house, writing. I guess he finally figured out what to put in his book.”

  “That’s good.” Cash tried to smile and ruffled her hair. Her short-lived attempt at running away had brought them closer together. The previous night, she’d snuggled up to him on the couch and they’d watched TV until her bedtime. When he’d kissed her good night a wave of protectiveness washed over him like a tsunami.

  Why was it that Ellie had filled him so completely, but he couldn’t make room for Aubrey?


  “Dad, can I ride Sugar today?”

  “Kind of hot for riding. But if you’re okay with the heat, we’ll go.”

  Soon, fall would be upon them and the days would turn crisp and cool. Ellie would start school and Cash would have to find a job.

  “First, I want to send a few pictures of my new bedroom to Mary Margaret. Can I have my phone back?”

  He’d kept the phone in his possession after Ellie’s bus ride to Reno. From now on, he planned to keep better tabs on his daughter’s texts and install a find-your-kid app. Damn right it was an invasion of privacy, but Cash’s only concern was keeping Ellie safe.

  “Sure, you can have it back, but with some rules,” he told her. “Tonight, we’ll talk about them.”

  “Okay.”

  Sawyer popped open the screen door and stuck his head out. “Where’s Aubrey?”

  “She had some errands to do,” Cash said, but it was clear from Sawyer’s expression that he saw right through the lie.

  Cash went inside the cabin, got Ellie’s phone from his bedroom, and gave it to her. She ran off to take her pictures. He went into the kitchen to find Sawyer cleaning up.

  “Ellie said you’ve conquered your writer’s block.”

  “Let’s just say I had a good day. Got two thousand words down. What’s going on with you and Aubrey?”

  “Nothing. That Vegas company she interviewed with offered her the job.”

  Sawyer gathered up his laptop and notes and stuffed them in his briefcase. “And you’re planning to let her go?”

  “Last I looked, women weren’t chattel.” Cash made himself busy washing out the coffeepot Sawyer had left in the sink.

  “Ah, bullshit, Cash. You’re doing what you always do. You get fired from your job when you should’ve been given a commendation and what do you do? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. You decide you deserve to be fired because you couldn’t save the whole fucking world. Grandpa leaves us this ranch and all you want to do is sell it. Why? Because you won’t be able to bring it back to its former glory.” Sawyer lowered his voice. “A woman keeps your child from you for twelve years and you tell yourself it’s your fault because you wouldn’t have been a good father. For God’s sake, Cash, you’re fallible like the rest of us. Stop putting so much damn pressure on yourself. You’ll never be perfect, so stop trying and then beating yourself up when you don’t get there.