KILTED DESIRE 2 - Russian Roulette

by A. B. McKINLEY

  “So are yer going tae say anything tae me now? Or, are yer just going tae let me think the worst?”

  “This is very difficult for me Scott! I wanted to tell you and I would have. I was just waiting for the right time.”

  Scott knew he was not going to like what he was about to hear. He tried his best to stay calm and rational. But, he was angry and confused.

  “First of all, I love you Scott. More than I have ever loved anyone in my life. You have to believe that?”

  “Did yer sleep with him or nae?” he stated bluntly.

  “Please, let me explain Scott.”

  “Go ahead, I’m waiting.”

  “He wouldn’t sign the divorce papers. He was going to drag everything out as long as he could. It could have taken years and I just wanted to be free to marry you. He offered to sign the papers if I slept with him once. It was a mistake. I’m so sorry, but can you please try and understand why it happened.”

  “So he was telling the truth. Yer really did it, while I was in Iraq.”

  “It didn’t mean anything to me Scott, and it was over in a few minutes. It wasn’t like what you and I have.”

  “It does nae matter Katie. And what aboot just afore Christmas, was he telling the truth aboot that too?”

  “I’m not going to lie to you. I made a mistake. You were in a coma and it looked like you weren’t going to make it. He was not paying child support and I needed money for bills. I’m not your wife, Scott. If anything happened to you I wouldn’t get anything. I was extremely depressed because it looked like you weren’t going to wake up. I was weak and desperate. He offered me money to sleep with him and I foolishly agreed. I am so sorry,” she said, breaking down into tears, her head in her hands.

  “I cannae believe this, after everything I did fer us. This is how yer repay me!”

  Scott was heartbroken. This time, the pain inside was much worse than when his wife left him in the hospital years before. That was bad, but this was devastating. He never thought Katie could do this to him after everything they went through, and the things they said to each other. She had not done it because she wanted someone else. She’d done it to get something, he was not sure if that made it worse or not. Then, the realization hit him that she slept with someone for money. She was a whore! The girl of his dreams! The one who he thought he would spend the rest of his life with, maybe have children with, was a whore.

  “I am so sorry Scott, please forgive me. I will do anything to make it up to you,” she said, interrupting his thoughts.

  “I need some time. I’m going tae lay doon fer a while,” he replied.

  “Okay, I understand. When you are ready to talk I’m here. The girls and I go back to school tomorrow. Please, Scott, try and understand how much pressure I was under and how depressed I was. I thought you were going to die! I was really messed up. You can’t fully understand that unless you’ve been in that situation,” she pleaded.

  “I’m going tae lay doon,” he said again, and walked up the stairs.

  Later that night after the girls were in bed, Katie tried to talk to Scott again as he sat quietly on the couch.

  “Can we talk now, please?”

  “I’m nae sure there’s anything tae say, Katie.”

  “Scott, I am so sorry. I will do anything you want, just name it.”

  “Katie yer dinnae understand. I dinnae want yer tae do anything. I just cannae believe what’s happened. Yer knew what happened tae me a few years ago. All I needed was honesty and loyalty.”

  “I’m sorry Scott, I really am. I’m not making excuses for myself, really I’m not. You have to try and understand the situation I was in. I wasn’t myself. My whole life was torn apart, and people were telling me to accept the fact that you were gone.”

  “I know what yer mean aboot yer life being torn apart. That’s how I feel now.”

  “Let’s go to bed. We can talk for a while.”

  “I dinnae really feel like talking. Sorry.”

  “Okay, I’m not going to push you. Please, Scott, understand how much I love you and how much you mean to me. I can’t live without you.”

  “Aye.”

  Scott did not get up in the morning, with Katie. She got up and made breakfast for the girls, before they left to catch their bus. She went back in the bedroom to talk with Scott before leaving.

  “Scott. Are you awake?”

  “Aye.”

  “I have to leave for work now. But, we’ll talk later. I love you. Please forgive me. I know it will take time. Get some rest today, and I’ll see you later.”

  “Okay. Bye,” he said, still stunned by the previous day’s events. He had no desire to do anything.

  When Katie returned home from school, Scott was quiet and distant. He made no attempt to talk to her. Later that evening, he helped the girls with their homework and hugged them both before they went to bed. About half an hour later when he was pretty sure they were asleep, he sat down on the couch next to Katie.

  “We need tae talk.”

  “I know we do Scott. I’m so sorry.”

  “I did nae want tae do this while the girls were awake. But, I cannae stay here Katie.”

  “Please don’t say that.”

  “I just cannae stay. I’m going tae get my things together and go stay in a hotel tonight. I need some time on my own.”

  “Oh Scott, please don’t leave. I really am so sorry. I will do anything to make it up to you,” she pleaded, as she started to cry.

  “It’s too late fer that Katie. If yer dinnae have trust in a relationship then yer dinnae have anything,” Scott replied, bluntly.

  “Scott, please. Give me a chance to make it right.”

  “I dinnae want tae say anything else now. I need tae go. Maybe I’ll call yer tomorrow,” he replied, as he walked upstairs and started to pack his suitcase.

  Katie remained on the couch crying, with her head in her hands. Her world was falling apart again. About twenty minutes later Scott came back downstairs with his suitcase.

  “I think I have everything. I really dinnae know what tae think at the moment or how I feel. So I’m nae going tae say anything I may regret. I just need some time tae think.”

  “I really want you to stay Scott. You know that. But, I know how stubborn you are. Please call me tomorrow.”

  “Aye, give me some time. Bye Katie.” Scott opened the door, and walked out into the crisp cold night.

  “I love you Scott,” she called to him, as he walked down the snowy pathway.

  He did not turn around.

  Chapter 2

  Scott awoke the following morning in a motel. The room was dark and dreary and even though he specifically requested a non-smoking room when he checked in, there was distinct tobacco odor in the air. He had a bad headache and had not slept well. Aside from his injury, there were so many things going through his mind, he wasn’t sure what to do. One thing he was sure of was, he still had feelings for Katie. But, how could he ever trust her again? He wanted to hold her again. But, every time he imagined her face, all he could see in his mind was her with Michael. Everything changed in a brief moment. The life that he believed he was coming back to was not going to happen. He knew he needed time, maybe he would feel differently in a few days, or weeks. But right now, he didn’t want to see her. He already missed the girls terribly though, they hadn’t done anything wrong and he never wanted to hurt them. It was something to be considered. If he left Katie, there was no way he would be able to see them again.

  Scott knew he needed to find a place to live, at least for a while. When his grandparent’s died, he inherited their home. Well, they actually left it to Scott and his sister. Since she refused to ever talk to Scott again, the transaction was handled through attorneys and the house was put up for sale. When sold, all profits were to be split equally between them. As of yet, Scott knew that the house was not sold. He decided to contact the attorney and realtor about living there, at least temporarily. He thought, maybe he woul
d buy out his sister’s half and live there.

  Later that morning, Scott’s phone rang. It was Katie.

  “Hello,” he answered.

  “Hi baby. How are you feeling? And where are you?”

  “I’m nae sure yet how I feel. And, I’m in a motel. I have some things tae sort oot today.”

  “What kind of things?” she inquired.

  “Like where I’m going tae live.”

  “Scott, you live here. Please come home and talk to me. We have something special, don’t throw it away.”

  “I think it was yer who threw it away, Katie.”

  “I’m sorry. I need you Scott. Will you please come and talk to me.”

  “Nae today. I need time. Are yer at work?”

  “No, I took the day off. There are too many things on my mind.”

  “Aye, I know the feeling. I will talk tae yer Katie, just nae reet now. I have things tae do and I need time tae work oot what I want.”

  “So, when?”

  “Dinnae push me Katie. I’ll call yer when I’m ready. I have tae go now.”

  “Okay, but don’t forget the girls miss you too. They wanted to know where you were this morning. I didn’t know what to say.”

  “Aye, I know we have things tae sort oot. I’ll be in touch. Bye.”

  “Bye Scott, I love you.”

  Scott checked out of the motel and drove to a fast-food restaurant for an early lunch. Later that afternoon, after a hastily arranged meeting with the realtor, Scott returned to the house in Ashville. He had not been there for a while, but as soon as he walked inside, good memories flooded back to him. He spent some very happy times with his grandparent’s inside these rooms. The house was empty. If he was going to stay here, even for a short time he needed some furniture. So after a brief check around the property he headed out again to find a store where he could purchase some essentials.

  He was out for a few hours and bought what he could. There were some things he needed to order, but he managed to purchase a few things. As he assembled his new bed, his phone rang. He guessed it would be Katie as he reached for it. He guessed right.

  “Hi Scott, how are you?”

  “Hey, I’m kind of busy reet now. Can I call yer back later?” he answered abruptly.

  “Busy. Doing what?”

  “Building furniture,” he stated.

  “What? You are not at the motel anymore?”

  “Nae, I’m back at the house in Ashville. I’m going tae stay here fer a while, until I decide what tae do.”

  “Oh, okay,” she replied, sounding shocked.

  “Give me a chance tae get settled in. I promise I will call yer tomorrow evening.”

  “Okay, thanks. I love you Scott. We’ll talk tomorrow, bye.”

  Katie was still shocked that he moved back into his grandparent’s house. But, she was happy that he promised to call her tomorrow. She knew if he promised something, he intended to do it.

  The following day, Scott continued adding more items to the house and decorating. The old-fashioned rooms needed modernizing. Painting the walls helped take his mind off things a bit. He had a busy day. He shopped, decorated and assembled more furniture. The couch he ordered was delivered and things slowly started to take shape. He hadn’t needed to buy any kitchen appliances, they were still there. All older models but everything worked fine, so he didn’t see any point in replacing them, well not yet anyway. It all depended on how long he would be staying. He was no closer to a decision on his relationship with Katie. Although he missed her, he knew deep down that the trust issue would be a problem. He did say he’d call her though. So, he waited until after he thought the girls would be in bed and dialed her number.

  “Hello Scott.”

  “Hey Katie. How are yer?”

  “Not good. I had some bad news today.”

  “What happened?”

  “Well for starters, I got a letter from the bank. I have to be out of the house by the end of January. And I have to go to a meeting at work about my job. I have a feeling they’re going to fire me.”

  “Wow, I guess yer were expecting the bank news sooner or later. But, what happened at work?” Scott asked.

  “I took a lot of time off when you were in Iraq. Plus, I went back for one day after the New Year and then took two more days off.”

  “So, yer did nae go in tae work again today?”

  “No, I have too much going on.”

  “Katie, yer cannae blame them fer being upset. They have tae think of the kids. It cannae be easy fer them nae having their regular teacher.”

  “Since when did you become an expert on kids?” she said angrily.

  “I’m nae an expert, it just seems like common sense,” he replied, trying to diffuse the tension.

  “Oh, so now I have no common sense?”

  “Dinnae be like this Katie, I said I’d call yer and I did. I’m sorry if things have nae gone well fer yer today but that’s nae my fault. I have a lot of things on my mind too. I dinnae see much point in us talking when we’re both angry. Let’s just give each other some space fer a while.”

  “Fine,” Katie responded angrily, and hung up the phone.

  Scott sighed as he walked towards his kitchen. He felt bad that she was going to lose her house, but he wasn’t going to feel guilty. He knew he hadn’t done anything wrong.

  Over the next week Scott continued to make his new house a home. He had come to the difficult decision that his relationship with Katie was over, well he was 99% sure. He still missed her and the girls. But the trust issue was so big with him that he knew in his heart that things could never be the same between them again. He spoke with the attorney and realtor about buying the house. He would buy out his sister’s half and they needed to come to an agreement on a fair market-value price. Scott decided to let them sort it out, and told them to call him when they reached a figure. He would pay cash with the money left over from the Baghdad job. He figured an approximate amount, but it would leave him quite short. He wouldn’t have a mortgage, but there would still be monthly bills to pay. He needed to find a job. He wanted to stay in the United States. He liked living in the States, but by staying, it meant he was unable to draw his military pension. He could only do that if he resided in the United Kingdom. Scott had fully expected to find a job, but expected to be living with Katie, so he thought there would be her income to help out while he searched for employment. But, as he so often learned, things don’t always go according to plan.

  It had been a week since Scott talked to Katie. He received a voice message from her two days earlier that said she had indeed lost her job. Her message was short and she sounded very angry, so he had not called her back, plus what he was going to tell her wouldn’t exactly put her in a better mood. But, he knew he couldn’t put it off indefinitely. Even after what she had done, he wanted to be honest with her and tell her how he was feeling, that he thought they should break up. He reached for his cell phone and to his surprise; he noticed there was a voicemail from an hour ago. He never heard it ring. But, the cell phone signal around the small town was not the best, so it may have gone straight to voicemail. Scott dialed the number and waited for the message.

  ‘Scott, can you please call me urgently? I’ve had some terrible news today. And, I need you.’ The message was very short and Katie sounded extremely upset, so Scott called her immediately.

  “Hello Scott,” she said, still sounding distraught.

  “Katie, what’s happened? Are yer okay?” Scott asked, he could hear she was crying.

  “I need you. I had a doctor’s appointment today and they think I could be seriously ill.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “They found a lump. They told me it may be cancerous. I have to go for a biopsy.”

  “I’m sorry Katie. But, yer know it’s nae definite yet. Yer have tae wait fer the results afore yer worry too much.”

  “I know, but it’s hard. Will you come to the appointment with me, please?”
>
  “Aye, of course.”

  Scott knew he probably shouldn’t have said yes, as he didn’t want to encourage her. But after everything they’d been through together he still cared for her and wanted her to be well.

  “Thank you, that means a lot to me, the appointment is Wednesday at 11:00 a.m. Would you pick me up and drive me there?”

  “Aye, what time do yer need me tae pick yer up?”

  “It’s at the local hospital, so it will only take about ten minutes to get there. So, you can come when you want to.”

  “Okay, I’ll see yer Wednesday morning.”

  “Did you get my message about my job?”

  “Aye, what happened?”

  “I went in for the meeting and I knew they were going to fire me. They listed all the days I was gone over the last year and said they needed someone more reliable. I lost my temper with them.”

  “Sorry tae hear that. So, what are yer going tae do now?”

  “I really don’t know, Scott. I have so much going on right now and none of it good. I’m a mess without you.”

  “I did nae want things tae be like this either, but there’s nae much we can do aboot it now. I have tae go. I will be there Wednesday morning. And dinnae worry, I’m sure everything will be okay at the hospital.”

  “Thanks Scott. I love you. Goodnight.”

  “Night.”

  Scott walked in to his kitchen. That conversation was not remotely like anything he planned. He was completely blindsided by what she told him.

  Scott was a man of his word, so, on Wednesday morning he arrived at Katie’s house half-an-hour before her appointment. It was still very cold and there was a trace of snow on the ground, although most of the roads were clear. He waited outside for a few minutes until the door opened and Katie came out.

  “How are yer feeling?” Scott asked, as she climbed into the car.