This Healing Journey

by Misty M. Beller

  He followed the tracks into the woods and called her name a few times, but there was no response. He needed a horse to move faster. And more ammunition, since he had no idea what they’d be up against. And supplies.

  Spinning, he sprinted back toward the house, loaded up everything he could fit into this saddle bags—his shot bag with extra bullets, a thick handful of roasted meat, a blanket, his flint, and the few matches he had left.

  Then he ran to the barn and saddled his confused horse. Should he saddle Hannah’s gelding, too? It would be harder traveling quickly with two animals while still trying to follow her tracks. And his mare could carry the three of them back. If he had to, he’d walk and let the others ride.

  Saddling up seemed to take forever, his fingers fumbling with straps that were as familiar to him as his own shirt. Finally, he had everything tightened down and climbed aboard his tired mount. “Let’s go, girl. We’ve only got an hour of daylight left. We have to find them now.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  God, is this Your plan? Because I can’t see the good in it. Guide me.

  ~ Hannah

  Nathaniel found Hannah’s tracks again and followed them through the woods. He wanted to call out for her. But if she was in danger, kidnapped by a band of Indian braves, announcing his presence might thwart his attempt to rescue her.

  As darkness closed around him, fear pressed harder, weighing his shoulders, making it harder to breathe. He should have brought a lantern so he could keep moving after daylight faded completely.

  The trail seemed to be going almost straight southward. Maybe he should mark the last print he was sure he could see, then keep riding south through the dark on the chance he might find Hannah and Itu. He just couldn’t leave them to fend for themselves through the night.

  Lord, let this be the right trail. Lead me to them.

  He could see the occasional glimmer of stars through the tree canopy, but the darkness around him merged into a thick fog. It was time to make a marker he could come back to if he didn’t find them in the night.

  There wasn’t much he could use for a sign, so he tore a strip off the hem of his white undershirt. The material was more of a dirty grayish hue by now, but hopefully he’d still be able to find it tied to a low branch.

  He did his best to memorize the area, then nudged Raven forward. Since he didn’t have to watch for tracks now, he could push the horse faster. He’d always had an innate sense of direction, which helped in the cavalry. He sent up a litany of prayers as he rode. For God’s guidance, for Hannah and Itu’s safety, and that he wouldn’t arrive too late.

  If Hannah had been kidnapped, he could only imagine what the men were doing to her. He had no idea how many there were or even whether they were male or female. He’d seen a few moccasin prints along with Hannah’s boot impressions, so he was pretty sure they were all on foot.

  “Nathaniel.” The voice was so soft, he almost missed it.

  He jerked hard on the reins as he peered into the darkness. “Who’s there?” Maybe the noise had been only his imagination.

  But then a rustle sounded behind him. He spun in the saddle and reached for his rifle. A shadow shifted, and he aimed the gun.

  “Nathaniel, it’s me.” Hannah’s voice sent a flood of relief through him.

  The night was so dark, he could barely see more than shadows on her face, and her dark clothing faded into the blackness completely. “Hannah?”

  She was a dozen strides away, and when she finally passed under a patch of light, he could see her familiar outline.

  He slipped from his horse and half-ran to her.

  She flew into his arms, and the solid feel of her body was an infusion of strength to his weary muscles. She wasn’t an apparition his mind conjured to soothe his wild fears.

  “You’re all right.” He gripped her tightly, wrapping his arms around her back. She was so tiny, he could almost enfold her twice around. Or maybe he was simply holding her as close as his own skin. He couldn’t bring himself to let her go.

  At last, she wiggled in his arms, a sign she either wanted space or couldn’t breathe. He loosened his hold, running his hands down her arms to grip her elbows. With her face turned up to him, he could see some of her features, but her eyes were deep pools of shadows.

  “Itu. I still haven’t found her.” Hannah’s desperate tone reignited the fear in his chest.

  “You mean she’s not with you? I thought you’d been taken together.”

  She shook her head. “I was outside chinking the cabin, and when I came back in, she was gone. I’ve been following their tracks for hours but I lost them in the dark.” She clutched his arm. “We have to find her, Nathaniel. The infection’s getting worse in her leg, and her fever was rising all morning. I’m afraid if she doesn’t have the herbs, her body won’t be strong enough to fight it.”

  The thought of that tiny little girl being hauled through these woods, sick and in pain, made his gut ball up in the knot that had been forming for hours now. “We’ll find her. Do you know how far ahead they are?”

  “I’m not sure.” Her face turned the direction they’d been traveling. “I keep thinking I’ll find them any minute. But it’s so dark. If they’ve stopped to sleep for the night, I might walk right into their camp without knowing. Or worse, I might walk past them.”

  She was right. If Itu’s captors had stopped for the night just ahead, he and Hannah didn’t dare move on until daylight. On the other hand, if the Indians kept traveling in the darkness, they could be miles ahead by morning.

  What do we do, Lord? Prayer had seemed to roll of his tongue so easily these past few days, as though he really expected the Almighty to answer him. Would He? Nathaniel had never interacted with the Lord on such a personal level, although he’d seen his mother do it. And he’d seen Hannah lift up casual prayers as she cared for Itu, as though in a continual conversation with God. Watching her had piqued his interest, and with his desperate need this night, he could only hope God might be listening.

  “I think we should wait until daylight.” Hannah’s quiet voice held a pensive tone. “Moving forward tonight doesn’t feel right.”

  Was this God directing her or simply an instinct? He had to ask. “Why doesn’t it feel right? What inside you is telling you this?” His words didn’t come out quite the way he meant them, but hopefully she would understand.

  Hannah looked up at him again and didn’t answer right away. Maybe he should try asking his question differently. As he replayed what he’d said, she might take it as an insult.

  But she spoke before he could figure out what to say. “I don’t have a peace about it. Every time I think of moving forward, my chest tightens and my hands get clammy. Not like fear, but... I can’t explain it.”

  He struggled to make sense of her words. “So it’s a gut instinct?”

  “When my spirit has this much unrest, it’s usually God guiding me a different way.”

  He let out a long breath as her statement sank in. “All right, then. We’ll wait ’til first light.”

  HANNAH AWOKE WITH HER nerves pulled tight, her eyes springing open. It took a moment to remember why.

  Itu.

  She sprung upright, knocking the blanket aside. A groan beside her made her spin.

  Nathaniel lay a few feet away, his arm covering his eyes against the light.

  A rush of warmth softened the tension in her chest. He looked so...manly, sprawled out like that, yet his ruffled hair gave hint of the boy he’d once been. Her body craved to crawl over to him and fold herself in his arms. To enjoy the strength of his hold around her.

  But not only would that be horribly improper, they didn’t have time. The woods were already lightening, and the Indians had likely started on their journey again.

  She leaned toward him. “Nathaniel, we need to get going.”

  He moved his arm from his eyes and looked at her. It took only a second for his gaze to register understanding. He lurched upright in a smoo
th motion. “There’s some jerked meat in that saddle bag. Eat up while I saddle Raven.”

  His urgency cleared the remaining traces of sleep from her, and she quickly rolled up the blanket he’d let her use, then found the meat and pulled out a few pieces for each of them. Lord willing, they’d eat the remainder at midday on their way back to the cabin—with Itu.

  Within minutes they were mounted, with her nestled in front of Nathaniel. She would watch for tracks while he guided the horse. Lord willing, they could move a lot faster this way.

  The prints she’d followed the day before belonged to a single moccasin-shod man who carried a load. And the farther he’d progressed, the more tired he’d become, as was evident in the way he’d begun to drag his feet.

  About a quarter hour into the ride, she spotted a flattened spot in the leaves, with enough tracks and churned leaves circling the area to make it clear this must be the place where Itu and her captor had spent the night.

  “We were so close.” Nathaniel’s tone held an edge as she walked around the area, looking for more clues. He’d remained in the saddle so they could move quickly when she was ready.

  She couldn’t deny feeling the same frustration, but hopefully they would catch the man and girl soon. “How much of a lead do you think they have on us?” She wasn’t as good with tracking time during the dawn hours.

  “If they left the first moment they could see the ground in front of them, at least an hour, maybe more.”

  A reddish tinge caught her eye, and she bent down to inspect the ground covering. There was some kind of moisture on a dried leaf. A little darker than blood.

  The knot in her belly pulled tighter, sending bile up to her throat. She’d seen this viscous substance before. The stump of Itu’s amputated leg had oozed the first few days when they’d still been fighting high fevers.

  She carried the leaf for Nathaniel to see. “Either he unwrapped the bandage on her leg, or the wound is oozing so badly it’s leaking through the cloth.” She had to press her lips together and breathe deeply to keep the images in her mind from churning up the meat she’d just eaten.

  Nathaniel seemed to be doing the same. His gaze rose from the leaf to her. “Are you ready to ride?”

  She nodded, then placed her foot on his and used his hand to pull herself up into the saddle.

  Settling back against him with his arm around her waist was the only comfort in this horrible day. She’d not even let herself imagine what her family must be thinking. How worried they must be.

  Would her father try to track her? Was he even now following their trail? Or was he so disappointed in the choices she’d made—choices he’d warned against—that he was letting her find her way back on her own.

  And Mama. She couldn’t think of Mama worrying.

  For now, she had to focus on the ground in front of them. The misplaced leaves and broken twigs. The occasional impression of a moccasin print.

  These were the things that would lead them to Itu. And the sooner they found her, the sooner Hannah could start doctoring her with the herbs she’d brought. If they waited too long, the child might be too far gone.

  But she couldn’t let herself think that far ahead.

  They would find her. They had to.

  THEY’D BEEN RIDING all morning. Nathaniel glanced at the sky again, and it looked as if the sun had moved a few more notches than when he’d looked just a short while before. The midday mark had passed them by an hour ago, and they still hadn’t found Itu and her captor.

  Through most of the morning, Hannah had explained every track and sign she’d seen. Her insights had been fascinating to hear, and it was unnerving how much better she was at seeing the signs than he was. But as the hours passed, her explanations sounded almost defensive.

  He could tell she was as frustrated as he that they hadn’t found the girl. But her tracking certainly wasn’t the problem. If it weren’t for her impressive skills, they’d have lost the trail hours before. Maybe even yesterday evening.

  When they’d stopped to eat a few bites of jerky and let Raven rest for a minute, he’d slipped his hands down the length of Hannah’s arms and locked his gaze with hers. “You know you don’t have to prove to me that we’re on the right path. Right?”

  Her focus dipped.

  He’d lowered his chin to see into her eyes again. “I mean it, Hannah. Your skills are better than those of any man I’ve met, even the Indian scouts who rode with us in the cavalry. It’s not your fault we haven’t found her.” It was his own fool self’s fault for sleeping so late that morning, but he didn’t say that aloud.

  Hannah had looked up at him then, her expressive brown eyes luminous with all the fears welling inside her. Her lips had parted, and it took everything inside him not to press his mouth to hers. But she didn’t need his advances just now, she needed comfort. And reassurance.

  So he’d taken her in his arms and held her. And that had been almost as good as a kiss.

  Now, he could feel both of their renewed energy starting to wane. If they turned back now, they’d reach his cabin sometime after dark. He had to get her back to Reuben’s place, though. There was no telling what her family thought about their overnight absence.

  He’d sullied her reputation, no doubt. Maybe no one besides her family and Reuben’s would know, but they would surely assume the worst of him.

  If Nathaniel had a daughter who’d gone to visit the home of an unmarried man, then didn’t come back for over a day, he’d be out of his mind with worry. In fact, he’d have gone to find that daughter and wouldn’t have stopped until he’d been assured of her safety. And if there was any sign of her virtue being compromised, there would be the worst possible consequences to pay.

  He had to get Hannah back. Her family may never approve of him as a suitor after this, but at least he could stop their worry.

  Locking his jaw to hold that thought in place, he reined Raven to a stop.

  Chapter Nineteen

  This may well be the hardest battle I’ve ever fought.

  ~ Nathaniel

  Nathaniel tensed as Hannah turned in the saddle to look at him, her eyes only inches from his. Her breath brushed his face, and it was everything he could do not to lower his mouth to hers. Oh, God. You’ve got to help me here.

  “What is it?” Her words pulled his focus back to the reason he’d stopped.

  He forced his gaze away from her, looking off into the woods ahead of them. This would be easier if he didn’t have to stare into her pleading eyes. “We need to turn back. Your family’s probably worried sick. I can’t keep you out here any longer.”

  She gripped his arm, her hold tight enough to slow his blood flow. “No.” The word bit the air hard. “We can’t abandon her, Nathaniel. She’ll die if she doesn’t get these herbs soon.”

  His eyes moved to her face against his bidding. “She’s not ours to worry over. She was given to us for a season, to help her through the worst of her injury. Now, I can only hope she’s going back to her people who can help her. You are my most important focus at this point.”

  “Nathaniel.” Her pleading gaze drilled all the way to his core. “I can’t leave her to die. What if they’re just ahead? What if we find them in the next few minutes? I don’t think I could forgive myself if we give up.”

  The frustration building inside him was almost too much to contain. What was the right answer here? As special as Itu had become to him, Hannah was everything. Her safety and happiness were of utmost importance. But those two qualities appeared to be at odds just now. One of them would have to be sacrificed for the other.

  Was there a compromise? Maybe...if he could pull it off.

  “How about if I keep going on foot. I’ll take the herbs with me, and I won’t come back until I find them and do everything I can for Itu. You take my horse back and let your family know what’s happened.” They may still come after him with a lynch mob, but at least the child would be helped before he breathed his last.

&nb
sp; And Hannah would be safe.

  “I won’t do it.” She shook her head with force. “I’m going after Itu whether you go with me or not. In fact...” Her eyes narrowed on him. “...you go back and tell my parents where I am. I’ll keep going on foot.”

  Had she lost her mind completely? He held in a growl. “You’re not going on without me. We’ve already determined this is likely an Indian brave who’s taken her. What kind of man would I be to let you face him alone?”

  Her eyes softened, and she raised her hand to cup his cheek. “Less than the man I know you to be.”

  Her quiet words, combined with the power of her touch, were a punch to his gut. He had to struggle to pull air into his lungs.

  And still, they hadn’t made a decision. If there was one thing he wanted between them, it was honesty—and of course, love, mutual respect, and this physical attraction that threatened to send him up in flames. But honesty was what he needed to focus on just now.

  He met her earnest gaze, doing his best not to drown in her. “So what do we do, Hannah? What’s the answer here? I’m not willing to disregard your safety, your virtue, or your family’s concerns. But what you want also matters a great deal to me.”

  If anything, her gaze grew more intense. “Nathaniel, throughout my life, I’ve wanted to make a difference in the world. And holed up in that cabin in the remote Canadian mountains, I’ve never been able to help more than my own family.

  “Now is my chance. Maybe I’m not saving the entire world, but I can help that little Indian girl. A child who’s come to mean as much to me as any of my brothers or cousins. I can’t let her go, Nathaniel. Everything in me says that if I turn my back on her, I’ll be throwing away the work God’s called me to. I can’t do that.”

  A knot had been growing in his throat as she spoke, and he tried to swallow it down. This woman was more special than he’d imagined. How could he say anything to refute her spirit? The essence that made her so extraordinary?