Chords of Strength

by David Archuleta

  For me, it is a privilege to experience that mutual connection, not just between the audience and me, but sometimes also with God. It is the most satisfying part of being able to perform music. This is a very sacred subject for me, so I hope I can express adequately what I really feel because I believe that I have a responsibility to use the passion that I have for music to do good. Let’s start with the fact that I wouldn’t even be in the position to write this book had it not been for American Idol, which, as you know, I would never have done had I not first pondered and prayed about it. I like to think of prayer as a way of getting advice from someone who knows my true purpose and wants to help me grasp and more fully understand what that purpose is. Faith has played a really important role in my journey, at each moment arming me with strength to push forward to the next level. At each step along the way I would make it a point to thank God for all that He’s done, and to pray for the strength I’d need to make it through to the next phase. I knew that my commitment to trusting in Him would become the compass that would keep my course steady, and that with this belief close to my heart, I would be able to keep my motives and actions in check. I try to think about how a song will impact other people positively or negatively and make sure that my values come across to whoever listens to it. It’s like when I just try to do what’s right, the Lord blesses me both directly and also indirectly by also blessing other people. You can see how it helps other people and that is the most satisfying part of it. I think since I was a little boy, I have understood these concepts subconsciously. And when I had the challenges of vocal paralysis, even though I knew I would probably be happy learning a variety of other professions, I still felt that nothing was ever quite as special as music. But even with the challenges I faced during that time, some good has come even from the problems I had with my strange, messed-up vocal cord. My current vocal coach thinks that there are still some residual effects from the partial paralysis. The doctor showed us that one cord is at more than full strength and the other one still has some problems; but he also says it gives my voice a distinct sound. “Some singers have a quirk that gives their voice a unique quality,” he told me. “And this has done that for you.” Even that seemingly horrendous diagnosis has turned into a kind of blessing. When I really look at it, I tend to wonder if God’s hand was involved in this. Probably, but I don’t want it to sound like God made me have vocal paralysis in order to then miraculously fix me. It’s more like He gave me the ability to persist, despite the challenges that were also part of my path.

  I find it important to continually remind myself of my original motivation for singing.

  Always trying to stay connected to the divine frequency

  But the vocal condition was only one snag in my path. Sure, I always loved to sing, but in my mind that didn’t necessarily add up to a promising future in the music industry. It was totally the opposite: I never thought I had the skills to deliver in true “star” fashion. You already know that I had serious confidence issues, and I always found it difficult to express myself. It was a challenge for me to articulate my ideas about music, or anything for that matter—I saw myself as too shy, too quiet, too introspective, too much of the stuff that pop stars are not made of. So it was definitely a strange little conflict that I lived with: On the one hand, I sang obsessively; but on the other hand, I cringed at the sound of my own voice and belittled my potential as a serious singer. I saw myself as a die-hard fan of music and singing, more than actually being someone who could be a professional singer. I did want it but, sadly, I never imagined that I could have it. There were always going to be singers out there who were more skillful, more talented and more suited for a life onstage, I thought, and I would never be able to measure up to their level. I would never have the confidence or stage presence skills that seemed to come so naturally to the singers I admired.

  I try to think about how a song will impact other people positively or negatively and make sure that my values come across to whoever listens to it.

  But I did have desire and faith that if I shared my talent, good would come from it, for others as well as myself—which I believe are the two main reasons why I was able to overcome anything at all. Through that desire and faith I managed to bridge this gap between my personality and my passion.

  You see, the fact that my love for singing came at such a very young age, and became such a passion for me starting with my fascination with Les Misérables, the desire and joy I felt singing was something that I could never deny. If God gave me the desire to sing, I figured there must be a pretty good reason for it. I chose to have faith in Him and His reasons (whatever they may be), and let this faith fuel my decisions and behavior. By sticking to this idea I would always have a spiritual compass. By leaning on God, fear would be replaced with courage; doubt with hope; and uncertainty with the acceptance of the fact that we don’t always know where we are going or why we’re heading in a particular direction. But if we trust in Him, He will lead us to the place where we are supposed to go. I was able to internalize the reality that sometimes we can be our own worst enemies, but with His help we can get ourselves out of our own way. I definitely can say that without this spiritual perspective, I just wouldn’t be where I am now.

  When I think back on it: At first I needed the help of God to decide if I should take the first step to cross a critical bridge. Then I needed His assistance to actually cross the bridge. And finally, when I got to the other side of that bridge, it turned out I needed Him the most. Now in this strange new spotlight, I cling to my spiritual connection more than ever. The world I was thrown into thanks to American Idol was one that could easily reprogram a person’s sense of normalcy, potentially chipping away at one’s most important values. Instead, I like to direct my energy into remembering what life and happiness are really all about.

  We all have our own way of seeing the world and dealing with the ups and downs that life gives us, and I think that part of being able to relate to as many people as possible is in accepting the differences and imperfections in us all. I believe that even though we all have issues and problems and bad habits and idiosyncrasies, we’re here to learn and to better ourselves. We’re all given different challenges, but we’re all ultimately here to find true happiness; some people figure it out earlier in life than others, but it’s never too late. We’re here to work to find it and to help other people find it. We are supposed to care about one another and look at ways in which we can inspire and lift one another up when someone else needs it most. At the same time, we can’t rely on others to do everything for us. We shouldn’t just accept our station in life and think that we can’t change where we are at. Even as we are working on ourselves, we should be encouraging one another to work things out and aspire for more. I want people to be hopeful and know that they have the potential to be happy in life. There may be many ways to achieve that, but we all need to work for it and strive to find it in our own way. It is hard to give someone happiness; it is something that you earn by your own actions, thoughts and beliefs, as well as through the way you treat yourself and others. I totally believe everyone in life is meant to be happy; and happiness really has to come from doing what is right and being there for others. No one can make you be happy all the time. You simply have to learn it for yourself.

  Having a moment with myself before the show

  I did have desire and faith . . .

  Looking back on my vocal paralysis challenge, some people may think that it made me unhappy because I couldn’t sing. The good thing is that despite my frustration, I was still happy because I had plenty of other things in my life that made me happy. So instead of being totally unhappy about the challenge I faced, I looked at it as an opportunity to learn more. I think that the fact of having some time off from singing actually prepared me for when Idol came around—it motivated me to work twice as hard. It gave me an opportunity to learn to be patient and think about a lot of other interesting things I could do with my life. I still loved a
nd listened to music, and I wasn’t going to stop and let it make me feel depressed. I just dealt with it and moved on and was planning to just be a normal kid and maybe study to become a veterinarian; later on I thought about being a dentist, and in high school I even thought about becoming an ear, nose, and throat doctor.

  So when I finally “got my voice back,” of course I was happy about it, but I also knew I couldn’t take it for granted. I realized that I needed to show my appreciation and gratitude by using what I believed had been given back to me by God, and in a way that would help and benefit others and not just myself. When I prayed, I really believed I was able to speak with our Heavenly Father and that He would actually communicate back with me, which He did. I wanted Him to know how much I appreciated Him and His guidance and the talents and experiences He has allowed me to have. To this day, I want to involve him in all that I do, so I can keep things in the proper perspective without allowing pride or ego to creep in.

  I realized that I needed to show my appreciation and gratitude by using what I believed had been given back to me by God

  When I began on Idol, the reality of my crazy schedule and the new pace of things made it a very real challenge to stay grounded spiritually. For starters, the whole time we were in L.A., we were able to go to church only once or twice, a sacrifice that I made knowing that the Heavenly Father said that I should do this. I knew He understood, so although I felt badly about it, I knew He was aware that I would always think about him, listen for the promptings of His Spirit, and follow those whisperings. I promised myself that church or no church, I would keep God close, and though I wasn’t in touch with too many people outside of the Idol world during those six months, my relationship with God was the one I worked on the most. I know that some people might have expected me to change somehow under these new, very Hollywood circumstances, but I knew that if I remained mindful of my spiritual needs and obligations, God would support me and provide me with the comfort, hope and feelings of joy that would sustain me. The guidance I received through the Spirit became the barometer against which I could measure everything that was happening, and it helped me keep all the tasks and responsibilities as a contestant on Idol in the proper perspective. I would be a contestant on Idol just for a short time, but I would be a son of my Heavenly Father forever. Because of this belief, I was better able to find meaning, purpose, comfort, peace and even happiness despite the chaos. He was and is my anchor, and I don’t know how I would have survived any of all this without Him.

  My goal was always to stay close to God

  So even though there were times when I simply didn’t think I’d be able to handle things, when the possibility of failure seemed more likely than my progress on the show, I knew I had to hang in there. Even though my goal was always to stay close to God, it wasn’t always so simple to make it happen. Sometimes I was so overwhelmed with the process and schedule that I just didn’t have enough time to recharge spiritually. It was so challenging to keep a balance when the schedule didn’t allow it but I realized that I would have to fit in at least a little time for prayer and Scriptures. It was an important lesson to learn, because the moment I realized that I could always fit in some time with the Spirit, even if for just a few minutes, a huge burden of guilt and unworthiness was lifted off of me and I realized that from then I would make it a goal to always fit in some spiritual time every day, even if I didn’t think there was time. I’m not going to say I have done this perfectly, but when I do it, it definitely pays off!

  Feeling the fire here!

  Having a spiritual foundation based on faith in a living God helps remind me that my life is not just about becoming a famous singer, but about what I can do to help other people feel good. I truly believe that God gave us music for a reason; I’m no expert, but I am pretty certain that reason has a lot to do with my happiness.

  CHAPTER 9

  THE JOY IN SOUND

  “The aim and final end of all music should be none other than the glory of God and the refreshment of the soul.”

  —JOHANN SEBASTIAN BACH

  “Music and rhythm find their ways into the secret places of

  —PLATO

  So many things confuse me. But “feeling” is a language I can understand. That’s why I connect with music so much. Music contains I connect with music so much. Music contains such a broad range of emotions. Now that I think about it, I’ve always been really bad at writing papers. I would always finish last, and it would take me forever to organize my ideas and communicate them clearly. But feelings speak where words fail me, and that’s what music does for me. It’s a powerful way for me to communicate with people. I perceive the world through the wide range of emotions that whirl all around in it—and it’s almost like my antennae for those emotions live inside my love for music. Music is a tool for expressing and communicating emotion. But it doesn’t stop there: My hope is that when I perform live, my music is received by an audience, and that the audience is as affected as I am while I’m singing. To me this is the most beautiful thing about music—it is a give and take between performer and audience, an opportunity to share the emotions of that singular moment. It’s always different, so each one of those moments is loaded with a sense of possibility and spontaneity, making the process totally organic and just so interesting, no matter how many times I do it.

  My natural feelings are fluid, so it’s important to keep the heart open and to be in the moment of any performance. Each show is a unique send-receive moment where all of the parties involved—singer and audience members—can jointly experience the sentiment of a song. The music itself is the connection. There are many millions of songs in the world, each one its own little bubble of feelings. Each time we sing, we are asked to communicate its emotional essence. You might say that music has the power to make us more compassionate, because it has this special ability to let us feel what the song’s creator felt when he wrote it. It puts us all on the same emotional playing field.

  . . . “feeling” is a language I can understand . . .

  The point I’m trying to make is that music can be so much more than just entertainment. It can be an act of communion, a dialogue in sound, sacred or soulful, happy or sad, intense or soothing; it can cover the entire spectrum of human emotions. With music we can all speak the same language and we can relate to one another’s joys and pains. I recently learned the meaning of the word “catharsis,” which the dictionary defines as “an experience of emotional release often inspired by or through art.” It comes from the Greek word “katharos,” which literally means “pure.” To me this is the perfect description of what happens through music on many occasions: There is an emotional release that comes along with (or maybe leads to) a total state of purity. As a singer I feel it quite often, and when I look out into the crowds, I can see when they feel it, too; it is a momentary and collective catharsis that packs a punch.

  Sometimes the silence between the notes hold just as much emotion as the melodies themselves

  You might be thinking, “Okay, so music is feeling. Big deal.” But the way I see it, because music is so deeply charged emotionally it has the power to be a very useful tool. Music can ignite deep happiness or profound sadness in one instant. It can change your mood by taking you to a special place inside. Music has the power to inspire nostalgia for things that we have lost and to remind us that they still live somewhere in our heart.

  I remember that when I was eleven, the 2002 Winter Olympics came to our hometown of Salt Lake City. One night, we had the TV on, but we weren’t really watching the figure skating program. It was the night Michelle Kwan did her last performance. The most beautiful song came on and we all stopped what we were doing so we could watch and listen to the way the beautiful skating matched the soothing and pure voice we all heard. The music was Eva Cassidy singing “Fields of Gold,” which originally sounded much different when it was performed by Sting. When I heard Eva Cassidy sing, I felt like I was listening to the most beautiful musi
c I had ever heard. It was just a guitar and her voice, no other instruments, and there was no need for anything else. It would have gotten in the way. I remember that my dad and I both were completely blown away at the level of sensitivity, dynamics, tone and just overall beauty that came through the TV when we heard that amazing music.

  After that experience, of course we ran out and bought all the Eva Cassidy CDs we could find and listened to her music. At that point I realized she was someone special and that I wanted to learn to sing like she did. I wanted to be able to feel the range of emotion she demonstrated in each song she sang. We also found several familiar songs that she performed unlike the other versions we were familiar with. One of those was “Over the Rainbow,” which we also heard on season two of American Idol when Kimberly Locke performed it. But the song that most touched me and made me want to sing like Eva was her rendition of John Lennon’s “Imagine.” It was so beautiful and simple. Her phrasing and nuances were perfect. The note choices and melodic changes were inspired and intuitive.