by Amy Clipston
“Ryan!” Mamm said. “What a nice surprise.”
“Hello.” He waved at everyone. When his gaze landed on Lorene, she smiled and patted the empty seat beside her. He wouldn’t have expected a gesture that friendly, but he’d take it.
“Join us,” Lorene said. “Emma Grace and I are practicing our Christmas kichlin recipes for the wedding.”
Ryan’s heart warmed as he moved to the sink to wash his hands. “Sounds appeditlich.”
When he sat down beside Lorene, Mamm jumped up and filled a mug with coffee, then handed it to him. As he thanked her, then took a sip, his eyes landed on the variety of cookies arranged on the table.
“I hope these are up for grabs.” He swiped a gingerbread cookie and took a bite.
“How do you like it?” Lorene looked hopeful.
“It’s so flavorful! And I love the texture.”
Emma Grace pointed to the sugar cookies. “I made those.”
“They’re gut too.” Jon gazed with pride at his future bride.
Everyone made small talk as they continued to eat. Then his parents and Menno retreated to the family room, and Jon and Emma Grace excused themselves to go outdoors.
Lorene collected the mugs and set them in the sink, then started stacking leftover cookies in containers. Ryan stayed at the table, taking in her face and the stray wisps of hair escaping her kapp. She was still the most beautiful woman he’d ever known. How could he have been so stupid, pushing her away because of his own confusion about his future? If he’d only told her the truth, maybe they could have had a life together in Gap.
She looked at him, and her brow puckered. “Was iss letz?”
“Nothing is wrong.” He nodded toward the table. “Could we talk?”
She hesitated. “What about?”
He smiled. “I just want to ask how you’re doing. That’s all.”
“Oh. Okay.” She set the open cookie container on the table, then filled two fresh mugs with coffee before sitting across from him.
“I haven’t seen you since Thanksgiving. What’s been going on in your life?” he asked.
She sighed, and her shoulders relaxed. “Mostly Emma Grace’s wedding plans. The big day will be here before we know it. We have the dresses finished, and we’re just about done with the decorations, but we still need to write out the invitations and start all the baking. On top of that, I need to finish making our Christmas cards. Then there’s Christmas shopping, decorating . . .”
Ryan rested his hands on either side of his mug as she talked. He enjoyed the lovely sound of her voice, and he noticed she seemed to relax more as the moments went by.
He realized it suddenly felt like old times. They used to sit and talk for hours when they were a couple. They would discuss everything from the weather to friends they knew to their deepest secrets and fears—except, of course what he’d kept from her. Maybe he was romanticizing the past, but he thought of those years as the best days of his life.
“So you really like working for your onkel?”
He nodded, then picked out another cookie. “I do.”
“Now I know you didn’t want to be a farmer, but I never thought you’d go into construction.” She tilted her head as though truly interested.
Ryan set the cookie down. “I wasn’t sure. But I felt like I found my passion when I went to work for Jay.”
She nodded slowly as if the pieces were coming together in her mind. “Tell me about your haus.”
He hesitated.
She leaned forward, her dark eyes shining in the propane lights. “I really want to know.”
He believed her.
“Well, I built it myself. It took me about a year. I have two bathrooms, three bedrooms, and a wraparound porch.”
She smiled. “It sounds lovely.”
They were silent for a beat as they both sipped from their mugs. Suddenly courage welled inside him, and he reached over and touched her hand.
“Lorene, I really meant it when I said I want to be your freind. We have so much history together, and I want us to feel comfortable when we see each other. Is that possible?”
She swallowed and nodded. “Of course.”
“Gut.” He relaxed, and something seemed to pulse between them. But he pulled his hand away. “Tell me more about our duties as attendants at the wedding. I haven’t been to that many of them.”
Ryan lost track of time as they moved from the wedding to chatting about old friends—even times they’d spent together. He was disappointed when Menno walked in and announced it was time to leave.
As Lorene stood, she passed Ryan the containers of cookies. “Take these home.”
“Are you sure?” Ryan asked as he stood.
“Ya. Enjoy them.” She gave him a warm smile that sent heat thrumming through his veins. “I hope to see you soon.”
Emma Grace and Jon appeared, too, and Ryan walked out to the porch and waved as the Bontragers climbed into Menno’s buggy.
When Jon left for the barn, Ryan turned toward the door and found his mother watching him.
She tilted her head. “Was iss letz?”
Ryan squeezed the bridge of his nose as the truth bubbled to the surface of his soul. “I’m still in love with Lorene, Mamm. But I’m afraid I’ve missed my chance of a future with her. I wish I could somehow make things right.”
She gave him a bright smile. “You just need to pray for guidance. With God, all things are possible.”
Ryan nodded as hope ignited in his heart. And so did an idea for a special Christmas gift he could make for Lorene.
* * *
Lorene stared out the windshield of her father’s buggy during the ride home. She couldn’t stop thinking about Ryan and how easy it was to be with him today. It felt as though they’d never broken up when they talked and laughed together. She knew to the depth of her bones that she still loved him. Her eyes filled with tears as remorse whipped through her. If only she could change the past!
“So you and Ryan talked in the kitchen for a long time,” Emma Grace said from the back of the buggy. “Jon even commented on how nice it was to see you two together.”
“Ya, we’ve agreed to be freinden.” But I want so much more!
When they arrived home, Emma Grace hurried into the house, but Lorene lingered by the buggy as her father unhitched it. She walked with him as he led the horse to the barn.
“Dat.” She could see their breath in the air even inside the barn.
“Ya?” he asked as he opened the stall door.
“Do you believe God gives second chances?”
He gave her a knowing smile. “Are you talking about Ryan?”
She nodded as she pushed her hands into the pockets of her coat.
“Ya, I do.” Dat looped his arm around her shoulders. “I have a feeling God has something special in mind for you two. You just need to open your heart and pray.”
“I hope you’re right.”
* * *
The following Wednesday afternoon, Lorene and Emma Grace knocked on Renae’s door. Lorene shivered in the cold as she held a bag of diapers and baby wipes.
The door opened, and Renae’s mother smiled at them. “Hello. How are you?”
“We’re fine, Sally,” Lorene said as she stepped into the warm kitchen. “How are Renae and the new boppli?”
“They’re gut.” Sally seemed to glow, her eyes the same bright-green as her daughter’s. “I can’t believe little Beth is a week old already.”
Renae stepped into the kitchen, holding the baby wrapped in a blanket. Although she had dark circles under her eyes, no doubt from lack of sleep, she still looked radiant. “Hi.”
Lorene couldn’t help but rush over. “How are you?” But she was already looking at the baby.
“I’m gut.” Renae bent a little and caught her eyes. “Would you like to hold her?”
“Of course.” Lorene washed her hands at the sink, then took Beth into her arms. She sank onto a kitchen chair and studied the
infant, breathing in the sweet scent of baby lotion.
Emma Grace leaned over Lorene and sighed. “She’s so schee.”
“Danki.” Renae sat down beside Lorene and chuckled. “She has a healthy set of lungs.”
They all laughed.
“Could I help with any chores while we’re here?” Emma Grace offered.
“Would you be willing to help me clean the bathrooms?” Sally asked.
“I’d be froh to.”
“Your wedding is next week, right?”
“Ya.” Her sister couldn’t mask her excitement. “I can’t wait. And I’ll be getting married and celebrating Christmas all in one week!”
The two women left the kitchen, and Lorene returned her gaze to the newborn. She was suddenly overwhelmed with longing. If only she and Ryan—
“Are you ready for the wedding?” Renae asked.
Lorene nodded, but then tears filled her eyes.
Renae touched her arm. “Was iss letz?”
“I think I made a big mistake breaking off my engagement to Ryan.”
“What do you mean?”
“The last time I was here, I told you what he confessed to me. If only I had let him tell me the truth back then. And now, as I’ve been planning this wedding with mei schweschder and spending time with him again, I can’t help but imagine the life we could have had together. And if God had blessed us, we could have had kinner by now too.” She looked up at Renae as tears trickled down her hot cheeks. “At least we’ve become freinden again.”
“But you still have feelings for him.”
“Ya. In fact, I still love him. Maybe I never stopped.” Lorene looked down at Beth and touched her little hand. “He’s the love of my life. And I want this. I want a family. But I want it with him, and I’m afraid it’s too late.”
“No, it’s not.” Renae reached over and squeezed Lorene’s shoulder. “Maybe God really is giving you and Ryan a second chance. Maybe Emma Grace’s wedding is part of that plan too. You can’t give up hope. You’re only thirty.” She laughed. “I know it’s unusual, but I just had my first boppli at thirty. Ryan’s sister, Joyce, was even a little older. There’s still plenty of time for you.”
Lorene stared at her. “But why would Ryan give me a second chance after the way I hurt him?”
Her friend gave her a knowing smile. “Because maybe he still loves you too.”
Lorene nodded, but in her heart, she doubted that could be true.
9
“Oh my goodness!” Emma Grace grabbed Lorene’s hand the morning of the wedding as they stood in her bedroom. “I can’t believe the day is here. I’m getting married.”
Lorene gave her younger sister a hug as a whirlwind of emotions rushed over her—happiness, excitement, and nervousness, and then suddenly, overwhelming grief for their mother. She bit her lower lip and held back her threatening tears. She couldn’t cry today. She had to be strong for Emma Grace.
“If only Mamm were here.” Emma Grace’s voice was thin as she spoke Lorene’s thoughts.
“I know.” Lorene touched her chest. “But she’s always with us in our hearts, right?”
Emma Grace smiled, then wiped at her eyes. “Ya.”
“You look so schee.” Lorene admired the hunter-green dress Emma Grace wore and then touched the ties on her prayer covering before giving a little laugh. More emotions had bubbled in her chest like water from a spring. She sniffed as tears filled her eyes.
“Don’t cry.” Emma Grace touched Lorene’s shoulder. “And you look schee too.” She raised her eyebrows. “Just wait until Ryan sees you. I have a feeling you’ll be the next bride.”
“No, no, no.” Lorene shook her head as her stomach fluttered at the thought of marrying Ryan. “Our time is behind us.”
“I think you’re wrong. I know you haven’t wanted to talk about Ryan, but Jon and I both think he’s going to ask you to give him another chance.”
She almost told her sister she loved Ryan and prayed she would have another chance with him. But she held back. Now would be the worst time to discuss her problems, taking away from Emma Grace’s happy day.
Lorene backed away from her sister and glanced out the window, where a line of horses and buggies moved down the road toward their farm like a parade. She spotted Ryan’s cousin Pete and five of his friends from his youth group standing ready to work as the hostlers, taking care of the horses. After the buggy drivers unhitched their horses, the boys would secure the animals in the barns and then feed them around noon.
“Your guests are arriving, so we need to get downstairs.” Lorene spun toward Emma Grace and found her fingering her white apron. “You have no reason to be naerfich.”
Emma Grace scrunched her nose. “Are you sure?”
“Of course.” Lorene tilted her head. “What are you worried about?”
“I just keep thinking about what you said about Jon and me having dated for only six months. What if we’re not ready? What if this is a mistake?” When her lower lip trembled, Lorene rushed to stand before her, feeling a stab of shame over the reservations she’d expressed.
“Ach, mei liewe. I was so wrong.” She shook her head and rested her hands on her sister’s shoulders. “I can see the love between you and Jon when you look at each other. Jon cherishes you, and God will bless this union. I want you to have the long and froh marriage I’ve always dreamed of.”
“Danki.” Emma Grace pulled Lorene into a tight hug, nearly squeezing all the air from her lungs. “Ich liebe dich. And I’m certain God has planned the same happiness for you.”
Lorene sniffed, then started toward the door as she wiped away a tear. “We need to get downstairs so you can greet your guests.”
After they’d descended the stairs, she stepped into the kitchen, where Jon’s aunt Ann and several women from their church district were preparing the noon meal. Lorene smiled at Ann and nodded at the other women.
Then she entered the family room, and her heart seemed to trip over itself when she spotted Ryan standing with Jon. He was so handsome dressed in his Sunday black suit and white shirt. She hadn’t seen him dressed that way in five years. She recalled how they’d shared hundreds of Sunday services together as children and then adults.
Ryan turned toward her, and his eyes lit up as his lips turned up in a warm smile. “Hi.”
“Hi.” She smiled up at him.
“You look schee.” His voice was low and husky, sending a shiver dancing up her spine.
“Danki.” And you look handsome.
“Are you ready to marry off our siblings?” He nodded toward where Jon and Emma Grace waited for them by the sofa.
“I guess so.”
Ryan made a sweeping gesture. “After you.”
Lorene stood between Ryan and Emma Grace as the four of them greeted the guests. She frequently snuck peeks at Ryan, enjoying the sound of his voice and the brightness of his smile. Emma Grace’s words about how she and Jon were certain Ryan wanted to try again echoed in her mind. Oh, how she longed for them to be right! But even if he did, her ultimate question remained. After all this time, would he come to love her again—enough to marry her?
Emma Grace and Jon had invited friends from throughout Lancaster County, and she thought the line of guests dressed in their Sunday clothes might never end. But at least everything went along according to tradition. Once inside, the female guests ascended the stairs to deposit their bonnets and shawls on Emma Grace’s or Lorene’s bed. They also left gifts there, which were usually household items for the bride and tools for the groom. Then, while the women remained inside the house for a while, the men congregated outside.
A few minutes before eight, Emma Grace leaned over to Lorene. “It’s time for Jon and me to meet with the ministers.” Her words came out in a trembling whisper.
Lorene gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “Everything will be fine.” She and Ryan both stood with Emma Grace and Jon. Then she glanced out the window and watched the women who’d been in the
house and the men who’d been waiting outside start to file into the barn for the service.
The front door opened, and the bishop, deacon, and minister walked in.
“Are you ready?” the bishop asked Jon and Emma Grace.
They nodded, then followed the three men upstairs to one of the bedrooms. The sound of their footsteps echoed in the stairwell as fading voices signaled the women in the kitchen were leaving for the barn too.
Lorene hugged her arms to her middle as she glanced around the family room, taking in the greenery and poinsettias she and Emma Grace had placed there to decorate for the season.
“Can you believe Christmas is only three days away?”
Lorene glanced behind her as Ryan approached. “No.” She shook her head. “I managed to mail out my Christmas cards last week despite all the wedding chaos, but I’ve been more focused on the wedding than Christmas.”
“And the haus is decorated”—he jammed his thumb toward the kitchen—“And I know I spotted boxes of Christmas kichlin.”
Lorene nodded. “That’s mostly because Emma Grace wanted a Christmas theme for the reception. Otherwise, I’m not sure we would have had the time to decorate.” She stared up into his blue eyes, and she longed to ask him if he still loved her. But her courage fizzled as the fear of rejection took over her soul.
“Jon was naerfich when I saw him this morning, but I calmed him down.”
“Emma Grace was too. I told her everything would be fine.”
Ryan nodded, then seemed to study her. She could almost feel his thoughts turning in his mind. He opened his mouth to say something, but then he just started making small talk, telling her how his mother had been decorating for Christmas too.
“Sounds like they’re heading down,” he finally said.
Lorene followed him to the bottom of the steps, where they met Jon and Emma Grace as the three men left through the kitchen doorway.
“It’s time,” Emma Grace told them, excitement filling her pretty face as she looked up at Jon. “I’m ready.”
Jon gazed down at her adoringly. “I am too.”
Lorene’s heart seemed to turn over, and she couldn’t stop from turning to Ryan. When he gave her an intense expression, her body tingled with adrenaline.