He gave a throaty chuckle and continued to walk. ‘I don’t think love is logical. I love your colour hair. I love your fiery nature. I love everything. I don’t know that I could ever love anyone like I love you.’
‘But why?’ she repeated, her eyes wide, confused.
He stopped walking and faced her. ‘Okay, an easy answer then. No-one swims as gracefully as you do.’
‘Oh,’ she sighed. That had caught her out.
Steven bridged the gap and kissed her again, he ran his free hand over her back. Perhaps, he needed to remind her of why they were so good together. When she responded he felt vindicated. The passion resurfaced as his heartbeat went into overdrive. Pausing for a moment, he continued to run his fingers through her hair. ‘I never want to leave you again.’
Caitlin’s eyes darted. She was confused, she had to be.
‘I don’t want to lose you either. I just don’t understand how we can make it work. They said you would be dangerous, not just to me but to others. You said yourself that you don’t know what you’re capable of. As much as I’d love to be with you, I don’t know what will come of it,’ she rambled.
‘Let me worry about the how. All I need to know is that you still care for me. Do you?’
He hoped not to be disappointed.
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Chapter 33
Friends
Caitlin did not know what to say, it was not clear cut.
She had never been naïve about love and the sacrifices it demanded. Her parents’ constant struggle to make their marriage work taught her that.
Finally, she met his stare and allowed herself to drift into his amber. ‘I never thought anyone would sweep me off my feet. I never wanted the knight in his shining armour. Then you came along and changed things. As easily as you came in, you disappeared, vanished. I didn’t know why I was so distraught but I felt it all the same. Now at least I know why I’ve been suffering from a broken heart for all these months. The thought of losing you again is unimaginable. I can’t lose you again. I don’t want the pain. I just don’t know how this can work.’
Steven smiled involuntarily as she spoke. He leaned in to bridge the gap, but she held out her hands in front of her. ‘But…’ she paused.
He cocked his head to the side and gave a cheeky smile.
She narrowed her eyes. ‘I need to know what you are. You need to tell me why the dream stopped when you arrived. If we are going to be in a relationship I need to know what I’m letting myself in for.’
‘Okay, we’ll take it one step at a time. I’ll tell you what you want to know.’
She glared now and folded her arms. ‘Everything.’
He chuckled. ‘One step at a time.’
She unfolded her arms, irritated. What was he doing to her? ‘Fine…one step at a time. Do you – Do you think we could continue tomorrow? The truth is my head’s spinning. I need some space.’
He sounded hurt when he said, ‘If that’s what you want.’
She did not want to hurt him but she could not think rationally when her body reacted to his every move. She definitely needed some alone time, some what the hell is going on time, some I must be going crazy now alone time.
***
Caitlin stared at her shark picture, her head on her soft, duck feather pillow, hands over her stomach. The shark was a deadly killing machine yet it was so graceful. Was Steven the same now? She could not think straight with him around. But, with him gone emptiness hit. She was alone and she had asked for it. A knock on the door made her jump. Had he come to see her already?
‘Hey.’ Gemma.
‘Hey.’
‘Can we talk?’ Gemma asked, more subdued than normal.
Caitlin was all talked out. She did not know what to tell her best friend. She really wanted her opinion; she just could not talk to her about Steven. It was still early, even though it was getting dark outside. They could always grab some chips or something. She needed to get out of the house. ‘Sure, let’s go out. I need a drink.’
Gemma raised her eyes. ‘You’re on! I’ll grab my purse and be right with you.’
Caitlin grabbed her wallet and made her way down the stairs. She could hear Gemma scrambling above her, in what they referred to as the penthouse suite. It was a better description than the reality – a dingy attic room that smelled of damp.
The sound of laughter downstairs hailed the return their flatmate Sally, who more or less permanently lived with her latest boyfriend. Out of politeness, Caitlin went to the kitchen to say hello.
Sally was cooking over the stove. It smelt like baked beans again. For someone so bright, Sally was a lousy cook. She wondered if she would remember Steven if they met again. Sally had dated Steven’s friend, Adam, during the previous year. The latest tall, muscular blonde had his arms wrapped around her waist, his face nuzzled over her shoulder. Was he biting her earlobe?
It seemed rude to interrupt. She did anyway. ‘Hey Sally, how’re things?’
Sally brushed the latest boyfriend off with a laugh and turned to face her. ‘Hey Caitlin. Great thanks. You?’
‘Fine, thanks.’
The boyfriend gave Caitlin a quick once over.
‘This is Justin. Justin, this is my flatmate Caitlin.’
Justin stepped forward and shook her hand. ‘Nice to finally meet one of Sally’s friends.’
Caitlin squirmed. ‘I’m just heading out with Gemma. If anyone calls round can you tell them I-I went out.’
‘Sure.’ Sally had a surprised look on her face. It read why would anyone be coming round for you, it’s Saturday. Caitlin could not blame her – she knew she had a reputation for being a hermit.
She walked out as she heard Sally say, ‘The beans!’
Caitlin hoped Justin liked them burnt.
Gemma was in the hallway already. All wrapped up with a thick coat, hat, scarf and gloves. It was only January after all.
‘Come on, let’s go. There’s a band playing later in the union. They’ve got great reviews.’
Caitlin grabbed her thick red coat and black matching hat, scarf and glove set. Another useful Christmas gift from her grandmother, it was what she always wanted.
‘Let me guess, Christmas pressie?’
‘You read my mind,’ Caitlin grunted.
Gemma rolled her eyes. ‘Hey, I got another toiletry set. A lavender one! Trust me you’re lucky.’
Caitlin giggled and they headed for the door. It was nice to act normal. She needed to take her mind off things – off Steven.
Gemma made chit chat as they walked to the union. Her course was too hard. Everyone was so keen. She wanted to get good grades, but she was worried she couldn’t keep things up. She talked about everything she was thinking – except the obvious thing on her mind. Caitlin was grateful. She did not need a Spanish inquisition at the moment. A queue snaked out of the entrance. It was busy considering it was only six. It had to be a popular band.
‘So, where did you go today?’
Caitlin knew Gemma could not hold off for that long. ‘To the Common.’
‘Nice.’ Gemma turned and looked behind them, then looked ahead. ‘We might be here for a while.’
‘Nah, it always looks worse than it is.’
‘As if you’ve come out that often to know,’ Gemma said, more as a joke than a serious retort.
Caitlin still pulled a face and huffed.
Gemma pulled her arm through Caitlin’s. ‘Joking, I know the water polo lot have managed to drag you out at times.’
As if by magic, the queue suddenly moved forward and a minute later they were handing over their student passes and gaining entry to the holy ground, where students let off steam. The union was heaving. It was difficult to know which direction to go in.
‘Let’s go to the Bar cafeteria. I could murder some pizza and chips’
Caitlin nodded. As they got there she groaned. Obviously, everyone else also had the same idea. There was barely enough space to
get in.
Gemma turned and shrugged her shoulders. ‘Shall we go in?’
‘Go on, we’re here now anyway.’
Half an hour later, with a full stomach, they braved the bar. A squash and a squeeze later, they got to the front. Gemma flashed her biggest smile and waved at the barman to get his attention.
‘Hey Gemma, fancy seeing you here,’ the barman said. He gave her a cheeky wink.
‘Dave, be a star and get us a couple of vodka and oranges, please.’
‘Coming right up.’
Caitlin could not understand why that never worked for her.
Gemma turned to face Caitlin. ‘You said you needed a drink.’
Caitlin nodded. She felt like a puppet on strings, going through the motions.
Gemma handed her the drink after she had paid. ‘You can get the next one. Anyway, cheers, to new love, right?’
Caitlin raised her glass to Gemma’s. She did not know what to say.
Gemma put her arm around Caitlin’s shoulder. ‘So where shall we go so you can tell me what’s going on?’
‘Not here.’
‘Okay, let’s take a seat down the other end. Not so close to the bar and the band.’
They made their way over and managed to find a seat at the very end. Hardly anyone wanted to be that far away.
Gemma leaned in. ‘So, what happened with Simon?’
‘Nothing really.’
‘Okay, so why was he there? I know you didn’t have a lesson. You were really upset about Daniel and then you looked like you were over him. Is it over?’
‘Yes, it is over with Daniel. Look, I am seeing Simon, if that’s what you want to know but it’s complicated.’
‘How?’
‘Gemma, I wish I could tell you but I barely understand it myself. I have a connection with Simon. And we are just seeing where it leads, that’s all.’
‘A connection,’ Gemma mused, as she rubbed her chin with her hand. ‘Sounds ominous.’
Caitlin downed the rest of her drink. She did not want to talk about it. ‘Let’s dance. Go on.’
‘Whatever, we’ll dance. Just promise me that you’ll tell me what’s bothering you if you need a friend. I’m here for you, okay?’
‘Okay, thanks Gemma – you’re a pal.’
Caitlin grabbed her hand and dragged her on to the dance floor. A lot of students jostled around, hardly any danced at all. It was more of a jump to the beat. Or snog. Or shuffle. Then she saw an unwanted familiar face. Adam. The manslut. After he had used Sally last year, he had moved on to a string of other girlfriends. He always leered at her. She was sure Adam saw women as meat. She grabbed Gemma and pulled her in a different direction. Then she pointed. ‘Adam.’
‘Good call,’ Gemma sighed. ‘Shall we go get some shots? Let’s get wasted.’
‘Let’s.’
Caitlin did not usually want to get drunk. Tonight she needed to.
*
The smell hit first. The nausea came second. A desire to run was last. It was a pitiful sight. Caitlin bowed over the toilet seat and emptied her entire stomach contents. The acid bile grated her throat. It hurt. A few tears came to her eyes. She could not believe what she had done. She rarely got drunk so when she was stupid enough to do it, it killed. It was agony. She slid off the side of the seat and slumped against the bath, devoid of all energy.
The house was quiet and dark. Gemma had passed out downstairs on the sofa. She may have crawled up to her room by now. She was not sure. Using every last ounce of energy she could muster she got up, swayed and somehow managed to get toothpaste on the brush. She sloshed it around her mouth and gargled. It got the worst of the taste out.
Caitlin collapsed on the floor. On her hands and knees she somehow made it back to her room and hurled herself on the bed. The last thing she remembered was the fluorescent clock, it was very late or very early – she couldn’t remember which.
She passed out, still fully clothed.
***
Sunday was like any day for Steven. He was up early and ready to face the next challenge. Caitlin had asked for space, he had given it to her. He was desperate to go to see her, but he had to wait until eleven, the time agreed.
His flat was beginning to resemble a dump site. He hated housework, but it was time to clear up. If Caitlin ever came to visit he wanted it to be decent, or as good as possible. The ulterior motive revealed. He was strong and fast, it helped. The place was beginning to have a decent, lived in, feel to it. He could actually start to think of it as home.
The option to live in the house was open. Jeff had asked him to take it over. He just couldn’t. The residue of death lingered. The house was eerie. He would keep an eye on it. It was the right thing to do. He knew the community members would probably consider him responsible when they found out Jeff was dead. He had contemplated calling Catherine on the mobile number she had given. He just couldn’t go through with it. He could not delay forever, but he would stall their return for now. He needed more time and they did know where he was. He had not done anything wrong. It was Jeff’s decision.
A shred of doubt lingered.
As far as he was concerned he had it under control. He was not a monster – period.
Steven ate rabbit stew a lot, it had grown on him. The blood satisfied to a point and the meat tasted like chicken. He was not sentimental. He had never had a rabbit as a pet. He realised the community had actually taught him many life skills.
The clock read ten o’clock. He could not believe time could go so slowly. He could not drag it out any longer. He could walk slowly, or take a long route. Maybe he’d buy her flowers, be a romantic. Then again, he’d seen Daniel bring her flowers. He wracked his brain for something good, something different. A walk might help.
Outside it was raining again. The weather was so predictable.
He did some window shopping to get ideas. Nothing came. He froze when he saw the toyshop. He could have some fun. As soon as he saw it, he knew it was what he was after. Decision made, he made his purchase and marched towards her house.
Surely, she would not mind if he was early?
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Chapter 34
Hung-Over
The door to the terraced house opened very slowly. Gemma’s head poked out, her glazed, red rimmed eyes widened. ‘Oh, it’s you. Come in.’
There was nothing like a warm welcome.
Gemma looked rough, the smell confirmed Steven’s suspicion. The alcohol was still evaporating off her tongue.
‘Rough night?’
‘You could say that.’ She glanced at what Steven had in the bag and raised her eyebrows. ‘Caitlin’s still in bed. I haven’t seen her. You’re welcome to go up. Just don’t tell her I gave you permission. I don’t think she’d want you to see her in her current state.’
Something told him Gemma wanted him to see Caitlin. ‘Okay then. If you think it’s a bad idea, I’ll wait here.’
Gemma sulked. ‘Just go on up, I bet she’ll be happy to see you, especially with that present.’ The thought seemed to perk her up. She giggled as she made her way down the hall.
He hoped she was planning to drink a very strong coffee.
Steven could not help being confused. Did Caitlin get drunk and sleep in late? They used to be early birds.
At the door, he knocked and waited.
Nothing.
He knocked again. A grunt and thud followed.
He was tempted to open the door, but he resisted. Instead, he waited in the hallway. Patience had never been his strong point. A slow shuffle got louder from the other side of the door. Finally, the door opened.
Caitlin peeked out. Her hair was in tufts above her head, her eyes bloodshot. As she registered it was him, she panicked and shut the door again.
Steven knocked on the door gently. ‘Caitlin, let me in, it’s obvious you’ve had a rough night. Tell you what. Shall I make you a strong coffee?’
A feeble voice whimpered. ‘
Yes, please. I just need to freshen up.’
She needed a lot more than that, Caitlin was obviously hung-over. He could not believe it. She had never got drunk with him – ever! He had never been a strong drinker and she had claimed to not drink either.
It appeared she had changed her mind. So much for principles!
A part of him fumed, another worried. What would make her do that? Steven was no angel, but after seeing his dad on his drunken binges he had vowed never to drink as an adult. It was not worth it. It had been a source of much banter at public school, but he did not care. The girls seemed to like the fact he stayed sober. In fact, being level headed had saved many of his friends of numerous occasions.
He could not take it out on Caitlin. If she wanted to get drunk, it was her choice. He just did not understand why she would, why anyone would for that matter. It was nonsensical.
The kitchen was now empty. Gemma must have skulked off somewhere else. He put down the plastic bag and filled up the kettle. As the hum got louder he looked out of the small window and stared into space. When the switch flicked, he turned and made the coffee. He also made one for himself – he needed one now.
Just as he was taking the spoon out, Gemma came in. ‘Nice, I needed another one.’
‘Have this one, I’ll make another.’
‘Thanks,’ Gemma said. She smiled, took the cup and slurped. ‘Ouch, hot.’
‘Freshly made,’ Steven said, sarcastic.
Gemma sat down.
He got another mug and repeated the process.
‘We had a great time last night. Pity you didn’t come.’ Another noisy slurp.
He could not figure out if she was baiting him. ‘I’m glad you enjoyed yourselves.’ He bit his tongue. He had not been invited and wouldn’t have wanted to go on a drunken binge anyway.
‘Oh, we did. It was brilliant. Caitlin told me all about you guys. Love at first sight, so romantic. Alcohol always loosens the tongue.’
Now he was getting angry. ‘What did she say?’ He smiled through gritted teeth.
The Evolution Trilogy: Hybrid, Complications & Return Page 53