by Drew Sera
Sydney sat down between us and started to get situated to lean her back against my chest, but I stopped her. I thought Anthony could use the extra connection right now. I could see his body quivering still and his cheeks were bright red as well as his chest. Fucking Matt.
“Baby, lean against Anthony. He’s really cold and could use your warmth.”
“Yeah, sunshine. Come here.”
I was pleased to see Anthony wasn’t shutting down on us. I just need to keep good tabs on him; on both of them actually. We sat quietly in the tub and I leaned back watching her provide him everything that he needed by doing nothing more than sitting with him and letting him wrap his arms tight around her. He set his chin on her shoulder and laced his fingers with hers. I could still see his body shivering from the cold though. His eyes were shut while he kissed her shoulder and whispered in her ear that he loved her. Sydney smiled and told him that she loved him too. She untangled one of her hands and reached out and took hold of my hand and told me that she loved me too.
We sat in the tub for a while and when our fingers started to look wilted, I suggested we get out. I got out first and had towels ready for my better halves. I didn’t want to make Anthony feel self-conscious about anything and I feared if I encouraged him to stay in the tub while I got Sydney situated that it would make him feel more awkward than he was already feeling. I had to tread very carefully until I got a good grip on this situation. And I urgently needed a grip on this situation.
He got out of the tub and I tossed him the towel but he just tossed it over his shoulder while he got Sydney out and we dried her off. While they got into their pajamas I called to order a large cheese pizza for delivery.
We sat on the couch and watched some T.V. while we ate. It was awkward because no one was talking about the elephant in the room but everyone knew it existed. Sydney knew something really wrong had happened between Matt and Anthony but she didn’t voice her concern or question anything. It was just sitting there brewing like an infection. I knew with certainty now what happened that night with Victor, and Anthony knew that I knew now. Certainly, there was plenty for us to talk about, but it was too raw right now. As long as I had the two of them by my side, I’d be able to catch one if they began to stumble.
The phone rang a few times while we were eating and I finally got up and turned the ringer off. I also turned my cell phone over to silent and did the same with Anthony’s. We didn’t need any outside commotion.
Anthony had stretched out on the chaise on his back and had set his hand splayed out over his abdomen. Watching him do that reminded me of how he knew Sydney would find comfort with my hand being spread out over her tummy. Stricken with worry and concern, I searched frantically for how to help him. I didn’t have the answers.
This was a thin line to walk and try to navigate around. I glanced over at Sydney to find that she was asleep in Anthony’s embrace, her hand tucked between his and his stomach. About an hour ago she snuggled up against him and he welcomed it. I could see that he was awake still, staring at the T.V. but not taking any of it in.
Around 12:45 a.m. he nudged me in the leg, waking me up. I had dozed off.
“Hey, we should get her to bed,” Anthony whispered to me.
I nodded and reached for the remote and shut the fireplace off. I quickly took the plates and glasses to the kitchen and when I came back Anthony was standing at the bottom of the stairs with Sydney in his arms. She was still asleep. Even though his stitches had come out, he was still nursing a lot of injuries and while I wanted to pull Sydney from his arms so he didn’t strain to carry her up the stairs, I didn’t dare.
I adjusted the bathroom light and a light in the sitting room while Anthony got Sydney in bed. We left her in her pajamas for tonight because neither of us thought it’d be a very good idea to start pulling her out of her pajamas while she was asleep. If she woke up while we were doing it, there was a chance she’d get scared or possibly have a flash back to Howard or Paul. Right now, I was trying to keep flashbacks for everyone to a minimum. Anthony stripped down to his boxer briefs and climbed into bed. On my way to bed I glanced at my phone on the charger. Eight missed calls that were a combination of Matt’s cell and his home number. I know he had called the house too. I also had what looked like a half dozen or so text messages. I walked away from my phone and got into bed. I wasn’t ready to talk to Matt.
Chapter 38
Wednesday, February 12th
Colin
“No! Please...no more…don’t...” Sydney restlessly mumbled and writhed around in bed. I sat up and pulled her into my arms to wake her up. Anthony was coming toward the bed. I noticed his side of the bed was cold so he hadn’t been in it for a while.
“Shh, baby. It’s just a dream. You’re safe. Just you, me, and Anthony. We have you,” I said to Sydney as Anthony sat down on the bed and reached for her hand.
Sydney gripped my hand and Anthony’s. Anthony and I asked her to tell us about her dream, but she buried her face in my neck. I knew we needed to push her some, she can’t keep this in.
“Sydney, try, baby,” I tried to gently coax Sydney while I rocked her in my arms. “Baby, talk to us.”
“Sunshine.”
“Paul.”
That one fucking name was mumbled against my neck and I glance over at Anthony. I knew Paul was the cause of the nightmares and many nightmares to come. Hearing that name, sends rage through my body.
Uncontrollable crying caused her body to begin shaking in my arms.
“I was so s-scared I’d never see you guys again.”
I held her tightly against me and stroked her hair. I know Anthony and I felt sick every moment she was gone. He and I stared at one another while Sydney cried in my arms. Anthony moved a little closer to where I sat with her in my arms and he reached between us and placed his hand against her stomach. His other hand continued to stroke her back, but the one on her stomach remained still.
“P-please don’t get rid of me. I love you guys so much.”
Anthony and I promised her that we weren’t giving her up. Ever. Fucking Paul caused this terrible setback. Before he took her, Anthony and I had just gotten her to the point where she was feeling secure in our relationship and knew that she was what we wanted.
We sat quietly with her for a while until she drifted off to sleep in my arms with Anthony’s hands on her back and tummy.
The next time I woke up, it was almost 10:00 in the morning. My head was full as I sat up and frowned at Anthony’s empty side of the bed. I picked a note up from the nightstand from Anthony.
Went for a jog. Be back soon. xoxo Anthony
Sydney was quiet as I helped her get dressed. I knew her mind must be swimming with stuff from last night too. She held my hand as we went downstairs and into the kitchen and then nearly flew into a panic. The patio door was ajar and I walked over to it to see that Anthony was sitting on the lounger, legs bent at the knees. I was a little pissed that Anthony left the door open because he knows how upset Sydney gets when things aren’t shut and locked properly. I know he has a lot on his mind too. I calmed Sydney and brought her to the door so she could see it was Anthony sitting outside. She nodded and began moving around in the kitchen aimlessly. Lost. I’m starting to feel lost, too and unsure of my direction.
“Baby, I want you to get yourself some fruit and eat it at the breakfast bar. I’m going to go out and talk to Anthony.”
“Sir,” she started as I headed outside. I stopped and looked at her and could see her eyes were watery. I went over to her and tilted her chin to look up at me.
“Baby, what are the tears for?” I asked her gently.
“I...I just don’t know what’s wrong. Did...did I do something or not do something? I can fix…”
I shook my head quickly at her and pulled her into a hug. I explained that Anthony was going through a rough patch right now and I asked her to be patient and not to worry.
“Eat some breakfast, baby. I’m right ou
tside on the patio with Anthony.”
I kissed her lips and headed outside and made my way over to him. I wasn’t certain what kind of mood he was going to be in. He looked up though as I approached.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hi.” I sat down across from him.
His cheek had a light red spot on it from his tousle with Matt. Unbelievable. I bit my tongue though.
“How was your jog?”
“Fine. I think it was good for me.”
“I’m not sure your doctors would agree.”
“Yeah, well one of my doctors knocked me around yesterday. So, I don’t give a fuck about what my doctor says.”
How could I argue with that? We sat there in silence unsure of what to say or do until I finally brought Sydney up.
“She’s worried she did something, Anth. She knows something is up. She saw you and Matt yesterday. And Victor.” I had to turn my head so he wouldn’t see the anger on my face. I still can’t believe Matt brought Victor to our home. “We need to talk to her.”
“And tell her what, Col? This isn’t easy. I don’t know what to say. This stays between you and me, not Sydney. Please, not Sydney.”
We were quiet again for a few moments and then he said something that cut to the core of how he was feeling and obviously at the forefront of his thoughts.
“I don’t want to lose what the three of us have.”
When I looked up at him, I could see the fear in his eyes. He was afraid he was on the brink of losing us because of that weekend. His mouth formed a tight line and he looked away trying to get his emotions under control. He wasn’t going to lose us. I wasn’t going to allow it.
“Anthony, look at me. You’re not going to lose us. You need to believe me. Look, I know it’s going to be bumpy for a while but we will take it one day at a time and will be okay.”
“Colin, it was already bumpy with Sydney just getting acclimated to being back and me getting out of the hospital and recovering. You’ve got the Cheng deal closing soon. It’s a lot of stress and pressure and now we have my mess.”
“We will make it, but we need to talk to Sydney and calm her down.”
He and I hadn’t eaten anything and I was able to talk him into coming inside so we could eat with Sydney. She was lost and probably just as scared as Anthony was about losing what we had. He seemed to get better with Sydney around, but I could tell she was walking on eggshells around him. She didn’t need to be afraid. Fear is in her past.
Before Chris came over, Anthony and I sat down with her in the great room and reminded her that everything was going to be okay. She looked at us though as if she were waiting for the other shoe to drop.
“Did I do something wrong, Sir?” She looked back and forth between Anthony and I.
Anthony and I reinforced the fact that she did nothing wrong and that we weren’t angry or upset with her. She looked so fragile there between us and I gave Anthony a pleading look. Anthony shifted uncomfortably in his seat and took her hand.
“Sydney, while you were gone, I had a moment of weakness.” He paused but kept looking downward while he held her hand. “I was in a very bad place…I was upset about you being gone and the pain I felt in my chest was something I’ve never felt before. It was horrible and I was lost without you, sunshine. In the terrible state of weakness and sorrow, I saw a Pro Dom and sadist.”
Sydney was listening intently to him as he tried explaining things. She wasn’t familiar with the term “Pro Dom” and I could tell she was confused and trying to sort it out.
“A Sadist Pro Dom? Who? I mean, why? Or what is a Pro Dom?” Not only was she confused on who a Pro Dom was, but why Anthony would see one. I’m sure when he tossed in the title “sadist” it confused her even more. Anthony looked up at me, unsure of how to proceed.
“A Pro Dom is someone who will provide services in exchange for money. In this case, he was also a sadist. Simply put, it was basically paying for pain. I wanted the pain I felt to stop.”
Sydney interrupted him as she shook her head, not understanding. I knew this would be a hard conversation, especially with Sydney being so new to the consensual lifestyle. “Why would you see a sadist if you wanted the pain to stop?”
“Sunshine, I wanted the sadist to replace the pain I felt over your absence, with physical pain.”
He let that gem sink in and suddenly, Sydney got it. It was sad to watch her make sense of it. She shook her head and covered her mouth, looking at us.
“No, no, you didn’t ask for someone to hurt you. Did you? Anthony, no...Colin, you let him do that?”
I started to open my mouth but Anthony jumped in.
“Sweetheart, I didn’t tell Colin what I was doing. I didn’t actually have it planned at all. It just happened. I was in my high-rise and just called a sadist friend of Will’s. He came over and took care of what I asked.”
Anthony glanced at me and I had to look away. Oh, the sadist took it upon himself to twist what Anthony asked for exactly.
“That’s where all the bruising on your neck and back came from? And the lash marks on your stomach?” She asked him and gently touched his neck where some of his deep bruising was evident.
“Yes, sunshine.” He kissed her hand. “Sydney, Matt found out and was livid, to say the least. The man he brought here was the sadist. Matt was angry with me for having the sadist over to my condo and for having him beat on me for a while.”
An hour and half to be exact, only an hour or so of it Anthony was zoned out or blacked out.
“That’s why Matt fought with you?”
“Yes, but it was my own fault, sweetheart.”
I had to interject. He wasn’t going to take the blame on for all of this.
“Anth…”
He looked up at me, begging me to just leave it where it was.
“I was weak and let the guy try to replace my heartache. I’m not proud of it. Anyhow, Sydney, I’m just a little agitated over the visit with the sadist and was unsettled that he was here yesterday. So, I’m trying to work through some things. I’m not angry with you, sunshine.”
Sydney looked at him for a long time. She reached up to his neck again and ran her hand along his bruising. Her eyes filled with tears as she gazed at him, which I’m sure made Anthony feel terrible.
“You asked someone to hurt you.” Sydney was trying to wrap her head around it. This was too much for her and she began to break down and fall apart. “Why would you let someone hurt you?”
Anthony hung his head as Sydney stood up crying and pulled her hand out of Anthony’s. She began pacing around the coffee table, and when she started to sound like a panic attack was on the horizon, I stood and pulled her into an embrace. Her tears came harder and she balled her hands up into fists. This was hard. Sydney spent so much time being hurt by Howard, and now two weeks of torture from Paul and she couldn’t understand why Anthony did what he did.
“Baby, try to calm down and breathe,” I softly said to her and she began pushing at me, but I held her close.
“No, Colin! Someone hurt him! He…he was used to being hurt when he was younger…his step-dad, Colin…he wouldn’t…why would he?”
“Baby, shh.”
I was really concerned about her slipping into a panic attack because her breathing grew shallow and she started talking faster. I think she was trying to be so careful with what she said to me about Anthony. I know of some of the talks the two of them have had together, talking about their pasts. I’ve overheard them talking about being burned or beaten and it’s always nearly turned my stomach. I hated the fact that both of them suffered at all in their lives at someone else’s hands.
Sydney pulled away from me and moved towards the stairs. She wrapped her arms around her midsection and clamped her mouth down tightly. Within a few seconds, her body began quivering and as Anthony crossed the room towards her, she completely broke down.
“Sunshine, I’m sorry, sweetheart.” Anthony wrapped her up in his arms and swaye
d side to side with her while she continued crying. “You’ve got to calm down, Sydney. Please, sweetheart.”
“I’m sorry, Anthony.”
“You don’t have anything to be sorry over, sunshine.”
“Yes, I do! If I had paid attention…” Sydney broke down in hysterics again. “Paul wouldn’t have taken me and you wouldn’t have seen the sadist.”
Sydney had worn herself out and began crumbling to the floor. Anthony lowered to the floor with her and pulled her onto his lap while I sat opposite them. I reached out and rubbed on her back.
“None of this is your fault, sunshine. None of it. What happened with me and the sadist is on me, not you.” He held her against his chest and looked up at me.
This was possibly one of the most difficult conversations we’ve had with her. I was trying to be supportive as Anthony talked to Sydney about his visit with the Pro Dom. This was all he was going to say to her about the subject. I understood and supported him and seeing how she reacted to what he told her made me realize that if Anthony had told her everything she would have shut down. Anthony still wasn’t ready to talk to me about it, but he knew I was here for him.
While the three of us sat there on the floor trying to calm down, my mind began drifting to the night Anthony left and saw Victor. I thought back to the condition he was in when he came home after being gone for a few days. I glanced down at his wrists. They were torn up when he came home and from what little we got out of him, he made a reference to some cuffs. Each time I think about someone having cuffed him to something, I’m overwhelmed with anger and sickness.
“I…I want to be alone,” Sydney said.