A Promise of Hope

by Amy Clipston

  His heart ached when he thought of Sarah. He wished he could take back the words he’d said to her, but the hurt had boiled over from his soul after carrying it for so long. She was wrong, so wrong, to run after him and act like she cared for him after the way she’d treated him. Perhaps she was the liar instead of Luke.

  To make matters worse, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t shut off the echo of Eli’s words in his head. He kept pondering what Eli meant when he said Luke was running. Was Luke running back to Ohio out of fear of his love for Sarah?

  Was going back to Ohio a mistake?

  But Luke kept coming to the same conclusion: if Sarah loved Luke, then she wouldn’t marry Norman. It was a simple assessment. Being with her felt so right, yet it was so wrong. It was a sin, and she was marrying another man. It made more sense for Luke to forget her.

  Luke imagined Sarah’s beautiful face—her ivory skin, skyblue eyes, and pink lips. She would be a beautiful bride. Norman was the luckiest man on the planet.

  Yet he couldn’t deny the affection for her that surged through his heart and his soul.

  And then there were the twins. When they were born, Luke had made a vow to be the uncle they needed and deserved. Yet here he was retreating to Ohio with his tail between his legs because he couldn’t face Sarah marrying another man. He was breaking his promise to Peter’s children, but he couldn’t stand the idea of seeing Sarah with Norman.

  How on earth would Luke be able to let the twins and Sarah go and move on with his life?

  Staring out the window at a wide-open field rushing by, Luke opened his heart to prayer, asking God to lead him down the right path. He hoped he could arrive back in Ohio thankful for his days in Bird-in-Hand and, somehow, through a miracle only God could provide, with his heart and soul glued back together.

  After getting the twins settled in their cradles, Sarah joined Mamm at the breakfast table and lowered her head in silent prayer. Lifting her gaze, she scooped scrambled eggs from a bowl onto her plate and then handed the bowl to Mamm. “Where’s Dat?” she asked.

  “He had to run an errand. He should be back shortly.” Mamm passed the plate of rolls to Sarah. “How did you sleep last night?”

  Sarah shrugged, studying the contents of her plate. “Gut. The zwillingbopplin only had me up twice.”

  It was a bold-faced lie, but she couldn’t bring herself to tell the truth. Mamm would worry if she knew Sarah had been up praying and crying between feedings. She’d spent the night drowning in guilt for yelling at Luke. She’d deserved the cruel words he’d spat at her.

  She remembered how he’d stalked off. The anger in his eyes had split her heart in two, and she had to face the fact that he hated her.

  She’d prayed most of the night, begging God to convince Luke to stay. Yet she feared the inevitable—that he would go back home to Ohio to forget her and the twins forever.

  Sarah tried to smile but worried her lips formed a grimace instead. She buttered her roll while Mamm yammered on about her plans for the day. Sarah nodded at the appropriate times.

  The door opened and slammed, and Dat slipped into the chair next to Mamm. “Smells appeditlich!” He reached across the table aiming for a roll.

  “Eli Kauffman,” Mamm scolded, slapping his hand. “Wash your hands!”

  “Ack, my hands are clean.” He rolled his eyes and schlepped to the sink. After scrubbing, rinsing, and drying his hands, he returned to the table and then bowed his head in silent prayer.

  Finishing, he looked up and smiled. “How are you this morning?” he asked Sarah while loading his plate.

  “Gut.” She forked some egg from her plate. “Where did you have to run to so early?”

  “I had to meet Mike Gray to get someone to the train station.” He buttered a roll. “What do you ladies have planned for today?”

  “Train station?” Sarah’s stomach plummeted. “Mike Gray gave someone a ride there? Who had to take a train?” She knew the answer before he reported it.

  “Luke went home.” He said the words as if they were mundane, but something in his eyes revealed more. It was as if he knew how she felt. How could he know? Had Luke told him about their argument last night?

  Speechless, Sarah stopped chewing and studied her father. Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted Mamm watching her, a curious expression clouding her face.

  “He asked me to arrange for a ride, so I took him to Mike’s early this morning.” Dat shrugged, but his eyes were more honest—they were filled with hurt. “He said he felt like it was time to go.” He brightened. “But he’ll keep in touch and wants to come visit the zwillingbopplin.”

  Sarah’s stomach twisted.

  Luke was gone. Gone for good.

  And she had pushed him away.

  And he hated her.

  Her throat dried and her eyes stung. Setting her fork next to her plate, she pushed back her chair.

  “Sarah Rose,” Mamm said. “You must finish eating and keep your strength up so you can care for the zwillingbopplin.”

  “I’m not as hungry as I thought.” Standing, she took her dishes to the sink. “I need to go lie down for a bit. I’ll finish the dishes later.”

  Mamm rose and took Sarah’s arm. “Please sit. You must eat.”

  “Maybe later.” Sarah gently pulled her arm back. “I need to go rest.” She headed for the stairs, avoiding her parents’ stares.

  “I thought you wanted to go to the market with me,” Mamm called after her. “Your dat can watch the kinner.”

  “Later,” Sarah called back, her voice thick. She hurried up the stairs, reaching her room just as the tears began to splatter.

  Flopping onto her back on the bed, she sobbed, silently scolding herself for pushing Luke away. Would she ever see him again? Did she even deserve to see him again?

  No, she didn’t, after the way she’d treated him.

  Covering her face with her hands, Sarah wished she could turn back time to the day of the fire. If only she’d convinced Peter to stay home with her that day and talk, then maybe, just maybe, he’d still be alive. If she hadn’t lost him, she’d never have wound up in the mess she was in now—alone and confused, raising two babies without a husband.

  She never would’ve met Luke.

  And she never would’ve loved Luke either.

  Applesauce Cake

  1 cup granulated sugar

  1/2 cup shortening

  2 tsp baking soda

  3 cups flour

  1 cup raisins

  1-1/4 cups nuts

  1-1/2 cups sweetened applesauce

  Pinch of cream of tartar

  1 Tbsp cooking sherry

  1/4 tsp salt

  1 – 1/2 tsp cinnamon

  1/2 tsp cloves

  1/2 tsp allspice

  1/2 tsp ginger

  Cream sugar and shortening. Sift in baking soda and flour. Add raisins and nuts, then add remaining ingredients. Bake in a greased 9-inch square pan at 350 degrees for 35 to 40 minutes.

  20

  Sarah stared down at the ledger and frowned. At Mamm’s request, she was balancing the bakery books in preparation for the start of the tourist season at the end of the month.

  Although she tried to concentrate on the numbers, her mind repeatedly wandered to Luke—how he’d chatted in the den with the family after meals, how he’d looked every time he gazed down at the twins with love in his eyes…how he’d smiled at her during their conversations on the swing…

  Leaning back in the chair, she covered her face with her hands. Why was Luke still haunting her nearly two months after he’d left? She’d attempted to engross herself in the zwillingbopplin. However, time and time again, her thoughts meandered back to Luke. She could see the pain in his eyes the night before he left. She could still feel his anger, hear it in the tone of his voice.

  She’d hurt him. How could she have hurt the one man who made her feel safe? Why did she push away the one man she could possibly love?

  But
how could she court her late husband’s brother? It was wrong to covet him. Nevertheless, she couldn’t stop her mind from constantly concentrating on him and dreaming of him every night.

  Sarah closed the ledger and stared out the window at the light rain cascading down from heaven and soaking the field behind the bakery. Spring was on its way to Lancaster County. She wondered if the temperature was warming in Ohio yet.

  Was Luke working late tonight at the cabinet shop? Was he thinking of her and the twins? Why hadn’t he contacted her since he’d gotten home?

  Her mind turned to Peter, and she stood and moved from the office into the kitchen. She wondered when Peter had planned to tell her the truth about his past. Would he have taken her to Ohio to meet Luke or Cody?

  Pulling a letter from the pocket inside her apron, Sarah stared down at DeLana’s cellular phone number for what felt like the hundredth time.

  Sarah had considered calling DeLana several times over the past two months since the woman had a right to know why the checks from Peter had stopped coming. Sarah wondered if Luke planned to tell DeLana what had happened to Peter, although she knew it wasn’t his responsibility. This was something Sarah should do.

  She walked out to the front counter and stared at the phone hanging on the wall. She was alone in the bakery and had the perfect opportunity to make the call. She just needed the strength.

  A knock on the glass door sounded through the silence of the empty bakery. Sarah looked up and found Kathryn grinning at her and hugging her cloak to her chest. Sarah unlocked and held open the door.

  “Hi,” Kathryn said, stepping in and shaking the raindrops from her arms. “Spring is coming to Bird-in-Hand.”

  “What are you doing here?” Sarah asked. “Don’t you have to cook for your family?”

  “Ya.” Kathryn rolled her eyes. “I forgot to grab my change purse.” She padded back to the kitchen. “I took it out to give Lindsay some money earlier and forgot it,” she called from around the corner. “Here it is.” She reappeared and pulled her cloak closer to her body. “The kinner are waiting for me at Mamm’s house. I told them I’d be right back.”

  Sarah forced a smile, only half listening to her sister’s chatting.

  Kathryn shook her head. “I’m so scatterbrained lately. David says I need to slow down, but there are only so many hours in the day and so much to do. Running a farm and taking care of kinner is a full-time job. And then I have to work in the bakery. I mean, just yesterday I had a difficult time—”

  Her sister stopped mid-sentence, her expression clouding. “Sarah Rose, what’s wrong?” She touched the ties to Sarah’s prayer kapp. “You look as if you’re carrying the burden of us all on your little shoulders.”

  Sarah leaned against the counter and shook her head. “You need to get home to your family. Don’t worry about me.”

  “Don’t be gegisch.” Kathryn led her to two chairs in the back of the kitchen and motioned for her to sit. “I always have time for you. What’s wrong?”

  Sarah pulled out the letter and handed it to Kathryn. “I feel like I should call DeLana and tell her why Peter’s checks stopped.”

  Kathryn shrugged. “So call her. Want me to dial?”

  “That’s not it.” Sarah shook her head. “I want to go to Ohio. I want to see DeLana and talk to her, face-to-face, about Peter. I need to know more. I need to know the details. I have to understand it all before I can move on.”

  Kathryn nodded, taking in her words. “That makes sense. I understand.”

  “I know you do.” Sarah sighed. “But Mamm never will. She’d never let me go. But I can’t leave the zwillingbopplin without telling her.”

  Her sister took Sarah’s hands in hers. “Do you want me to go to Ohio with you?”

  “You’re sweet and so thoughtful.” Sarah dabbed away the sudden moisture in her eyes. “But I need to do this alone.”

  “So, do it,” her sister said. “Call DeLana and then go ahead and plan a trip to Ohio. Find out what you need to know and let your heart mend, Sarah Rose.”

  Kathryn stood and steered Sarah to the phone. “Call Nina and ask her to take you to the train station early in the morning. I’ll come over and care for the zwillingbopplin. I’ll tell Mamm you had to take care of some business. If she’s angry, she’ll just have to forgive us. You need to listen to your heart, Sarah, not everyone else.” She lifted the receiver and dialed the number. She then handed Sarah the phone. “I’ll wait in the office so you can have privacy.”

  Sarah put the receiver up to her ear and held Kathryn’s arm. “Stay.” She leaned against the counter and stared at the numbers on the cash register.

  The phone rang several times and then a voice spoke. “Hello?”

  “Hello,” Sarah said, her voice shaky. “Is this DeLana Maloney?”

  “Yes. Who is this?”

  “My name is Sarah Troyer.”

  DeLana paused as if contemplating the name. The voice of a child rang out in the background, and Sarah imagined it was Cody. The noise softened, and Sarah assumed DeLana had moved to a quieter area.

  “Sarah,” DeLana said. “Sarah Troyer?” Her voice rang with recognition. “Peter’s wife?”

  “Ya,” Sarah said. “I mean, yes.” She nervously drew circles on the counter with her fingertip. “I hope it’s okay I’m calling you. I wanted to tell you some news, and it didn’t seem appropriate to write you a letter due to the lag time of the mail system.”

  “Of course it’s okay that you called,” DeLana’s voice was gentle. “What’s going on?”

  “You’re probably wondering why your child support money has stopped.” Sarah took a deep breath. A hand on her shoulder gave her the support she needed to trudge on. “I’m sorry to tell you that Peter…Well…” Her voice quavered. “Peter died in a fire almost a year ago.”

  “Oh, Sarah, I already knew.” DeLana’s voice was full of concern and sympathy. “Luke, Peter’s brother, called me about two months ago and told me. I’m so, so sorry.”

  “Luke told you?” Her heart fluttered as she said his name. Sarah glanced at Kathryn, who gave her a sad smile.

  “Yes, he did,” DeLana said. “I’m so very sorry for your loss.”

  “Thank you.”

  “How are you coping?” DeLana asked.

  “God is seeing me through it. My family has been my strength.” Sarah wiped her cheeks. “I’m sorry I didn’t contact you sooner, but I found your letters when I was going through Peter’s things. I didn’t know about you or Cody until fairly recently and then I had to find the strength to call you. It was a shock to find out about Cody. I had no idea.”

  DeLana sighed. “I’m sorry about that. Peter said he wanted to keep it a secret because he didn’t want to hurt you.”

  Sarah bit her bottom lip. It seemed now was the time to ask. “I was wondering if I could come meet you. I have some questions I would like answered.”

  There was a pause, and a few awkward moments of dead air on the line. “You want to come visit me?” DeLana’s voice was full of surprise.

  “If it’s okay with you…” Sarah cut her eyes to Kathryn, who squeezed her hand.

  “Well, sure. Why not? When would you like to come?”

  “Would Thursday be too soon? I can catch a train tomorrow and meet you Thursday afternoon.” Sarah held her breath, expecting a lame excuse for her not to come.

  “That sounds perfect.”

  Sarah grabbed a notepad and pen and wrote down the particulars of where to meet DeLana. Then she thanked her and hung up.

  Turning, she pulled Kathryn into a warm hug. “Thank you for giving me the strength to do it,” she whispered. “I’m meeting her at a restaurant in Middlefield on Thursday.”

  “You’re welcome.” Kathryn rubbed her back. “Now you need to call Nina to arrange for a ride early tomorrow morning. I’ll plan to be there and care for the zwillingbopplin for you.”

  Later that evening, Sarah climbed the stairs of her former home and ente
red the master bedroom. Tomorrow morning she would head to Ohio, and she wanted to bring a gift for Cody. Someday he might want to have something from his biological father, if DeLana ever told him who his biological father was.

  She found the pile of shirts arranged neatly by color. Not at all resembling the way she’d left it. Luke must’ve gone through the pile and picked a couple for himself.

  Considering, she lifted a shirt, inhaling a faint scent of Peter still clinging for dear life to the fibers. She chose two for Cody and draped them over her arm. She then headed down the hallway and stepped into the spare bedroom where Luke had slept.

  Standing in the middle of the room, her mind flooded with memories of the night she’d given him a tour. She sank onto the bed and lifted the pillow to her nose. The faint aroma of Luke, stain and wood mixed with earth, washed over, and her pulse skipped. Again she wondered if he’d thought of her since he’d gone back home. Did he miss her?

  Glancing at the ticking clock on the wall, Sarah realized it was time for devotionals. Her parents would suspect she was up to something if she missed the nightly Kauffman ritual.

  She rushed back to the house, making it just in time. But while her father read from the Bible, her mind kept wandering to her trip to Ohio and how it would feel to meet DeLana.

  When her father finished his reading, they bowed their heads in silent prayer. Sarah then excused herself for the evening and rushed to her room. She packed a small bag of clothes and then wrote her parents a note she would leave in the kitchen on her way out the next morning.

  During the night, Sarah tossed and turned in between feedings, unable to sleep due to the anxiety of her trip.

  Elizabeth rushed down the stairs the following morning, her heart beating like a racing horse. She bounded into the kitchen where Eli sat drinking his coffee. “Eli, I can’t find Sarah Rose. Her bed is made, but she’s not in it. And the zwillingbopplin are gone too.”