A Rarefied View At Dawn

by David Farland

Almost immediately a shadow fell over them. Bann looked up as a pod of sky-whales slowly swam through the fog overhead, their wide wings undulating as they fed on micro-organisms in the sky.

  Bann wondered what his father would look like. He'd never seen a man.

  They walked down a trail, into the gloom, and soon strange pseudo-plants began to rise all around them. Violet-colored vines twined around each other madly, forming a canopy overhead. Bann could hear three vines straining, making cracking sounds, as they sought to pull down a larger tree. It suddenly shattered, and light opened in the canopy. But almost as soon as it opened, the competing vines and trees leaned in to claim the meager sunlight.

  Enormous beasts could be heard in the shadows, so the Valkyries powered up their rifles and slowed.

  "You'll have a decision to make soon," Tuyallah told Bann. "I want you to think hard."

  What decision, he was going to say. But suddenly they turned a corner, and reached a small wooden fortress made of sharpened poles. It wasn't large, perhaps only big enough to hold a couple of hundred sisters. A creature sat atop the wall, bearing a magnetic rifle. Bann had seen pictures of apes and chimps, hairy creatures that once lived in trees on Earth. This looked like one. Long hair covered its face, and it wore a tunic that left its chest, arms, and legs exposed. Hair covered them, too--not as thick as a goat's hair, but the creature was obviously more animal than human.

  "Ohhh," it crooned in a deep voice, eyes going wide at the sight of Bann and Tuyallah. "Now there's a likely pair of screamers. Come for a thick one, have ya, ladies?"

  Bann stared at the creature, and fear seized his tongue. He hadn't heard that apes could speak.

  "No, thank you," Bann's mother said. "I'm looking for a man. His name is Bann. Bann McKenzie. He's a pilot."

  The ape grunted, scratched at its crotch. "Bann, Bann the sailor man. Haven't seen him in years. But if it's a man you want, I'm hard enough for you, and you know what they say, 'A hard man is good to find.'"

  Bann gaped. He had assumed that the creature was an ape, but it claimed to be a man!

  "Bann McKenzie is the one I want," his mother said.

  "Maybe his ship is in port. Or maybe someone else knows where to look. Go right on in." The creature kicked a lever, and a wooden door flung open beneath him. Bann and his mother entered.

  The fortess was small indeed. A shanty town made of rough wood opened onto an empty square. One stall held a man who was skinning goats in the open air.

  Bann heard a cry and glanced to his right. Two boys, little older than Bann, were tussling in the street. One cried out in pain, and Bann shouted, "Mother!"

  Both boys looked up at the sound of his voice and grinned, as if to prove that no harm had been done.

  "It's all right," his mother said. "They're just playing.

  "But . . . someone could get hurt," Bann objected.

  His mother said softly, "Boys often play . . . by fighting each other."

  The boys continued to wrestle, and Bann watched, heart hammering. Such violence was forbidden in the sanctuary.

  "Come along," Tullayah whispered. "The Valkyries are getting too far ahead."

  Indeed, the droids had taken a good lead. They were heading to the far side of the fortress, where a pair of Floater ships hung at port. Some rough-looking men were loading bales of Kara Kune cotton on one of the gondolas, along with crates of electronics.

  Tuyallah hurried down the mud street, past men who came out the shops to gawk at her and her son. Bann saw a woman, too, a feral woman dressed in men's leather pants, with daggers sheathed in her boots, an open leather vest barely concealing her breasts. She watched Bann knowingly, smiled and blew a kiss at him.

  Bann's mother stopped just beneath the stabilizer bar on the first Floater, a scarred old ship called "The Ether Sea." She did not seem to know who to address, so she clapped her hands for attention and called out, "I am looking for a man, a pilot, named Bann McKenzie."

  One rough man who was wrestling a barrel up a ramp peered at her. His eyebrows were so thick that they looked like an extension of his beard, but the hair on top of his head seemed to have fallen off. Bann wondered what illness would cause such a hair loss.

  "McKenzie? Haven't crossed paths with that old scoundrel in what--five years? Back then he was runnin' guns between Buddha's Reef and King's Tit."

  Bann had never heard of Buddha's Reef, but King's Tit was pirate country--a mountain base hidden beneath the fog. It was high enough so that there was still some light, low enough so that it couldn't be seen from the air.

  Bann's mother bit her lip, frustrated. "Can you send him a message? Tell him that he has a son?" She clenched Bann's shoulder. "A fine son."

  The man smiled sadly, studied Bann. "A son is it?" he said, shaking his head. "Not much of a boy. Looks more like a girl to me. Not fit for a man's work--at least not yet."

  "Nevertheless, his time is coming," Tuyallah said.

  The man shook his head, as if there was little that he could do. "I'll beam a few messages to passing ships, but I can't guarantee anything. Haven't seen McKenzie in years. Pirates could have got him. Or maybe he crossed the Sizzle to Far-And-Away. Why don't you take the boy home? Forget about McKenzie."

  "You will deliver the message?" Tullayah begged.

  "For all of the good it will do."

  "Thank you, brother," Bann's mother said, bowing her head in gratitude. Of all the strange things that Bann had seen that day, this last was the strangest of all--his mother bowing to the grizzled old ape-like man.

  She turned quietly, pulled Bann behind her, and they began the long climb back uphill.

  Bann was too stunned to say much for a long time. They walked up through the trees, and as they did, the sun dipped below the horizon, leaving the jungle in darkness. One Valkyrie took the lead and the other walked behind, both cranking their running lights to bright, so that the group traveled walked in a haze of glory.

  "Why did you bow to that man?" Bann asked as they walked. "He didn't deserve such honor. You can't trust him to help you."

  "All people deserve respect," Tuyallah said. "Besides, he is already helping us. His ship carries goods between the sanctuaries. His troops in their little fortress keep monsters from the lower reaches of the mountain and frighten of pirates. Its men like him that do our dirty work. And they do it because they are noble and generous, despite what some of our sisters may say."

  Bann had never heard such talk before. Men could be noble and generous? It was a daring thing to say, blasphemous.

  They reached their own market after sundown, and Bann ate four skewers of shish kabob and half of a honeydew. He danced with the girls in the town square, drinking peach juice sweetened with cotton-blossom honey. He got so full that he felt 'drunk on food,' as the saying went.

  Well after dark, Maya came out. She wore a white sleeveless tunic, cut low in the front. The white contrasted sharply with her dark skin.

  Bann was eager to tell her of his adventures, but she seemed timid, as if she wanted to talk later, in private. A group of women came out to play music, and many of the women began to dance.

  Maya seemed to reach some decision, and she put bells on her anklets, as women do when seeking a girlfriend, and she pulled Bann into the street.

  She clapped her hands above her head to the sounds of shrill pipes, and danced around him, whirling, eyes riveted on him, her white teeth flashing in a smile.

  Her face was radiant, her rosewater perfume intoxicating. Bann raised his hands and clapped, too, as Maya danced for him.

  For the first time in his life, Bann wondered what it would be like to take her as a lover. Many sisters took each other for lovers, but Bann was too young for such a thing. Indeed, he had no idea what he would do with her. Hold her? Kiss her? Caress her.

  Cherish her.

  He longed to kiss her, and as she danced, her pert young breasts bouncing and swaying, for the first time he wondered what it would be like to touch them, to stroke them
, or to explore the sacred place between her legs.

  He gritted his teeth as he danced, fearing that others might somehow guess at his shameful thoughts, his desires were so strong.

  She smiled, drawing so close to that her breasts brushed his chest, then whirling away. "What?" she laughed. "What is it?"

  Bann wanted to speak, to tell her what he was feeling, but couldn't find the words.

  Suddenly her expression changed and her eyes went wide, as if she had guessed at his thoughts. She drew close and whispered, "After the dance. Meet me behind the flower-seller's stall."

  Bann made no answer, but when the dancing ended and the shadows got deep and the stars lit the bowl of heaven, he made his way to the flower-seller's stall. In the shadows behind it, Maya was waiting.

  Up on the towers of the fortress, the city's beacon's were ablaze. A beam of light flashed over them, and Maya pushed Bann a little, nudging him forward, and laughed. "I know," she said. "I know."

  "Know what?" Bann asked.

  "I love you, too," she said.

  She leaned forward then, and Bann could smell her sweat, and the sweet oils in her hair, and for one moment the weight of her chest was fully against his, and he felt intoxicated by her presence. Almost, he wished to reach out and put his arms around her, to claim her, the way that women did when they married. She leaned into him and kissed his lips.

  He reached up and stroked her hair, pulling her close, enjoying the moment. But his heart was beating so fast that he could not really savor it.

  Fearfully, he reached up and touched her breast. It yielded beneath his touch like the softest clay. He explored it, running his fingers from her armpit down to her nipple. Maya's eyes went wide and she smiled broadly, as if at a shared secret. She pulled him roughly, pressing her lips into his, as if by pushing hard enough they could join permanently. She hugged him, her whole body melting into him.

  "Someday," she whispered fiercely in his ear. "Someday . . . you and I will build our spirit temple together." She pulled back as the sanctuary's beacon pulsed again. He saw tears sparkling in her eyes.

  Then Maya pushed his chest and ran away, giggling.

  It was not until he was lying in bed late at night, after having relived his moments with Maya over and over, trying to make sense of them, that Bann thought back to the ugly men that he had seen, and recalled that his mother had told him that he would have to make a decision soon.

  But what had she been warning him about? He had never heard. He reminded himself to ask her in the morning.

  *****

  Bann forgot to ask in the morning. He got too involved in playing with his chick, Yusaf.

  Over the next two weeks, the chick became the center of Bann's life. Yusaf, Bann soon learned, loved to go to the fruit seller's stalls, where he strutted atop the melons and flapped his stubby wings.

  The chick grew fast. Yusaf's legs grew long and yellow. Soon, grotesque little pinion feathers sprouted from this wings, as did an ugly little cock's comb above his eyes. And to Bann's surprise, Yusaf started growing two little bags beneath his beak--testicles, Bann decided, just like his.

  Bann felt sure that he was taking good care of Yusaf, for every few days, he would bring the chick back to school for another injection, and Bann's chick was growing faster than all of the rest.

  His teacher kept it separated from the smaller chicks, and then announced one day, "It is time for the second part of our experiment."

  She placed all of the chicks together, and had the children sit in a circle, watching them. She threw a handful of seeds into the dirt, and said, "Now, sisters, I want you each to watch your own chick, and to count how often it pecks at the others."

  Bann let Yusaf go. Yusaf was twice as tall as the other chicks, and far heavier. It did not need to fear them. But as the other chicks went to eat, Yusaf pecked at their eyes and chased them about. He leapt upon the girl chicks, and in a vicious attack finally tried to kill one. He leapt on her, kicking with the tiny spurs on the back of his feet, and pecked her head, leaving it bloody.

  The teacher grabbed the chicks and drew them apart, telling Bann, "Hold him tight."

  Bann felt ashamed of Yusaf, and whispered, "Bad chicken. Stop that now."

  But Bann had learned one thing about chickens in the past few weeks. They were too dumb to follow a command.

  It didn't matter. The teacher had ended the contest. "Now, sisters," she said. "What is the only difference between these chickens? They all ate the same food. They all drank the same water and warmed beneath the same sun. What was different?"

  "Testosterone," Bann said, his hand shooting up faster than anyone else's.

  "That's right," she said. Then she went around the circle, and asked each child to tell how many times her chick had pecked another. Bann's chick had pecked others more than four hundred times. Maya's chick had come in second in the contest, pecking other chicks more than fifty times, and the chick that got only a small amount of testosterone pecked others only thirty times. Some of the chicks hadn't pecked at others at all.

  "Can you see how the testosterone hurts the chickens?" the teacher asked. "Among chickens, it turns them into cocks. It causes the cocks to peck others, sometimes to even kill others. It also has other effects. It makes the cocks grow strong, with muscles to match their violence. It drains all love from their hearts. It makes them stupid, eccentric, and morally weak. That's why we must separate the cock from the hens."

  Bann was clinging tightly to Yusaf. "Here," the musfayed told him. "Let's put your cock away, so that the other chicks can eat in safety." She took Yusaf and locked him in a cage, along with the other cocks.

  As she did, she spoke with her back turned, "Among humans, " she said, "testosterone turns boys into men. It is created by the body, in little sacs called testicles, which are hidden between the boy's legs."

  Bann felt stunned. His testicles were a rare and embarrassing thing, almost a deformity. He'd never known what they did before.

  He felt queasy. He wanted to assure the girls that he was not like some other men. He wasn't strong or stupid or morally depraved. He raised his hand. "I saw some men, once. Down below the city. They had hair all over--like goats."

  I'm not like them, Bann thought.

  "Yes," the teacher said. "Like animals." She smiled cruelly, raised her hypodermic needle full of testosterone, and said, "Would any of you girls like some?"

  All of the girls laughed nervously. Bann squirmed.

  "The testosterone in a man isn't made all at once," the muysafed said. "The testicles come most alive when a boy reaches puberty. That's when his muscles grow large, and the hair grows, and the violence begins." She smiled benignly, an angel in her white silk uniform.

  Suddenly Bann thought about the statue of the heroine Vanyarra in front of the assembly hall, the woman who had led the Three Thousand Sisters into space thousands of years before. She was young and beautiful, all dressed in white silk, her face hidden beneath the sheerest of veils. Her back was arched, as if she would suddenly lift into the air, and her eyes focused on something far away, high above her. Her face was exultant, as if all her life she had sought to see beyond that veil, and suddenly her vision had pierced it.

  Bann felt like that, too. He could see the future. His body was producing testosterone. Given enough time, he would become hairy and stupid, like Yusaf, full of cruelty.

  "Sister," he asked. "How do you fix testosteron?" "Testosterone?" she asked. "There is no fixing it. It's a poison, a slow poison that makes you feel stronger as it kills you."

  "Aren't there any good men?" Bann asked.

  "There are legends," teacher said. "But they're only fables. Lies. The poison ruins all men. It makes them want to win at everything, to be the first to raise their hands in the classroom, to run faster than others, to dominate. It makes them want to rape women, even their own children. It forces them to fight, to go to war, to kill their wives. Testerone destroyed Earth. That's why the wise matrons put the
men from our cities so long ago. There was a time when we were ignorant, when we thought we needed men to breed," she looked pointedly toward Maya, "but we learned better."

  Maya bent low and hid her face behind her hands. She was crying.

  "Can't we fix the problem?" Bann asked desperately.

  "Perhaps," the muysafed said. "Sometimes, boys will have the testicles removed, along with . . . that other thing between their legs. Once they have been given a few shots of female hormones, their breasts will develop, and they are practically women."

  Bann realized suddenly that the teacher had arranged this whole experiment just for him. It was the teacher's way of showing what he needed to do.

  He cringed, thinking of the pain that he would have to endure, but he knew that he'd do it. He didn't want to let the poison keep running through him. The thought of hitting Maya, of hurting her, was too repulsive.

  "Now," teacher said, "let's take a break. You can go outside, but I'd like each of you to think about what you learned from our experiment. Maya, you stay in here with me. I would like to speak with you privately."

  Bann got up and walked under the willows for a moment there in the dome, letting their fronds caress him, inhaling the bitter scent of their leaves. But he felt an overpowering need to escape. He rushed out the door, then stood with his back to the doorpost, hidden, thinking hard.

  He heard a girl inside beg the teacher. "Can we keep the chicks?"

  "Of course," the musfayed said, ever generous. "All but the ones that have testosterone poisoning."

  "And what will we do with them?" a girl asked.

  "Put them to sleep, let them die peacefully. There isn't much more that we can do."

  "Can't we just put them in a cage, let the testosterone wear off, until they get better?"

  "No," the teacher said sadly. "Even a little testosterone ruins them for life. It doesn't wear off. And they don't really ever recover."

  "Even Bann?" Maya asked. "Even if he becomes a woman?"

  "He has lived with testosterone poisoning since his conception," teacher said. "That's what made him a boy in the first place. It poisoned his brain as he developed. That's why he must be the first to raise his hand every time I ask a question. He can never truly overcome it. Still, for his own sake, and for ours, we must encourage him to try." Bann felt stricken. He heard the girls leaving the dome, and he hurried to the sandy courtyard where the thin winter light filled the bowl of the sky. Darkness would soon fall.