by Drew Sera
“Happy, Matt?” I asked him while I stood and gathered my money from the table.
“Happy? Are you fucking joking? Why aren’t you angry about this?” Matt yelled.
“Seriously, Matt?” I could only stare at him because I couldn’t believe this was happening.
“You’re not a kid anymore, Anthony! You don’t have to hide in the corner! How can you be so passive about this?”
“How the fuck am I supposed to react? Tell me what would be acceptable to you?” I stared at him as Blake told Matt to knock it off and calm down. I didn’t understand why Matt was so angry. I shut my eyes and took a slow, deep breath. My head was spinning and heart was pounding. I had to get myself under control before Colin comes home. “Matt, I consented to it. It’s my own fault.”
Matt grabbed my shirt pulling me toward him and then he shoved me against the beam of the patio. I put an arm out defensively and put my free hand over my chest wound while we struggled some. I ended up taking his elbow to my cheekbone. Matt had my shirt in both hands and shook me hard while Blake was trying to pull him off me. He was really pissed.
“Goddam you, Anthony! How could you fucking consent to that? Why? You couldn’t have known what you were consenting to. You wouldn’t have consented to that.”
I shoved him away from me but he just kept advancing on me.
“Fuck you, Matt! I apparently did! I told him over and over that I didn’t care what he did, so apparently, anything was fair game!” I was cut off by my cough and willed myself to calm down before it got worse. “I was barely breathing, Matt. Sydney was gone, Colin and I were at odds. The pain I felt was unbearable. I was suffocating.”
“You have friends, Anthony! Colin, Blake, and I were here for you!” He yelled at me.
“Yeah, I fucking found out tonight exactly what kind of friend you are.”
I managed to shove myself away from him but he grabbed the collar of my shirt and I spun around to stare at him. We were both breathing heavy, hands on our hips and trying to catch our breath. Blake was standing between us and had his hand on each of our heaving chests.
“Now both of you calm the fuck down. This isn’t how we’re going to handle this.” Blake’s tone was one not to mess with.
“We’re not fucking handling it anyhow! Nothing needs to be done!” I yelled but didn’t take my eyes off Matt.
When I said that though it seemed to fuel Matt.
“We are not going to do nothing!” He yelled at me.
No, no, no! We weren’t doing anything. I was struggling to keep myself in check and I was pretty sure I was near a panicking stage. I put my shaking hands over my chest and stomach while I continued to look at Matt.
“You so graciously remind me often how I left Colin that night. I admit fault, now let’s leave it alone.”
“No, we’re not.” He kept shaking his head at me.
Fuck! I backed away from Blake and laced my fingers together behind my head, and tried to calm myself down to allow more air in my lungs. I felt like I couldn’t get enough air.
“Anthony,” Matt walked towards me and I backed up again and shook my head at him.
I couldn’t even look at him. My cough snuck up on me and I began a coughing fit while Matt continued to walk toward me. I held my hand up and tried to tell him not to come near me but he grabbed onto my shirt. I panicked, struggled and tried backing out from his grip. I ended up forgetting where I was standing and while I was having a coughing attack, I backed up right into the pool.
I went under the water and when I surfaced Matt had just jumped into the pool. He swam over to me, grabbed me under my arms and pushed me against the side of the pool and decking.
“Why are you so fucking angry, Matt?” I managed to cough out at him in between swallowing gulps of water and splashing him. “It’s not like it fucking happened to you!”
He held his hand against my chest and looked me in the eye. It shocked me when I realized that his eyes were red and he looked like he was crying. I struggled against his hand.
“You’re my little brother, Anth.”
While treading water I looked away from him and over the side of the decking at Blake. My heart began pounding even harder when I saw that he had Sydney in his grip and she was crying. Blake wasn’t hurting her but he was keeping her away from the edge of the pool. I was shaking from the physical altercation with Matt and I was ice cold.
Matt grabbed my arm and made sure I had it on the decking and then he pulled himself out of the pool. He stood on the edge of the decking and held his hand out for me to take. Not a chance. Not right now. I swam a few feet away from him and pulled myself out of the water. Sydney was struggling to get free from Blake.
“Please, Blake,” she tried to reason.
“No, sweetheart. Let’s go inside where it’s warm.”
“Sir?”
Sydney. Poor Sydney had to witness Matt and I fighting. I tried taking a deep breath which caught in my throat. I couldn’t get that deep breath that I desperately needed and ending up coughing up water into the grass.
“Anthony,” she said, but with a little more desperation.
“Go inside, sunshine,” I managed to say right before I coughed up more water.
Blake ushered Sydney back toward the house as Colin came out from the kitchen looking pissed. Sydney ran to him and he swallowed her up in his embrace. Good, she was safe with him. He’d take care of her.
Colin looked at everyone and I could tell he was trying to piece everything together. He’d have no clue. Defeated, I sat down on the ground still trying to catch my breath and stop coughing. I pulled my wet long sleeve shirt off and raised my tee shirt to look at my chest wound. The fucking thing was red. The sun was going down and the chill from the sunless sky blanketed my body. What the fuck was going to happen?
“Baby, it’s okay,” Colin said quietly to her. He hadn’t taken his eyes off Matt and I. “Why didn’t any of you answer your phones?” he asked all of us. I knew he was angry but no one spoke. “Something happened while I was gone. Sydney sent me a text and said you guys all went outside to talk.”
Sydney looked over at the three of us. I’m sure she was lost and totally unsure of what to say. All she got out was that Matt brought someone over to the house. That’s all it took to get Colin going. Colin was eyeing Matt, Blake and I cautiously now.
“Who else was here, Matt?” Colin’s tone was ice cold.
“Victor,” he panted out. “I brought Victor over.”
Colin kissed Sydney’s head held her against him.
“Baby, I want you to go inside and go upstairs to our room. I need to talk to Anthony, Blake, and Matt.”
No one spoke or moved until the patio door clicked shut and Sydney was inside.
Chapter 36
Tuesday, February 11th
Sydney
Oh shit! What the hell is going on? I didn’t want to be out of their sight, but Colin’s voice sounded so cold when he told me to go upstairs. I stumbled on the stairs as I climbed up to the second floor and sat on the top step.
Slow down, Sydney! I told myself as I tried to relax and think about what just happened. Slow down and think.
Matt and Blake come over often, so that’s not out of the norm. I hadn’t seen the other guy before. Did he know Paul? Oh shit! Maybe he knew Paul!
No, that didn’t seem too likely the more I thought about it. There was something wrong though. The expressions on Matt and Blake’s faces were different. And Anthony…I thought back to the look on his face. He clearly didn’t want the other man in the house…which is probably why they went outside.
Was he protecting me?
Did he think something was going to happen?
Something happened. I know he told me to stay inside, but when I saw Matt shove Anthony, I froze. They’re supposed to be best friends. I found myself outside trying to get to Anthony. Matt wouldn’t hurt Anthony if I stood between them. I ran towards them when I saw Anthony and then Matt go
into the pool. I was afraid they were going to fight in the pool and that had disaster written all over it. I couldn’t get to them though because Blake grabbed me. I begged him to let me go, but he wouldn’t.
I was crying now, sitting on the top of the stairs. I don’t understand why they were fighting. I wiped my eyes and went into my room and sat on the floor between the coffee table and the couch. I leaned back gently and felt the sting of a dry welt pulling as my back curved and stretched.
Why was Matt angry with Anthony?
I tossed this question around for a while before picking up my cell phone and scrolling through the pictures until I found the one with Colin, Anthony, Matt, Gina and I at the cabin for Christmas. They were my family and I was comforted by this picture.
I took a handful of the green M&M’s from the coffee table and pulled over the notebook that was sitting next to the pictures of Batman and Robin. I didn’t think I left one out, or at least I don’t remember leaving this one out. I thumbed through it and noticed Anthony’s handwriting.
Oh, my god…
January 11th
I can’t imagine what you must be going through Sunshine.
But I need to find that place of darkness that we both have known before, that I have known before.
It may be, no is, the only way I can bear not being able to keep you safe.
I have failed like never before.
Please forgive me for not protecting you as I promised I always would.
With tears in my eyes, I skimmed page after page. The notebook wasn’t full, but it wasn’t a very big notebook either. Lots of pages were filled and suddenly I felt like I was reading something that I shouldn’t be.
I closed it gently and set it back where I found it. I hugged the Robin pillow close to my stomach and chest and cried into the pillow silently as I thought about his words. His heart.
I wanted to be close to them right now. I needed to be close to them. I went down the hall to our room and climbed on our bed. I could hear the raised voices downstairs and as my concern grew, tears continued to spill down my cheek.
“Enough, Matthew!” Blake’s booming voice from the kitchen sent shivers up my spine.
“Please, please don’t let Matt hurt Anthony or Colin,” I whispered. I love them. They are all that I am and have. “I love them.”
I grabbed one of Colin’s pillows and one of Anthony’s and pulled them close. The pillows smelled like them and it was the closest I could get to them right now.
As the voices of Colin, Matt, and Blake filled the downstairs, I strained to hear the voice I needed so much to hear…Anthony’s.
Chapter 37
Tuesday, February 11th
Colin
I led everyone inside while I tried to reign in my anger. It was cold out and Matt and Anthony were both soaking wet. Blake went to get some towels while I started the coffee. No one said a word and I leaned against the counter eyeing both of them. Anthony had his head down, resting his forehead on his folded arms at the table while Matt sat back in the chair watching him. I don’t know what the hell happened but one thing that I would not tolerate was someone I didn’t know being in our home, especially right now with Sydney. She needs to feel secure and safe and Matt crossed that line with bringing Victor here. He knew Anthony was messed up from that weekend and that Victor played a part. Matt had balls bringing Victor here.
I poured mugs of coffee and set them on the table when Blake came back into the kitchen with towels and a few dry shirts. He draped the towel over Anthony’s shivering shoulders causing him to jump. Matt shook his head and sipped his coffee.
“See, you jump at family and friends. You jump at those that care about you. You didn’t even bat an eye at a stranger beating you and having his way with you,” Matt said while pulling off his wet shirt and replacing it with one of the dry shirts.
What the hell?
“Enough, Matthew!” Blake said with a raised voice.
I sat down between Matt and Anthony and glared at Matt. I demanded to know what had happened and once I heard, I wasn’t even sure what to say.
“You brought Victor into our home, Matt.” I just had to say it out loud, maybe so it would sink into my head. I continued to try to search for a reason that Matt did this, and when I couldn’t come up with a good reason, I grew more agitated and raised my voice. “You know Victor is a stress factor and yet you brought him into our home, with Sydney here!”
“We had to know what happened, Colin!”
“We already knew! Fuck! I can’t believe you did this. I have been trying to keep the three of us together and from falling apart. This is the one place that the three of us relax and try to pick up the pieces and you deliberately brought Victor into the home. Our home! This is the one place they don’t have to worry!” I yelled at Matt. “This is the one place where Sydney doesn’t have to be afraid; the one place where Anthony can deal with that weekend; the one place where they were safe from violence. Well bravo, Matt. Sydney now is going to view you as the guy who came into our home and shoved around her Dom. We’re family! I can’t believe you did this and for what? To find out something you already knew with ninety-nine percent certainty? Look at what good it did.”
I was shaking now with anger. I couldn’t believe Matt did this.
“Colin,” Matt started, but I cut him off.
“Get out, Matt. If you don’t, it’s only going to get worse. We’re family but I can’t talk to you right now.”
I needed him out of our home for the time being. Matt stood and set his hand on my shoulder and apologized as he walked by. He did the same to Anthony and I wasn’t surprised when Anthony didn’t respond. Once I heard the front door, I looked at Blake. He was at a loss too.
The three of us sat in silence at the kitchen table and then Blake stood to leave. I walked him to the door and started to apologize but he stopped me.
“Colin, I should be apologizing. I shouldn’t have allowed Matt inside when I saw he had Victor with him. I’m sorry. How can I help?”
“I don’t know, Blake. I honestly don’t know.” We stood in the entryway for a few moments while my mind raced. I looked up at Blake and asked, “there’s a video?” Blake nodded but said that Victor deleted it from his phone. “Fuck,” I said and put my hands on my hip while shaking my head. “Did you see the video?” I asked Blake cautiously.
“Anthony had the phone in his hands. Matt and I didn’t see it, but it was clear what was going on.” Blake added quietly, “It sounded rough and violent and I could hear the events that led to all of his bruising.”
I sighed and rubbed my forehead with my thumb and index fingers. I was pretty sure I knew what had happened, but never voiced it to Anthony and now I felt sick inside. He has suffered because I thought I was making things easier by remaining silent. Blake’s voice pulled me away from my thoughts.
“You have two people who need you. You’ve got one upstairs scared and one in the kitchen that’s scared. He’s chilled and shivering. Get him dry and warm.”
I nodded and told him I’d call him tomorrow. I shut and locked the door then armed the house alarm. I went back to the kitchen and sat down next to Anthony. This would be difficult. Anthony isn’t big on sharing his feelings and emotions though he has been getting better. I rubbed the towel on his back and could feel his body quivering.
“I’m sorry, Col. I fucked up. I made sure Victor deleted the video. He gave me his word he didn’t have other copies.”
Anthony was worried that I might be concerned about a video popping up of him. I told him I wasn’t concerned in the least about a fucking video. What I was concerned about, which I knew he wouldn’t understand, was him. I pulled him off the chair and he tensed up almost immediately and I thought, goddamn it Matt.
“Come on, let’s get you upstairs and warm. You’re cold from the inside out.”
He stood still and didn’t move. I knew he was having a hard time looking at me and I understood what was happening, I
just didn’t know how to help.
“Col, I think I want to sleep downstairs tonight, in the guest room. Or maybe I should go to my high-rise.”
“No.” I put my hands on his shoulders and noticed he hadn’t flinched when I did that. I was pleased and encouraged by that since he flinches around everyone else. “You’re not going anywhere. You, Sydney and I are in a relationship.” I felt a lump in my throat form but didn’t give into it. He wasn’t walking away. “You belong here with us.”
I walked with my arm around his shoulders to the stairs and followed him up to our room. He was shivering badly. When we got into our room my eyes settled on Sydney sitting in the center of the bed. She sat up straighter and I could see the puffiness under her eyes; she’d been crying. When her eyes connected with mine, I could tell that she was aware that I knew she’d been crying. Sydney got off the bed and wrapped her arms around Anthony. He tried to pull away though and at first I feared he was going to start evading her touch, but he just didn’t want to get her wet.
“Sunshine, you’ll get wet.”
“Baby, go fill the tub with the temperature Anthony likes.”
I pushed Anthony towards the bathroom and quickly gathered everyone’s pajamas and made it into the bathroom before the tub was full.
“Make sure you get some of that vanilla bubble bath in there, sunshine,” Anthony instructed.
He was trying to carry on as if nothing had happened, which I suppose he’s been doing since the evening with Victor occurred. I recognized it as a defense mechanism and knew it was best to let him use it for now. He peeled himself out of the soaked clothes and let them hit the floor with a thud. He fished out his soaked wallet and tossed it on the bathroom counter and pulled everything out so it would dry out. The water was ready and I motioned for Anthony to get in while I helped Sydney undress and then we both climbed in.