“Is that why you talk funny? Because you’re from America?”
I glanced up into the rearview mirror to give Millie a warning look. “Sweetheart, you can’t ask people things like that.”
Heidi laughed. “It’s okay. Yes, that’s why I talk funny. I’m surprised you noticed. A lot of people have told me my accent isn’t very strong anymore.”
“It not being very strong doesn’t mean it’s gone,” I said as kindly as I could. Although again, I didn’t really know why I cared. Even so, I found myself listening closely to all of the answers Millie was eliciting from her.
“So you went ice skating in New York. How long ago was that?”
“A few years,” Heidi said vaguely, then waved her hand to indicate the outside. “This time of year, it gets really cold there. It snows sometimes and some of the water in the parks freezes over.”
“It’s cold in New York now?” Millie frowned as if the thought was totally unconscionable. “But it’s always hot when it’s Christmas.”
“It’s hot here at Christmastime because it’s not winter. In New York, it’s winter now, so it’s cold.”
“And when it’s winter, you ice skate outside?” Millie’s eyes were wide with wonder. “Just there in the park?”
“Yes.” Heidi smiled, her eyes glazing over for a moment before she blinked whatever memory she had been reliving away. “You were telling me about Jamie’s party earlier. Does Jamie go to school with you?”
Millie smiled and launched into a detailed description of each of her friends and classmates. When we arrived at the rink, she still wasn’t done.
“Adam is a meanie,” Millie was saying. “My teacher says we should tell her when he’s mean to us, but he’s not mean to me.”
Heidi exchanged a glance with me, but there was more amusement in her eyes than there was in mine. That much, I was sure of. “If he ever is mean to you, you should tell your teacher.”
“Who’s this Adam?” I asked, a pinch of fear making me feel like I’d been stabbed in the stomach with an ice pick. “Why haven’t I ever heard of him?”
“Because he’s not my friend, but he’s not mean to me. He pulled my hair once, though.”
I felt my expression turn to stone, but Heidi smiled and slung her arm around Millie’s shoulders. “Did you tell your teacher he did that?”
“Yes,” she said, her voice so sweet it was impossible to imagine that she’d already grown up as much as she had. If this Adam wasn’t outright mean to her but had pulled her hair, did that mean I already had to start worrying about boys? No. Nononono. This can’t be happening.
“Good,” Heidi replied, walking with Millie into the building.
I stood there staring after them and drew in a deep breath, trying to centre myself. No. Millie’s my baby. She’s still a baby. This boy is probably just a bully.
But I’d have a chat with Millie’s teacher about that, too. Mind made up, I strode into the rink after them.
While Millie was being fitted for skates, I sat beside Heidi as we laced up our own. “I’m sorry about that. She got to talk more than anyone else in the car.”
“That’s okay.” Heidi offered me one of those smiles she had only given to Millie so far, the softer one that did those things to the other parts of me. “I like kids. You really don’t have to apologise. It’s fun to talk to Millie.”
“It’s a good thing you feel that way because I’m pretty sure she’s going to be glued to your side for the rest of the day.” A frisson of discomfort ran through me at the thought. I liked that Millie was so happy and excited around Heidi, but I also knew that I had to be careful.
“I’m ready,” Millie announced as she wobbled over to us.
Heidi gave me another smile, looped the final lace on her skates, and reached over to pat my thigh. “Don’t worry about it, okay? We’ll see you out there.”
Her hand slipped away a minute later, but I was still tense. It had been such a small touch, but it had felt almost intimate. That was the way you touched someone you were in a relationship with, a small brush of a hand to reassure your significant other. I’d seen couples do it countless times.
I was definitely going to have to remember to be careful with her. As I made my way to the rink, Millie’s hand was in Heidi’s as they made their first round. I watched as Heidi said something and Millie laughed. This was something Millie had never had before, a woman around her mother’s age to have fun with.
My discomfort only grew as I watched them together for another minute. Not in the sense that I wanted to wrestle my daughter away from her, but in the sense that Heidi and Millie were already getting close.
But I couldn’t let Heidi get too close. My mother’s warnings rang out like blaring alarm bells in my head. Bringing random women into Millie’s life was unwise and unfair.
Heidi wasn’t exactly random, but it wasn’t like I was settling down with her either. Fuck. Suddenly, it felt like everything had gotten so much more complicated than a simple day out ice skating with my daughter.
Chapter 20
Heidi
Millie was the sweetest little girl I’d ever had the pleasure of spending time with.
A part of me just wanted to scoop her up, hug her, and take her home with me. But that would be kidnapping, so I didn’t really let the thought linger.
I was happy just getting to hang out with her. Talking to her was a fun and refreshing break from all the seriousness of adulthood, and it was a welcome one.
For the first time, I really thought I understood why people said that having kids was a way to make yourself feel like a kid again too, at times anyway. Even this one glimpse into the innocent wonder of childhood made me feel twenty years younger and freer than I had in a long time.
Millie’s cheeks were flushed with the cold inside the rink, her small fingers gripping mine tightly. Archer had been right when he said he suspected she was going to be glued to my side for the day, but I’d been honest when I told him that I really didn’t mind.
She smiled up at me now, the happiness in her eyes warming my heart all the way through. “Will you have dinner with us tonight? I already asked my Dad. He said he would ask you, but he didn’t ask you in the ride over.”
Maybe he would have if he’d had the chance to get a word in edgewise, but I didn’t mention it. It didn’t matter who asked anyway. The end result was the same. We would all be having dinner together, and that really did sound good to me.
“Sure. That will be fun. Do you have a favourite place you want to go to?”
Her eyes lit up at my agreeing to go and the expression in them made my heart trip and stumble. God, she was cute. “Do you think we could go get pizza? I love pizza.”
“Did I hear someone say pizza?” Archer asked from behind. He skated up smoothly to Millie’s other side and reached for her free hand. “Are you hungry, baby?”
Millie shook her head. “No, not yet. I asked Heidi if she would come to dinner with us and she said yes.”
“She did, did she?” He looked at me over the top of her head. To my surprise, the smile he wore made him seem genuinely pleased about this turn of events. “You know you don’t have to come just because she asked you, right?”
“I know,” I said. “But at least she asked. Apparently, you were supposed to.”
“Hey, I asked you out to dinner on Monday,” he said, but there was only amusement in his eyes. It didn’t really bother him at all that he hadn’t been the one to ask me, despite his objection.
“True, you did.”
“I wasn’t there on Monday,” Millie interjected, a hurt frown causing a pang in my gut.
Reaching across my body with my free hand, I smoothed her soft hair. “It was for work.”
“Yeah, nothing exciting,” Archer said, but when he caught my eye again, he winked. “It’s nothing to even talk about really.”
I rolled my eyes, but I was still smiling. “Exactly, so let’s not talk about it.”
&n
bsp; “Your wish is my command,” he quipped.
Millie looked between us with confusion narrowing her eyes. “You guys are weird.”
“We are,” Archer agreed. “It’s because we’re adults. We’re weird and nowhere near as fun as kids.”
“I was actually just thinking that earlier,” I said. “Adults are way too serious all the time.”
“Let’s agree not to be adults today then,” Archer replied, but then he smirked and lowered his voice. “But let’s also agree that not everything about being an adult is serious and boring.”
The space between my legs heated at the memories of what he was hinting at, and not very subtly so. Then again, I’d been horny pretty much all week. Horny or worrying about what had happened, which meant thinking about it, which brought me back to horny.
Archer had awoken this deep need in me to have more of what he’d given me. The problem was that I only wanted it from him, and that was off the table. So yay for the perpetual cycle of horniness.
I shot him a look and then glanced pointedly down at Millie. “I agree, but I seem to remember agreeing not to talk about those parts of adulthood with each other again.”
Millie sighed. “I’m lost.”
“It’s nothing to worry about, sweetheart,” Archer said, returning his attention back to his daughter.
I hadn’t missed the heat in his eyes before he’d torn them away from me, though. He still wanted me just as much as I still wanted him, yet we’d agreed that what had happened could never happen again.
Millie was right. Adults really were weird. There were just too many complications for us not to be.
“So pizza for supper?” Archer asked Millie, then lifted his gaze back to mine. “Just to double check, kids can have cheese before they go to bed, right?”
I blinked at him for a second, then nearly fell over from laughing on the ice. “I’ve been reliably informed that it’s not a don’t-swim-after-you-eat scenario, so yes. They can.”
For all her talk about dinner and excitement for pizza, Millie fell asleep in the car almost before we left the ice rink’s parking lot. Archer glanced at her in the mirror, a small smile so gentle it made my heart race.
“Well, that was much easier than it used to be to get her to take a nap.”
My eyes slid to the side to look at her. She looked positively angelic in her sleep, even younger and sweeter than she already was. “Do you want to get her home? We can take another raincheck on dinner.”
“I think we’d better do that.” He sighed and ran his hand along the back of his neck, shooting me a wry glance. “For what it’s worth, I was looking forward to having dinner with you again. But I really should get her home. I’ll order in some pizza for us later.”
He didn’t invite me to join them, but that was okay. I understood why. Millie waking up to find me in their house with her father probably wasn’t the best way not to confuse her about the nature of our relationship.
“You’re a really good father, you know that?” The words came tumbling out before I could stop them.
He met my eyes in the mirror briefly, a slight frown pulling his brows together. “Why? Because I’m going to take my kid home when she’s asleep and then feed her later?”
I chuckled softly, shaking my head. “Not only that. From what I’ve seen, you’re just a really good father. It felt like something you might need to hear.”
“I don’t know if that’s true.” I noticed that his knuckles were practically white as he gripped his steering wheel. “The part about me being a good father, not the part about needing to hear it. It’s nice to hear it, even if I don’t know if it’s true.”
“It’s true,” I said, my tone firm. “Well, in my limited experience with fathers anyway. At least you can rest assured that you’re definitely a better father than mine ever was.”
“You mentioned a stepfather the other night, but not your father.” Well, that was one way to get into something even more personal than we had before.
My offhanded comment during dinner the other night had been made in a completely different context and had been part of casual conversation. I hadn’t even realised he’d been listening so closely that he’d remember it.
My jaw tightened, but I wasn’t angry about having been asked. It was more of an instinctive reaction to brace myself against the sting of having to say the words out loud. “I never knew my father, so there’s nothing really to say about him.”
Archer’s eyes widened. “You never knew him at all?” I shook my head and he released a low whistle under his breath. “My old man was never really in the picture when I was older, but he was around when I was a kid. At least I got to know him a little bit then.”
I shrugged. “You can’t really miss something you never had, so I guess in a way, you have it worse than I do.”
He rocked his head from side to side as he considered how to answer me. “I think we both got pretty raw deals in the Dad department. Let’s leave it that.”
“You’ve got yourself a deal.” I smiled at him when he glanced at the mirror again. “I like that we’re agreeing on so many things at the moment. It’s going to make finalising the plans for the party that much easier.”
“Speaking of which.” He cleared his throat. “What are you going to do for Christmas? I’m assuming we’re going to take a break for a day or two.”
My smile didn’t drop, but it turned sad. I felt even the corners of my eyes turn down. “I’m going to see my mother. It’s been too long, and spending the day with you guys showed me how much I’ve missed her. Family is important, no matter what. I’ve been forgetting that recently.”
There was a story there, but Archer didn’t push for it and I didn’t share it. We were supposed to be keeping things professional and casual.
My mother’s tale wasn’t either of those things. Talking about her didn’t just sting like talking about my non-existent dad did. It hurt. It more than hurt actually. It ripped my heart in two every damn time, and I couldn’t risk having two pieces of it available right now.
If I did, the chance was too good that I’d end up offering one to Archer. And that definitely could not happen.
Chapter 21
Archer
“You’ve done an outstanding job with the tree this year,” my mother said, gazing up at the twinkling lights wrapped around the bright green branches of our Christmas tree. “I like the new decorations.”
“Thanks.” I grinned at her, stroking my hand through Millie’s soft hair where she lay with her head in my lap. “We had fun making them.”
Last night had been Christmas Eve and Millie and I had spent it making new homemade decorations for the tree. I hadn’t been much of a fan of Christmas until she’d come along.
Christmas with a child was magical, though. Every year, it made me want to top whatever we had done the year before.
As a result, this year, it looked like I’d robbed Santa’s warehouse and brought everything back to my place. Not only was the Christmas tree so full that there wasn’t space to hang one more thing, but there were stockings hanging over my unlit fireplace, garland on the curtain rails, and candy canes in little jars all over the house.
I’d also sprinkled flour on the floor around a stencil of Santa’s supposed footprints, had an entire sleigh made up of lights out in the front yard, and carols were playing on repeat in every room in the house.
Mum and I were sipping on ice-cold Sauvignon Blanc wine while Millie had a strawberry milkshake. All in all, Christmas day was pretty damn perfect so far.
Millie sat up to face my mother, reaching out to admire the string of pearls hanging around her neck. It had been my gift to her this year. “These are so pretty, Grandma. Next year, I’m going to ask Santa for this.”
“Oh yeah?” My mother smiled indulgently. “You’ll have to remember to put it on your list early so you don’t forget by this time next year. We could both wear them for Christmas and match.”
Millie
’s answering smile was so bright she was beaming. “That will be fun.”
I arched a brow and looked between the two of them, injecting a healthy dose of disbelief into my tone as I pointed at the pile of opened presents near the tree. “Are you two being serious right now? We only finished opening this year’s presents a few hours ago. You can’t already be thinking about what you want next near.”
My mother’s eyes twinkled with humour when they met mine. “Of course we can. We’re women. We love presents.”
Rolling my eyes, I chuckled lightly at her. “Oh, trust me. I know. I’m starting to think we should induct Hugo into the family as an honorary member just so I won’t be the only man.”
“But you do such a great job of choosing presents that you don’t need backup,” Mum said around another smile. “But I do like that boy. He can become an honorary member of the family any time.”
“I’ll speak to his parents about adopting him,” I teased.
Millie looked up at me with wide eyes. “Really, Daddy? Can we adopt Uncle Hugo?”
“No, baby.” I ruffled her hair and winked at her. “His parents would never give him up to us anyway.”
She sighed, but I could see that her disappointment was an act. “Oh, well. I’ll just have to wait a little longer for a brother then.”
Mum’s grip on her glass tightened so much I thought it might shatter. She tossed me an entirely unnecessary warning glower and then forced a bright smile for Millie, changing the topic without acknowledging the previous statement at all.
“What else do you want for Christmas, my dear? We’ll make a note of the pearls, but you might have to wait a few more years for them yet. Maybe some other jewellery?”
Mum had clearly been referring to next Christmas, but Millie didn’t seem to pick up on it. A hesitant smile lifted the corners of her lips as she looked at me with pleading eyes full of hope.
“I want to see Heidi for Christmas. Please can we, Daddy? It’s not too late yet if we call her now.”
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