If I could care for Ethan...
We stepped up the four steps slowly. Nadine was right behind me. I placed my finger over my mouth – quiet.
Nadine cocked her head, giving a listen, too. We locked eyes and she shook her head no – no sound.
I pressed my hands together, placing them at the side of my face, tipping my head into them – sleeping?
She shrugged and I struggled to swallow. My mouth was bone dry. I knocked lightly on the door. My stomach did somersaults and I truly felt like I could shit myself. I braced to face Sienna, but no one came to the door. I knocked again, harder.
Nothing.
I reached out checking the door handle. It was unlocked!
I whipped an eye to Nadine, whispering, “It’s open.”
She gulped, saying, “Maybe crack it open and say hello.”
I gently pushed it open and peeked in. The entry was small and met up with a living room. It was light and bright. Other than more toys everywhere, it was neat.
The TV mounted over the fireplace caught my eye. A colorful cartoon danced on its screen.
“Someone’s here. The TV’s on.” My heart raced faster than ever. “Hello!”
Nadine unconsciously gripped the waistband of my pants.
Then she shouted out, “Hello, Sienna?” and shoved me inside. “Move.” She pushed me out of the way. “Sienna!”
I looked at her like she was crazy and my eyes frantically shot around the room, waiting for Sienna to run in at any second. My eyes landed on a picture hanging on a wall, sticking out from the hallway to the right. There was something familiar about it. I walked toward it.
Nadine called out Sienna’s name loudly one more time.
“We have the right house.” I announced. I stared at a portrait of the band, live in concert.
“Holy shit.” Nadine murmured behind me. “I can’t believe this is really her place. I was wishing it wasn’t.”
The hallway walls were filled with pictures of the band, my band, Rita’s Revolt. Dump, behind his drums, was the focus of many of them. A thought lit, “Nadine, maybe there’s a chance that this kid is Dump’s,” I said, turning to face her.
“How?”
I recalled how he’d said he wished he’d frozen his sperm before the chemotherapy. “He told me he regretted not saving his sperm. That he wished he’d saved it before he started his treatments. Maybe he tried and maybe it worked?”
Nadine gave an unsettling remark on my purposed theory. “Dude, don’t count on it.” She pointed to a framed picture of a little boy who wore my smile and her finger then drifted to the one right next to it. The boy staring back at us had my eyes. “Could be wrong, but…”
The hallway spun and I hopelessly looked away.
She walked past me staring closely at the pictures on the wall like she was in a museum. I peered into the rooms that branched off the hallway. A kid’s room and Sienna’s room, I didn’t dare go inside them. I turned around and walked back into the living room, leaving Nadine in the hallway. I took in the contents of the white, grey and blue colored living room with dark wood floors: mid-century modern furniture, pillows, neatly folded blankets in the seat of an overstuffed chair next to the fireplace. I looked into the kitchen at my right. Wooden building blocks and an old wooden train set sat on the floor next to the kitchen table. The counter tops and tabletops were clear from any clutter.
“Jake, we should go.” Nadine suggested.
I agreed with a hesitant nod and faced Nadine, moving out of the hallway. My eyes sailed over the room one last time, landing on a stack of books placed on a credenza near the front door. The blue spine of a book caught my eye – With the Band… I picked up the paperback book. The book! A red square with white font denoted – Advanced Reading Copy - Not for Sale. The cover sucked the life out of me. It was a picture of Dump behind the drums…and me. It was from the same collection of pictures as the one in the hallway. I was holding a mic in my hand, pointing it at Dump, and Dump was pointing a drumstick at me. We were smiling. I instantly choked up. I struggled to steady my emotions.
Just as I raise the book to show Nadine, we heard the front door make a sound. I didn’t have time to react. Sienna stepped through the door and the horror in her eyes the moment she saw me was equal to mine. I was frozen. Stunned into concrete like I’d looked into Medusa’s eyes.
Sienna, with her shoulder length blonde hair, locked eyes with me. We were petrified for many seconds. Time could have stopped. She finally turned around, slamming the door.
Not one word was exchanged. I stood there staring at the door, as if she’d come back.
“What the fuck? Jake!” Nadine shouted and ran past me opening the door.
I ran after her, but by the time we reached the porch, Sienna had disappeared. The gate still swung from Sienna’s flight. I ran through the gate and stopped in my tracks when I witnessed what was going down.
Aly stood at the corner of the block, about fifty yards away. I was confused. How did this happen? I could see Aly’s mouth move, but couldn’t hear her. I walked quickly toward them. Sienna backed away from Aly holding the hand of the little boy and then snatched him up into her arms. She turned to run and stopped when she saw me. She was caught between Aly and me. Nadine was now standing on the other side of the street, next to the car. There was nowhere for Sienna to go. She clutched the boy to her chest. I could see her rapid breathing as I walked closer. Tears welled in her eyes. They spilled down her face. She shook her head at me.
I stood three feet away from her, speechless, staring at the blonde boy in her arms as he squirmed. He looked at her saying, “Mommy, why you crying?” and he wiped her cheek with his tiny hand.
I couldn’t take my eyes off of him.
Sienna whispered. “Please don’t take him from me.”
16
Alyssa
I shook to my core.
Running into Sienna never crossed my mind. Jake and Nadine were supposed to confront her. I was never supposed to be in the equation. What happened? Being too antsy to sit in the car, I’d gotten out to take a walk around the block. I sent a text to Nadine and Jake informing them of my plan. The walk only took about ten minutes and just as I rounded the tall hedges of the corner house on Sienna’s street, there she was.
Sienna came out of nowhere, moving so fast that we slammed into each other. I grabbed her shoulders to steady her and myself. Apologies immediately flooded from both our mouths. I didn’t realize it was her until she took a couple steps back, holding the hand of the little boy. She gasped, looking as if she’d seen a ghost, and moved to go around me. I don’t know what came over me, but I stepped to block her.
“Don’t do this, Sienna.” My words came out in a desperate whisper. “Jake deserves to know.”
Her mouth hung open and the agony of what was transpiring in that moment was hard to witness. Sienna didn’t utter a word and grabbed the boy into her arms. As she turned around to take off in the other direction, I saw Jake about three houses away from us, standing in the middle of the sidewalk. Nadine was fast behind him.
Jake walked toward Sienna and stopped just short of her. Nadine crossed the street. I inched closer, but thought better of it. It wasn’t my business. Or is it? I glanced to Nadine and her hand covered her mouth, in awe of what she was watching. I crossed the street to meet Nadine.
She leaned against the car. “Holy fuck.” Her hand fell to her side. “Did you hear what she said?”
“No.”
I couldn’t believe what was happening before my eyes. Sienna cried, stoic, trying to hold it together. Tears dripped down her cheeks and the little boy began to cry, too. Jake wrapped his arms around both of them. That’s when Sienna’s shoulders began to quake as she wept silently. He spoke into Sienna’s ear and they walked toward the house. Jake never looked in our direction as they disappeared into Sienna’s yard.
I crumbled inside.
“Shit. Oh, my God. The kid is his.” Nadine croake
d.
I collapsed in an emotional heap on the curb, hiding my face in my hands, trying not to cry. The whole thing was beyond belief.
Nadine cleared her throat. “She said please don’t take him from me…if that’s not an admission, I don’t know what is.”
“Jesus.” I mumbled.
“You were right, Aly. This is crazy.”
“His life is forever changed.” I said, finally looking up from the shield of my hands. “My knees still feel like they’re shaking.”
Nadine joined me sitting on the curb. It was only 10:23 AM, a lifetime of change erupted in twenty-three minutes. We sat there staring at the house waiting for something to happen. Jake never came out. He finally replied to my group text – Don’t know how long I’ll be, see you back at the house. Nadine stood up and held out her hands to me. I grabbed ahold of them and she hoisted me up. My nerves were in tatters. Comprehending the gravity of Jake having a child with Sienna was difficult. Even though Jake and I discussed the possibility, I prayed that it wouldn’t be true.
I knew it was.
“I really hoped it wasn’t true, Nadine.” I said, once we’d shut ourselves into the car.
Nadine pulled away from Sienna’s house giving a doleful sigh. “I know. I’m sorry.”
With an ironic cluck of my tongue and the spinning wheels beneath us, I said, “Life rolls on.”
#
The weather mirrored my mood – dismal. The early morning sun had warmed my skin with promise and then vanished with the tears that fell from Sienna’s eyes. Soon, the sky would weep right along with my heart. Nadine never offered any uplifting or smart theories of the future. I didn’t blame her for not dwelling on my situation. She had a wedding to plan.
When we arrived back at the house, it was quiet. Marty was impatiently waiting for us when we walked through the door, pacing with a coffee cup in his hand.
“Why didn’t you answer my texts?” He asked anxiously, setting the cup down hard on the kitchen counter. “What happened?”
Nadine looked to me to answer. “It’s his kid.” I said, flatly.
Marty stumbled back to the counter, as if my words punched him in the gut, his face anguished. “Where is he?”
“He’s with Sienna.” Nadine answered.
“Oh my.” He shook his head.
A chill ran up my spine and I shook it off. “None of us should be surprised.” I said, sorely.
Marty and I held each other’s stare for several seconds. “Aly, you know this isn’t going to change Jake’s mind about you.”
I laughed, cynically. “Jake’s mind about me was never the problem.” I shook my head. “I’m gonna go lay down. I didn’t sleep last night.”
Nadine, nor Marty, tried to stop me with anymore reassuring words and the cold silence followed me up the stairs. The bedroom was dark, the blinds still closed, and I crawled into the bed that Jake tried to make as one. The clock read 11:02 AM and I buried my head in the pillow, sniffing the scent of Jake, and tried to think positively. I finally drifted off to sleep with my thoughts centering on my original plans – play volleyball.
I woke to Jake rubbing my back and my heart instantly jumped into high gear. “Hey.” He said, in a whisper. “I’m back.”
I struggled to sit up. My vision blurred. “What happened?” I asked eagerly and looked at the clock. It was now 2:18 PM. I decided before I fell asleep that I’d do my best to remain objective, open and supportive. I’d defined my feelings as I grappled with the reality of Sienna and her child – Jake’s child. I was jealous. I was jealous that she had given him a child and not me.
“His name is Jackson.” I knew this, but kept silent. Jake’s downcast stare pulled at me like gravity and I ran a caring hand down his arm. He looked at me briefly. “She was kinda hysterical.” He cleared his throat. “It took a while for her to stop crying.”
“Was anyone else there?” I asked, thinking of Sienna’s sister and the man I’d seen at the store.
He shook his head, saying, “No, it was just us.”
I watched his knee bounce up and down rapidly as I waited for him to say more. His eyes darted around the room, wondering where to start.
“Jake, I need you to be honest with me about what’s going on. Just like we talked about last night. We can’t move forward unless there’s full disclosure.” I reminded him and got out of bed to open the blinds. It was raining.
I stood at the window watching the palm trees blow wildly in the wind. Water pelted the window with every gust. My insides were stormy, just like the weather.
“She asked about you and if we’re together.” The words stirred me. I turned, meeting his expectant gaze. “It was the first question she asked me after she calmed down.”
“What did you tell her?”
“I told her yes.”
My heart skipped a beat. “And what else?”
“I asked her if she ever thought I would find out.”
“Did you ask her straight out if the boy was yours?”
“Yes. Let me back up.” He ran his hand through his hair and I finally noticed it was damp and his clothes were wet. Not just wet, soaked.
“Oh, my God, Jake. You’re soaking wet.” He looked down at himself, but just sat there like he was in shock. My heart sank deeper into my chest. “Take your clothes off.”
I walked to his bag and took out some dry clothes – a white t-shirt and one of several pairs of black shorts. I watched him stand slowly and slide the wet t-shirt over his head. I walked over, handing him the dry clothes. His weary eyes looked at me expectantly, but I kept my distance, uncertain of how to act. He tossed the clothes I handed him onto the bed. He took the wet t-shirt and walked into the bathroom. When he came back out, he had a towel wrapped around his waist. I’d crawled back onto the bed.
“Did you walk home?”
He nodded yes. I didn’t have to ask why.
He resumed talking. “After she asked if we were a thing, I asked her if Jackson was mine…and she said yes. One word. Yes. That’s when I asked her if she ever thought I’d find out.”
“What did she say to that?”
“She said that it crossed her mind every day. Because every day she looked into my eyes.”
Jake looked gutted, mouth tight, and downturned. He faced away from me as he pulled on the dry t-shirt. Then he sat down on the bed taking his shorts into his hand and held them in his lap. He stared at them, thinking, overwhelmed by his new existence. My mouth had grown dry from the stress. Jake’s burden flowed over me. I felt it, like we were swimming upstream. I struggled to swallow, to find any words that might make light of the heavy fact.
“I asked her if she was ever going to tell me and she said no.” He looked at me, astounded. “Can you fucking believe that? She said she’d planned on raising him as her own…and…” Jake choked up and his face twisted in sadness. His next words were hard to hear. “…that it crossed her mind that she might tell Jackson that Dump was his father.”
My eyes welled up watching Jake explain through his exasperated tears. Anger grew inside me hearing that Sienna could be so callous as to admit something so insane. “You know that’s…like…crazy talk, right?”
He nodded and wiped his face with an angry swipe of his hand. He stood and the towel dropped to his feet and he put on his shorts. He faced me, with eyes so blue they looked electric. The redness from crying accentuated their intensity.
“I asked for her sister’s phone number, you know, so I could have it just in case.”
“In case of what?”
He shrugged a shoulder and sat back down on the bed. “I don’t know. I guess in case she disappears again. She owns that house, though, so she won’t be disappearing…any time soon.”
Are you sure?
“You sure about that? She seems pretty flighty.”
“Nah, she said her sister lives around the corner. She bought a house for her sister, too. They aren’t going anywhere.”
“Did you ask a
bout the hotel in Miami?”
He shook his head no. I stretched out beside Jake. He sat cross-legged at the end of the bed. I wished I could see the future.
“What else did she say?”
Jake moved next to me, adjusting the pillows, and let out a frustrated groan. He closed his eyes for a long moment and laced his fingers together at his chest. His mouth parted and closed a few times as he built up the nerve to continue.
His eyes blinked open and he spoke in a low voice. “I played with Jackson. Sienna just sat there and watched us. She never stopped crying. Jackson, we…played blocks and cars on the floor of the living room. Whenever I glanced at her, she was staring at him. She would barely look at me.”
“So, what’s the plan?”
“I don’t know.”
My head snapped to face him. I was annoyed by his lack of urgency. “What do you mean, you don’t know?”
“Aly, I don’t know.” He said indignant. “Its nuts, okay? The whole thing’s crazy. I have a fucking kid…a three-year-old with a mother who doesn’t want to know me or doesn’t want my kid to know his father. What should I do? I don’t know!” His voice grew angrier at each word. “What do you wanna do? Do you wanna be a stepmom, Alyssa? That’s an important question!” Now Jake was sitting up and my heart pounded with the power of his words as he turned them on me. “How does this make you feel? What do you wanna do? Are you still even a part of this equation?”
I huffed, slightly put off by his change of direction. I tried to control myself. “This has nothing to do with me.”
“Sure, it does.”
“How?”
His shoulders slumped with discontent and he raked his fingers through his hair again. “Do you wanna keep whatever’s going on between us? Or is the fact that I have a kid with Sienna going to be an issue?”
I couldn’t spit a word out. I just looked at him dumbly, stuck on his words.
He threw himself back against the pillows saying, “She doesn’t need me…she doesn’t want me involved. She doesn’t need my help financially. Why fight it? Because I can essentially walk away from this.”
Love Amplified (Heavy Influence Book 3) Page 10