Love, Marriage, and Other Disasters

by Shilpa Suraj

  “Why not?”

  “Because it’s not always about what you want. It’s about right and wrong and the situation you’re in. It’s about not jeopardizing the lives and happiness of the people you love.”

  “What about your happiness?”

  “What about it? Who says I’m not happy?” Her voice rang out in the silence that had fallen around them.

  Racking her brains to say something to rescue the situation, she was saved by the blaring of a car horn and a cacophony of voices yelling out greetings.

  Getting up with the rest of them, she went out to welcome their friends. Eyeing the bags being unloaded from the trunk of the car, she turned to Arav and asked, “What are we playing anyway?”

  “Paintball.” Flashing a grin at her he strolled off to help with the unloading.

  “Paintball???? Perfect. Just what I need.” Primed for action after that disturbing exchange with Vivaan, she went down to join the mayhem.

  ---***---

  Chapter 12

  Two hours later, they’d set up a very impressive battleground using cars, luggage, rocks and whatever else they could lay their hands on. Alisha laced her shoes while watching the teams being chosen in a distance. Three of Arav and Vivaan’s friends had turned up making it two teams of four.

  “Ok. I’m ready.” Pooja came to twirl in front of her showing off her outfit. Alisha started to laugh. She couldn’t help it. In black track pants and a black tank top, with streaks of kaajal drawn on her cheeks, Pooja definitely looked ready. Barbie goes Commando!

  “What?” Offended, Pooja looked at herself again. She thought she looked tough and ready to do battle.

  “What’s so funny?” Turning at Vivaan’s question, Alisha found the laughter dying in her throat. Blanking her mind off to the disturbing thoughts the man made her think, she smiled and gestured in Pooja’s direction. “I was just being introduced to Commando Barbie.”

  Vivaan wisely swallowed his smile as he took in Pooja’s get up and her mutinous expression. “You look great,” he said diplomatically.

  “Thank you.” With a last annoyed glare at Alisha, she stomped off towards the group choosing the teams.

  Still smiling, Alisha turned to Vivaan and gestured towards the crowd gathered at the far end of the ground. “Shall we?”

  “Can’t you cover those legs of yours up?”

  “Excuse me?”

  He couldn’t have stopped her in her tracks faster if he had clubbed her over her head with a rock. He watched temper snap into her eyes and relished it. A good fight might help with the irritation swirling through him.

  “What you’re wearing is a pitiful excuse for shorts. I could fold it up and fit it into my wallet if I wanted to. It was okay when it was just us but now there are strangers here as well.”

  “Those strangers are your friends,” she managed through gritted teeth. “And there is nothing wrong with my shorts.”

  Why the hell was she even defending herself? She’d wear whatever she wanted whenever she wanted. Turning to storm off, she found herself being yanked back into place with his hand closing around her arm.

  “Take your hands off me,” she hissed, mindful of people standing barely out of earshot.

  Well aware that he was crossing a line but unable to stop either the roaring in his head or the words tumbling out of his mouth, he leaned in closer.

  “I thought you always wanted to do the right thing. What was it you said? It’s about right and wrong and not jeopardizing the happiness of the people you love blah blah blah. Go inside and change. Those guys can barely keep their tongues from hitting their shoes every time they look in your direction.”

  “Those guys or you?” Biting off the rest of her tirade with a muffled oath, Alisha pulled her arm out of his grasp. This wasn’t the time or place. She was going to have bruises thanks to the idiotic Neanderthal. Rubbing her hand over the spot to ease the stinging, she started to move away.

  “Me.”

  The quiet admission had her stopping in her tracks. That goddamn elusive squiggle! She could have certainly lived without it. Ignoring the questions in his eyes, she walked away from him and towards the group waiting at the far end.

  ---***---

  Alisha grabbed one of the paintball guns and listened with half a mind to Arav giving her a crash course in handling one and the rules of the game. Pooja was standing to the side talking to Arav’s friends pointedly keeping her back to her. Her cousin hadn’t learned to laugh at herself yet.

  “Where did you get these?” To test how heavy it was, she lifted it and aimed across the field. When Vivaan showed up in the scope, she lowered it quickly to avoid temptation.

  “A friend of ours used to own a paintball gaming arena which he shut down. He had all this stuff lying around that we bought off him just for kicks.”

  Distracted, Arav frowned as he looked over at Pooja. Laughing, with her head tossed back, she looked like she was having a whale of a time. As they watched, she leaned over and patted the cheek of one of the guys standing in front of her.

  Watching Arav’s frown deepen, Alisha sighed, “She doesn’t mean anything by it. Her personality is just a little over the top sometimes.”

  “Of course.” Giving her the mask, jersey and pant kept aside for her, he started to pull his own pants on over his shorts. “Let’s go, partner. You’re on my team.”

  As she dressed, Alisha watched the teams gather and heaved a sigh of relief that Vivaan wasn’t on hers. Arjun, Arav, Sneha-one of the girls who had just arrived and she were playing against Vivaan, Pooja and the two boys, Mahesh and Ram. After a quick strategy session with her team that she barely listened to, they were good to go.

  “So whoever grabs the flag first wins?” She crosschecked with Arjun as they hunkered down behind one of the cars. He nodded and smiled down at her. He didn’t say much. Seemed like the strong and silent type. That wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. He certainly had the body for it. A more muscular and strong partner she couldn’t have asked for. Sighing, she realized that he still left her cold.

  The whistle signaling the start of the game had her jolting out of her reverie and peeping out from behind the car. Arjun launched out from his end firing and was off even before she was in mid peep.

  Mouth open, she watched as he took down one of their friends, Mahesh or Ram, she couldn’t keep them straight in her head, and dived behind a stack of luggage for cover. Well, who knew she had G. I. Joe for a partner. Possible life partner at that. That was pretty damn impressive!

  As she watched, Sneha got up from behind the other car and started to run towards the flag with Arav firing a round for cover making sure no one could shoot her. With a muffled giggle, she saw one of Arav’s shots take Pooja out of the running. She wasn’t going to like that.

  She was still giggling when a male voice whispered into her ear. “Are you planning to spend the entire game here?”

  She would spend the rest of her life mortified at the purely feminine squeal that issued from her mouth as she turned on her haunches and stumbled over her own gun, discharging it.

  Her heart still palpitating, she looked over to find Vivaan on his knees and doubled up in pain. In the distance, she heard loud cheering as someone reached the flag but all she could do was stare dumbly at the huge yellow stain that was still spreading on Vivaan’s crotch area. She had to think it was in the general area. She had terrible aim. There was no way she could have hit him spot on there.

  A low moan from him told her that for the first time in her life, she’d hit the bullseye. Or more precisely, balls-eye. She slapped a hand over her mouth as a slightly hysterical giggle almost escaped her.

  “Oh God. I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do?”

  Shaking his head, he turned over to rest his back against the car next to her. “Wearing pads. Should ease up in a moment,” he managed to gasp. Closing his eyes, he let out another groan. “Was just at such close range.”

  “Can I get you s
ome ice? Or massage something?” Alisha flushed even as she heard the words leave her mouth. “I mean, I just mean, that I’ll help. Shall I call Arav?”

  “No! That would just about cap the humiliation on this whole thing.” He was getting his breath back. “Thank God for the guards we wore, or I would have been singing soprano for the rest of my life. Give me a few more minutes. I’ll be fine.”

  “Are you sure?” Alisha watched him anxiously, concern overshadowing her own mortification at the situation.

  Opening one eye to look at her, he smiled ruefully, “I am a doctor, you know? I should be the best judge of that or all those years spent with my head in my books are wasted. I’ll be fine in a few minutes. I’m just waiting for my balls, which are by the way lodged in my throat, to come back to their original position.”

  A startled laugh escaped her before she could clamp her lips together. “Well, if you can talk in full sentences and without gasping out a few words, you’re better already.” Relieved, she sat facing him. “I am so sorry. You scared the hell out of me.”

  She could hear the rest of the gang arguing in the distance. Snippets of conversation floated back but for now they sat in their own little cocoon. Watching closely, she saw the colour return to his face. He hadn’t acknowledged her apology as yet and she waited in silence for him to open his eyes. When he finally did, she found herself staring into eyes full of wry amusement.

  “I’m never going to live this one down, am I? This is the stuff of legend. It’s going to be one of those ‘remember when Vivaan got hit in the balls?’ story which is going to be told over and over again.”

  Smiling a little, she made to get up. When his hand captured hers and tugged, she stayed sitting and stared at their linked hands. She should leave. Should remove her hand from his. Go. She should go. But she didn’t.

  “So, about that massage?”

  “Oh! Shut up.” Yanking at her hand and giving up when his fingers just tightened, she waited for his low laughter to subside.

  “We should go,” she said, finally, without looking up.

  “Can we just sit here for a minute? Just sit with me, Alisha. Just for a bit.”

  “Vivaan, this isn’t a good idea.”

  “Just sit, please. Just for a moment. Just be with me for one freaking moment. After that we’ll go and do what you think is the right and good thing to do. Just, please, just sit with me for a moment? One moment. That’s all I’m asking for.”

  Unable to fight both him and herself, she left her hand where it was and sat next to him in silence. One moment. That’s all it was. One moment.

  ---***---

  Chapter 13

  It was close to 3 AM before the house party wound down enough to fall into their respective mattresses. Too agitated to settle down next to them, Alisha tried to read a book. When even that failed to hold her attention, she tossed it to the side and sat up. Leaving the lot of them sprawled senseless, she stepped out on to the verandah for a breath of fresh air.

  Resting against the railing she let the cool breeze skim across her face and sighed. It was a cloudy night with hardly any stars visible. The moon played peek-a-boo with her for a few minutes before disappearing completely. Closing her eyes, she tried to get her restless mind to calm.

  One moment. His words whispered through her mind like they had so many times over the course of the day. Sit with me for a moment.

  The door creaked open behind her. Part of her had known this would happen. Maybe hoped was a better word. Turning to face Vivaan, her heart jolted when she saw Arjun standing there.

  “Can’t sleep?” His deep voice reached her through the enveloping darkness.

  “Just restless.”

  He came to stand next to her, resting his forearms on the railing. “Why?”

  Resolutely keeping her gaze trained on the dark landscape in front of her, Alisha shrugged. “Don’t know.”

  “Sure, you do.” The easy answer had her glancing at him. Smiling slightly, he said, “You just don’t want to tell me.”

  When Alisha stayed silent, he continued, “You know why our families wanted us to meet.”

  Her restlessness blossomed into full blown uneasiness. She wasn’t ready for this conversation.

  “Yes.”

  He didn’t say anything more for a while and Alisha let the silence rest.

  “I loved my wife very much.” His soft words broke the quiet of the night. “She died three years ago of breast cancer. She was diagnosed too late and it all happened very fast. One minute she was there. The next she was gone. It was actually closer to six months, but it felt like a minute. Like she was healthy and laughing one day and the next, she was gone.”

  “I’m sorry.” The words were so inadequate in the face of his grief. A grief that seemed as raw and deep today as it must have been three years ago.

  “So am I.” Still staring into the inky blackness of the night, he murmured, “She was an incredible woman.”

  “You’re still in love with her.” Alisha wondered what it would be like to be loved like that. She doubted she’d ever know.

  “Yes.”

  “Then why are you here?” The direct question had him straightening and turning slightly towards her.

  “Why are you?” He tossed the ball back into her court.

  “My parents.” Taking a deep breath, she answered, “There isn’t much I wouldn’t do to make them happy.”

  “Even sacrificing yourself on the altar of marriage?”

  “Even that,” she confirmed with a smile. Tilting her head up to look at him, she asked again, “What’s your reason?”

  “My mother,” he grinned back at her. “The other woman I love. My reasons are more or less the same as yours.”

  Her mother had been right. Arjun ticked all the boxes. He was a great guy. So she didn’t feel the squiggle. What did it matter? She was being offered a shot at a life with a smart, successful man who took relationships and commitment seriously enough to warm even the most cynical heart.

  “I’ve never been in love. In all these years, not once.” The words shot out of her before she could control her unruly tongue.

  “Never?”

  “Never.” Feeling the need to return his honesty with the truth of her own life, Alisha added, “I don’t know if I can.”

  “What about your ex-husband? You must have loved him in the beginning at least?”

  “No, I never loved him.” The flat, uncompromising words left no space for explanations.

  At a loss for words, Arjun stayed quiet rather than blunder into another minefield.

  Happier memories were easier to talk about freely than painfully unhappy ones. How did you tell someone that your own husband had found you a complete turn off?

  After a moment, Alisha murmured, “So I guess the question is can you live with a woman who may never be anything more than a really great friend to you? Who may never love you?”

  “I suppose I could if she could live with a man who is still in love with his late wife? Who may never love her?”

  “We’re a real pair, aren’t we?” A rueful laugh escaped her.

  “We may actually make it work because of that,” he answered, a small smile touching his lips. “I’ll make you a deal, Alisha. Let’s keep an open mind and see where this goes. No expectations. No irrational hang-ups.”

  “Deal.” Sticking her hand out, Alisha shook his in a formal handshake that had them both grinning at each other. “Only rational hang-ups allowed.”

  “Not going to seal it with a kiss, are we?” he asked.

  “Not a chance in hell.” Alisha laughed. “I don’t kiss men after the first meaningful conversation. You’ll have to wait until the tenth one at least.”

  Still chuckling, Arjun asked, “I’m going to try and get some sleep. Are you coming?”

  “In a while.” Alisha shook her head. “I just want a little time out in the fresh air.”

  Sitting down with her back against the wall and
her eyes closed, Alisha let the peace and quiet soothe her.

  The conversation with Arjun had wedged open a box of memories she kept tightly shut. Tightly shut and with an elephant sitting on top of it so they didn’t have a prayer of escaping. Unfortunately, tonight the elephant had taken a break and they were spinning through her head like a film reel.

  None of them were pleasant. None of them were happy. What did it say about her marriage that she couldn’t dredge up a single happy memory? What did it say about her?

  The door creaked open again. Keeping her eyes closed, she smiled, “Still can’t sleep?”

  “No.”

  Her eyes flew open. Angling her head to bring him into view, she said, “I thought you were-“

  “I know.” Sitting down next to her, Vivaan stretched his legs out in front of him. “Sorry to disappoint.”

  Disappoint. A half laugh escaped her. If only he knew…Letting his statement stand, Alisha wondered why life had to be so damn complicated. The right guy on paper left her cold and the one sitting next to her, who was wrong on so many different counts woke her until-now-nonexistent libido up.

  They sat shoulder to shoulder, staring out into the dark for a while. Starting to relax when Vivaan didn’t bring up anything uncomfortable, Alisha let her head fall back and her eyes close again.

  “Do you like him?”

  Her eyes shot open. He kept his face averted from her so all she could see in the dark was his profile.

  “He seems like a nice person,” Alisha said, cautiously.

  “He is.” There was a moment’s pause before he asked, “So are you going to marry him?”

  “I can’t think of a single reason why I shouldn’t, can you?”

  Vivaan didn’t answer. Several minutes passed as they sat in silence with the cool night breeze forming a gentle backdrop. Alisha leaned her cheek on her folded arms and looked over at him. His mop of unruly curls was a complete mess and one thick curl, rather impressively, stood straight up from his head forming a question mark.

  “Yes. Yes, I can.”

  It took a minute for Alisha to realise he was answering her previous question. Unable to help herself, Alisha reached out and smoothened his hair back into place before asking, “What?”