Sunlit Shadow Dance

by Graham Wilson

  Sometimes he saw Jane looking pensive again and would ask her why.

  She always smiled brightly and said, “It’s nothing really, I am just scared about whether I want any of my old life back. I am so happy here. I could not bear for anything to spoil what we have now.”

  A week before Christmas a photo arrived in the mail with an English address. It was a picture of Jane’s parents and her brother Tim. On the back was written. “We all can’t wait to see you again.”

  Jane looked at it hard for a minute before she put it down, saying. “I wish I could remember them but I can’t. I do think I want to meet them. But I am so very scared lest our good life comes apart. It is as if there is a bad monster hiding in the shadows, wanting to break loose and smash all we have.”

  Chapter 15 - I Beg Your Pardon

  Two weeks went by before Alan heard from Beck again. This time she rang him saying. “I think I have worked it out, found a way forward. I have spoken to the Attorney General and he has talked to the sentencing judge and also to the coroner who investigated all the girls who disappeared.

  “All are of the opinion that we are in uncharted water here, it is nothing like any case they have encountered before. Their general view is the nearest thing to correct legal procedure would be a retrial where fresh evidence is brought forward to justify Susan’s actions, with or without her consent.

  “They also agree, based on what you told me about her mental state and lack of memory, that a retrial would be of little value and pose a serious risk to her wellbeing, with a great risk of more mental harm or a new breakdown.

  “Apart from harm to her, should the government seek to force a retrial, it would play very badly in the court of public opinion. A very large number of people have sympathy for her plight since the TV program telling her story went to air. To them she is guilty of nothing but bad luck. Of course, as they come to her defence, all the nuts on the other side would vilify her too.

  “An alternate option discussed was for the trial judge to resume his sentencing hearing following the coronial, based on the evidence that it revealed, including the tape in which Susan told Anne how she killed this man after he tied her up and that she believed he intended to kill her and feed her to the crocodiles. But it would be difficult to treat this as formal testimony if Susan is not able to be cross examined on it. Without that evidence being admitted it would be hard for the judge to find that no sentence be imposed. And continuing the sentencing hearing, even if done in private, would be impossible to keep secret.

  “So, as a result, it would be clearly known that Susan is alive somewhere, whereas now it is only a vague rumour. With the level of media scrutiny that would follow any revelation it would become extremely difficult for her to stay hidden, even if she did not return to Darwin for the hearing.

  “So my boss, the coroner and the trial judge want to do two things. The first is for a court appointed psychologist to evaluate Susan and confirm that her absence of memory appears genuine. This examination could be done in a confidential manner without disclosing that it occurred or where. It could occur in a major centre like Brisbane or Sydney to assist in secrecy.

  “The second thing is they will seek advice from a former judge of the High Court about the option for a pardon, if her memory loss is confirmed. All are satisfied, based on the phone text evidence from the sentencing hearing, along with the account of what happened by her friend, Anne, given at the inquest, that there is a good basis for her conviction to be set aside and her not to serve out a prison term. But they need to find a way to do this legally.

  “So a pardon appears the best option but they want eminent legal advice, given in confidence, to confirm this. Today I will prepare a brief to seek this advice by mid-January. If the advice confirms that a pardon is legally sound, then the Attorney General will seek confidential agreement of the other members of the NT Executive Government before proceeding.

  “So I expect we will have a definite answer in the New Year. Meanwhile I thought you should know. Officially my lips are sealed, as are yours, but it would be good to know if there is agreement by the other party. I would not want to have this formally announced without it.

  “I have even found a legal precedent that it does not require the consent of the guilty party to seek a pardon on their behalf. So it seems this could be done in absentia and, once granted, she would be free to get on with her own life. While the pardon would have to be disclosed, her location would not have to be. So it is possible for her to continue her life in whatever way she is now doing. It does not mean that nobody will track her down, but it gives her a chance to stay hidden if she wants to.

  “The Attorney General could announce that, following the inquest and the representations of her family, he has sought and been granted a pardon for one ‘Susan Emily McDonald’ to her murder conviction.

  “If it goes ahead we need to arrange a psychological assessment and a letter of request for a pardon from her parents, as her next of kin.”

  The next day Alan rang Buck and asked him to pass this on to Vic and others as required. Buck rang Anne and told her. In return she told him of the just arranged meeting of Susan and her parents in a fortnight at Christmas. They agreed that Vic and Susan’s parents could talk about it there. To Anne it sounded like a way forward, but it would be for others to decide.

  Chapter 16 - Farm in the Mountains

  Vic and Jane set off the weekend before Christmas. The car was packed with their camping gear as they had decided to find places along the way in the mountains to camp, to treat this trip as their own holiday, done in easy stages, before they came to the farm.

  Last night Vic had called Anne again, told her of their approximate plans, three easy days of driving, coming around the back of the mountains and avoiding the big cities of Sydney and Brisbane, the first night camping in the New England, in a national park at the back of Armidale, the second night between the Hunter Valley and Mudgee, at the back of the Blue Mountains, and arriving in the middle of the third day. He had an address and directions from Lithgow to David’s family’s farm.

  They were three wonderful days, swimming in crystal clear mountain pools, giving the children swimming lessons, teaching them to dog paddle and stay afloat without help. They climbed hillsides and waterfalls with panoramic views, cooked on an open fire and enjoyed the music of birds and glimpses of wildlife. They went walking in the night with a torch, picking out forest animal eyes, possums and gliders in the trees, wallabies and native cats on the ground, frogs that croaked in the creeks. They made love in the night under star filled skies and in the dawn as the first birds called.

  Part of them both wanted to keep driving, with just themselves’ for company, forever, to postpone the day of the meeting. But it must happen. It was the only way forward. Vic hoped it was the start of a return to a life in the open, an end of hiding. But he understood and shared Jane’s terror of it all coming apart.

  Jane had her hair cut short, almost boyish looking and a bit hippy, with red blond colors and streaks. Thea had helped her with this, entering into the spirit of the game of a new Jane. Part of Vic hated to lose his familiar partner but he knew it was for the best and she still looked great.

  Each new version of her was like a new girl emerging from the old, Vic told her it was sexy getting to make love to a different looking her. Jane was happy that he found her alluring and exciting. The children complained but within a day they were used to their new look Mum.

  Two days before Christmas, at the time for lunch, they drove up the road towards a grand farmhouse, nestled into a hollow in the hills, with high mountains rising behind, an elegant formal garden i n front. The road wound through lush green fields with cows, sheep and horses gazing. The sign of the homestead gate told Vic they had arrived.

  With no one in sight, as they pulled up, Vic tooted the horn, and then reached over and squeezed Jane’s hand to feed reassurance to her anxious eyes. Anne came bounding out, saw her friend si
tting in the front seat and, without pause, ran over to her, pulled open the door and pulled her out. As she did a light went on in Jane’s eyes, she knew one person from before. She hugged her friend as tears streamed down her face.

  She said, “I don’t know how I know you but I do. It is so good to see someone that I know I know, even if I can’t remember from when. I think that, maybe, you were my friend when I was little at school though it seems like such a long time ago.”

  Anne nodded, tears in her eyes too, “Yes, we first became friends at the start of High School. We were both twelve when we met. It does seem like a long time since then.”

  Following a few steps behind were three other people, her mother and her father and her brother. Again Jane did not know how she knew them, she did not remember them, but she knew them in some way. It was not the picture they sent her. It was something more primal. She knew, without knowing why, that they were family, they were of her and she was of them.

  She ran to them and hugged them, “Mum, Dad, Tim,” she said as she wrapped her arms round them.

  They hugged her back.“Em, our own dearest daughter, our Susan Emily”

  She pulled back and looked puzzled. “I must be mistaken, I thought I knew you but my name is Jane. I don’t know any Emily or Susan. She looked like she might run away, in fear at having made a terrible mistake.

  “Of course, our daughter’s name is Jane; Susan and Emily are her pet names from another life,” her father said. “You are our daughter Jane. You have that same imp smile you did from when you were a little girl.”

  Jane still looked uncertain, but the fear on her face receded.

  Her father continued, “I remember you when you used to ride on my shoulders, when just the same size as these two little imps here,” as he looked to where two small children and a man still sat seated in the car.

  She nodded and walked back to the car, lifting out the two children and looking for Vic to come with her. He picked up David and she picked up Anne. They carried them to where the others were standing.

  Now the circle had been joined by David and his parents.

  David took over and did the formal introductions, saying, “Mr and Mrs McDonald, I would like you to meet my good friend Vic Campbell and his partner, Jane Bennet, with her children, David and Anne. They are visiting for a few days and staying in the cottage down by the creek.”

  Everyone shook hands and exchanged formal greetings.

  David’s father followed on. “Actually we were about to sit down for lunch. We set extra places in the hope that you might arrive soon. Why don’t you come inside and join us. After lunch David will show you to the cottage where you are staying.”

  As they walked inside, Tim came alongside Jane, linking his arm to hers. He whispered in her ear. “You may not remember us properly but I sure as hell remember you. Wait until I start telling all the others of all the things we used to get up to when we were little together, Sis.”

  Jane found herself grinning back at him and said, “If you tell on me I will tell on you, Bro. I don’t remember lots but I do remember some things I am sure you don’t want told.” If not quite true it would soon be, she thought.

  A wonderful week passed. They swam in the dams and creeks; they walked in the fields and the forests. The children had unlimited attention from so many others, always willing to play a game or listen to them.

  Despite initial intentions of secrecy from the staff who worked on the property it was soon clear this could not be sustained, there was too much unconscious behaviour and affection between Jane, Anne, her parents and her children for this to ever work, little David and Anne were shouting out Grandma and Grandpa each time they saw them.

  So David talked to the cook, the gardener and the general station hand, who were working while they were staying over. He explained the situation to them and the need for no talk of this to leave here.

  They all readily agreed and he knew he could trust them. They had all worked here for years and were close family friends as much as employees. So, after this, they really could be a family together again and from then on they spent most of their time in each other’s company.

  Jane and Vic went riding across the farm, helping to move the sheep and cattle from paddock to paddock. Jane particularly loved this; she found she had a natural affinity for horses and balance in riding. Even though she could not remember her lessons as a child the knowledge had stuck. Typical riding parties were Tim, David, Vic, Anne, Jane, and the station hand, while the children would do things with their grandparents. David joked that they had so many horsemen they could muster a thousand head, not the tens and hundreds in their paddocks. But the riding gave them time and outdoor space to discover the world and each other, broken by bursts of wild galloping up and down mountain trails, the wind whipping their faces.

  Jane confided in Vic on the second night. “I don’t know why I was scared. It is so wonderful to be back with my family again and also with Anne. I only have the occasional memory of being a little girl with my Mum and Dad and brother, and I remember a few things with Anne in first year High School. But it is enough. I feel like I have a past and belong somewhere again.”

  Chapter 17 - A Family Meeting

  All too soon the last day came before Vic and Jane packed up to drive home. The others were leaving the next day too, David needed to return to Sydney for work, Jane’s parents’ flight back to England went the day after tomorrow and they would drive back to Sydney with David and Anne.

  It was a very poignant day and they all wanted to slow down. But trying to make the clock run slow only seemed to make it run faster.

  Anne was conscious of an elephant in the room. She needed to tell Vic and Janes’ parents the news from Alan about a possible pardon and the steps involved. So far she had made no mention of it except to David, not wanting to spoil the wonderful holiday mood. But she must do it today. It was difficult for her to get the others on their own without Jane being there.

  It was funny how, in the space of ten days, Susan or Emily had become Jane in her mind, along with everyone else’s it seemed. Perhaps it had been that almost disaster on the first day when Jane’s Dad had used the wrong name in an unconscious display of affection, and then had expertly retrieved the situation, turning Susan and Emily into childhood pet names. So after that, everyone was very careful with the name they used, but it had only taken a couple days until the difficulty passed.

  Anne wondered how she could get the others together, without Jane. It seemed rude to deliberately exclude Jane from a family meeting which was about her. But they could not discuss the legal options with her present, not without telling her the truth Jane’s mind was hiding.

  Then it came to her, Jane had been talking about learning new recipes to cook for Vic and the cook had offered to teach her a couple. That would be the excuse, she would ask the cook to spend an hour or two this afternoon teaching Jane as part of preparing their final night family dinner. It promised to be a special occasion, fitting such a goodbye, a roast leg of lamb, salmon entrees and a selection of wonderful deserts. She went and asked the cook, a lady in her middle years, if she would take Jane under her wing for a couple hours this afternoon, get her to help with the dinner and teach her some new dishes along the way. Once Jane was occupied she would ask David’s Mum and Dad to take little Davie and Annie out for a walk and occupy them while the rest gathered in the living room.

  Five minutes later Jane came bubbling excitedly up to her. “Cook has asked me to help her in the kitchen, to teach me some new dishes, so I have left the children with Vic. I am really looking forward to this.”

  Anne asked David to run down to the cottage to gather Vic and the children while she went and found Jane’s parents who were chatting over a cup of tea with David’s parents. She quickly explained to them all what she needed to do, to talk with Vic and the others about the options to get the murder conviction removed from Jane. David’s parents gladly agreed to take the children
for a walk in the garden.

  David kept watch to ensure Jane stayed in the kitchen while Anne spent five minutes repeating what Alan had told her, the pardon option appearing the most promising, but with it the need for Jane’s to have a psychological assessment to confirm her lack of memory.

  Anne could feel resistance in Vic, he was the one who had given up his other life to be with and care for this girl, and he had already lost her once. He said he did not want to take any chances with her wellbeing when he felt she was making good progress in her life with him and they had decided to get married; it was Jane that had decided. He had always wanted this but wanted it to be a deliberate choice on her part, which it now was.

  Jane’s parents had said little to this point; they now said the marriage was wonderful news. They had no words to express their gratitude to Vic for all he had done and knew he would make a wonderful husband for their daughter. So while they wanted to get the legal situation resolved they did would trust Vic’s judgement about what was best for Jane.

  At this point that David, who had been silently watching from the door, spoke. “Vic, for Jane to get married you will need to resolve her identity. To issue a marriage certificate the registrar or church will need to confirm her identity. As she is an English citizen, the UK government will have to have a role. I am not saying that you should tell her what her real name is, but you need identity documents which match her name to a passport or birth certificate in order to get married.

  “If she can get a pardon, then at the same time her parents could seek for her name to be changed to match the name she knows herself by. But to do this, without her requesting it, you some form of authority for her parents to act on her behalf. It sounds to me like this will need an evaluation which confirms that she believes she is Jane Bennet and does not know her other identity and therefore her name should be changed accordingly.