In advance I should warn you that not all pop music will be as good as Queen and some of it will confuse you but when you grow up you will realize that nothing has really changed but you. There is nothing wrong with change and you will just have to accept that someday.
You may see this film that seems deep at some point but at least it has one true point which people will say a lot but never understand “You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake.” What you are defines you and there is no need to strive to be different for the sake of it. At the same time do not follow blindly. Accept that we are all different in some ways but we all have at least one thing in common – we are human.
You may grow to resent certain opinions. Remember that it is OK to respect the right to an opinion but not like the opinion and one thing does not define a person.
You will talk to people who just rub you up the wrong way and when you do just leave them alone. Life is too short to waste on hate.
It’s taken me almost thirty years to learn these things, but I hope anything you never have to read this and can make your own mistakes because without them you would never be me, or you. Whatever time travel is hard. Stay strong little me.
Sincerely
Me, or you.
* * * * *
Azure,
Listen, I just wanted to drop back in time and talk to you. I know how bored you are out in the country at the old house. No phone, no ride, no friends your age. Rice fields in the front yard, bean fields on every other side. And the cows that seem to think they own the gravel road you're stuck living on. The embarrassing way Dad hangs the clothes on the barbed wire fences. Never having nice clothes or things. No air conditioner in the summers, sleeping under seven quilts in the winter. Believe it or not, one day, you'll look back and call this time “the good ole days”.
But there are things on your mind that I want to talk about. Things that are affecting you in ways that will permanently scar you. And none of them have to do with your physical lack, believe it or not. In fact, it's those lacks that help to make you a really cool, down to earth, person. The thing I want to talk to you about is this: You're worried about being pretty enough.
Seems so trivial, but really, the effect it will have on you is detrimental. Nobody ever taught you these things, so you learned by observation. Every girl you see, seems to be concerned with physical appearance, which makes you think it must be very important. The guys confirm that by giving attention to girls you think are pretty. You see physical exchanges taking place and you don't know why, you don't even think about it much, all you know is that you have to have it.
Dad has never been physically affectionate and mom isn't there, and you haven't connected that you're starving for what is normal and should have been given by both of them; physical affection, tenderness, adoration. And you aren't really consciously aware of how badly you need it. It's more like an instinct that your body and brain is wired with, driving you. But you're not very successful at gaining guy's attention and you're beginning to feel like maybe you're not pretty enough. Or just too weird. Maybe it's the clothes. Your ears are too big. You're breasts aren't big enough.
You beginning to think more and more that guys only care about how girls look and the pleasure they can give. The porn magazines that Dad does a poor job of hiding in the bathroom confirms that physical beauty and sex is the only thing important. And you think it's the way to meet those deeper needs you have, to be loved, cherished, adored.
This thinking is creating a real problem. Because everything you see in those books and movies makes you feel good on the outside, but unfulfilled on the inside. And because the inside stuff goes unfulfilled while you explore your sexuality, it's going to make it hard later to sync the two. In fact, sex is one day going to seem like a defiling aspect of love to you. Because the sex you've seen all your life in fact defiled love. It'll actually work so that when you experience love later, you're body will be unable to feel aroused, and when you feel aroused, your body will shut out the love.
So listen up my sweet ten year old self. What you see in those magazines and movies is wrong. Your instincts are trying to tell you that what is presented isn't jiving with what you are. You are meant to have love, affection, adoration and absolution from a man. And guess what, that man is waiting for you. Yes, you can deny those needs and eventually become something else less complete, but don't. Or you'll miss the amazing fulfilling relationship that God has for you.
Oh yeah, speaking of God. I know you have a lot of questions about Him and you drive Dad crazy with them. And Dad's consistent answer “it's a mystery child” doesn't ring true to your young mind. I wanted to let you know that your questions will all be answered. And you're really going to like them. But mostly, I want to thank you for always believing that God loves you even when things don't add up. Because it's that belief that will allow God to take all the broken choices you will make in a broken world, and resurrect the buried, beautiful you He designed you to be.
Stay sweet, Stay fun, Stay you.
###
Art Credits:
Cover art by Mich R
Additional illustrations by Tobie Abad and Zebedeerox
Letter Writers
Mike Alwill
Anonymous
Matt Besterman
Renee Bochman
Adam Boenig
Azure Boone
Walter Burton
KK C
Nancy Cavanaugh
Louis Clark
Denise
Duncan Ellis
Michael R. Enfinger
M.S. Fisher
Chris
C. Corey Fisk
Ann Foxley
Matthew Graybosch
Madeleine Begun Kane
Karla V
Ayoub Khote
Christa Laser
Terri Lyn Layman
Sterling Ledet
Sedona Leigh
Cayenne Linke
Bill Ludwig
Kimberly McClune
Ken Morse
Drew Nicholson
Maria Ochoa
John Passalain
Nina Pelletier
John Phillips
S0rceress0
Daimiaen Silver
Peter Smalley
Anna Tan
Tara Tyler
Marcie Winter
Gemma Davis Wright
Scott Youmans
* * * * *
About the Editors
Nina Pelletier is a full-time writer who lives in Ontario, Canada. She is the creator of the Prompt-and-Share, which brings writers together in an enthusiastic and encouraging forum. Nina is the co-founder of the soon to be online Scriptorum Tantillum publishing house. When she’s not prompting, editing, providing feedback, reading, blogging or writing, she can be found playing with her canine companion, Princess Trixie. She can be found at her blog and on Google+.
Drew Nicholson is an early-middle aged geek. He’s happily married the second time around, and has two fantastic sons. He’s a die hard Cubs fan, which contributes to his pathos, which makes being a poet marginally easier. He directed the Great Google+ Art Experiment video, which led directly to him being appointed Art Director of Sociolog+, where he curates an arts community made up of painters and sketchers, musicians and songwriters, poets and videographers. Circle him on Google+, where he writes poetry and short stories while engaging in some of the best conversations on the net. He’s also the co-founder of the soon-to-be-online publishing house Scriptorum Tantillum, of which this is the first issue, and has been published on CuriosityQuills. He harbors a deep love for Star Wars, Star Trek, Firefly, BSG, Horatio Hornblower, Farscape and David Brin novels, as well as a new found love for scotch to go with his long love affair with good beer. He lives near Chicago, Illinois.
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Letters to My Ten Year Old Self Page 5