by Amy Clipston
Ryan held his hand out. “It’s time for us to walk down the aisle together.”
Lorene’s mouth dried as she threaded her fingers with his. The familiar touch of his hand weakened her, and her limbs felt like noodles for a moment. Then she found her strength as they walked together, leading Emma Grace and Jon to the barn where the congregation awaited their arrival.
Lorene’s legs wobbled as she and Ryan walked down the narrow aisle as the congregation slowly sang an opening hymn. Four matching cane chairs sat at the front of the barn waiting for them.
When they reached the chairs, Lorene faced Ryan. She folded her hands in front of her and held her breath as her gaze tangled with his. Emma Grace and Jon joined them, and then they all sat down in unison.
Lorene did her best to focus on the ceremony, but she couldn’t stop herself from stealing peeks at Ryan. She glanced at Emma Grace beside her and silently marveled at how mature and beautiful she looked. She peered over at Jon and found him gazing lovingly at her sister. She knew in her heart that this marriage was truly right and blessed by God, and she smiled.
She turned back to the bishop as he lectured concerning the apostle Paul’s instructions for marriage included in 1 Corinthians and Ephesians. But then her mind wandered, and she imagined sitting in front of this congregation for her own wedding. Would she ever have the chance to be a bride, a wife, a mother?
Her eyes betrayed her, and she looked at Ryan. He turned and looked at her at the same time, and a smile turned up the corner of his lips, sending her heart into a wild gallop. How she longed to know if Ryan was imagining his own wedding day, his own bride. Her.
Lorene looked down at her lap as the bishop instructed Emma Grace and Jon on how to run a godly household. She listened as he then moved on to a sermon on the story of Sarah and Tobias from the intertestamental book of Tobit. The sermon took forty-five minutes, and when it was over, the bishop looked back and forth between Emma Grace and Jon. “Now here are two in one faith—Emma Grace Bontrager and Jonathan Lee Lapp.”
Lorene held back happy tears as the bishop turned to the congregation.
“Do any of you know any scriptural reason for the couple not to be married?” he asked, then waited for a beat before looking at the couple again. “If it is your desire to be married, you may in the name of the Lord come forth.”
Jon took Emma Grace’s hand in his, and they stood before the bishop to take their vows.
Lorene glanced at Ryan and found his intense eyes sparkling in the low light of the barn. A chill ripped through her, and she couldn’t take her eyes off him.
The bishop addressed Jon first. “Can you confess, brother, that you accept this our sister as your wife, and that you will not leave her until death separates you? And do you believe that this is from the Lord and that you have come thus far by your faith and prayers?”
“Ya.”
Then the bishop looked at Emma Grace. “Can you confess, sister, that you accept this our brother as your husband, and that you will not leave him until death separates you? And do you believe that this is from the Lord and that you have come thus far by your faith and prayers?”
“Ya.”
Lorene glanced at Ryan and found him still staring at her, sending her senses whirling. What was he thinking?
Then the bishop looked at Jon again. “Because you have confessed, brother, that you want to take this our sister for your wife, do you promise to be loyal to her and care for her if she may have adversity, affliction, sickness, weakness, or faintheartedness—which are many infirmities that are among poor mankind—as is appropriate for a Christian, God-fearing husband?”
“Ya.”
The bishop asked the same of Emma Grace, and she responded with a strong “Ya.”
While Jon and Emma Grace held hands, the bishop read “A Prayer for Those about to Be Married” from an Amish prayer book called the Christenpflict. Then he announced, “Go forth in the name of the Lord. You are now mann and fraa.”
Tears trailed down Lorene’s cheeks. She was grateful she’d stuck a handful of tissues in her pocket. She wiped her eyes and glanced at Ryan, finding emotion flickering over his face as well. How she longed to read his thoughts!
Emma Grace and Jon sat down for another sermon and another prayer, and Lorene willed herself to not look at Ryan. After the bishop recited the Lord’s Prayer, the congregation stood, and the three-hour service ended with the singing of another hymn.
And then it was official—Emma Grace and Jon were married! Lorene thought she might choke on the lump forming in her throat. Her baby sister was Jon’s wife! She was so happy for them.
But at the same time, her heart swelled with hope. Maybe she and Ryan had a chance.
10
Ryan felt as if he might explode in a riot of emotions—longing and regret but also hope and, yes, love. He’d spent the entire service imagining what it would be like to stand in front of this congregation and take Lorene as his wife. He knew to the depth of his soul that he wanted to marry her, have a family with her, grow old with her.
But did she want that future with him? Could she love him and give him another chance?
He needed to know, and he needed to know now. He’d wasted too many years without her. And he wanted their future to start today, not tomorrow.
Keeping with tradition, younger members of the congregation filed out of the barn first, followed by the wedding party. Ryan held his hand out to Lorene, and she threaded her warm fingers with his. Then they walked together to the barn exit with Jon and Emma Grace close behind them.
When they reached the outside, the cold December air hit Ryan like a wall. He glanced up at the sky and found a bright, crystal-blue sky dotted with white, puffy clouds. Lorene took a step toward the house, and he gently pulled her toward him.
“Wait. I need to talk to you.”
“Now?” She squinted up at him, and she looked adorable as other women stepped around her, headed toward the house.
“Ya, this can’t wait.” He knew the men were already converting the benches into tables in the barn, but he couldn’t help them. Not now.
He looked toward the pasture. “Can we walk over there? I promise it won’t take long. We can go get our coats if you want.”
“No. I’ll be fine.”
Still holding his hand, she steered him toward the pasture. When they stopped, she looked up at him. “What do you want to talk about?”
He took a deep breath, and then his emotions broke free. “Lorene, spending time with you during these past couple of months has been wonderful, and it’s made me realize just how much I’ve missed you.” He cupped his hand to her cheek, and she leaned into his touch.
“Lorene, I’m so sorry I let you down five years ago. You had a right to know how I was feeling about staying on the farm, even though I didn’t know how to tell mei dat how I felt. By not being honest with you, I hurt you, and I let our relationship crumble. If I had just told you, I think you would have understood even then. We could have built a future. It’s the biggest mistake I’ve ever made, and I regret it to the depth of my core.”
She heaved out a deep sigh as her eyes sparkled with tears. “I’m sorry for not realizing you were making excuses only because you were going through something. I should have been honest with you about my doubts rather than going on about the haus and breaking our engagement without giving you a chance to explain. I’m sorry for hurting you and for giving up on you. You deserved so much better.”
“But I’m the one who pushed you away, and then it was too late.” He hesitated, and then said, “I love you. I’ve never stopped loving you. You’re the only maedel I’ve ever imagined in my future. I’m ready to beg you to give me another chance.” His body went weak as he awaited her response.
She sniffed and touched his cheek. “I’ve never stopped loving you either. I’ve missed you all these years.”
“Does that mean you’ll give me another chance?” he asked, excitement buzzing thr
ough every pore.
“Ya, it does.” She gave a little laugh. “I’m so froh you’re willing to give our relationship another chance.”
“I’m froh you’re willing too.” Leaning down, he brushed his lips over hers, and he thought he must be dreaming. But the heat rushing through his veins was as real as the feel of her lips against his.
As he deepened the kiss, his body seemed to come alive, and at that moment he was certain they belonged together. He needed to talk to her father as soon as possible.
* * *
“Frehlicher Grischtdaag!” Lorene called when she came downstairs on Christmas Eve afternoon to find Emma Grace and Jon together on the sofa, drinking hot chocolate and holding hands. Lorene smiled as she recalled her sister’s wedding.
The past few days had been a blur. After Ryan told her he loved her and wanted to date again, they’d celebrated with their friends and family, eating delicious food and visiting until late in the night. The next day the Lapp family and a few friends helped clean up the barn and house. Then Ryan again stayed late into the night. They’d talked and stolen a few kisses, and Lorene was so happy she couldn’t stop smiling.
She slipped into the kitchen and peeked out the window just as a horse and buggy moved up the driveway. Her heart leapt as she grabbed her coat and rushed out the back door.
“Merry Christmas!” she called as she hurried down the porch steps.
“Frehlicher Grischtdaag!” Ryan greeted, then pulled her into his arms for a hug. “I have a gift for you.” He reached into the buggy and brought out a small bag.
She opened it, then pulled out a trinket box shaped like a small house. She gasped as she ran her fingers over it. “It’s so schee.”
“Open it.”
She lifted the lid and found a silver key. She picked it up and ran her fingers over the cool metal. “What’s this?”
“It’s a haus key.” Something that looked like nervousness flickered over his face as he took the box from her and placed it on the buggy seat. Then he took her hands in his and swallowed. “Years ago, I was supposed to build you a haus. I know it’s not the same, but I want to share the haus I have now with you. Mei haus in Gap.”
She gasped, and tears blurred her vision.
“I’ve asked your dat’s permission for this. Lorene, will you do me the honor of becoming mei fraa?”
She launched herself into his arms with a dizzying happiness. “Ya, Ryan! I will!”
Cupping his hands to her cheeks, he leaned down and gently kissed her. A quiver of desire danced up her spine, and she closed her eyes and enjoyed the feel of his lips against hers.
When they pulled apart, she looked up at him. “A couple of months ago, mei dat said we never know how much time God has planned for us here, and he’s right. But he always has a plan while we are here. I don’t think he ever wanted us to suffer the pain of breaking up, but I’ve realized my family needed me with them after we lost Mamm.”
“And I realize leaving the farm was the right thing to do for everyone. Elias, for one. And I was able to help mei onkel Jay with his business when he needed it.” He leaned down and kissed her again, and she melted into him.
When she felt something wet and cold hit her face, she looked up and laughed. Snow fell like pretty glitter. “Look!”
Ryan looked up and smiled. “This is the best Christmas ever. I’m so grateful for our love—our evergreen love.” Then he kissed her again.
Closing her eyes, Lorene smiled against his lips. Her heart felt like a flower opening its bloom toward the sun. She was grateful for their love as well. And that God had given them this second chance.
Holiday of Hope
Dedication
To my son Nicholas, whose classroom antics provided fodder for Tommy’s story. You’ve always marched to the beat of your own drum and I love you for it.
Epigraph
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.
2 Corinthians 1:3-5 NIV
1
Henry Lufkin never could have imagined this.
He stared down at the boy. A scowl on his freckled face, his arms crossed, the boy stared back.
The letter said his name was Tommy—as if Henry wouldn’t know the name of his best friend’s only child. It also said he was ten. Time had flown by so quickly. Tommy was scrawny and looked younger. In fact, he looked like a skinny, bedraggled runt. His dishwater-blond hair needed cutting, and his faded denim pants were too short.
The boy himself had said nothing so far.
They were standing outside the Libby Amtrak train station on this first day of September with its cool breeze and sunshine, not talking, mostly taking turns staring at their boots and the passing cars. The air reeked of diesel, burnt oil, and too many people. It had only been a few hours, but Henry already missed the clean, fresh scent of pine on a breeze wafting from the mountains in Montana’s Kootenai National Forest.
Only Dodger, Henry’s aging mutt-hound, spoke—if his cheerful barks and enthusiastic tail thumping could be called speaking. Dodger liked trains, and he liked little boys.
His forehead furled in fine wrinkles, Tommy yanked his fisted hands up to his chest as if afraid Dodger would bite his fingers. What boy didn’t like dogs?
You agreed to do this. The little angel sitting on Henry’s shoulder whispered in his ear. So get on with it.
What do you know about raising a child? A widower taking care of an orphan—ha! This has disaster written all over it. That guy was on his other shoulder—a being Henry suspected was of a different persuasion. You’re perfectly happy living the solitary life in the most beautiful place in the world.
Sometimes a man had no choice. When asked to step up, he stepped up. Henry stuck out his hand. “I’m Henry. The hund is Dodger. He won’t bite you. He likes you.”
Tommy eyed Henry’s hand with a sullen expression. He sniffed. Finally, he offered his own. His fingers were sticky, and he had dirt under his fingernails. “I know who you are.”
His hand dropped and inched toward Dodger’s head. Dodger nudged it with an excited yip. Tommy backed away.
Maybe he’d never had a dog. Every boy should have a dog. “How was the trip?”
“The man in the seat next to me snored.” The boy’s soft Kentucky drawl roused the usual nostalgic yearning in Henry. He hadn’t been home in four years. Tommy likely had never been farther than a few miles from Munsford in his short life. “’Bout broke my eardrum.”
“I’m sorry about your aenti Anna Mae.”
Tommy’s shoulders hunched. He ducked his head.
Maybe they should talk about this when they’d had time to get to know each other better. “Are you hungry?”
“I could eat, I guess.” The boy’s feigned indifference didn’t match the way he stared hungrily at the grease-stained bag Henry held up. “It’s been a stretch since I ate the sandwiches Doris made me.”
Doris was the woman who kept Tommy after Anna Mae died until he could be sent to live with Henry. Tommy talked like a small adult. The story told in the letter lent credence to the fact that Tommy’s life had forced him to grow up quicker than most.
“I got us some burgers and fries. And those little fried cinnamon apple pies. I like pie. We’ll eat them in the van.” Henry waved toward Calvin Little’s pristine blue minivan. “Don’t forget your backpack. It’s an hour’s drive to Kootenai.”
“What kind of word is Kootenai?” Tommy grabbed a battered gray suitcase and hefted his backpack onto his shoulder. “Does it mean something?”
“It’s Indian. One of the tribes here is called Kootenai. It’s also the language they speak. Or used to speak. Only a few do now.”
The suitcase bumped along the sidewalk
as Tommy scrambled to keep up with Henry’s long legs. He forced himself to slow down. From now on, he would have to think about another person’s well-being. Was the boy hungry? Was he tired? Sick? Did he need clothes? What about school? School started on Monday. And then there would be rumspringa and girls and baptism.
What had Henry done to himself?
“Can I ask you another question?”
Did all kids ask this many questions? Henry’s beloved quiet evenings filled only with crackling flames in the fireplace during winter and birds chattering outside his open windows in summer disappeared into a murky future filled with endless jawing.
At least Tommy would be in school during the day. The teacher would know how to deal with this new scholar.
Henry slid open the van door and stepped back so Dodger could hop in. “Anything.”
“Did you ever get a new fraa?”
Almost anything. The boy knew about his first wife. The thought that he and Anna Mae had talked about Henry’s loss stung. It was private. No one’s business. “After my first fraa died, I never thought about marrying again.”
“Everybody dies.”
Tommy had reason to feel that way. The idea wasn’t foreign to Henry either. “I reckon.”
“Are you my daed?”
“What? Nee. Nee.”
Tommy dropped his suitcase on the curb with a thump. “Then what am I doing here?”
“Josiah was your daed. You know that.”
Tommy’s mother died in childbirth. Josiah died of leukemia five years later, leaving Tommy in the care of Josiah’s only sister, a teacher who never married. Now she was gone, taken by some kind of cancer.
What was God’s plan for Tommy in all of this? Somehow it involved Henry. In God’s time they would both see how their lives fit together. In the meantime it was anyone’s guess.