by Drew Sera
“I’m sorry, Colin.”
“I’m sorry too.”
I stood and wrapped my hand around his bicep and he let me pull him up. He was ice cold and shook as we walked back towards the house. I was trying to give him some space but he also needed some care. He was physically weakened, coughing, wet, hungry and emotionally drained. It reminded me of the day Anthony and I sent Sydney shopping and she suffered sub drop that afternoon. Anthony kept to himself all day with those emotions. I bent down and picked up his tiny notebook to carry it inside for him. His arms were folded across his chest trying to provide himself with some warmth and comfort.
Sydney came out on the deck, opening up some towels to have them ready for us as we climbed the steps. She wrapped one around Anthony and handed me one then went to put her arms around Anthony.
“Hi, sunshine. I missed you today, sweetheart.”
“Come on, let’s go inside.” I ushered everyone inside and asked Sydney to go start the tub. She raced ahead of us while Anthony climbed the stairs ahead of me. My head was spinning as I thought about all of the stuff he wrote in that notebook. Each one of the issues could bring an entire day of discussion. Chris needed to be involved in this. So many of those things I suspected, but until he’d say something to me about it, I couldn’t assume.
Anthony and I peeled out of our soaked clothes and helped Sydney undress. We got in the tub to calm down and warm up. She leaned back against Anthony’s chest knowing that he was extra needy right now. She was content to sit there and just stroke his chest. He needed the contact now, followed by food and his medicine.
As I sat across the two of them, my heart was filled with sorrow. I loved them so much, but felt like I wasn’t doing enough to help them. The one thing I knew for sure, was that they needed one another to heal and move forward.
When the water began to cool, I urged us out. Together, Anthony and I dried Sydney off and then dressed her in her lounge pants and t-shirt. I quickly pulled on my lounge clothes and then headed downstairs to get something together for dinner. I knew they were right behind me and Anthony immediately flopped face down on the couch while Sydney came into the kitchen.
“Do you need help, Sir?”
“Yes, baby. I need you to stay with Anthony. If he doesn’t want to talk, it’s okay. Just sit with him. Touch him. He needs you, baby.”
I hugged her and sent her back to the living room while I raced around to whip something up. Grilled cheese and soup was our go to comfort meal. While I flew around the kitchen I tried paying attention to the two of them.
“Here…Anthony.”
I glanced up from setting the table and watched Sydney kneel on the floor in front of him and put a tiny bag of M&M's in his hand. He was really out of it and just held the bag.
“They are better if you eat them. Come on, you and I can eat this whole bag before dinner is ready. I get the green ones though.”
Sydney opened the bag and ate the green ones no doubt and was able to talk Anthony into eating some.
“I like the little red ones under your shirt, sunshine.”
Sydney laughed and kissed his cheek. He ate some soup and then half of a sandwich. Sydney ate much better than he did, but at least he was eating. After he ate he went to the counter and took his antibiotic. I took some cookies and other sugar treats and sodas to the living room and set it all out on the coffee table. I found a comedy for us to watch and thought it might help.
Sydney was chatty about wanting to show Gina her new bracelet that had our birthstones in it and also the rope heart that Anthony made for her when we get home. She needed to see her friend. As we were lying in bed, Sydney asked us if Anthony and I were friends again.
“We never stopped being friends, sunshine. I’m sorry if we made it seem that way.”
“I love you guys.”
Sydney put her hand over his scar and I put my hand over hers. I hoped he was okay with this. I think it would have been written in his notebook if he was uncomfortable with me touching him some.
Chapter 70
Monday, March 3rd
Colin
I don’t think I slept last night. My head was swimming when we climbed into bed and it’s still swimming. I’ve laid in bed staring at the skylights or staring at the back of Sydney’s head thinking of everything Anthony scrawled across those pages. He used that notebook as an outlet while Sydney was gone. Both for pain he was dealing with regards to Sydney and Victor. Anthony is dealing with so many things that I don’t know how to help him with.
While all of his penned words are forever burned into my brain, what sticks out the most to me right now was the fact that Anthony is suffering at night. He has vivid dreams about taking the life of a man who was absolute scum. He was forced into a terrible situation in the woods that night. I’m grateful that Anthony was able to focus and keep himself alive. Sydney…she wouldn’t be where she is today if Anthony had died. She needs him so much.
Closely behind my hate for Paul, is the fact that some goddamn, fucking asshole put their hands on Anthony recently. And that asshole made it so Anthony will struggle with physical comfort for a long time.
I knew about Bruce and Connor and understand that Anthony didn’t know anything different when he was growing up. He just knew pain. But he knows better now and watching him deal with the shit from Victor makes my heart heavy.
I was awake a few hours ago when Anthony woke up. He didn’t realize that I was awake as he pulled Sydney into his arms. Sydney woke up, of course, from being jostled out of a dead sleep. She instantly wrapped her arms around Anthony’s shoulders and he began apologizing.
“Sorry, sunshine. Just needed to feel your arms,” he whispered.
I sat up and leaned against the headboard beside him and stroked Sydney’s back slowly. When I made eye contact with him, it was very obvious to me that he desperately needed her in that moment. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have woken her up.
“Sorry, Col. I just…”
I shook my head at him. Under no circumstances do I want him feeling guilty for expressing a need. I just needed to be careful as to how I say that to him. And I didn’t know what the best way to say that to him was.
“You don’t have anything to apologize for.”
Eventually, Anthony sunk back down under the sheets and fell back to sleep with Sydney in his arms. I however, was far from being able to sleep. Soon, the room was filled with light and Sydney was stretching between Anthony and I.
Everyone was pretty quiet while we took a shower and got dressed. As I shaved, I listened to Anthony helping Sydney pick her clothes out. They both sounded like they were doing okay. Maybe it was just me that was fucked up right now.
We spent the rest of the day outside on the deck. Sydney spoke to Chris on the phone and wrote in her journal while sitting on a blanket in the sand. Anthony sat on the lounger and kept his eyes on her the entire time.
I sat at the patio table and thought about tons of things. Most of them were unpleasant thoughts, but that’s where I was at for the moment.
“I need to stretch my legs and walk for a bit,” Anthony said as he stood and rubbed on his chest.
He hadn’t waited for me to say anything and walked down the sand toward the water. Sydney called after him as shielded her eyes from the sun.
“Where are you going, Sir?”
“Just for a small walk.”
“Can I come?” she asked.
I silently urged him to say ‘yes’ to her. She doesn’t need to feel rejected. Anthony smiled at her and held his hand out for her to take. She closed up her journal, took his hand and they began their walk. I watched them walk along the shore and knew that they were each in the hands of the person that could help them the best.
Chapter 71
Tuesday, March 4th
Colin
After another night of little sleep and worrying, I decided that the best thing would be for me to get up and move about. Surprisingly, Sydney and Anthony were b
oth still asleep. I quietly got dressed, brushed my teeth and went downstairs and sat on the deck for a while.
I watched the sky start to lighten and the seagulls begin their morning routine. I was starting the second-guess everything and my role with Sydney and Anthony. I wasn’t making things any easier for Anthony, nor did I seem to be helping them.
I needed some space right now. And as much as I bitch about Anthony running off for space, I was about to follow those footsteps. I wasn’t going to leave without a note though.
Charging peacefully on the counter was Anthony’s cell phone. I thought about it for a moment and decided that sending him a text was best. I didn’t want to alarm Sydney.
Quietly, I shut and locked the door and from my cell phone and re-armed the alarm. I didn’t want Sydney to wake up and worry that she had been in an unarmed house.
On foot, I took off toward the pier. Walking would do me some good and give me some time to think and clear my head.
Chapter 72
Tuesday, March 4th
Anthony
I woke up feeling “off” again. I wonder how long this will continue. Maybe it’s something I should talk to Chris about.
I rolled over and kissed Sydney with what she calls my “scratchy face”. She pretends not to like it, but I know better. I’m careful when I nuzzle her so that my stubble doesn’t really hurt her.
“Come on, sunshine. You and I slept in.”
Sydney and I headed to the bathroom and I took care of rubbing her lotion on some of the dry places on her back. One of the scabs was really dry, so I put her medicated gel on it and covered it with a bandage. I helped her pick out her clothes and then we headed downstairs.
A deep cough snuck up on me and it bellowed out. Fuck, my chest hurt. I put my hand over my chest, swallowed hard and tried to take as deep of a breath as possible. I was waiting for Colin to come around the corner and ask me about it. He must not be inside.
“Are you ok, Sir?” Sydney asked and wrapped her arms around me.
“Yep. You’re in my arms so I’m just fine.”
Over the top of Sydney’s head, I glanced at the alarm keypad and noticed it was armed. It struck me as odd because we haven’t been arming it when we’re just sitting out on the deck, which is where I assumed Colin was.
“Let’s find Colin and see about finding some breakfast,” I said and took her by the hand and guided her to the kitchen.
Since I knew for certain that Sydney hasn’t had her medicine yet, I grabbed her pill vial and took it to her. I pulled a glass down and poured her some juice to take the pill with. Once she swallowed it, I kissed her forehead. Pill taking was still a tense event with her, which I understood.
“Good girl,” I praised and went to take my own antibiotic.
I glanced through the huge windows in the kitchen, hoping to get a glimpse of Colin, but he wasn’t on the deck. Maybe he went swimming or for a jog. Assuming that’s where he was, I took care of making sure Sydney ate.
She and I both opted for Frosted Flakes and fruit. Sydney mentioned that she wanted to sit outside again today and write for a while. I encouraged her to write whenever she felt like it. I’ve learned that it actually does help.
I kept glancing out toward the ocean, hoping I’d see Colin jogging or coming out of the water. Something felt off to me. This wasn’t like Colin. I was going to take Sydney for a walk so we could both stretch our legs a bit after we cleaned up the kitchen.
I glanced at the section of the counter where Colin keep the fob to his car. It was still there. Next to the fob was my phone. Maybe he sent a text.
CE: Anth, I’m sorry. I haven’t been able to help you or Sydney much with anything. I think I’m making things worse for you. I have lots on my mind to think about. Please don’t let Sydney worry.
What the fuck?
Over the course of five minutes I went through a bunch of views on his text. First, I was pissed. That lasted a brief moment and then I understood. So fucking much has happened I threw a ton of crap at feet a few nights ago. I’m sure most of it was difficult to digest.
I told Sydney that Colin was out on a walk thinking about stuff. I reminded her that she didn’t do anything to upset him, because I saw that question form on her lips before a sound came out.
Colin had every right to vent and want to take some time to think and reflect. But I had a sneaking suspicion that he was coming down on himself, mostly over all the shit I’ve been holding in. I watched the clock and let a few hours tick by before I sent him a text. I sent it as a feeler to see if I could tell how he was doing.
AG: There’s lots of space here. It basically your beach. We’ll stay out of your way if you want.
It was about thirty minutes before I got a response. The response made me stand up and look out at Sydney. She was sitting of the blanket, writing.
CE: You guys are never in my way, but I’m afraid I need to stay out of your way so that you and Sydney can heal. I love you both, but you need each other to heal, not me.
Colin wasn’t doing okay. He was out somewhere beating himself up for not being able to fix something right away. I wasn’t going to let him run himself into the ground. I tapped on the app that would tell me where he was at…as long as he hadn’t disabled it. When the GPS popped up with a little red arrow, I couldn’t but smile and shake my head.
“Gotta be smarter than that, Batman.” I said under my breath as I focused on the image.
I saved a screenshot of the GPS so I would at least know the destination if he suddenly turned off the location service.
“Sunshine,” I called out and waved her over to the deck. “Come on, baby.”
“Where are we going? We should wait for Colin.”
“We’re going to get our better half and bring him home.”
Coming soon…
Book Six in The Everett Gaming Series:
Ours
By
Drew Sera
For more information on books in this series please visit drewsera.com or follow on Facebook at Drew Sera or Drew Sera Books. You can connect with Drew Sera via email at [email protected].
For more information about Depraved Eros, the photographer for the book series and creator of the book trailers, please visit depravederos.com or follow on Facebook at Depraved Eros. You can email Depraved Eros at [email protected].
For more information about HL37, the poet and author behind “Anthony’s” notes, please visit his website at https://hl37writes.com/ or follow on Facebook at HL37. You can also email HL37 at [email protected].