“No need to justify, sis. If you need a break, I’m happy to help. How’s Noah?”
“I think he passed out in his chair.” Just then, the baby let out a thin wail.
“I’m on my way.” I hung up and adjusted the route to head for their house. With a sigh, I reminded myself to be careful. I didn’t want my brother or Kandra to catch wind of what Miranda and I had been up to. It was no one else’s business, but our own, and I would keep that secret.
A few moments later, I parked behind Noah’s truck. The front door opened, and he waved at me. The dark bags under his eyes spoke to how exhausted he was.
“You look like shit, brother,” I said as I hopped up the steps and gave him a bear hug.
He patted my shoulder, then pulled back to give me a quizzical stare. “And you’re acting weird.”
“I get to play uncle.” I couldn’t hold back my grin. It thrilled me to spend time with my nephew, but I also knew it might be an excellent cover for the other reason I was in a good mood. I slugged his arm and headed inside to find Kandra like she could save me from my brother’s suspicions.
She was in the nursery, rocking the baby. Her tired smile told me everything, so I walked up to her, holding out my arms. I took my nephew as she gingerly placed him against my chest. He squirmed, but his eyes stayed closed. Cradling him close, I glanced at her.
“Are you sure you’re comfortable with this?” Her tired blue eyes searched my face.
I nodded. “I won’t drop him or let him drink and drive.”
Her eyes widened.
I laughed. “Relax; I’ve been around babies before. You have food for him, diapers, changes of clothes, all the things?” I wasn’t afraid of babies. When they cried, they needed something. Either to poop, have their butts wiped, or to eat. They were simple if you covered their base needs.
“Yeah, diaper bag,” she offered it, and I slung it over my shoulder. She turned to me, and I stopped short. “The milk has to be put in the fridge. Then you have to warm it, but it can’t be hot.”
I nodded. “I’ve done this before.” After being in a relationship with a single mom, I understood how babies worked. Though we’d gone our separate ways after a few months, we were still friends on social media, and I enjoyed seeing the little tyke growing up.
“Yeah, he dated Marilyn when she had her baby. Whatever happened to her?” Noah stood in the doorway with his arms crossed.
“She moved three states away to live closer to her parents.” We’d never been all that serious. “I also know how the car seat works, but if you’d like to set it up…” I gestured with my armful of sleeping baby and shoulder bag, and Noah nodded.
“I’ll do that.” He left the room, and Kandra gave me the side-eye.
“Did he say anything?” she asked.
Keeping my expression as innocent as I could, I stared at her. “About what?”
She gave me a look that said not to trick her.
I lifted both shoulders while providing a slight, confused shake of my head.
She sighed. “You and Miranda. Did he say anything?”
“No. Why would he?”
She crossed her arms and pressed her lips together. I knew she knew something had happened. “Look,” she said, lowering her arms and touching my shoulder, “we’re both happy for you guys.”
“I’m going to go see how he’s doing.” Trying to exit as a means to end the conversation didn’t happen, though, and she followed me out.
“Call us if there’s an issue, okay?” She peeked up at me, the trust in her eyes filling me with warmth.
“For sure, but I want you guys to relax. Enjoy yourselves, enjoy each other. I’ve got this, I swear.” I knew being a new parent was stressful, and I wanted them to decompress.
She nodded, her exhaustion evident with every step. “Thank you for this.”
“You’re welcome. It’s the first of many times, I hope.” We walked toward my truck, and Noah popped his head out.
“All done.” He gently took his son and put him in the car seat while I put the bag in the passenger’s spot. When I turned again, Kandra hugged me, and when she let go, my brother hugged me.
“Keep him safe.”
“With my life.” I meant every word; family was everything to me. I’d walk across hot coals for any of them and take a bullet to protect Kip.
I waved at them as I backed out of the driveway. “It’s you and me now, Kip.” I glanced at the rear-facing car seat. The baby let out a slight snort, and I smiled. He slept the whole drive back to my place.
Parked in my driveway, I stared at my empty house, imagining Miranda there with little Kip and me. The thought filled me with happiness. I got out of the truck to get my nephew, grabbing the bag and his car seat, and I carried him inside.
Taking him into the living room, I set the car seat on the floor and gingerly took him out. “What are we going to do, little man?”
But he slumbered on as if that’s all he wanted in life. I could relate.
My mind drifted to Miranda, and I wondered how she’d feel about this scene. Something told me she wasn’t baby crazy, but given how close we’d gotten, I had a feeling she’d be less wary about getting attached.
It was way too soon to be thinking about her having my child, but the thought of her pregnant and adorable filled my mind. Having a child as beautiful as she was, for me to love and protect, did something strange to my insides.
I shoved those thoughts aside. I had no business thinking about Miranda that way, though I had to admit the idea had a certain appeal. I wanted to settle down and find someone to love forever. I wanted a companion in life, and Miranda was the right choice for me. She was soft and strong, no-nonsense, and compassionate. She was the perfect mix.
Kip wiggled and opened his eyes. He squinted suspiciously at me, yawned too big, and then smacked his lips. His little chin and tongue worked as if he was sucking, and I got up, cradling him close.
“How about we get you a snack?” I grabbed the bag and dug inside it with one hand to find the milk and put the sealed bottles in the fridge except for one. “This is hard to do with you here.” I brought him into the living room, put him in his car seat, and then carried it into the kitchen.
“You know, we’re going to have so much fun together.”
He wasn’t even looking at me, but I didn’t mind. “We’re going to go to fairs, hiking, swimming, fishing, all the things my dad did with me.” My chest squeezed. If dad were here, he’d be relishing every moment of his first grandson.
I couldn’t think of a better way to carry on his legacy than bring his traditions to my nephew’s life. “I need to tell you about your grandpa.” I warmed the bottle to the perfect temperature. “The guy was fearless.”
I carried the little one back into the living room with the warm bottle in hand and tickled his lower lip with the nipple. He attacked it like he was starving, then stared at me with bright-blue eyes while he gulped the goodness down.
“He was a good man. He taught us to protect others and love the people we have while we have them. Family is everything.” I swallowed hard as I stared down into Kip’s eyes. “He’d have loved you.”
My dad might not be here anymore, but I’d make up for his absence as best I could. I’d never fill the hole in this little’s one’s life as he would have, but I’d do my darnedest to be the best uncle I could be. It was an excellent way to honor my father.
Chapter Thirteen
Miranda
I stood outside Bayden’s door, wondering what the heck I was doing. I’d handled the issue at work and was off for the rest of the evening. Instead of being smart, going home, and reminding myself of all the ways Bayden was wrong for me, I found myself on his front step like an idiot.
My heart kept speaking louder than my head. What if we could be happy together? He made me smile, and he brought out a playful side to me that has been missing since my sister. His presence made me feel safer than any other human being e
ver had. I didn’t need him to keep me safe by any means but knowing he had my back meant the world.
I didn’t let anyone in long enough to build trust, but something told me I could count on him. He was the first person I told about my sleepwalking episodes and the first person I allowed in my bed. He was someone I knew I could call and count on no matter what. I wanted him in my life, and I needed to figure out how to make it work.
If that meant talking to him honestly about how I feel about kids, then so be it. We’d have a serious, uncomfortable discussion. I didn’t think I could delve into my past with him or anyone, but he said he could wait until I was ready to talk, and I knew he meant those words.
Still, his door seemed so imposing as I stood there, deciding if I should knock. Could I handle this conversation? Maybe waiting was a better idea. Or perhaps I needed to stop putting it off and give him the respect he deserved. He needed to know the truth or as much of it as I could tell him.
Before I could change my mind and turn back, I lifted my hand and rapped on the door with the back of my knuckles. The sound echoed, and he opened the door almost instantly. I peered up at him, surprised he’d gotten there so quickly.
“Were you standing right there?” I asked as the corners of my mouth tugged back into a smile
He shook his head, motioning me to be quiet with a single finger across his full, luscious lips. I wanted to kiss him more than anything and throw myself into his arms, but something in his motions and actions sent warning bells ringing in my mind. Swinging the door open, he gestured for me to come inside.
On edge, I approached the same way I did when I came upon an accident or robbery and wasn’t sure what I’d find. All my senses went on alert, and my body tingled with the energy I’d need to fight or take flight.
Despite his odd behavior, there was no sign of tension in his shoulders, no worry tightening his features, no indication that something was wrong.
I reached out and touched him. “What’s going on?” I didn’t like the knotting dread in my gut.
He didn’t answer but motioned for me to follow. I fell into step beside him, every nerve ending in my body firing off and lighting up. A chill skittered up my spine, and heat surged through my veins.
In the living room, a car seat sat next to the couch on the floor. Inside, a peacefully sleeping baby slumbered, and every muscle in my body locked up tight.
Bayden walked right up and scooped the tiny child up, his face lit with joy and love. With the baby cradled to his chest, he moved toward me.
I wanted to run, but I stood there, unable to breathe. A wave of terror flowed over me like a tsunami, followed by stinging prickles dancing across my skin. Beads of sweat pearled on my brow, and I swallowed a mouthful of bile as I stared at the baby in his arms.
He beamed at me, then back down at the baby.
“It’s Kip,” he said proudly. “I’ve got babysitting duty.”
All my hopes of talking to him and discussing potential issues like this were dashed, as he smiled down at his nephew.
“Isn’t he adorable?” Bayden beamed at me, and I offered a weak smile. I didn’t know what to say, even if I could. Instead, I struggled to stay calm and not be uncomfortable as he talked.
“He sleeps so dang much. I’ve been telling him all about his grandfather, and how we’re going to have a great time. I’m going to pass on all the things my dad taught me.” The raw pain in his voice stirred me, but I couldn’t pull out of my distress enough to reassure him.
His gaze met mine, and for the first time since he picked up the baby, he seemed to see me. “Are you okay?”
I nodded, swallowing hard.
“You don’t look okay.” He lowered the baby to the car seat, and the little one squirmed before settling into sleep once again. With that, Bayden walked up to me and wrapped me in a hug.
“You know, I don’t think you’re any less tough because you’re afraid of babies.” His warm tone tried to take some sting out of his words. I stared past him at the car seat, struggling against my past, and the overwhelming pain filling my chest—the thought of my mother’s hateful words flooding my head.
The only experience I had with kids was my little sister. Given how that turned out, I wanted nothing to do with this baby. A nagging pain thundered in my temples, and I backed up out of his arms. As the baby squirmed and woke up, I watched.
His little pink face turned red as his mouth opened, and he let out a sound that could summon the devil himself. Terrified and unsure what to do, I took another step back as Bayden spoke softly to Kip.
“What’s this all about?” He asked as the baby took another deep breath and screamed so hard, and so long, his little chin quivered. Bayden scooped the baby up and held him to his chest, gently massaging a circle between the child’s shoulder blades. “It’s probably gas,” Bayden said to me.
I swallowed hard and took another step back. This wasn’t for me. If I’d have known he had the baby, I never would have come here.
“What’s with you and babies?” he asked, his gaze meeting mine as Kip settled down.
I shook my head.
“You can’t shake your head. Clearly, there’s something.” He smiled at me as the baby let out an enormous burp.
I watched him rock the tiny infant back and forth. “He can’t hurt you. You don’t have to hold him or anything. I won’t force him on you, but I want to know what’s up. I want to understand you.” His gentle tone and kind eyes eased some of the tension binding up my shoulders so tightly my neck and head ached.
My eyes filled with tears. How could I explain this deep-seated dislike of kids? How could I explain that I’m not cut out to be a mom? I mean, society had me on some clock like I’m only worthy if I procreate, but I don’t subscribe to that kind of thinking. Trying to explain all of that wasn’t easy because people judge or tell me I’ll change my mind.
To top it all off, Bayden saw me as a protector; what would happen when he found out that the one child I had to protect died in my care? Would he take my side or my parents’?
He took a step toward me, and I backed up two steps.
“I know something is bothering you, but I am glad you came to see me.” His words eased more of the cables squeezing my heart. “Was there something we needed to talk about?”
As he sat down on the couch, I recognized he was trying to make himself less imposing. He wanted to look at home, so I’d feel at home. It was a great technique—one I’d used to help people relax—but it only left me more on edge because I knew what he was doing.
He patted the couch beside him. “Want to sit with me?” His hopeful expression made me feel worse.
“Do you want kids of your own?” I blurted. I needed to know, even though I was sure I already knew the answer. He seemed so happy and at ease with the baby to not want a brood of his own.
“Well, maybe someday.” He seemed taken aback by my question.
Just knowing he was open to the possibility of children while I was completely closed to the idea proved I needed to do the right thing and walk away.
Clammy with cold sweats, I inhaled. Letting the breath out slowly, I steeled myself against the awful truth. It didn’t matter that Bayden made me happier than I had ever been because he made me feel whole and unbroken. He could give me everything I didn’t know I needed, but none of that made a difference because I’d never be able to do the same for him, and he deserved better.
“Miranda?” His concerned expression left me aching. I glanced from him to the baby in his arms and struggled to process what to do next. What was there left to do? What was left to say?
I wanted to run out of his house and never come back, but something rooted me in place as he stood and moved toward me. The closer he came with the baby, the more nervous I got, and the more my heart thundered in my chest.
Escape. I needed to escape.
“Want to talk about whatever’s going on?”
I shook my head, unable to process the m
oment as memories sprang up in my mind’s eye. My sister’s expression. The joy that turned to terror in a heartbeat. My feelings of helplessness.
“I’m right here if you need me.” He took another step closer.
But I couldn’t. I couldn’t stay, couldn’t let Bayden get closer. I needed to get out now. Without a word, I bolted for the front door.
Chapter Fourteen
Bayden
Friday morning dawned bright and early with Kip grumbling and warning me I better feed him soon. I smiled and hopped out of bed. It had been a busy night with the baby wanting food every three hours or so, but I didn’t mind the broken sleep.
It gave me more time in the wee hours of the night to think about Miranda’s sudden departure. As much as I wanted to follow her and figure out what the heck had gone wrong, I wasn’t going to chase her with the baby in tow, and I wasn’t sure hunting her down was the best option, anyway.
“I’ll get your breakfast started,” I said over my shoulder before leaving the room. My brother had brought over a little basket looking thing for the baby to sleep in, and I’d put it next to my bed.
Heading into the kitchen to heat some milk, I rubbed the grit out of my eyes and fired up my coffee maker. I could understand why they were so tired. Night after night of broken sleep had to take a toll on my brother and Kandra. One night was no big deal, but weeks? That had to be rough.
My thoughts drifted back to the sheer terror in Miranda’s eyes when I’d approached her with Kip in my arms. I wasn’t sure if she didn’t like babies and didn’t want to tell me that or if there was more to it. Maybe she was afraid of babies, but why?
I checked the milk to make sure it wasn’t too hot as Kip’s angry wail resounded through my home. “I’m on my way!” Carrying the bottle into my room, I scooped up the agitated baby and offered him the bottle.
He took it, suckling like he hadn’t eaten for days even though it had only been—I checked my phone—less than three hours since I fed him last. He choked, and I sat him upright, taking the bottle so he could clear his airways.
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