by Shouji Gatou
“Wh-What?”
“Also, a suspicious person just broke through the employee gate, fumo. Well actually, the guard was too afraid to try to stop him...”
Seiya looked at Biino-san. She nodded weakly. “I’m sorry... He’s my big brother...”
“B-Big brother?”
“He doesn’t... want me to have a job, so...”
And that’s why he stabbed her? That makes no sense, Seiya thought. And... is he glaring at me from behind that stocking? Is he registering me as an enemy for holding his little sister?
“Whew... whew...” His shoulders heaving, the half-naked man took a step forward.
“Um, okay, calm down. Calm down, please. Would you please calm down?” Seiya urged.
“Whew... whew...” The half-naked man raised his knife.
“Ah, um, are you going to stab me, then? Stab me? I’d warn against it. It would be a loss for humanity... also I’m quite good in a fight, you know. Well, I’ve never been in a serious brawl, but I’m a natural at everything I try. ...I’m very strong. I think I’m strong. I might be strong. Well, you might want to get ready...”
“Are you quoting Sada Masashi lyrics? You must be confident, fumo.”
“Shut up! He’s coming!”
“Wheeeew!” The man charged forward, brandishing the kitchen knife. He was aiming for Seiya.
“Woah, woah, woah!” With Biino cradled in one arm, he wielded the folding chair like a shield with the other.
A second later, he felt a powerful impact.
The knife had gone through the back of the folding chair—a few centimeters to one side and it would have pierced his neck.
“Why, you...” Seiya twisted the chair and kicked the man off. The man staggered back a few steps, forced to release the knife that was stuck deep in the chair.
“Would you do something already?!”
Responding to Seiya’s scream, Isuzu pulled out her musket and fired four “Pain of Stubbing Your Little Toe on the Dresser” bullets into him. As the madman doubled over in pain, Moffle swiftly covered the distance between them. A powerful one-two punch followed by a hard uppercut followed.
“Whew...” The man flew so high he almost hit the ceiling, then landed in a heap on the floor below. By that time, Moffle had already turned his back on the man and was wiping his paws with a handkerchief.
The man in his underwear was lying perfectly still.
“Moffu... he’ll be eating through a straw for a while, fumo.” It was a line on every man’s “top 100 lines I’d like to say some day” list, and Moffle said it with the utmost cool.
“You know... watching you two, I sometimes think you should quit this crummy amusement park and start working for a military contractor or something...” Seiya sighed.
Ambulances and police cars arrived, throwing the office into chaos for some time.
An Amagi Police Department detective grilled them; they made a plausible show of innocence, and by the time things had calmed down, it was around 8:00 p.m. The park had closed for the day.
“How could this have happened?” Seiya asked as he mopped up the darkened bloodstain that Bando Biino had left on the floor. “We were supposed to be interviewing part-timers today. Instead, we get one former AV actress—who made quite an impact, herself—followed by a girl who nearly gets us accused of battery! It’s ridiculous...”
“That’s right, fumo. We were the victims here,” Moffle whispered. He was likewise busily scrubbing at a bloodstain on the wall. “That policeman tried to get me to admit to killing intent, fumo. I repeatedly said it was self-defense!”
“I can see why he’d assume excessive self-defense, seeing as you broke the man’s jaw... I think he really will be drinking through a straw for a while.”
“Hm. Well, perhaps I could’ve held back a little more, fumo.”
“You’re ridiculously strong,” Seiya accused. “Show a little remorse.”
“Moffu...”
According to the detective, the man in his underwear really was Biino’s brother. Seiya didn’t know what mental illness he had, but apparently he was extremely restrictive of Biino’s lifestyle, among other things. He’d caused countless incidents in the past, with this being the final escalation. It wasn’t appropriate to laugh about it, but at the same time, what could you do but laugh?
“Now, that Biino girl. What do you think’ll happen to her, fumo?”
“How should I know?” Seiya retorted. “I hope I never have to hear about it.”
“She sure did have passion, though.”
“What, are you saying you want to hire her?”
“Now, I didn’t say that, fumo.” Feigning innocence, Moffle continued cleaning.
“...... Sento, what do you think?” Seiya asked Isuzu, who had just come back with a bucket of water.
“Do you mean, about whether we should hire her or not?” She was doing less of the “Hmmmgh!” thing now, but there was still caution in her tone. She was keeping a hand near her mouth at all times.
Isuzu’s repeated “Hmmmgh!” during the police questioning had complicated matters, though they’d managed to write it off with “she goes into a panic at the sight of blood.”
“Yeah,” Seiya confirmed. “You’re the one who did the screenings, right? I want to hear your opinion.”
“I see...” Isuzu thought for a moment. “...General wisdom would be that she’s unhireable. On the other hand, she could be an asset in terms of dealing with onstage trouble. After all... despite being stabbed, she was able to maintain her smile and her sense of duty. With proper training, her passion could make her a powerful positive force for our park.”
“Hmm...” At last, Seiya thought, she’s making sense. Isuzu’s personal analyses and character judgments were always on point at times like these.
“Besides, after such an off-putting incident, I’m sure you won’t be attracted to h—hmmmgh!”
For heaven’s sake, not again. Seiya exchanged a glance and a shrug with Moffle.
“...It seems I’m still suffering aftereffects of that nut,” Isuzu admitted. “You probably shouldn’t make me talk...”
“Nut?” Seiya inquired.
Moffle clapped his paws together and nodded. “Ah... I see now, fumo. They fed you a druth nut, did they? And that’s why you tried to kill Macaron and Tiramii this afternoon, fumo?”
“Yes,” said Isuzu.
“Well, it was just an innocent prank. Try to forgive them, fumo.”
“No,” she disagreed, “it was a malicious prank. I will not forgive them.”
Seiya wasn’t entirely sure, but it seemed that Isuzu’s strange behavior today had been caused by this ‘nut’ that Moffle had mentioned. “What’s this nut you’re talking about? Does it make you interrupt yourself and shout ‘Hmmmgh!’ in the middle of sentences?” he asked.
But Moffle and Isuzu just looked away, as if unsure about how to explain.
“Erm... It wouldn’t be my place to say, fumo.”
“It’s effectively like spiking someone’s drink,” said Isuzu. “You shouldn’t worry about it.”
They didn’t seem to want to explain it. So, deciding that it would be a waste of time to press further, Seiya returned to the original topic: “Well, fine, whatever. ...I see what you’re saying about Banda Biino. What about our first subject, Adachi Eiko-san? What do you think of her?”
“Why did you call her Eiko-san?” Isuzu demanded.
“Geh...” coughed Seiya.
“Well, anyway... I don’t think there’s any risk of her history hurting the park’s image,” Isuzu allowed. “There isn’t much crossover between the kinds of people who would know about her and our customer base. And... a girl with a history like hers should be able to face any guest with a smile. She could also be a strong positive force in the park.”
“Hmm... all fair points,” said Seiya.
“However,” Isuzu warned him, “both are also potential sources of trouble. A woman with Adachi Eiko’s his
tory could cause friction in the workplace. And Bando Biino doesn’t seem to have a very stable home life, so even if today’s incident was mitigated, there’s a real chance of her bringing trouble into the park in the future.”
After hearing her out, Seiya and Moffle both let out an impressed hum.
“What are you humming about?” Isuzu asked suspiciously.
“Well... I was just surprised that you said something so reasonable,” said Seiya.
“Moffu,” Moffle agreed. “How can someone so good at reading people be so bad at communication that she has to express herself with a gun, fumo?”
“It’s inconsistent with the time you scouted me, too,” Seiya noted. “Is it some sort of psychological disorder?”
Their insensitive comments prompted a dangerous glare from Isuzu, and as usual, she started reaching down to pull her musket from the mysterious space under her skirt. “If that’s mockery, I’ll make you regret it...”
“Look? See? That’s what I mean!”
“People hate violent women nowadays, fumokay?!”
Seiya and Moffle protested while hiding behind the mop and the desk respectively.
“Ghh...” Isuzu’s reaction suggested that the use of the gun was reflexive, and she moved her hand away without drawing it.
“...For heaven’s sake. Today’s taken it out of me, fumo,” Moffle sighed. “I’m going to check in on my House of Sweets, then go home. Once you decide the schedule for tomorrow’s interviews, shoot me an email, fumo.”
All of the commotion around Biino-san had forced them to cancel the remaining interviews. The rest of the applicants would be seen tomorrow, and so on. After Moffle left, Seiya and Isuzu stayed behind, silently finishing up the cleaning.
About two minutes later, someone peeked into the conference room. “E-Excuse me...”
“...?” Both of them looked up.
“Is this where the interviews are being held?” the stranger asked. She was a girl around elementary school age with her hair in pigtails and big, round eyes. Her clothes were rather fashionable, but she wouldn’t be out of place wearing a randoseru-style backpack, either.
“Who are you?” Seiya wanted to know.
“Chujo Shiina. I applied for the part-time job... but I was late to my interview...” the girl said haltingly.
“We had an incident; interviews are delayed until tomorrow. We can’t hire you, though.”
“Wh-What?! Why not?”
“Child labor laws,” he explained. “You’re too young.”
“B-But I...”
“The exit is that way. Thanks for stopping by,” Seiya declared flippantly. Chujo Shiina left, her shoulders slumped.
“My dream came true again... but not exactly. What on earth is going on, here?” Isuzu muttered to herself.
“What are you talking about?” Seiya asked. “...And why was there a child coming to an interview? You’re the one who screened the applicants, right?”
“Screened the applicants... that’s right, I did.” Isuzu clapped her hands together in realization. “Why didn’t I realize it earlier? I had that dream because I’d looked through everybody’s resumes. The memory worked its way into my subconscious, and that’s why I had that dre—hmmmgh!”
“The ‘hmmmgh!’ again, huh?” he commented. “Give it a rest already...”
“Hahh... hahh... I’m sorry...” Isuzu said, shoulders heaving. “But that wasn’t a mistake in the screening. She is in high school. She looks like a child, but she goes to Amagi High, just as we do. She’s a first year.”
“What? Ugh...” Seiya popped his head out into the hallway, but she was already gone. “Why didn’t you say that earlier?!”
“I wanted to... but I was afraid I might run my mouth again.”
“For heaven’s sake... we’ll have to send her an apology email later,” Seiya grumped.
“I doubt she’ll apply again after how you treated her.”
“Yeah, but it’s the decent thing to do.”
Isuzu was stunned by how sincere he sounded. “...I see.”
They finished cleaning the conference room not long after. They put away the cleaning tools, then headed for their offices, which were in the same building, to get ready to go home.
They were just about to leave with their bags in hand when Isuzu spoke up abruptly. “Kanie-kun.”
“Hmm?”
“You were right about what you said.”
It came so out of nowhere that Seiya didn’t know what she was talking about. “What I said about what?”
“What you and Moffle said earlier... that I have a good eye for people, but that I have trouble communicating,” Isuzu admitted stiffly.
“Ahh...”
She continued speaking as they walked down the unoccupied hallway. “I don’t entirely understand it myself. When I’m working for someone, analyzing others, I can keep a cool head. But when I’m in charge... I lose my objectivity. That’s why I’ve made so many mistakes. I really was on the verge of doing irreversible damage...”
Seiya was reminded that, prior to his arrival, she had been the acting manager here. Isuzu had appeared to be working quite hard, but none of her efforts had been paying off. As a result, the park had been driven to the brink of closure. At the end of last year, they’d found themselves in the impossible position of needing to get 100,000 visitors to the park in two weeks. That’s when she’d invited Seiya in, and he’d accomplished his (fraudulent) miracle. The current acting manager had made extraordinary things happen, while the former acting manager had done nothing: and now, she had to serve as his secretary. He couldn’t imagine how frustrating that must be for her.
Too bad he couldn’t use his magic to read her mind. “Reading people and interacting with them are completely different talents,” he told her. “You shouldn’t worry about it so much.” The statement was nothing especially profound; it was like telling a baseball player, ‘pitching and batting are completely different talents.’
But she fell silent, eyes wide... and after a few moments, she smiled. It was an expression he’d never seen from her before—as if she was about to cry from gratitude. “Kanie-kun. You truly are cruel,” she said. “It would be so much easier just to envy and hate you, but you won’t let me do that. I’ve been trying to tell myself that the difference in skill between us is a given, but that’s not how I really feel: I really do envy you. I just can’t accept that feeling because I—hmmmgh!”
What on earth? Seiya thought exasperatedly. Back to the “hmmmgh” again?
“Hey... get a grip already.” Seiya watched, dumbfounded, as Isuzu slammed her head against the hall window. “I guess that nut is still doing its thing...”
Just as it seemed like she was speaking from the heart for once, this happened. There was no way he could take any of it seriously. But one thing it did tell him was that Sento Isuzu had a lot of internal conflict.
Of course, it was understandable that someone so average would struggle in the face of a modern-day Renaissance man like himself... “Well, it’s natural that you’d be jealous of my talents,” he said immodestly. “It happens all the time, so don’t let it bother you; it doesn’t bother me in the slightest.”
“Kanie-kun... that ‘looking down at you from my lofty perch’ attitude is quite cruel...” Isuzu murmured dejectedly.
“How can I not look down on you?” he wanted to know. “I really am above you.”
“Goddess Libra, bring misery upon this man...” Isuzu sighed, then returned her bag to her shoulder.
They had a brief discussion about their upcoming schedules, then split up in the park’s underground passageway.
Isuzu headed for Maple Castle, at the center of the park, while Seiya headed for the employee gate. Seiya still had a fair amount of work to do, but most of it was sending emails, so he decided he’d do it after he got home.
He passed through the gate into the bicycle lot. He’d been taking his bike to work lately, because the fact that he tended
to work late into the night made catching buses inconvenient. Fortunately, he lived nearby, so even going at a leisurely pace, it didn’t take longer than 30 minutes.
“Ah, Kanie-san. Good work today.” A member of the cast, heading for the bus stop, shot him a greeting.
Seiya responded with a “hey,” and nothing more, then started off on his bicycle. It was nighttime in April, so it was still chilly out, and he zipped up his jacket with one hand as he pedaled along.
He left the narrow employee-use side road for the main one, and cut through the verdant hills in the direction of central Amagi City.
“Still, it really seems like...” Seiya whispered, his voice soft enough to be swallowed by the wind.
He wasn’t stupid. He wasn’t totally oblivious, either. He had a vague idea of what that “nut” Isuzu ate must have done. He had heard what she’d said each time before she stifled himself, and he remembered. And the pattern of things she avoided saying suggested—
He couldn’t be sure, but—
It was just a hypothesis, but—
Is she attracted to me?
He was hoping it was just his usual self-obsession, but... Some kind of strange nut had compelled Sento Isuzu—who normally never expressed herself in ways other than anger—to speak from the heart, and she was trying to restrain herself. That was why she had been acting that way. If nothing else, it was almost certain that she harbored some sort of feelings for him.
The bigger issue was that the moment he realized this, he found his own heart racing a bit faster. He wished he could just say “goodness me, what a troublesome turn of events” and remain the cool, above-it-all person he’d always been. But he couldn’t. He was excited. He even rather liked the idea.
Still, he could imagine several problems:
Problem one: She and I are still (effectively) boss and employee.
It’s not good for a boss to date an employee, he told himself. It’s like a club president dating the team assistant: Emotion clouds judgment, and the team’s trust dissolves. A manager (acting) having sexual tension with his secretary was out of the question.
Problem two: What about Latifah?