Your teen years won’t be what they should have been. Much will be asked of you, and much will be lost. Part of you will be shattered, and you’re going to spend lots of energy trying to put it back together. But you’ll emerge stronger at the end, even if you don’t feel like it, even when the broken rears up; you’re stronger than you know.
One day you’ll both love and be loved. This is really all that matters.
Take care, ok?
-T
PS: Friends rock. They’re chosen family. This is important.
* * * * *
* * * * *
Dear Carrie:
You make it. You write, you laugh and you love and are loved.
It’s not always easy. But -- you make it. And the bastards are dead. Dead and buried, kid. You win in the end.
Hang in there. I won’t say that it gets easier. It doesn’t. But it changes. The body you so desperately want to shed right now becomes an ally and a friend. You’ll learn how to use a sword, how to dance and fight -- and those are gifts that can be kept within you even if the abilities themselves are lost.
And you’ll learn to trust. And there will be people worthy of that trust. I promise.
Corey
* * * * *
Dear 10-year-old self,
Don't be sad.
In retrospect, life ain't that bad.
You study too hard
And you're way too on guard.
Be a kid --- childhood's more than a fad.
* * * * *
Dear Adam,
The world does not care. It doesn't care about you, or the person sitting next to you, or even the person after that. It sounds terrible, doesn't it? It is, and it isn't.
The disadvantage is this: There will be times when life is rough. Life will be unfair and mean, and often you will lose something dear. It will toss hardballs at you and you will either learn to duck, catch it and make something of it, or get a bruise to remember it by. There will be times when it feels like everything stands against you and there is nothing you can do.
Some people can't accept this. They are the ones who cannot learn from their past. They are also the ones who quit. There will be times when you feel like quitting. Don't. Life might be unfair, but it is unfair to everyone. This too shall pass.
On the other hand, there are the times when life is unfair to your advantage. During these times, it is amazing. Everything is going well and on schedule; it is all perfect. Opportunities fall into your lap and everything makes sense.
Some people take these moments for granted, choosing to forget the bad times and remember only the good. These people believe life will always be perfect; and when it comes crashing down, they are not ready.
Regardless of the good times or the bad, it is never about what happens to you. Don't stop and take pity on yourself; instead, see how the bad times have taught you, and how the good times have given you the strength to make it through the bad. Life is not wonderful, neither is it terrible. Life is the summation of experiences and what you do with those experiences. Whether or not you enjoy it is completely up to you. Whether or not you become what you want or need to be is completely up to you.
And if you want it enough, work hard enough, and learn enough, you can make the world care.
* * * * *
Dear Christa,
At age ten, you are looking for who you are. You are trying to find where you fit in the world.
Know: you can be a leader. You can think new thoughts and shape your world. When you lead, whatever you imagine, you can make. But there is only one way to become a leader in this world: your ideas must make the world richer. You do this through (1) learning and (2) honesty.
Learning:
Sharing the best ideas is like building the tallest tower: when you build on top of other towers, you can be the tallest much faster than if you build from the ground. So, learn from others, because it will help you to have the best ideas. Remember that what you learn from others changes what you imagine and create—so surround yourself with the best people, people you want to be like. Read lots of books in school and out, because each book is a smart person sharing their thoughts with you. If you build your ideas on this strong foundation, they will make the world richer.
“If I have seen further it is only by standing on the shoulders of giants.” – Isaac Newton
Honesty:
If you look hard enough, you will find inside your mind a little stage. On that quiet stage, you can ask yourself, “How do I feel? What do I think?” It is an art to quiet that room—so practice. There you know what makes you happy. There you can best process and understand new ideas. People who do not ask that quiet stage for the truth repeat other people’s ideas or, worse, share untruths. Starting ideas from there will make the world richer.
“This above all: to thine own self be true.” – William Shakespeare
* * * * *
Dear Linda,
There are tough years ahead, kid. I know you don't believe it. Right now you are concentrating on keeping out of the way of those 15 year old junkies who want to conscript you behind Alpha-Beta. You've written your first story and learned you can make people stop in their tracks when you sing. People in your life have also started to disappoint you. Important people. You keep thinking someone is looking over your shoulder. Well, I am. When no one is there for you, I'll wipe away your tears and be very proud of the woman you will become.
S0rceress0
P.S. Go see Maya Angelou, it's worth it.
* * * * *
Dear Cutie,
All you have to be is a good person.
P.S. Keep the Blazer.
Love,
Me
* * * * *
Dear Renee,
My dear sweet self I know each day is a struggle, you are not alone. Spending most moments begging for attention and hiding from trouble. You feel restless, never safe, and unable to sleep, you will find that place.
The world is a crazy place, beautiful, wild, harsh and kind. You can choose to be an explorer, an artist, a poet or an architect. There are such cool things you can do and see, you cannot imagine.
I know right now you only get to see people hurting or pushing you away. You want so much for someone to love you that you put up with the hurt. Sweet self, this is not life, this is not your future, it is not what you deserve.
You know when you have your headphones on and you’re listening to your records, your foot is tapping and heart is singing and the whole world drops away. Your life can feel that good for days, weeks, months maybe years on end.
A heart can be hurt so that it feels like it will never heal, but scars heal. Days can seem so dark that the joy will never return, but the clouds lift.
Dreams can be battered down and lost, but hope can unearth them.
Try to learn to love yourself before you try to get it from anyone else. The only way to stop the “I’m sorry's”, is to believe in yourself. You are strong, compassionate and capable. Life is waiting for you.
Forget TV and Videos. In the future everything is at your fingertips. You can learn anything, ask anything, see anywhere, and meet people from anywhere.
Ideas are no longer limited to the people in your house but the entire world.
Freedom is your future.
Life becomes your choice.
You will feel love and safe
You will be excited and feel joy.
It is worth it in the end. Hang in there.
* * * * *
Dear Matt,
I know you're having a tough time of things right now. You feel like you don't fit in. You're a year younger than everyone else in school because of that grade you skipped a few years ago, and you're still too smart to be popular. You feel like a dork and a weirdo, and you feel like no one likes you. You've been starting fights with bigger kids because of it, and getting in trouble at school. Your parents don't know what to do to
make things better -- and neither do you.
I wish I could flip a switch and make this all better. Instead, the only advice I'll give is: hang on.
You're going to get through this, because there is nothing wrong with you. You're a good kid and people do like you -- you just don't believe it yet. But they do.
A couple years from now, it'll start getting easier. You'll move to a new place and meet some new people who will become your lifelong friends. You'll always struggle with the belief that no one ever can like you. But it's not true. It never was. So hang on. You're a good person and you deserve to be liked just as much as anyone else.
And that whole being-smart thing? It will come in very handy when you grow up. Eventually -- and here's the craziest thing of all -- girls will start finding smart guys very attractive. I know right now you're all like, "Eeeeew, girls," but that's going to change very soon. Trust me.
Can't wait to see you when you're me,
36-year-old Matt
* * * * *
Dear Gemma Davis Wright
Ignore the bullies. You don't realize it yet, but they're jealous of your intelligence and your grandmother's deep love for you. Also, you don't know it yet, but you are going to become the attractive geek girl with a quick mind and wit - the one that geek boys are constantly drawn to.
Loving Doctor Who, boys toys and Formula One doesn't make you weird. The girls only hate you because the boys think you're pretty cool. Who wants to be Barbie anyway?
So what if you prefer chess club, learning to program your Dad's Commodore 64 and falling off your bike to playing dress-up and dusting your doll's house? You get the most fun out of life!
When you're 15 a fat bloke called Iain is going to ask you out on a date. Say No. Whatever you think, he is NOT the best you're ever going to get, and far from the only. Iain will hurt, humiliate and traumatize you in ways that your adult self will wish she didn't know existed. Don't give him that chance.
When someone asks you which song is in which position in the Top 40 on any given week, they are not asking you because they are teasing. They genuinely admire your ability to be able to tell them in a matter of seconds.
Don't refuse to join the school hockey team in senior school. You may well be spiting the school, but you are also shooting yourself in the foot and will regret it for the rest of your life.
Don't let your Dad's stepfather take the joy out of semi-pro swimming - you'll regret giving that up too. You could find a way to work around the asthma, probably.
Your son will be beautiful, but please don't marry his father. Don't even live with him.
Don't marry Trev either. He's adorable and you will get on like a house on fire but it won't last. You will, however, always love each other as close friends.
Take the first chance you get to leave Cheltenham for good, but don't go to North Wales. Nasty people that you believed to be friends await you there. Go straight to Manchester instead.
Most importantly, remember that Friday's Child Has Far To Go. Your path is long, and not without its troubles. Take the rough with the smooth. A wonderful geek man dressed all in black is in your forever future, and you will know him instantly.
(Not that my ten-year-old self would listen to any of this. I'm stubborn.)
* * * * *
Dear Matt,
You think you might kill yourself, but if you had, I wouldn't be around to write this letter. I am you, twenty-three years into the future.
You're probably in your room, alone as you read this. I wouldn't be surprised if "Subdivisions" by Rush was on the radio at the time; you always had it tuned to WXRK, but the music didn't really matter to you then. You're probably wondering why God isn't listening to you, and why Mom and Dad have nothing to tell you but that you should "keep a low profile" and "try to fit in". You're probably trying to find comfort in the cat sitting in your lap and purring.
It's all right. You don't have to deny your emotions, even though people at school tell you to control your negative feelings and be positive. You're in for another eight rough years or so, but you'll survive. You see, there's a power underneath despair, and you're going to find it within yourself. You're going to find it in music that will start to resonate with you when you're thirteen. It's called heavy metal. You might have heard of it already, and heard that it's Satan's music. All that proves is that Satan has good taste.
You'll find heavy metal when you need it most, when you've hit rock bottom. You'll draw strength from it. You'll take that strength and use it to face your demons -- your rage, your hatred, your need to hurt those who have abused you -- and bind them to your service. You'll learn to fight, and you'll win because you won't back down no matter how much the bastards hurt you. They won't be able to hurt you for long, though, because you'll have found your persona. You'll have a mask to wear when you must brave adversity.
You'll be lonely behind that mask. You'll always have a hard tome making friends, but you'll manage it from time to time. When you're old enough to want attention from girls, you won't know how to approach them, and they'll either ignore you or mock you. That's all right. That happens to most boys, and a lot of men. There will be women for you when you're old enough to appreciate them, and they'll be good women because you'll hold out for women who can meet you as an equal and appreciate you as you are.
There will be a mission for you: a story that you need to tell, and you'll dedicate yourself to learning a trade so that you can afford to become the writer you need to be to tell your story. The women you love will help become the man and the writer you need to be.
You'll make your parents proud, and become a man that they can rely upon. People will learn to respect you, and value your skills, but you'll always be distant from other people. But the world will change around you, and you will find ways to reach out to others without having to use the persona that shielded you in school. You'll be accepted.
In the meantime, stand alone, and defy all who demand that you be other than who you yourself choose to be. I know you can do this, because you have done this.
* * * * *
Hey Trav!
First and foremost, don't freak out...but it's you from the year 2011 writing you (me). The fact that this is even possible is beyond belief, and I'm fairly sure that you won't believe it until I provide some sort of proof. Well...to be honest, I don't recall ever having any secrets when I (you) was (are) 10, so the best I can do is to tell you that you have a huge choice to make. It won't happen for some time, so try not to worry about it for a while...but inevitably you will have a choice.
In your future, you will battle loneliness supreme. It will be your own personal loneliness, and no matter how alone you will feel, very few will take you seriously. You have a roof over your head, you get three meals a day and live a middle-class life in a middle-class family; in all respects, most people will just tell you that the rest of the world has it worse. There is only one person that will truly understand and will be your friend through it all: your best friend Jeremy. You two will be some of the best friends that you can find in life, and there will be many in your future that will be jealous about it. They'll say all sort of scandalous things about you behind your back, but none of it means anything. You will not have a more loyal friend.
You will end up going to college, and you will have no idea what it is that you want to do. Yes, I know you want to be a race car driver, but that simply isn't going to happen. You're big boned, fella...and that isn't going to change. Trust me. You will go to one college, and Jeremy will go to another.
In my reality, the way that I have had to live (as will you if you choose to continue to take this path), you will be home from summer from your second year in college. You will feel very lonely and despondent for almost no reason at all, and decide that you will go see a popular comedy about how stupid scary movies have become recently. The movie is shit, but the reality is shittier. A friend of yours will come into the theater and pull you outside. He'll tell you
Jeremy was in a bad accident.
He was.
He didn't survive the 18-wheeler that t-boned his car at 70 miles an hour. It isn't the truck driver's fault, but he'll never drive again anyways. Try not to be angry at him. As you might expect, this will completely destroy you. You will very literally walk the line between life and death. You will put that loaded gun to your head...but you won't do it. You'll live. You'll move on...but your college career is finished. The future will mean almost nothing to you, until about 5 years later you meet your future wife at a New Year's Eve party. She'll be just as messed up as you are, but will understand you and love you for who you are...something that you never believed would happen.
And now the choice must be made:
You must either let your best friend die and proceed forth to meet the love of your life, and enjoy your future, or you must go to the corner of Highway 281 and FM 1885 at 6:38pm on July 21, 2000 and stop his car from ever reaching that intersection. If you do this...you may never meet Carol. I love Carol with all of my heart, and I miss Jeremy with all of it too...so I will be able to live with whatever choice you make.
I'm sorry this wasn't a happy letter. And try not to pick on your brother so much...he'll remember it and never forgive you.
Yours Truly,
Trav
* * * * *
Karlita,
There are times in life that are not easy. Daddy just left and I know how heartbreaking that is for you. You hope he’ll be back and things will be great. You wait and you wait, and you worry and you cry. There will be more crying, but the waiting will stop. I know it’s hard for you to believe in promises and love. You’ve seen people lying and breaking promises, people shouting and hurting. That can’t be love! You’re right. That’s not love.
Letters to My Ten Year Old Self Page 3