by Amy Clipston
“Oh ya. Right.” She took in a gulp of air, and then the words came out in a rush. “Would you be mei plus one?”
His brow arched. “Yer what?”
“Mei . . . date.” She breathed in deeply again. “Jakob, would you be mei date to Quinn’s wedding?”
* * *
There. The question was out there. And getting to this point had been as painful as she’d thought it would be. But she forced herself to look at Jakob, and as she feared he might, he tilted his head and frowned as if she’d spoken a foreign language. She just hoped he wouldn’t ask her to repeat her invitation.
“What did you say?”
She cringed. Now she had no choice. “Will you geh with me to Quinn’s wedding? But I’ll understand if you don’t want to, especially since tomorrow night is Christmas Eve and you like to spend it with yer familye.”
“I’ve spent it with yer familye once or twice, too, remember?”
She did. She had great memories of the two of them sitting next to each other, listening to the Christmas story, then eating popcorn and drinking apple cider. Jakob was always the first to leave so he could get back to his own family, but he never left without giving her a small gift, usually her favorite candy or a small paper bag of apples. In turn, she would give him a baked treat, usually something pumpkin flavored, his favorite at Christmas.
“Mary.”
“Huh?” She shook her head slightly, pulling her mind from the past. Then she met his gaze, and the butterflies in her stomach fluttered at peak level. It’s only mei nerves. But that wasn’t true. She was falling for Jakob, and she couldn’t deny that.
“I’ll be glad to geh with you to Quinn’s wedding.”
She should have been happy with that, but she had to make sure he understood what she was asking. “It would be a date,” she said barely above a whisper.
He gave her a soft smile. “Mei answer still stands.”
Her heart leapt. “Danki,” she blurted, then wondered if she sounded stupid.
“What time should I pick you up?”
Jakob had just confirmed this would be a date, yet he seemed about as excited as a man agreeing to simply meet a friend for lunch. Lord, I’m so confused.
“Can you meet me there? Mamm’s helping me take the cakes to the church where they’re having the ceremony, then the reception in the church hall. She wants to see Quinn in her dress and wish her blessings on her marriage.”
“I can do that.”
She told him the time and place, and he said he would arrange for a taxi. “I should probably do that tonight. I imagine they’ll be busy on Christmas Eve, especially if the weather is gut.”
“Is there anything else?” he said, shifting from one foot to the other. She thought she saw him almost glance over his shoulder. Perhaps he just needed to get back to work, but her heart sank. He might have agreed to go only because he felt sorry for her otherwise attending a Yankee wedding alone. Maybe at this point, her idea of “a date” between them and his weren’t even close.
It was on the tip of her tongue to ask him, but she stopped herself. It didn’t matter why he was agreeing to go. He did, and that was all that mattered right now. Part of her problem when they were dating was that she overanalyzed everything to the point that she mentally exhausted herself. Trust. The word repeated in her mind. She had to trust Jakob . . . with everything, including her heart. And for once, she was going to enjoy the moment. “Nee. Nothing else,” she finally said, unable to stop herself from smiling. “I’ll see you tomorrow night, then. Christmas Eve.”
“See you then.”
She turned and headed out of the barn.
“Mary?”
Turning on her heel, she faced him again. “Ya?”
He smiled. “I’m looking forward to it.”
Maybe he really was. Her heart racing, she grinned. “Me too.”
7
“You look beautiful,” Mary said as Quinn twirled around in her wedding dress. They were in one of the church classrooms, where Quinn, her younger sister—who was her maid of honor—her two bridesmaids, her mother, and Tanner’s mother were all getting ready for the ceremony, due to start in half an hour.
“I agree.” Mamm put her fingers over her mouth. “You’re a beautiful bride, Quinn. I’m so glad I got to see you before the wedding.”
“You’re welcome to stay,” Quinn said, going to her.
Mamm shook her head. “I need to get back home. In a couple of hours I’ll have a house full of family.” She turned to Mary. “We’ll save you and Jakob some popcorn and cider.”
“Thank you, Mamm.” Last night she’d finally confided in her mother about her feelings for Jakob, and her thanks extended beyond cider and popcorn. Her mother’s support meant so much.
She watched as Quinn hugged Mamm. Surprisingly, she felt weepy. Over the past few years, she and Quinn hadn’t spent as much time together as they had when they were younger, even when Quinn still lived next door. For one thing, Quinn had been away at college for a few years. But after tonight, even though they would always be friends, their relationship would change even more. She was happy for her, but she couldn’t help but feel a touch of sadness too.
After Mamm left, Quinn carefully sat on a chair before a full-length mirror leaning against a bulletin board that said “Jesus loves you” in large, colorful letters. Her hair and makeup evidently needed finishing touches, and someone draped a sheet over her dress so it wouldn’t get soiled. Mary felt a little out of place among the bustle of cosmetics, hair spray, perfume, and fancy dresses. “Quinn,” she finally said, stepping next to her. “If you don’t mind, I’ll geh sit in the church now.”
“Of course.” She reached out and took Mary’s hand. “So you asked him?”
Mary nodded. “He’ll be here later.”
Quinn’s eyes gleamed. “I knew it.” She smiled. “Tonight’s going to be special for both of us.”
Mary hoped so, but she didn’t say anything as she squeezed Quinn’s hand.
She went into the main part of the church—the sanctuary, she thought it was called, with benches called pews. The decorations were simple but had a glittery flair. Three small evergreen trees sat on the stage, decorated in silver, gold, and white. Red bows were tied at the ends of the pews, and the scents of pine and cinnamon filled the air. As she sat down in the back, she wondered if her dream wedding would come true too. And the only man she could picture in that context was Jakob.
A few minutes later, men wearing black suits and gold-and-silver neckties showed up in the sanctuary, and she watched as they escorted arriving guests to one of the two sides of the church, then the other. So far, one side had more people. She didn’t know why it made a difference where they sat, and no one asked her to change her seat. She was glad for that since she didn’t want to be noticed. It would also be easier for Jakob to find her where she’d landed.
Where was he, anyway? Mary kept looking at the entryway, but with every person who came in, she was disappointed.
Before long, a man stepped onto the stage up front, Tanner and three men wearing black suits and red ties alongside him. Then the women who’d been with Quinn before the ceremony walked down the aisle from the back of the room to join them, one by one. When everyone stood as the music changed—Mary following suit—Quinn and her parents came down the aisle too.
Still no Jakob.
Her heart sank as she tried to focus on the lovely ceremony—and keep her despair in check. Jakob had changed his mind. She’d been afraid of this. It had been a mistake to ask him in the first place. He didn’t want a date with her. He’d wanted only the friendship they once had. I’ll be glad to geh with you to Quinn’s wedding, he’d said. Not happy. Glad. She could hear the difference now. He had felt sorry for her. She never should have listened to Quinn.
“Do you, Quinn, take Tanner to be your husband?”
Mary clenched her hands together. Pain spiked through her arm under the cast, and she relaxed her ha
nds. How could Jakob do this to her? He should have just said no. She clenched her hands again, wincing.
“Do you, Tanner, take Quinn to be your wife?”
Pressing her lips together, she tried to listen to Tanner repeating what the officiant said, but the ache in her heart increased. Until this moment she hadn’t realized just how much she’d been looking forward to seeing Jakob. How much she cared about him. How much anguish she could feel at his second rejection of her. Yes, this was different than when they’d broken up. That had been mutual, even though it had hurt. But this—this was almost unbearable.
“Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. and Mrs. Tanner Johnson!”
Snapping to attention, Mary joined the crowd as they all stood and applauded, the pastor beaming as much as the newlyweds. Mary fought back tears as she clapped for her friend amid the radiating joy throughout the congregation. Then she slipped out of her seat.
She rushed into the women’s bathroom off the main hallway and grabbed a tissue. She’d seen several women crying during the ceremony—happy tears, of course—and she hoped anyone who came in would think she was happy too. She looked in the mirror as the tears streamed down her cheeks. “He’s not worth crying over,” she whispered at her reflection. But deep in her heart, she knew he was.
Knowing she couldn’t hide there during the whole reception, she wiped her eyes, then tossed the tissue in a trash can next to the sink. She checked the pins holding her kapp in place, then pulled her sweater closer to her body and lifted her chin. She didn’t need Jakob to be her date tonight or any other night. This time she was through with him for good.
She opened the bathroom door—to find Jakob standing there.
* * *
Jakob had known he was in trouble the moment he’d awakened. He’d finished the last coat of varnish on his special project in the shop, then sat down on his old recliner and closed his eyes. Just for a few minutes, he’d told himself, only to wake up three hours later—about the time the wedding ceremony was to start.
Now he was standing in front of Mary and saw how red-rimmed her eyes were. He’d chalk it up to being happy over Quinn’s wedding, but Mary never cried when she was happy. Even if he hadn’t known that, the coldness in her eyes would have told him she was more than a little upset.
“I’m sorry,” he said, blurting the words as she let the door close behind her. Around them people were exiting the main room of the church, wearing fancy dresses and suits. He’d looked for Mary there first, opening the door on the left side, trying to be discreet. When he didn’t see her and everyone started leaving, he stepped back and bumped into a man wearing a black suit and a silver-and-gold tie.
“Are you looking for the Amish girl?” the man said.
“Yes. How did you know?”
The man looked him up and down. He was wearing what he usually wore to church—black pants, suspenders, and a white shirt, his coat slung across one arm, his black hat in one hand.
“Call it a hunch.” The man grinned and gestured to the door down the hall that said Women. “I saw her go into the restroom.”
Jakob had arrived just as Mary opened the door.
She lifted her chin. “I have to geh to the reception.” She brushed past him and headed for the back of the church.
“Wait . . .” When she didn’t slow down, he grabbed her good arm. “At least let me explain.”
“I don’t need an explanation. I’m sure you changed yer mind, only to feel guilty about standing up a friend at the last minute. You didn’t need to come and make excuses.”
But her defiant chin fell a little as it trembled, and that was all the opening he needed. He grabbed her hand and led her out to the church parking lot, glad she wasn’t giving him too much resistance. He stopped when they were under a streetlight and hidden by a hedgerow of bushes.
“It’s freezing out here.” She rubbed her shoulder with one hand, the cast pressed against her side.
Oh boy. He hadn’t thought about that. His mind had been on getting her alone, impossible inside with all the guests there. He put on his hat and whipped his coat around her. When she tried to shrug it off, he kept his hands on her shoulders. “This won’t take long.”
He knew they couldn’t stay outside for more than a short while, so he started talking. “I fell asleep in mei shop. I’ve been so busy and tired lately—”
Her gaze darted to his, and she narrowed her eyes. “You told me you weren’t that busy, even with making the quilt chest for Mamm. If I had known, I wouldn’t have let you help me make the sample cakes.”
“I had a special project too.” Which was true. He just didn’t want to tell her what it was. “I’ve been working a few late nights, and I guess it all caught up to me.”
Mary nodded, but she didn’t say anything.
“I’m sorry. As soon as I woke up, I got dressed and called the taxi, which fortunately was still willing to come after I’d failed to confirm earlier. I just got here a few minutes ago.”
She nodded again but still remained quiet.
This wasn’t a good sign. “You believe me, ya?”
After a long pause, she relaxed her shoulders. “Ya. I do. But it doesn’t matter. It was stupid of me to ask you out in the first place. I realize that now.”
“Because I fell asleep?” He couldn’t believe she wasn’t giving him a minute of grace for his mistake.
“Nee. Because we’ve been down this road before. Maybe the fact that you fell asleep was God’s way of letting us know we . . .” She swallowed. “That we’re a mistake.”
“I don’t believe that.” He took a step closer to her. “I think God is giving us a second chance. The question is, are you willing to take it?”
8
Mary couldn’t take her eyes off Jakob’s as her heart hammered. She believed his story about falling asleep, believed now he really had thought of this evening as a date. But being so upset when she thought he’d stood her up had scared her. Jakob was more important to her than she’d ever realized. Even if they started over, she wasn’t sure she could handle it if they broke up again.
“I should be at the reception,” she said, finally tearing her eyes away. “Quinn will wonder where I am.”
“Quinn is too busy being happy. You and I both know that.”
She shivered, and although she tried not to, she looked into his eyes again. Under the light of the streetlamp, she could see a warmth there that reached to her soul. “I don’t think I can do this.”
“Why?” His grip tightened on her shoulders, as if he knew she was ready to bolt. “Tell me the truth, Mary. Let down yer guard for once.”
She wanted to tell him they were better off as casual friends, lie to him to protect her heart. But he deserved the truth. “I’m scared.” There, it was out in the open. She was afraid, and she’d been afraid the first time their relationship changed. “I don’t want to get hurt.”
He ran the back of his hand over her cheek. “I’d never hurt you.”
“You would if you decided you didn’t want to be with me again.” That sounded a little childish, but it was the truth. “Mei heart would break if that happened.”
“Ah, Mary.” Jakob gave her a half smile. “That’s why you were so distant with me.”
“We’d broken up.”
“I don’t mean then.” He stepped closer to her. “I mean when we were a couple. The minute we decided to date, you changed. I’ve thought about this, and it was as if you put a fence between us. Then you kept making it higher and higher until I couldn’t bear trying to climb over it anymore.”
She averted her gaze. “I didn’t mean to.”
“I can see that now. We do strange things when we’re afraid.” He lifted her chin and tilted her face toward him. “And since you’re being honest, I will be too. I was afraid. A little.”
“Just a little?”
“Well, I guess I was more interested in romance all along, so that helped. But yeah. I thought about how it would affect our fr
iendship if we broke up—but not too much.” He ran his thumb across her cheek. “I was too busy thinking of us together than apart.”
“Which I should have been doing.” Her breath caught in her throat.
He nodded. “Like you said, we’ve been down this road before. But it doesn’t have to be the same journey. Our relationship has changed in the last few weeks. We’ve changed.” He lowered his voice. “Can’t you feel it?”
“Ya, but what if—”
He put his fingertip over her lips. “Don’t borrow trouble, Mary. Just enjoy.”
“Enjoy what?”
“This.” He leaned down and kissed her.
The fence came crashing down. The fear that had held her back for so long disappeared, warmth and love taking its place. She was in Jakob’s arms once more, but not like when he’d swooped her up after her fall. Now, cocooned from the Christmas Eve chill, everything between them finally felt just as it was meant to be.
“Wow,” he whispered after they parted.
“Ya . . . wow.” Her heart full, she smiled.
He angled his head, his brow slightly furrowed. “What are you thinking about?”
“Kissing you again.” Her cheeks heated, but she kept her gaze on him. “Well, you said you wanted me to tell the truth.”
Jakob chuckled, cradling her cheek in his palm. “That I did. And here’s another truth—I’m more than happy to comply.”
“There you two are.”
They jumped apart as Quinn, wearing a white cape around her beautiful dress, stepped outside. “I’ve been looking all over for you two.”
“We’ve been out here—” Jakob started.
“Talking,” Mary finished.
“Uh-huh.” Quinn tilted her head and gave Mary a wink. “We’re about to cut the cakes, and I don’t want either of you to miss that.” She turned and headed for the door, then called over her shoulder, “Just remember to invite Tanner and me to your wedding next year.” She opened the door and disappeared inside.
Mary looked at Jakob, and their gazes locked. “She’s putting the cart before the horse, don’t you think?”