Shotgun

by Marie Sexton

  “Open it and see.”

  I slid out the contents and scanned the first page, widening my eyes in surprise. I looked up into his waiting face. “These are divorce papers.”

  “Long overdue,” he said. “We had them drawn up ages ago, but there wasn’t any reason to file right away. And Elena…. Well, she’s Catholic, and she was afraid her parents would freak. But that ship’s long since sailed. At this point, there’s no reason to keep putting it off.”

  My hand began to tremble so hard, the papers rattled. “Does Naomi know?”

  “She does. All this time, I told myself I was protecting her, but she’s assured me in no uncertain terms I don’t need to protect her from much of anything.” He tilted his head thoughtfully and added in an undertone, “Although I apparently do need to learn how to block 90 percent of the Internet.”

  I set the papers aside and clutched my shaking hands together, my thoughts whirling. He’d told Naomi. He was finalizing his divorce. “And your family?” I asked, my voice as shaky as my hands had been.

  “Some of them know. The rest of them suspect. It’s time I quit denying it and told them the truth.”

  Had I caused this sudden change of heart? Had I put too much pressure on him? “Dom, you don’t have to—”

  “I do.” He took my hand, inching closer. He looked into my eyes. “The crazy thing is, I’m not afraid anymore. I was for years, but not now. Yes, my dad might freak. He might refuse to let me inherit half the garage. It’s even possible he’ll kick me out completely, and I’ll have to find a new job, but—”

  “Dom, no!” I said, horrified. “I can’t ask you to do that. I can’t ask you to risk your livelihood.”

  “You aren’t asking. And the thing is, even if the worst happens, I don’t care.”

  “Of course you care!”

  “No. Not really. Not anymore. Whatever happens, I’ll handle it. The important thing is I have Naomi’s blessing. Beyond that, the only thing I care about is having a chance to be with you.”

  Now I really was fighting tears. “Are you sure? Because you’ve made promises like this before.” And God knew I’d heard promises like it from more men than him.

  “You have every right to doubt me. But….” He moved closer still. He touched my cheek. “I want a chance to fix this, Lamar. I want to do it right this time. Tell me we can try.”

  I nodded, unable to speak, trembling as he slid his hand from my cheek to the back of my neck. He pulled me toward him. He kissed the corner of my mouth. My cheek. His lips brushed my ear, and I shivered. “Say yes,” he whispered.

  I nodded again, my throat tight. “Yes.”

  His other hand slid up my arm, down my bare back, making me painfully aware of exactly where we were and how little we each wore.

  “But,” I stammered, “what about Naomi?”

  “We’ll be quiet.”

  I shivered again as the brush of his lips over my ear became a nibble. He moved his attention down my neck. I put my hands on his chest. For the first time since I’d come back to Coda, he seemed ready to let things happen between us. Could this really be happening? I hoped he wouldn’t throw another roadblock in our way.

  “Clothes stay on?” I asked, breathless.

  He chuckled. “To hell with that. Your clothes are definitely coming off.”

  He was so gentle and patient. I’d never been with a man who demanded so little and gave so much. He undressed us both, and we spent a long time just kissing, the way we had on his couch, but this time with nothing between his calloused hands and my bare flesh.

  “With everything that’s happened,” he whispered, “I can’t believe this is the first time I’ve seen you naked.”

  With another man, I might have been self-conscious, but not with him. He was too awed by the simple pleasure of touching me. Too overwhelmed by the sensation of skin against skin. He touched me everywhere. His caresses were slow, his kisses practically reverent. And finally, he began to move down my chest.

  He took his time getting there as I lay panting, simply reveling in the way his hands felt on my hips until he sucked me in deep. After that, I was lost, holding his head, thrusting gently as he sucked and stroked. If he was clumsy—if he struggled with the first blow job he’d given in fifteen years—I didn’t mind. He was sweet and careful, almost worshipful. And yet through it all, I heard his moans. I felt them vibrate through my flesh. I sensed his urgency. I noticed when his breathing became ragged, his hips moving against the bed as he pleasured me. I knew how hard he was fighting to stay in control.

  “Dominic.” I grabbed a handful of his hair and pulled gently, and he moved up my body to kiss me, his lips moist and swollen. I reached for his cock, but he stopped me, grabbing my wrist and pinning it to the bed, his breath hissing out between gritted teeth.

  “The minute you touch me, I’m going to come.”

  I smiled, feeling invincible. Feeling like a god. Feeling like I was in the only place on earth I ever wanted to be. “All the more reason to let me touch you.”

  He ducked his head, tension building in his arms and back as he steeled himself, obviously hoping to last longer than he anticipated. The pressure on my wrist eased.

  In his defense, he didn’t lose it the very second I touched him, but he didn’t last long. Only a few breathless strokes, and then he tensed, burying his face in my neck. I held him with one arm, guiding him through his shuddering climax until he stilled, his labored breath hot against my ear.

  “I love how easy it is to get you off.”

  He laughed, brushing his lips over mine. “It’s a bit embarrassing, actually.”

  “No,” I said, shaking my head. “It’s wonderful.”

  “I wish I could make you feel wonderful too.”

  His words surprised me. “You do,” I assured him. “God, don’t you know that?”

  He put his forehead against mine. He brushed his fingers up my erection, making me shiver. “Tell me what to do.”

  “Exactly what you’re already doing.”

  He moved his fingers away only for as long as it took to scoop his semen off my belly. When he closed his fist around me, it was slick and warm and absolutely divine.

  “Anything else?” he asked, almost teasing, as his hand began to move.

  “Tell me you love me,” I whispered.

  “I love you,” he whispered into my ear, nuzzling my neck. “I’ve always loved you. I’ve loved you since we were kids. Since the day I met you. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you.”

  And I believed him. That was what made it all so perfect. I’d felt pleasure before. I’d even felt loved before. But it had never been like this, so new and fresh and innocent and achingly sweet. I clung to him, holding him as he touched me and caressed me and told me over and over again I was the only man he’d ever dreamed of.

  Me first.

  Me always.

  Me alone.

  No lovers ahead of me. No family standing between me and the man I loved. Yes, he’d always be a father, but we’d be partners through it all. Whatever there was left to face, we’d face it together. He’d never push me away again. We’d lost fifteen years, but now we had all the time in the world to make up for it while we explored this perfect, glorious bliss.

  My climax finally hit me, and I cried out, louder than I intended. He laughed quietly, making soft hushing sounds in my ear as he stroked me.

  “Was I too noisy?” I asked when it was over.

  “Probably not. I’m just paranoid. I’ve never had to worry about her hearing anything through the walls before. It might take some getting used to.”

  “That sounds like a challenge.” I wanted to joke—to lighten the mood—but it was all too much. The fire. My stalker. And now Dominic professing his love for me. Promising me everything I’d ever wanted. Tears welled in my eyes. I turned my head, trying to hide it from him, but he used his fingers on my chin to make me meet his gaze.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked. />
  “Nothing,” I said, shaking my head. And it was true. “It’s weird. My house burned down. I lost everything. Every single thing, except my car and Miss Priss.”

  “And a rug.”

  I laughed through my tears. “And my rug. And you. I feel like I should be upset, but….” I put my arms around his neck, reveling in the comfort of his bed and the strength of his arms around me, the gentle warmth of his bare flesh against mine. Secure in the knowledge he was truly mine. “I feel so free.”

  He smiled and kissed me, running his hands up my sides in a way that made me tingle. “Boldness leads to freedom. That’s what you told me, right?”

  I laughed. “Not quite Frost’s words, but you have the basic idea.”

  “I’m finally ready to be bold. All I ever needed was you.”

  This time I didn’t bother to hide my tears. He held me until they subsided, and then we cleaned up and climbed back into bed.

  And finally, after fifteen years, I learned how it felt to fall asleep in his arms.

  DOMINIC

  THE SOUND of drawers opening and closing roused me from a dreamless slumber. I felt amazing. Groggy, but completely sated and at peace. I’d slept with the comfortable warmth of Lamar next to me all night, and it had been perfect.

  I heard a muffled curse and cracked my eyelids. Sunlight peeked through the gap between my curtains, lightening the gloom. Lamar was digging through one of my drawers. He’d put my sweats back on. They hung alluringly low on his narrow hips.

  “What do you need?” I asked.

  He jumped and turned to smile at me. “I was trying not to wake you.”

  “It’s okay.” I glanced at the clock. It was nearly nine. “Wow. I slept late.” I sat up on the edge of the bed to face him. “What are you looking for?”

  “Socks. My feet are cold.”

  I pointed to the other dresser. “Bottom drawer.”

  He smiled. “Nobody keeps socks in a bottom drawer.”

  “I do.”

  He searched until he found a pair he liked and sat on the bed to put them on. It was odd how natural it seemed, having him here doing something as simple as putting on a pair of socks.

  “Can I ask you something?” I asked.

  “Of course.”

  “Of all the things in your house, why save the rug?”

  He pondered the question as he opened my closet and began flipping through my shirts. “It’s hard to explain,” he said. He shook his head and chuckled, as if laughing at himself. “I’d like to say ‘it’s complicated,’ but I’d never forgive myself.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “I know.” He finally selected my Calvin and Hobbes T-shirt and pulled it on over his head. “I guess the short answer is, because that rug meant I was staying in Coda, no matter what.”

  “No matter what happened with us, you mean?”

  “Yes, but that’s an oversimplification.” He leaned against the edge of my dresser and crossed his arms. He seemed to weigh his words carefully before answering. “Buying that rug meant I’d come home. That’s all. My house may have burned, but my home hasn’t.”

  His answer warmed me. I wanted to pull him into my arms, tell him my home could be his too, but we were interrupted by a knock on my bedroom door.

  “Daddy? Are you guys like, um, decent and stuff?”

  I felt a pang of alarm at Naomi seeing us like this, together in my bedroom, but Lamar didn’t hesitate. “Come on in.”

  I scrambled to make sure the comforter covered my relevant parts as she opened the door. How strange I was the one who was nervous, and yet Lamar faced her without a hint of embarrassment or unease.

  “Hi, Mr. Franklin. Are you doing okay?”

  “I’m fine, thank you.”

  “That really sucks about your house.”

  “It could’ve been worse.”

  She jerked her head in a nod and turned to me. “I’m going over to Annabelle’s. Is that all right?”

  “Sure. Do you need a lift?”

  “No, I’ll ride my bike.”

  “Okay.” And then, as she turned to go, “Listen, honey. Don’t say anything to your cousins about Lamar and me, okay?” I saw the way Lamar’s gaze flashed my way and hurried to explain. “I think Grandma and Grandpa should hear it from me, not through the family gossip mill.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Duh.” Then to Lamar, “I already fed Missy Prissy.”

  “Thanks, Naomi.”

  The door clicked shut behind her. Lamar glanced at me, grinning knowingly.

  “I was a fool to doubt her, wasn’t I?”

  “Kids are far more resilient than most people give them credit for.” He pushed away from my dresser, shifting oddly on his feet, swaying his hips in a way I found strange but intriguing as hell. “Can you take me to the police station? Matt needs me to come in.”

  “Of course.”

  “He says they found the keys to my car, so you won’t need to chauffer me around all day or anything.”

  “I wouldn’t have minded anyway.”

  He ducked his head, looking embarrassed for the first time. “I hate to ask this, Dom, but I lost my wallet, ID, debit cards—”

  “You need to borrow some money?”

  He looked up at me, and I could tell he hated to ask. “Just a little bit. I swear I’ll pay it back—”

  “It’s not a problem.”

  He smiled grudgingly. “Good, because this”—he pointed toward his groin—“is totally not working for me.”

  I eyed the alluring swell between his legs under my baggy sweats. “It’s working for me.”

  He laughed. “No. I mean wearing boxers. They’re already driving me mad. I need some real underwear. And some shoes. I don’t even have any shoes! And a toothbrush, and a coat and some clothes. I need to call my uncle and talk to the insurance agent and find out how I get a new ID and debit card, and then see about replacing my cell phone, and….” He rubbed his hand through his hair but managed to smile at me. “And I’d really love a cup of tea.”

  “Sounds like you’re in for a long day.”

  “At least it’s the weekend.”

  I thought I should offer to accompany him, but there was something else I needed to do. “While you’re doing that, I’ll go talk to my parents.”

  He sobered immediately. He moved closer but stopped short of touching me. “Are you really ready for this?”

  “I am.”

  “Are you sure? Because I don’t want to push you. I don’t want you to feel like you’re doing it under duress.”

  “Sometimes I need a bit of duress. But no. It’s time.”

  “I could go with you.”

  “You have your own crisis to deal with.” And it felt like something I needed to do on my own.

  He nodded, chewing his lip. “Do you really think you’ll lose your share of the garage?”

  “No.” It was something I’d pondered a great deal since my discussion with Dimitri. “My dad will bluster and threaten and throw a bit of a tantrum, and things may be tense for a few weeks, but once it’s over, I think he’ll listen to reason. I have Dimitri on my side, and my cousin Julio. I know they’ll both support me.”

  “And you think that’ll be enough?”

  “I do. It may take some time for my dad to wrap his head around it, but eventually he’ll realize having a gay son is a lot like providing free Wi-Fi for the customers—seems like a crazy idea at first, but in the end, the only thing that’s changed is that people are happier.”

  “I hope you’re right.”

  “I am.” I reached out and took his hand. “You’ll meet me back here as soon as you can, right?”

  His smile was so wickedly flirtatious, I wanted to take him back to bed and forget the rest of the world. “Of course.”

  “Good. I’ll be waiting.” I stood up and pulled him into my arms so I could kiss him. “And I promise you, I’ll never put you in the back seat again.”

  “I don’t mi
nd the back seat,” he said, his Southern drawl thicker than ever and so God damned sexy, I could hardly stand it. “Not as long as you’re there with me.”

  “You’re totally ruining my driving analogy.” Then again, Naomi had told me it was dumb.

  “Silly me.”

  Twenty minutes later, we walked side by side to my car. The dusting of snow had already melted, leaving the world damp and sparkling in the sunlight. Between my sweats, coat, shoes, and jacket, all of which were too big, he looked like a kid who’d dressed in his father’s clothes. Autumn sun sprinkled through bare branches, and a soft breeze ruffled his blond hair. He glanced sideways at me, smiling mischievously, cheeks red.

  “Shotgun,” he said.

  I laughed out loud and opened the passenger door for him. “Always.”

  EPILOGUE

  THE HOUSE was utterly quiet when I first opened my eyes on Christmas Day, except for the sound of Lamar’s soft, not-quite snores on the far side of the bed. For a while I simply lay there, watching him sleep. Well, watching the little bit of him I could see, at any rate. He liked to pull the covers all the way up, practically over his head. A bit of hair and one pale temple were the only bits of him visible.

  We’d been together for just over a month. Sometimes it felt like everything had changed. Sometimes it felt like nothing had, except that my dream of him had become real.

  My father had taken my coming out much as I’d expected. He’d raged and railed and threatened to cut me out of the will, but after several discussions with Dimitri and me, he’d decided to retire instead, leaving Dimitri and me to run Jacobsen Auto Repair and Body Shop. Junior quit his job in a huff, but nobody was sorry to see him go, especially Frank and Julio, who both received raises right in time for the holidays. And Lenny met a girl and fell head over heels in love. He’d given up weed and was actually starting to be useful. Meanwhile, my dad bought the RV my mom had been pining after for years, and they’d headed south for the winter. They hadn’t fully accepted Lamar into the family yet, but I knew it’d happen eventually. When their Christmas card arrived from Memphis, it was addressed to “Dominic, Lamar, and Naomi Jacobsen.” Not technically correct, since Lamar and I weren’t married, but I counted it as a win.