How to Marry an Alien

by Magan Vernon

  My dad! The last I talked to him I was a raving lunatic. Waking him up, screaming, and blubbering that the car was tipped over. He snapped awake with that one, but I hadn't talked to him since to tell him that I was coherent.

  "Hey, Justin, you think I could borrow your phone? I have no idea where mine is." Or where any of my other stuff was. I packed my whole life in that Circe SUV and all of it was probably destroyed because I couldn't avoid a guardrail. Stupid deer.

  "Yeah, that's cool." Justin pulled a sleek, smart phone from the front pocket of his shirt. The last time I'd seen him in any sort of civilian clothes was when we first arrived at Circe. And there he was looking like a normal boy in a button-down shirt and khakis, not like the weapons specialist that I knew he was.

  "Thanks," I said, taking the phone from him and dialing my dad's number.

  He answered on the second ring. "Private Rice, is that you?"

  Dad's voice was husky, as if he hadn't slept in days.

  "No, Dad, it's me, Alex."

  He let out a deep breath into the phone. "Oh, Alex! Thank God you're alright! I was worried sick!"

  All right? That wasn't the right word. Alive, maybe, but far from all right. "Yeah, Dad, I'm fine. But have you seen Ace? Is he ok? What about the SUV?"

  "The car and your belongings are in transit on the convoy with you to Circe. Ace is currently in the medical ward. I don't have any other news to report other than that." His voice was all professional and no nonsense. That wasn't what I wanted at the moment. I wanted the loving father voice that I only had hints of in the past. That was the voice I wanted and needed.

  "Okay." I swallowed hard. "Thanks, Dad. I will call you when we get to Circe."

  "Alright Alex. Goodbye, glad you are safe."

  I hung up the phone and handed it back to Justin.

  "Uh, Alex, I hate to tell you this, but we aren't going to Circe right away," Justin said, stuffing his phone back into his pocket.

  "What? Why not? If my car is going there and Ace is there, why can't I be there?" I blinked, hard.

  "Your dad wanted to make sure that you didn't miss your move-in day for the dorms. We managed to get a few of your bags from the car and figured after you are settled in, then we can arrange for someone to bring you to Circe." He said it so nonchalantly I almost thought he was joking.

  "You're kidding me. I just totaled my car, my alien fiancé was dragged off with me not knowing what condition he is in, and you expect me to just move into my dorm like nothing happened?" My voice rose with each word.

  "Well, one of the medics gave you a shot of some Martian aspirin when you were out and checked you for any broken bones before you left. Your dad and the medics figured since you were alright that it was better for you to continue with your trip instead of waiting around Circe for Ace to wake up."

  "He is still unconscious?" I couldn't hide the panic in my voice. It had to rise at least three decibels.

  "Whoa, hold on there." Justin held out his hands toward me, palms out. "Yes, he is still unconscious, but he is in one of the goo tubes, so he should be just fine.

  The goo tubes. How could I forget about those? My first day at Circe I was frightened by the giant tubes filled with a green gelatin-like substance with floating aliens in them. Then I took my own dip in the goo after one of my many alien attacks. It may be able to heal a person quickly but that doesn't mean it eliminates a green tinge that haunts the skin for days afterward.

  "Okay. I guess I can live with that."

  Justin flashed a crooked grin. "Come on, you know he is in good hands with the docs at Circe. Besides, he wouldn't have wanted you to miss the joys of your first day at college."

  ***

  A few hours later we pulled into the parking lot behind my dorm. Everyone else had already moved in the day before so it was virtually empty except for the black SUV that looked almost exactly like the one I had crashed.

  Justin and I jumped out of the back of the van just as the driver's side door of the SUV opened and my dad climbed out wearing a crisp blue suit. How that man managed to wear a suit every day when he worked in the desert was beyond me.

  "Is this my replacement vehicle?" I forced a smile, staring over my dad at the sleek black car.

  Dad rolled his eyes and turned to the SUV, opening the trunk. He pulled out a few boxes that I recognized as mine from the other car.

  "All Circe employees are issued these SUVs. We allowed Ace to give you his since he has taken full advantage of his beaming capabilities."

  Dad set the last of the boxes on the ground, giving me a knowing look. I was sure that no one knew Ace had been beaming into my bedroom the past year, but I guess I was wrong.

  "Uh, well." Justin cleared his throat. "I guess this is my cue to get back to Circe."

  I turned toward him, throwing my arms around Justin and embracing him in a huge hug. "Thanks for taking care of me."

  Gingerly, he hugged me back. I probably took him by surprise since I don't think I'd actually ever even touched the guy.

  When I released the hug, he saluted my dad and headed back in the van. I felt bad that I never actually even introduced myself to the guy that was driving, but at least I had Justin to reassure me that everything was okay for the long ride without my alien.

  "You ready to start this move into your new home?" dad asked, picking up one of the brown boxes labeled "clothes."

  I picked up another box, realizing that this was only a fraction of what was actually in my SUV and I would have to convince my new roommate to give me a ride to get more necessities, like possibly a toothbrush.

  "Ready as all ever be."

  Chapter 6

  My dorm room was on the fifth floor and every room was about the size of a Cracker Jack box, or a guest bathroom to be more realistic. I didn't pick the dorm for its roominess, but because it was one of the only ones open for the summer session and it was the closest one to the communications building. Dad and I stepped off the elevator with the boxes in hand and headed down the hall to my assigned room.

  The door was already open with the afternoon sun coming in from the windows that faced us, and music that could only be described as angry girl rock streamed from an unknown source.

  Dad and I made our way in, setting the boxes on my tiny twin-sized bed. While my side of the room was completely blank with the regulation twin bed against the window, a desk at the end of that followed by a dresser and a small closet, my roommate already added some color to her side.

  Dad suspiciously eyed the giant tie-dyed tapestry above her bed, which was only appropriate since the girl lying across the bed had an auburn shag haircut and wore a plaid dress that looked more like a pillow case than a dress. A definite alternative chick.

  "Hey, you must be Alex." She stood up, her tiny bare feet hitting the linoleum under her bed. "I'm Lucy, your new roommate."

  I already knew her name. In fact, I already knew everything about her. Lucy Lane, sophomore, public relations major and environmental science major. She came from Scottsdale, Arizona, where she lived with her engineer parents and older brother. Ace already did a background check on her to make sure she wasn't another crazy alien trying to kill me. That had happened more times than I cared to think about.

  "Hey." I waved my hand slightly. "I'm Alex, and this is my dad, Vince." I motioned toward my dad who stood there straight as an arrow.

  "Good to meet you, Alex's dad." She smiled, revealing some of the biggest teeth I had ever seen. The girl was petite everywhere else, but those teeth could rival a horse.

  "Nice to meet you as well, Lucy."

  Dad placed his hand on my shoulder. "Well, I should let you two get acquainted. I have some business to attend to back at base."

  "Business?" I looked up at him, arching a brow.

  "Yes, Alex. Business. I will call you later to see how you are settling in."

  "And to let me know how Ace is doing?" I pressed.

  He groaned. "Yes, that too." He then squeezed my s
houlder.

  "Good to meet you, Lucy." He waved before heading out of the room and disappearing down the hall without another word.

  "Sooo..." I turned back from the doorway to Lucy. She looked normal enough, but then again I thought Simone was normal before she tried to kill me.

  "I guess I should let you get unpacking," she blanched. "Even though it doesn't look like you have too much. Are you a minimalist?"

  I tried to hide my smile; the situation really wasn't funny. "No, I got in a car crash with my fiancé on the way down here. This was what survived."

  Lucy gasped, bringing her hands to her face. "Oh my God! I'm sorry! I didn't mean the whole minimalist comment." She put her hands down, shoving them in the pockets of her dress. "Now I feel like a first rate a hole."

  I shook my head. "Nah, don't worry about it. You can make it up to me by taking me out to pick up some supplies I'm missing, like possibly a toothbrush."

  "Oh, yeah." She nodded her head, letting out a short snort. "I can definitely do that."

  ***

  After ten minutes, the five boxes that had survived the crash were unpacked. Mostly clothes and a few books, but some important necessities were definitely missing...like everything involving hygiene.

  "Looks like you have emptied everything out." Lucy's gray eyes trailed over the bits of stuff that lay on my bed. Eighteen years on Earth and all I had to show for myself was a lot of vintage t-shirts and a giant pink comforter that mom found on sale and thought would look fabulous in my new dorm. Ugh, that one would probably go to the donate pile.

  "Yeah, I probably need a big shopping run." I put my hand on my grumbling stomach. "And maybe some food."

  I should have known that Lucy was the type of hipster to drive a bright white Volkswagen Thing from the 1970s. It looked like it should have been in some cheesy surfer movie with the complete lack of a top and the whole dune buggy feel. But she treated it like it was her own child. She even parked it way at the back of the parking lot of Target. After charging probably more than I was allowed to on my dad's credit card she drove us to a small strip mall just outside of town, parking in the far corner near a Mexican place called, La Noria. The Well? Okay then.

  "This is one of my favorite places around here. They make an awesome veggie fajita." Lucy pounced out of the car, not even bothering to open the door since the Thing was just open to the elements. I secretly wondered how the vehicle would do if it were in a car crash and prayed my things would be all right in the trunk.

  "Is it really that hard to make a veggie fajita awesome?" I laughed, following her to the front door.

  The place was even brighter than it looked from the outside. The walls were vibrantly painted yellow and it looked like Mexico threw up on the walls with all of the bright paintings, blankets, and sombreros hanging from every possible space one could hang something.

  "Hola, amigas!" A short, stout Hispanic man came out from behind the bright blue counter. "How many?"

  Lucy grinned from ear to ear, grasping her beaded clutch. I thought I dressed weird, but Lucy definitely had a sense for the eclectic with her hand-sewn dress, fancy clutch, and Birkenstocks. "Two, please."

  The man nodded. "Right this way, amigas." He then shot a wink in my direction. Weird.

  He took us to a small booth underneath a painting of brightly colored flowers. He plopped down two plastic menus in front of us. "Something to drink?"

  "I'll just take a water." Lucy grabbed the menu, staring down at it.

  "Yeah, a water is fine for me for now," I added.

  "You sure you don't want nothing else, Miss Bianchi?"

  I shot up my head so fast I nearly pulled a muscle. Did he just say my name?

  "Your friends from Circe come in here quite often. That Ace, he is very fond of you. Talks about you mucho!"

  I gave a once over to the small man in front of me. I thought he looked familiar. I should have seen it. He wasn't some short, Hispanic man. He was one of the many aliens from Venus. Was I going to run into aliens everywhere I went?

  "Uh, gee, thanks, sir. I'm fine with water for now." I put my head down, staring at the menu instead of the little man from Venus.

  "Okay, amigas, I will give you some time to look over the menu." He then stepped away from the table, and I watched his tiny alien feet disappear.

  "And I thought I would be the one showing you around town. I guess this mister Ace must be quite the guy." Lucy peered over the menu at me.

  "Yeah, I guess you can say that," I mumbled.

  "Is Ace the guy that gave you the giant rock on your finger?" Lucy arched an eyebrow.

  I suddenly felt self-conscious and wanted to disappear; the ring felt like it weighed a million pounds on my finger. I slid my left hand down on my lap. "Yes, I guess you can say that Ace is my fiancé."

  The whole engaged thing was still new to me. Sure, I'd been promised to the guy for almost a year, but now that he made it official with a ring, it was a whole new ball game. Now I would have to deal with everyone asking about wedding plans and my future, when in all reality I didn't even know how to marry an alien.

  The waiter came by with our drinks and a bowl of chips and salsa. Thank God, at least that could break up our awkward conversation, but it didn't help with the guy's big blue eye boring into me. How I did I not realize he was an alien before with the unnatural colored eyes?

  "Have you amigas decided what you would like, or will it be a few more minutes?"

  "I think we are ready." I forced a bright smile.

  Lucy handed the menu to the alien waiter, obviously oblivious to the fact that he was anything but human. "I will take the portabella and mushroom fajitas, no sour cream or cheese and a side of guacamole."

  A vegan, of course.

  "Uh, I'll have the burrito grande with steak." I passed my menu to the waiter. If she was going to be my roommate she would have to deal with my carnivore ways.

  "Very good, amigas, I will have that right up." He took my menu, flashed another wink and headed out of sight.

  "So it is a fiancé?" Lucy leaned in. I guess she wasn't going to let it go. She would meet him soon anyway, hopefully...

  I tried to keep from rolling my eyes and ended up stopping about half way. "Yeah, Ace would be my newly christened fiancé. He proposed after graduation."

  "I see." She took a long drink of her water. I should have expected the reaction. I knew most people would think it was crazy to be engaged right out of high school, but most people already weren't promised to an alien.

  "What about you? Do you have a boyfriend?" I asked.

  She coughed, a tiny bit of water spilling onto her chin as she set her glass down. Quickly she picked up her napkin and wiped the stray splotches of water.

  "Did I say something funny?" I tilted my head to the side.

  She shook her head, putting the napkin down. "Alex, I'm gay."

  "Oh, oh, sorry, dude. I didn't know!" My eyes widened like saucers. I wished Ace would have discovered that in his research, and then I wouldn't have to look like a douche bag.

  "Nah, don't worry about it. It's cool. My family is finally starting to get used to the idea of their liberal daughter and her lesbianism."

  "Hey, as long as you aren't a hoarder, I'm cool with anything," I said.

  "Amen to that, lady." Lucy lifted up her glass and I clinked mine to hers.

  Maybe the new roommate wouldn't be so bad after all.

  Chapter 7

  After dinner it took everything I had to unpack my bags from the shopping trip and not just pass out in bed. If I wouldn't have gotten in the car accident I would have had a few days to settle in, but instead I had to wake up the next morning for my first class at 8 a.m.

  Lucy was still asleep as I fumbled around the dark room and got ready for my day. I guess she was the smarter student and scheduled her classes for later in the day. I closed the door as quietly as I could and checked my phone. Still no missed messages or phone calls. Nothing from Circe and nothing f
rom Ace.

  My dorm wasn't too far from the Communications building and my first class, com 101. Quickly, I made my way down the elevator and out into the Arizona summer air. People always told me it was a dry heat, but no matter what it is still hot as hell. Though, anything to a chubby, Italian girl with a perspiration problem is hot. In the early morning light it was already pushing seventy degrees.

  When I went to Circe it was all red rock and hardly any trees, but Flagstaff looked more like Colorado than the desert. The whole campus was covered in pine trees, but gravel still crunched underneath my shoes as I walked to the building. I'd eventually have to figure out the shuttle system with the large campus, but I thought I could handle it.

  I really should have brought a map, since every building started to look the same, but eventually I found mine after wandering around for awhile. Of course all the walking didn't do anything to help my sweating. I grabbed a water bottle out of my new messenger bag and greedily chugged it all, throwing the bottle in a recycling container before walking into the air conditioned building.

  My classroom was one of the first doors off the atrium and there were already about ten other kids sitting in various rows throughout the classroom without a teacher in site. I took an open seat in the first row just as a leggy redhead in a long boho dress and heels ambled in behind me.

  "Sorry, I'm late!" she called over the room, setting a small leather portfolio and a big knit purse on the podium in front of the room.

  Holy crap, this was my teacher? With the freckled face and hippie clothing she looked more like someone about to graduate college, not teach a class.

  "I'm Professor Mary Johnson, and this is the summer honors session of com 101. If you think you are in the wrong place, please exit through the only available door." She grinned all too brightly. No one moved or made a sound. It must have been too early for jokes.