Finally Again

by Zoe Dawson

  I watched her face, saw the way her jaw flexed against some unpleasant memory, saw the anger in her dark eyes and the vulnerability that lay beneath it, and my heart ached for her. The few things I knew about the treatment Evie received at the hands of the townspeople sketched a bleak picture.

  “It won’t matter,” she said, her voice breaking, vibrating with a longing that took my breath away. “It’s the way it is in this town, and it would be better if you heeded it. I’m not exactly on the same level as you.” Her voice dropped to a whisper, a plea. “Go home and find someone else who would be more suitable.”

  Maybe it was the accident that made me take the risk, made me put myself out there in spite of my own defenses still being intact, but I barreled through them. “I don’t want to find someone else. I want to get to know you.”

  She hesitated, and I had hope, but it was dashed when she walked away. My nature warred with my gentlemanly upbringing. I did not force my attentions on a lady, but this was something special. Something important. I needed to know.

  I took two long strides. “Evie, wait.” But this time she ignored me. I lost my temper. “Will you just stop?!”

  She stopped and whirled. “What? What do you have to say to me, Win?”

  “This isn’t exactly how I wanted to interact with you, but I have to know. Do you want to get to know me? Are you at all interested? Be honest.”

  She looked away, her voice subdued. “It wouldn’t be smart.”

  “I know. Not smart. Not sanctioned. Not on my level. That’s not what I’m asking you.”

  “I’m technically still married.”

  “What?” I said, my heart hammering.

  “Married, Win. I’m still married.”

  “You’ve never divorced him?” This was something that would have to be sorted out. It was clear Evie hadn’t moved past her husband leaving her. If we were to have a chance…if she wanted a chance, she would have to let him go.

  “No. I…haven’t.”

  “You have grounds. I don’t believe that being abandoned counts as being married.”

  “I’m sure that all you’ve heard is gossip. You don’t know anything about it. The real story.”

  She turned away, but tears clogged her voice, and I realized that this was going to be difficult, not sure why I felt compelled to push her. I just was.

  She stopped in the living room, wiping at her eyes.

  “I’m sorry. I just want a chance. I’m not exactly in the best place in my life, either.”

  “No, you’re right.” She walked to the coffee table and picked up an album.

  She sat on the couch, and patted the cushion next to her. When I joined her, she opened the album on her lap, angling it toward me a bit. “This is my wedding day. Look at us. We were so happy. It was before we’d moved to Suttontowne and I discovered Brody had a reputation just because of his last name.

  “I was a new wife, and I wanted to cook for him, so I went to the market. Suttontowne was smaller then. People talked about us, but I didn’t know. When I came out of the market, I was attacked. A man hit me in the face, called me an Outlaw whore. It was the first time I had experienced any kind of violence, but it wasn’t the last.

  “There were people watching, but no one lifted a finger to help me. I went to the sheriff, but he told me that there were no witnesses, even though there had been plenty. No one wanted to back up my claim, even though I had the black eye to prove it. I never went anywhere without Brody after that.”

  Her voice caught. “But when he disappeared, I had three small six-year-old boys, scared, devastated by the loss of their daddy. I had to find work. I couldn’t get anything in Suttontowne. Everyone closed their doors in my face. I had to go into Lafayette, drop my children off at my sister’s. That’s only the beginning of what happened.

  “My sons have endured the same treatment. I should have left, but it was expensive to move, and I had a solid job.”

  “And you expected him to come back?”

  She covered her face and turned away. “Yes. I’m sure you think I’m pathetic. I’ve held onto hope for so long, but I should have understood. I should have known.”

  “Known what?”

  She rose and paced away from me. Reached a small table and smoothed her hand over the frame. “Brody must be dead. He has to be. He would never have left us, and I’ve been holding on to the hope that he was alive, but I know now I was foolish. Either way, dead or alive, he’s gone.”

  I crossed the room unable to stay away from her. I caught her against me as she buried her face in my chest and started to sob. I smoothed my hand over her head, my heart being pulled in many directions. She wrapped her arms around my neck and I slipped my arms under her and sat with her on the couch.

  She rubbed at her face and lifted her head. All I could do was look at her wordlessly, stare into her pretty brown eyes, even red and swollen, and at her soft, moist mouth.

  Her breath hitched and my heart tumbled.

  “Thank you.”

  I closed my eyes and groaned. “What? For destroying your hope? For making you cry? Yeah, I’m a regular prince among men.”

  “You are. For pushing me to see the truth. You really should be running in the other direction.”

  “I know. But I don’t want to.” I brushed hair off her face. “You didn’t really answer my question,” I prodded gently.

  She closed her eyes, breathed deeply and slowly, then slowly opened her eyes again. My heart suspended at the look in them.

  “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you from the moment I met you. So, yes, I am interested in getting to know you. But, Win…”

  “Shh, that’s enough for now.”

  “Not really. Where exactly are you in your life that this thing between us could be a complication for you?”

  I shifted, not exactly comfortable with the shift of focus to me. “I wish I could answer that, but I’m not really sure.”

  I lifted my arm, showed her the row of stitches along my forearm.

  “How did that happen?”

  “Bus accident in Bangkok last week. Shook me up.”

  “So you came back to Suttontowne?”

  “I had some interest from the New York Times to syndicate. They want to talk to me next week in Lafayette.”

  She smiled. “You made them come to you?”

  “They insisted on it when I was reluctant to go to New York. I’m tired of traveling. I wanted to come home.”

  “Why?”

  He swallowed and remembered the screams, the blood. “I had a brush with death, and I started thinking about what was important. I needed something…concrete, I guess.”

  She nodded and cupped his jaw. “That must have been awful for you. Traumatic.”

  “People died. A lady I gave up my seat to. She was right next to me. If I didn’t have good manners, she might be alive and it might have been me who was crushed.”

  “This is why you pushed me?”

  “It’s been too long to wait for your life to start, Evie. Way too long.” My only thought was, if he isn’t dead, he’s a fool.

  “Maybe I don’t have the courage,” she murmured, her eyes meeting mine.

  I slipped my hand behind her head and gave her no choice as my mouth pressed to hers. My mind warred with my body that it was too soon, but I didn’t give a damn. I was finally getting a taste of Evie Outlaw. And from the second our lips touched, I realized it had been worth the wait.

  I had been with a few women, but none who tasted as sweet, none I had cared enough about to discern the complexity of that one tiny breath caught at the back of her throat. It took me until I was thirty-eight to get here.

  If I’d had more finesse, I might have avoided crushing her mouth to mine, overwhelming us both right from the beginning. I couldn’t think or react until it was too late, and I’d already taken the impulsive step, pressed by my need to comfort her and the desire which had been building since I’d laid eyes on her.


  Then her breath hitched, and those incredibly soft lips responded ardently. And just like that I was lost all over again. She burned behind my eyes, her fall of dark hair curled around my hands, those exotic, tipped-up almond eyes, her dusky skin. She was weary, stressed, her guard definitely down. What little strength she’d managed to show me must have come from sheer willpower.

  Oh, hell yeah, she had the courage.

  That one little hitch did me in, though, and I gentled the kiss, soothing instead of igniting, tender rather than overwhelming. She tasted so damn sweet. She felt so good, solid and just what I needed to reaffirm that I was alive.

  I broke the kiss and opened my eyes to stare down into her liquid brown ones. Her chest heaved, and there was a startled oh-my-God look there that made me kiss her again. I kissed her with a gentleness I didn’t know I had in me while I wondered about why that part of me had surfaced. I was rapidly discovering that kissing her like this wasn’t just soothing her, it was soothing something within me, too.

  When she breathed softly into my mouth, urging me on with a little moan, the part of me that wanted to push this to the next level warred with my need to go slowly with her. It had been a long time for her, and I didn’t want to take advantage of it. I was content with kissing her, skimming my fingertips over her cheeks, sliding them into the long, sleek strands of her hair to feel the silken wave of it cascade through my hands, all the while breathing her into me.

  The more I kissed her, the more I wanted. More of her skin, more of her breathy sighs, more of everything that made her Evie.

  Then she leaned back slowly, as if she was bracing for impact, and I saw something I never expected.

  Fear.

  Of me, and whatever was going on between us. In a flash, I got a rare bit of insight. Exposing herself—the real woman, not the mother, not the tough little fighter against a town who reviled her and her family—terrified her. I didn’t know why that excited the hell out of me, but it did. She’d handled all that adversity, and my kisses had left her shaken?

  I passed my hand over her hair, tipping her head back. “I won’t hurt you, Evie.”

  “Promise?” Her voice trembled, and she caught her bottom lip in a sexy move that made my dick tighten.

  “Promise,” I said.

  “This hurts,” she said. “I didn’t think it would.”

  “Don’t fight it.” I kissed her and whispered, “Let go, Evie. I’ll catch you.” She made a sound I’d never forget, a sigh of surrender.

  #

  Evie

  There was something about him that weakened me. Not so much his looks, because I’d been around handsome men before and not been affected like this. It could be that kiss, I thought, melting a little at the memory of it. He could touch me in places I was afraid to be touched. My vulnerability warned me that connections made me susceptible. I’d avoided emotions like these for years, and the only one that I’d permitted myself was my dedication to duty.

  I saw it clearly now. I had hung on to my dedication to Brody long after I should have let go, many long years in the past. I would have to deal with the grief, the final release of heartache I’d hung onto for too long. I wasn’t quite ready to process it yet, though.

  And Win was right. I didn’t have a marriage anymore. The man I had loved was lost to me. I would always remember him. Would never believe he had willingly abandoned us. I knew him too well, and I would never allow myself to discredit him that much. Something had happened to him, but I might never know what.

  I would have to be content in knowing I’d never forsaken him and I never would.

  “How about we get out of here for a bit?”

  He tangled me up. There was no denying it. I was feeling too sensitive. He was too close, too intimate, watched me too intently. He looked relaxed, and yet I had the impression of leashed power beneath his calm. He was too…everything. Too tall, too handsome, too charming. Too tempting. Overwhelming. Brody had been more raw, a bit uncivilized, but he was always sweet to me. Win, on the other hand, made an impact and I felt ill equipped to face that kind of intensity.

  “Oh? And go where?”

  “You have a pair of wading boots?”

  I smiled, and he returned it, drawing me to him. I kissed his mouth, brushing my thumb over his lips. It seemed insane, this attraction between us. He had a wildness about him, an unpredictability. It wouldn’t surprise me if he suddenly wanted to fly off to Brazil for the day. I felt that irrational fear again, just briefly.

  I hadn’t been able to control Brody, and I couldn’t control Win. That isn’t what I was about. He had to find his own way, and he was looking for something else after that terrible accident that had sliced open his arm.

  “You fixin’ to take me fishin’, cher?” When he nodded, I smiled. I could almost feel the mud between my toes, smell the bayou, feel the excitement of lifting a net full of clicking, hissing little red crawfish out of the water. It had been years since I’d done it. My father had taken me and Heloise more times than I could count. Crawfish were a staple for Cajuns and were featured in a lot of our dishes.

  I had gone out there often to feed my children after Brody had disappeared, and had taught the boys when they were old enough.

  I went to wash my face and change out of my work clothes. I stared at my reflection in the mirror. I didn’t look any different, but I felt different from the woman who had looked back at me yesterday.

  And I needed…to find out if I still could feel it. What I had with Brody was gone, but my body was certainly alive after sharing that kiss with Win. I wanted to touch him and hold him. Find out what I had been missing for so long. Did my heart even remember what it was like to get involved with a man again? Could I really drop my barriers, let go of my past, and embrace what was an opportunity for a future?

  But that could be jumping the gun. Win said he was here to check out a job opportunity, but it didn’t mean he would stay. I considered whether that would sway me.

  It didn’t.

  I was going to be traipsing around in the swamp in August, when the air was so humid it was almost like breathing water. I could hardly wait.

  Chapter Five

  Win

  “We need to stop for bait,” I said, guiding my car into Chase’s bait and tackle parking lot. “It’s also a way to see my nephew.”

  “I don’t mind,” Evie said, glowing. It was her inner beauty creating that glow. She’d pulled her long hair back and braided it, coiling it into a bun. She looked young and fresh, not like the mother of nineteen-year-old run-you-ragged male triplets.

  I wanted to spend the rest of the day wrapped up in her. But instead we got out and headed up the steps. As we pushed through the door, my nephew looked up in greeting, then a smile broke across his face.

  “Uncle Win!” He vaulted the counter and rushed at me, grabbing me in a big bear hug and hauling me up off my feet. I laughed and slapped him on the back.

  “Damn, it’s too good to see you. It’s been forever, I swear.” He glanced at Evie and said, “Good morning, Mrs. Outlaw.”

  “Chase,” she said nodding.

  “You need bait?” he asked.

  I studied him. He looked settled, but there were still shadows in his eyes. He’d grown so much since the last time I saw him. He was now taller than I was, and his blond hair darkened to brown. He was lanky like our grandfather, with the trademark silver blue Sutton eyes. A handsome boy who had defied my brother to make his own way. I was more than proud of him.

  Evie drifted off to one of the counters to look into the glass display cases, but I was aware she was giving us privacy. A surge of affection rushed through me. “How are you, boy?”

  He glanced back at Evie, but she looked preoccupied. “I’m good. I love it out here. It’s so peaceful and quiet. I get good business from the locals, provide seafood and the like, tie my own flies, get a lot of tourists wanting to explore the bayou and fish, too. I take out groups on Tuesdays and Thursdays.”
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  “You built this place?”

  “With my own two hands. It felt good to earn something.”

  “You sure did, but don’t isolate yourself from the people who love you, Chase. Your momma misses you very much.”

  “I heard River and Jake are home. Not sure Jake wants to see me, but River still comes around. I can’t go back there, though. I can’t.”

  I squeezed his shoulder. “James isn’t going to judge you, and Jake will come around.”

  “I think you’re wrong there. Daddy was powerful mad when I left. Jake, too. I can’t talk about why. It’s…too personal.”

  “Everyone has their secrets,” I said.

  He nodded, then said, canting his head towards Evie. “You seeing Mrs. Outlaw?” he asked, lowering his voice.

  “I met her when she dropped off River Pearl a couple of days ago.”

  Chase’s brows rose and he shook his head. “Daddy’s not going to like that, but good for you. She’s really nice and very pretty.”

  I nodded. “I don’t care about their reputation or what James likes,” I said.

  “You shouldn’t. It’s all a bunch of nonsense.” He looked away, too much bitterness in his eyes for such a young man. “How long are you visitin’ for?”

  “I’m looking to stay, Chase.”

  His eyes lit up. “That’s great, Uncle Win.” He stepped toward a cooler. “I got me a passel of chicken necks and shad gizzards for you if it’s mudbugs you’re after.”

  “It is, and I’ll need some nets, too.”

  “And a boat, you won’t want to scratch up that fancy car,” Chase ribbed.

  I guided Chase’s screened-in rental pontoon boat away from the dock, the engine purring its way into the calm waters of the bayou outside of Chase’s impressive business. The boat was more like a cabin on pontoons, very classy. All our fishing equipment was bundled and set into a small compartment at the stern reserved just for that purpose. Evie was a natural, dropping into the boat without creating so much as a wobble. She sat easy and sure on the bench seat. She pointed a short distance before we passed a beautiful modern looking house.