Trust: Betrayed

by Cristiane Serruya

  “Sophia...” he whispered, astounded by the savagery apparent in the marks. “Who did this to you?”

  “I-I did,” she answered so softly that he thought he’d misheard. “I bought a... A strange whip. A cat-something. And tried it... I mean, on myself. I needed to know if I could handle it. The pain, I-I mean.”

  She was stammering. She was trembling. She knew. But she couldn’t stop herself.

  He didn’t say a word, his eyes fixed on her bruised back.

  She rambled on, “I thought of how strong you are. And I-I hit myself as yo-you would.”

  Alistair choked, horrified as he’d never been in his whole life.

  The anger that surged in him was visceral, a raw feeling directed at himself and fed by the loathsome memories of violence and his perverse behavior. I should have gotten rid of everything. I should never have introduced Sophia to this world.

  He clenched his jaw with so much force that his teeth gnashed. He walked around her, searching for more marks, but found none.

  The sight of Sophia’s bowed head, her long hair partly concealing her face, partly covering her arms and breasts made his anger disappear, replaced by a deep despair. “Why, Sophia? Tell me, why?” His voice sounded hollow.

  She shrugged as she pulled her swimsuit up. “I needed to know what it was like,” she explained as she put on her caftan. “Where you would take me.”

  She flung the doors of the balcony open and walked out, breathing in the cold fresh air.

  Quietly, he followed her, feeling disoriented and unsettled.

  She caught her breath as his hands gently rested on her shoulders.

  “I’m sorry, Sophia.”

  Sophia turned and looked up into the forest green eyes that she so loved. “I’m sorry too. It was stupid. I didn’t-”

  “Nae,” he put a finger on her lips and shook his head. “I am sorry. So very sorry. What you did, what you experienced alone,” he shook his head, horrified, “it’s completely different from what a submissive experiences with her dominant. When a dominant inflicts pain it’s because the sub craves it. It’s like a runner’s high. The pain generates endorphins for those who like it.”

  “I don’t like pain,” she whispered. “As I said a gentle slap or two is okay. But not this kind of pain.”

  “Very well. That is a hard limit for you and I respect it. But let me explain one thing - and try to listen without labeling it. There are many ways of experiencing sex. We have already done role-playing more than once. Me, blindfolding and bonding you. You, wearing a French maid costume for me; and when you blindfolded me. What you call that?”

  She searched his face for a clue, but found none. “Err... fulfilling our fantasies?”

  “Aye, and that could be included in the category of light BDSM too. Although we didn’t plan or discuss it, or set safe-words or agreed on boundaries, many participants of kink would say that you have acted both as a submissive and as a dominatrix. With no pain involved.”

  Sophia’s mouth fell open.

  Alistair smiled at her reaction. “I ceded control to you when you blindfolded me. And you gave me control over you when you let me bind you.”

  “But-but-”

  “Have you looked at the links I sent you?”

  “No,” she answered. “I should have, but...”

  “Let’s do it together then. I should have told you what kind of role-play I enjoyed. We have lots of time to talk about this and we can negotiate our limits and boundaries. There are things I’d like to do, but if you don’t like them, I won’t even consider role-playing with you, because it will damage our trust in each other. It will damage our relationship and you in a harmful emotional way. And even if you agree to something and in the middle of a role-play decide that you don’t like it, I would immediately stop. Do you understand that, Sophia?” He searched her eyes as many emotions crossed her transparent face.

  Not quite, but I can try. But let’s set some limits here. “So, let me see if I got this right. No pain, no humiliation, no abuse. If I say no, it’s no. If I agree to something, I can ask you to stop if I change my mind.”

  Hmm. That’s it, Sophia! He nodded and controlled the naughty smile that threaten to split his lips. You and I will do great scenes together.

  “But let me make myself clear here, Alistair Connor, I’m no submissive. I don’t like that label and I don’t like to be ordered around. In fact,” a naughty smile appeared on her face, “I’ll probably be ordering you around.”

  We’ll see. He snorted but let her finish what she was saying.

  “I can role-play, I can indulge in some previously agreed fantasies. It spices up the relationship. But that doesn’t mean that you can order me around.”

  “Agreed. We’ll go through all those things together. I- I have to apologize for not being completely forthcoming with you from the beginning.” He locked his eyes on hers, for a full minute, hypnotizing her. “Let me make this right.”

  Yes, please do. She raised a questioning eyebrow, “How?”

  “Marry me. Let me love you for the rest of my life.”

  Yes! “Y-” She stopped, uncertain. Dammit, Sophia, say yes!

  For a heartbeat, Alistair was sure she would accept. “We have a standoff, it seems.”

  “A standoff?”

  “Indeed. You keeping saying no. I’ll keep saying yes. I can be as stubborn as you are. I have no intention of changing my mind.”

  And I will capitulate. I’m not strong enough to keep you at bay. Sophia looked away.

  Jaw clenched, Alistair walked to the dressing room and, an instant later, he was back behind Sophia. He caged her body inside his arms, bent his head and kissed her neck, nipping at her earlobe.

  His movement caught her by surprise and she moaned incapable of holding back her pleasure.

  “I love you, Sophia. Say yes,” he murmured in her ear, as his big warm hands squeezed her waist softly. Say yes. Say yes. He stepped closer, his warmth tantalizing.

  She whirled in his arms. Sophia felt utterly conflicted. All she wanted to do was run away like a scared rabbit. But that was all she couldn’t do, as he held her under his spell.

  She closed her eyes and parted her lips, inhaling a desperate mouthful of air. Before she could open her eyes, his lips took hers, commanding, demanding, ravaging her senses and his hand closed over her breast.

  When he broke the kiss, the need to feel his mouth on hers again pulsed through every cell of her body and she leaned into him, consumed by the intensity of his gaze, unable to speak a single word.

  All her reasons for saying no suddenly seemed so banal and incongruous. Yes, Alistair Connor! Yes!

  Time stopped and Alistair waited as she mused, analyzing her feelings.

  Yes, I love you.

  Yes, I’ll marry you.

  She opened her mouth to answer him, but no words left her mouth. She was paralyzed by the realization.

  “Sit,” he pointed to the armchair and knelt on one knee when she sat down. He breathed deeply and took an old jewel box from his pocket, “I love you, Sophia.”

  She breathed unsteadily. I love you too.

  “I had this hidden in the picnic basket,” his voice was husky. “I had a whole speech rehearsed. But you said no...” He opened the box. “It was my mother’s. When I told my father I was going to propose, he suggested I give it to you. My father gave it to my mother when they married. It was her favorite ring.”

  A twenty-six carat fancy deep grayish-blue pear shaped diamond set in white diamonds gleamed at her.

  “It’s- It’s wonderful,” she murmured softly.

  Hm. Good sign. You didn’t say no. Inwards he sighed relieved, watching her bosom rise and fall rapidly. “It is?” Now, say yes.

  She nodded, gazing down at it. “I’ve never seen such a magnificent diamond.”

  “It’s called ‘The Blue Teardrop’.” He smiled at her. “This ring reminds me of you.”

  She shook her head and gave him
a ghost of a smile, “No way.”

  He smiled, feeling more confident and completely besotted. “You never believe me when I tell you that you saved me. You did, sweetheart. I was living inside a deep dark well where no sunshine ever reached me. I was an addict headed to my grave. I was living on the scraps of humanity. Only you were capable of rescuing me.” He entwined his fingers with hers. “A ring reflects a person’s personality. You, your soul and your feelings are as transparent as the white diamonds. The set is unique just like you. It’s classic, elegant and eternal, with a daring touch. As for the blue diamond... Blue is the color of hope and peace. You are my hope of peace. Blue is the sky. You are my safe haven. You are my private heaven. You, Sophia! Only you. I want a happily ever after, not like in a fairy tale, but as a real family that relies on love, trust and friendship to enjoy the good things life brings and to overcome the bad, together.”

  She was speechless, her emotions tumbling over one another. She was so afraid. Every part of her wanted to say yes, but she didn’t know if she should. She wished he’d take over and answer for her, say what she wanted to say.

  “I love you, Sophia.” He kissed her lips softly and buried his face in the hollow of her neck, inhaling her addictive scent.

  One of his hands framed her face and the other pushed into her hair. His eyes were flaming as the intense emotions he was feeling swirled in them. “You saved me. You redeemed me. Since you left, I haven’t slept. I can’t work. I can’t live without you. When you said that you needed some time to think, you plunged a knife in my chest and left my heart bleeding, Sophia,” he whispered. “I felt you slipping through my fingers but I will never let you go. Never. You are mine, Sophia. My woman. My love.” He tilted her head back. “And I want you to be my wife. Marry me, Sophia.”

  She felt like closing her eyes, but the passionate love that resounded in his green depths was too wondrous to not be enjoyed. Too precious to be thrown away. Too rare not to be treasured.

  When Sophia married Gabriel she was barely a woman. She had loved him, yes, but with Alistair she had known a more mature love. Stronger, deeper.

  She really looked at him, as if seeing him for the first time. An epiphany hit her. This is what I’m going to lose if I say no. A passionate man that loves me and that I love like I have never loved before. A treasure. I have to trust this is going to work. Her hazel stare clashed with his emerald green one. It’s all a matter of trust.

  This is your last chance, Sophia. He returned her stare, waiting. Oh. Christ, man! What are you saying? You know you will ask again and again until she accepts. The moment was suspended in air. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak. Say yes!

  Okay, Sophia, this is it. Suddenly, she could think no more, she knew what she felt.

  Sophia mustered all her courage and cupped his jaw with her hand and whispered on his lips, “I love you, Alistair Connor, meu amor.”

  A sudden light flooded his body and soul, pulverizing to dust the remaining shields he had built over the years, leaving him dazzled at the brightness of his feelings. He blinked, too startled to believe his ears.

  I love you. Those three words were Alistair’s undoing. She loves me. She. Loves. Me.

  He drew her gently into his arms and his lips closed over hers in a loving kiss. Alistair was all feeling.

  Breaking the kiss, he breathlessly asked on her lips, with his eyes closed, “Say it again.”

  “Eu te amo, Alistair Connor. I love you,” she murmured. “And... Yes... Heaven help me, us... I will marry you.”

  Amen. He wanted to laugh. He wanted to shout it to the world. He opened his eyes and looked at her. My Beauty. Mine.

  “Give me your hand, please,” he asked, as happy as he had ever been in his whole life. He gently held her hand and he could feel her pulse beating as unevenly as his. He took off the Cartier ring and slipped on his mother’s on her slim finger.

  She held her hand up and watched the diamonds flash in the afternoon light. “It’s perfect,” she breathed, “as you are. I hope I’ll always be worthy of your mother’s memory.”

  “You are and you will.” He stood and held out his hand, inviting her to join him.

  He framed her face in his big hands and slowly dropped his head to kiss her. He let himself be surrounded by her familiar taste and her scent.

  “Alistair Connor,” Sophia moaned, her arms encompassing his waist. How could I ever think of saying no? How could I ever think of living away from you? “Make love to me.”

  In a heartbeat, their kiss changed from gentle to ravenous, her fingers tangled in his hair and his free hand found her breast.

  Sophia had missed his lips, his hands. His touch sent a shock through her spine.

  She wanted him to undress her, to rip her clothes off, to fling her on the bed and have his wicked way with her. Her hands untied her caftan.

  But he would not let her have her way. He stopped her.

  He wanted this to be good. Perfect. He would spend his whole life showing her how much he loved her.

  One of his hand cupped her nape and slanted her head so he could have better access to her mouth, while the other caressed her breast.

  Ever so gently, his hands lowered her caftan and swimsuit to her waist, baring her shoulders to his mouth.

  The sheer material of her caftan floated down on to the floor, skimming her legs, sending jolts of awareness over her skin. The erotic sensation made her moan.

  His green eyes flashed with lust and love, telling her exactly what he was feeling as he helped her out of the swimsuit.

  The warmth of his chest scorched her, heightening the melting sensation that always came over her when he was in charge. The blood in her veins heated up to burning lava.

  Sophia’s hands encompassed his neck, bringing him even closer, her breasts tickling his muscular chest. Softness and hardness. She slipped her tongue along his bottom lip and bit it, returning his soft kiss, drawing his hard body onto hers, inviting, inciting. She needed to quench her thirst; she needed to fill the void his absence had left.

  He broke the kiss, to have a better look at her, running his fingers tenderly over her face, reconnecting, admiring.

  For a moment that seemed to last forever, there was only the sound of their breathing and the thud of his heart, roaring in his ears. He had never felt this freedom, this unfettered happiness which he recognized for what it really was.

  This is what so few find at the end of the rainbow. Bliss. Utter bliss. Undiluted, unconditional love. “I love you.”

  The masculine smell of him overwhelmed her and his body called to her. His lips hovered over her face in a gentle caress, casting a spell over them. The pleasure his lips demanded from her coursed through Sophia’s veins. It snatched her up. It spiked her senses. It brought her home.

  “Please,” she moaned and arched beneath his hand, her nipple had tightened to a firm bud. Incandescent fire spread through her veins.

  “There is no hurry.”

  “You always say that,” Sophia complained as his fingers stroked, gently kneading until his thumb and forefinger rolled her nipple.

  He laughed, delighted and traced her jaw with his tongue, nibbling at her earlobe and whispered, “Slow is better.”

  His mouth moved down her throat and to her collarbone, where he paused to take a small bite, in a sensuous and sinful caress that drew a loud moan from her.

  She tugged on his hair, “Fast is good too.”

  “Greedy, wanton woman,” he murmured on her lips. Hesitantly, he touched her back and she moaned softly on his lips, encouraging him and took his mouth in a deeper and lustful kiss.

  He returned the kiss, but there was still restraint in him, as if he was unwilling to turn all of himself over to her.

  Even as she hated it, she understood why he held back. Desire made her press harder onto his body, slanting her mouth against his, her nails grazing down his back till one hand cupped his butt and the other pressed down on his hard erection, tryi
ng to break the last bit of his control.

  “Tell me you want me,” he asked. He needed to hear the words.

  “I want you,” Sophia breathed as her hands slid inside his shorts. “I love you, Alistair Connor. I’m yours to take.”

  The words were soft but unmistakable. Unbound pleasure erupted within him at her admission.

  “And I’m yours,” he answered, just as softly.

  He didn’t dare carry her in his arms afraid of hurting her back. Putting his hands on her waist and kissing her again, blindly he guided her to the bed.

  She wanted him so badly, she was crazy with lust. She felt how hard he was for her when she pressed onto him.

  Fuck. This is going to be awkward. He paused on the edge of the bed, took off his shorts and, with his hands on her hips, turned her away from him. Removing her hair from her back, he kissed the welts one by one.

  He was touched by the lengths Sophia had gone to see if their relationship could work. What she did was a sign of her love for him. A sign he wanted to wipe away immediately, if he could. “I’m so sorry, Sophia.”

  She turned. She didn’t want him to see the marks on her back.

  “It’s doesn’t hurt that much,” she whispered on his lips as she pushed him onto the edge of the bed and straddled him.

  He started kissing her anew, more decadently this time, running his tongue along her lips before moving to her throat, licking and biting lightly, letting her feel his arousal trapped between their stomachs.

  “Yes!” Sophia gasped at the passionate way he touched her. This is my Alistair Connor. This is the man I love.

  “You have such strong hands,” she whispered as he placed them on her hips.

  “And you are so soft,” he whispered against her neck. “So fragile.”

  “And you’re hard as a rock,” she replied, running her hands over his broad shoulders and down his muscular biceps.

  He was an intriguing combination of silk and steel; she would never get enough. Sophia touched his face, holding it as she kissed him.

  He grunted with deep masculine satisfaction as he made his way to a breast. He could feel she was as hungry for him as he was for her, but he was determined that this time would be all about her. He lapped and nibbled on her nipple and then took it all in his mouth, sucking it with hard tugs that reverberated between her thights.