Shattered Ashes (Dying Ashes Book 3)

by Annathesa Nikola Darksbane

  I didn’t know who I was angry at.

  Lori? My friends? Myself?

  Or maybe I simply railed against cruel, uncaring fate.

  I’d died over a year ago.

  But only just now did it feel like my life had been stolen away.

  I turned my back on everyone and walked away, and it was a long time before I thought to look back.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Epilogue: All roads end somewhere

  It took a long time for my anger to cool from molten hot.

  It took longer for Tamara to catch up to me.

  Stone grated on stone as she squeezed her way into my church through the crack I’d left. Crouching motionless on the back of a stone pew, I watched her walk up the aisle towards me, resting my head on my knees like I had for the last couple of hours.

  “Hoped I’d find you here,” she said softly, her smile tired and a little hesitant. “Mind if I sit down?”

  I grunted.

  “I’ll take that as a yes,” she replied, climbing onto the pew next to me, sitting close to my shoulder.

  I didn’t say anything, and for a while, neither did she.

  “You were wrong, you know.”

  I shifted, glancing at her out of the corner of my dry eyes. “Oh?”

  Tamara nodded. “I wasn’t there looking for Lori. I was there looking for you.”

  I raised an eyebrow.

  “She called me. She’d been by your work after you didn’t come home; she could feel the emotion in the air. Knew something was wrong. She called me, told me you were missing. Asked me—and a couple others—to help look for you.”

  “Fuck me,” I rasped, wheezing out a sigh. I folded my arms over my knees and thumped my forehead down on them.

  “You wondered how Dani knew you,” Tamara continued. “This was how. We all knew Lori. The one who got out. And we knew you too, as the woman she loved, the one who helped her do it.”

  I stayed silent, not even bothering to breathe. What was there to say?

  “You see,” Tamara began, “it’s kind of a secret, but not all of my family are full Moroi. Not really. Some—”

  “Charles told me,” I interrupted.

  The Moroi stopped and blinked. “For fuck’s sake, Charles.” She sighed. “Oh, well. They’ve already written me off as dead to them. What’s one more spilled secret gonna do?”

  “Wait,” I cut in. “You’re still on the chopping block? Even now that we banished Meladoquiel?”

  “Now that you banished Meladoquiel,” Tamara corrected. “And of course. There’s no proof.”

  “And Liandra wanted you gone anyway,” I finished. Tamara smiled grimly, bitterly, but I saw the hurt lurking deeper in her sapphire eyes. “So, Lori’s a half breed?” I guessed. “Like Silvia and Petra?”

  Tamara nodded. “Yeah. You see…” She fell silent for a moment, and I let her gather her thoughts. “The rest of the secret is that only Mother ever breeds true.” I furrowed my brow, not understanding. “That is, Mother births Moroi no matter who—or what, even—she sleeps with. But for the rest of us...we only produce ‘true’ Moroi if we breed with other Moroi.”

  I frowned as that sunk in. “Shit.”

  “Sometimes,” Tamara nodded. “With the mounting Sanguinarian pressure in recent years, we’ve been highly encouraged to do our part to keep our numbers up.” She tapped her fingers together in her lap. “Sometimes very highly encouraged.”

  I felt a few bubbles of anger make their way to the surface. “Your mom’s starting to sound like an asshole.”

  “No! No, it’s not like that,” Tamara said hastily. “Well, it can be, but it’s not Mother’s fault. Not...really. My older siblings, some of them anyway, are the assholes.”

  “But she doesn't stop it?” After a moment, I reached over and gave her hand a squeeze, unsure of how else to express my sympathy.

  “When it comes to her attention.” Tamara took a deep breath. “And it used to be better. She’s become...distant. She used to pay a lot more attention to us, to me…” Tamara blinked and suddenly shook her head. “What the hell, though. I didn’t come here for you to comfort me, not after everything that’s happened.”

  I almost managed a smile. “I don’t mind.”

  Tamara smiled warmly enough for both of us. “Well, what I was trying to work my way around to explaining was that half-blood Moroi can lose their powers if they don’t use them.”

  I let that sink in. “She denied her nature for me. The more she didn’t use her powers, the more human she became. I feel like such an asshole.” I sat up straight. “So those nights I held her, while she had anxiety attacks…”

  “Those were her trying not to use her powers. Trying not to eat part of you.” The Moroi frowned, then shrugged. “But she did it for herself too. Don’t forget that. Meanwhile, the rest of us celebrated that one of our kin got out. That she had a choice.” Tamara smiled again. “It made you both sort of celebrities.”

  “I’m surprised your older siblings let it happen.”

  Tamara nodded. “Normally, they wouldn’t. But there would have been a riot among the younger generation of Moroi if they’d just had her killed. And besides, her father was...someone pretty important.”

  “That’s why she was taken care of after the Rawhead abduction,” I realized.

  “And the other girls as well,” Tamara added. “Lori insisted, and I helped it happen.”

  “Is...she going to be okay, then?”

  “That depends on your definition of okay,” my friend replied. “The decision to leave you wasn’t exactly easy for her.”

  No matter how much I’d prepared myself, the words still cut deep, deeper than Sanguinarian stakes or Meladoquiel’s magic ever could.

  “But she’ll get the therapy she needs for her PTSD, I’m sure of it,” Tamara continued. “And she’ll be safe.”

  That, at least, made me happier.

  “It was stupid.” Tamara sighed. “Her not telling you. I told her it wouldn’t go well.” She turned, catching my eyes. “I promised I wouldn’t let on. Especially after the Rawhead…” Tamara shook her head. “But if I’d known she was just going to go on forever, pretending, I would have stepped in or…”

  “It’s done now,” I said. “No point in what-if’s.”

  Tamara watched me for a long moment, then patted my leg. “I brought someone who wants to talk to you.”

  I perked up, for a moment daring to feel a spark of hope before I ruthlessly smothered it. “Oh?”

  She nodded. “Be right back.” The vampire went to the massive stone door and pried at it until it was open enough for Charles to squeeze himself inside, then slipped out in his wake.

  I watched as Charles made his slow way toward me. The magician limped his way down the aisle, one arm in a sling, a crutch under the other. His battered staff was strapped to his back, and his heavy coat was singed and tattered.

  “Damn, you look bad.” With a groan and creaking bones, I relocated to the front of the church so he wouldn’t have to hobble as far.

  “You should see the other guy,” he replied, his voice rough. “I came to apologize.”

  I made a face. “You sure you’re not still possessed?”

  “Ashley.” He stared at me.

  “Yeah?”

  “Shut the hell up.” The wizard sagged against the pew, letting the cracked and broken stone support his weight and dropping the crutch from his armpit. For a moment, he stared down the aisle, toward the damaged altar. “Fitting that we’re in a church, I suppose.”

  “Oh?”

  “Because I’m searching for forgiveness. Absolution. Not just from you, either.”

  I wasn’t certain how to respond. “Why’d you do it?” I asked finally. “She couldn’t have taken you by force. So I figure you let her in.”

  Charles took a deep breath. “I saw you go over the edge. Saw what she’d done to Tamara, to Lori. And I didn’t see another way out. I thought if I gave in she w
ould take me and go. But it’s never that simple with her. She still wasn’t satisfied.”

  I pondered it for a moment. “If she killed Tamara while trying to ‘capture’ her or during some sort of fake exorcism,” I reasoned, “she would have been free to act, with everyone assuming she was banished back to her own realm.”

  He nodded. “Probably part of the plan, yes.” He eyed me. “So how did you know it was her?”

  “Mostly what I told her,” I grinned. “But also, when she was...in Lori...her ink-stuff didn’t show through. And it finally clicked—”

  “That that was a ruse too.” He sighed. “I never knew she could hide it.” Charles gave me a considering look. “What you did to get rid of her. Was insane. You could have—and probably should have—died.”

  “You were the one willing to sacrifice yourself for us as a container,” I retorted. “You and Tamara.”

  “She’s stupid too,” the wizard responded. “I did it because...it’s all my fault.” I started to protest, but he stuck the end of the crutch in my mouth. “My responsibility. Remember how I told you that, once banished, she would likely remain trapped in her own realm Next Door until some fool magician summons her to our reality again?”

  I nodded, handing him back his crutch.

  “That last fool magician was me.” With a grunt of pain and effort, Charles levered himself to his feet, leaning on the crutch once more. “Ca-Lethe Meladoquiel’s freedom is my fault. It would be fine if it was a crime I could pay for alone.” His combat boot scraped the cold stone as he made his way to the door. “But it’s never that simple with her.”

  He paused at the doorway. “I’d say that you should think twice about being around me,” Charles said, his face grave and worn. “But it’s already too late for that too.”

  As the wizard left, Tamara returned, offering me a sad smile. “I think we’re all a little fucked up right now,” she commented.

  I snorted. “That’s putting it lightly.” I frowned. “I still need to apologize to Rain and Jason for my temper tantrum too.” As Tamara settled in beside me, I elbowed her lightly. “So why’d you do it?”

  “Offer myself to Meladoquiel?”

  I nodded.

  “Honestly?” She ran a hand through her faded blue-black hair. “I actually hoped you guys would stop her before she made me do something horrifying.”

  “Oh. Fuck.” I cringed.

  “I went into the meeting knowing I would hand myself over, for you, for Charles, for Lori,” Tamara added. “And while I figured she intended to double cross us, I knew I was the least useful person there. My will wasn’t enough to stop her, so she could have taken me anytime she wanted. Better for me to give up my freedom than you or Charles or someone who could actually make a difference.”

  “I’m so sorry, Tam.”

  “Me too.” For a moment, her hands trembled, but the Moroi smoothly covered it up as soon as she saw me notice. “But I don’t regret my choice.”

  “So what happens to you now?” I tried to catch her eyes and failed. “What are you gonna do?”

  “They took everything,” Tamara looked sad. “Cut me off completely. I don’t even dare contact anyone; I might get them in trouble.”

  “Damn. And I guess Liandra gets Abyss,” I sighed. “I hate it when the assholes win.”

  Tamara smirked. “Then cheer up. Because she doesn't. I deeded it to Kitty.”

  “Wait, what?”

  The Moroi laughed lightly at my surprised expression. “If that was really something she planned, then I guess Li didn’t look too closely at the fine print on my contracts. I left the whole place to Kitty, just in case of bullshit like this. And I imagine Garibaldi will keep up the security, so…”

  I grinned. “No Abyss for her. Nice play.”

  “But as for me?” Tamara slid off the pew, hugging herself lightly. “I’m kinda lost. And fucked. No family, no money, no prospects…no place to go. As much as I hated some of them sometimes, I’m terrified I don’t really know how to make it without them.”

  “You’ll be fine. You’re awesome.” I caught her arm as Tamara turned away. “And...you do have a place to stay. If you want it.” I gestured at my ruined cathedral, the only home I had left.

  “Thanks, Ashes.” Tamara turned, looking up at me with glowing, liquid sapphire eyes. “And...I’m sorry. About how all this turned out. You sacrificed so much…” She looked me over, taking in all the rents and tears, the dark blood and cracked bones, her eyes sad. “And you and Lori didn’t even get a happy ending.”

  “Yeah, I’m starting not to believe in those,” I rasped. “But it’s done now. There’s no going back. No matter how much I might want to.” I forced a big, fake smile. “But as a bonus, at least I’m hideous now!” My finger traced my torn cheek, my shredded jawline.

  Tamara caught my hand.

  “Not to me,” she said.

  My eyes trapped in hers, the Moroi leaned up on her toes and gently kissed the corner of my mouth, heedless of the dried blood, uncaring of the hole in the side of my face.

  Slowly, she dropped her hand, a slight flush coloring her pale cheeks. “I...guess I’ll go get my bag out of Charles’ truck.”

  I nodded and watched her go.

  Welcome home, Ashley Currigan, I thought. Welcome home.

  From the Author

  So, yeah. Bonded? Lifedrinkers? What the hell was up with that, Suit Guy?

  I hope you all enjoyed the reveals, plot twists, world building, character development... Well, all of it. You get the idea.

  The point is that there's a lot more to come.

  One of my favorite authors, Craig Schaefer, mentioned in one of his afterwords that he really preferred to have things thought out ahead of time, to have an 'endgame' and future events planned out, and I couldn't agree more. I can't say I never think of something on the spur of the moment, but most everything I put into Ashes is going somewhere, even if much further down the road.

  I hope you enjoy that ride, and the destination.

  But for now, I'm off to finish a novella series, and a couple of short stories, but Eris willing, you'll see Ashes again very, very soon. :]

  And of course, thanks for reading, and your support.

  Annathesa Nikola Darksbane

  See you next book!

  If you can’t wait for more, hop on over to our website and join our mailing list. We’ll send you a monthly update on the first, plus new release announcements so you can keep up with all our series and projects. We’ll never spam you or sell your email for pizza money, promise! Plus, we use this mailing list to send free stories!

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  Acknowledgments

  Thanks to my favorite authors and writing inspirations, for being you.

  Thanks to my family for existing and being awesome.

  Thanks to Rot and the girls for you-know-what. Keep it up. :]

  Thanks to my wifey, especially, for being patient and loving and doing ALL THE THINGS! (AllieBrosh.gif)

  Thanks to our editor, Brenda, for all her comma-wrangling.

  Thanks to Jen for the beta-read. You were right a bout a lot of things. And you rambled entertainingly about other things. As usual. *HUGS*

  Th
anks to this guy: for dividing my chapters and stuff.

  And thank you as always to our fans for giving us the chance to do what we love for a living!

  *crab-like chittering*

  About the Author

  Annathesa Nikola Darksbane is a lesbian Discordian shaman who dreams of one day becoming a real cyborg. Currently residing with her awesome partner (and fellow author) of 17+ years, and her unusually awesome daughter.

  She loves philosophy, science, critical thinking, chaos, good food, reading, writing, pen and paper RPGs, video games of most kinds, has an interest in melee combat and believes in making magic every day.

  Though she was born wanting to be a storyteller, for many years the only stories she told were born of being a game master for varying circles of friends. Eventually, with much prodding, she was convinced that those tales needed a new home, instead of living solely in her head.

  Copyright © 2016 by Annathesa Nikola Darksbane.& Shei Darksbane

  All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof

  may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever

  without the express written permission of the publisher

  except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  Printed in the United States of America.

  First Printing, June 19, 2017

  Darksbane Books

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  Florence, AL 35630

  DarksbaneBooks.com

  Cover design and illustration: Shei Darksbane

  This book is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to real people and events are coincidence.

  Table of Contents

  Contents

  Description

  Title Page

  Dedication

  Foreword

  Chapter One Halfway to Normal

  Chapter Two Accidental Clubbing

  Chapter Three Warning call

  Chapter Four Rescue operation/fiasco

  Chapter Five Upstairs throwdown