Don't Kiss Them Good-bye

by Allison DuBois

  I want to share some exercises I use with my girls to help prevent them from shutting down as they get older. I’ve noticed that once little psychics realize their peers think they’re weird or different, they tend to ignore or block their ability to communicate with the other side. The last thing school-age children want is to stand out and be teased by others.

  When my girls are grown, they can decide for themselves whether they want to maintain a relationship with the other side. Until then, I will try to keep my kids open to the possibilities that surround them.

  When I shut down as a child, it was because of confusion about what I was seeing and hearing, as well as my mom’s ambivalence, that made me afraid to disappoint her. I hope that this chapter might help parents find out whether a child has a psychic gift, as well as suggest what to do once they are certain that the child does.

  Say your child comes to you and says, “Mommy, I see a woman over there.” You look over and see nothing. What should you do? You should turn to your child and say, “Really? What does she look like? What is her name? Does she want to tell us something?”

  Plenty of children have imaginary friends and love to make up stories. If that’s the case with your child, you have done no harm in listening to his or her story and playing along. And if something more significant is going on, you are doing your best to reassure your child that it’s okay.

  You might find that a friend or relative on the other side is hanging around your child and trying to communicate with you through him. This is a great exercise for enabling your child to become comfortable telling you details of his spiritual encounters. It also encourages your child to think about asking questions and exploring the possibility of communicating with something others may not see. You will remove the strangeness surrounding it, which is important. The first person a child looks to for comfort, approval, and learning is his parents. You set the tone for your child’s development of his gift.

  Children are easier for spirits to access than adults are. Adults have issues and emotional walls built up that can make it difficult for a spirit to come through to them. Often a spirit has whispered messages or tried to be seen by a loved one, only to be dismissed.

  Knowing that my children are being watched over gives me a feeling of warmth and added security. Some people might say, “I wasn’t close to Aunt Emma, so why is she with me?” The person on the other side may have died around the time you were born, or maybe she felt connected to one of your parents and now chooses to be with you. That’s all that matters. We have to realize as human beings that sometimes something bigger than us can call the shots. Feel loved and connected and try not to get bogged down in the whys, because eventually we all receive the answers to our questions.

  Testing 1–2–3

  As an exercise for my oldest daughter, I challenge her to find missing objects around the house.

  My husband, Joe, was missing his electric shaver for a few days and had to use a disposable. Let’s just say I was worried about becoming a widow. I was sure that Joe was going to bleed to death after using a regular razor. We figured that our one-year-old, Marie, had toddled off with the electric shaver and left it missing in action.

  I was in bed with the flu, so I called Ariel over and told her I had something to ask of her. I’ll admit that at first I was a typical mom and tried bribing her for two days with monetary gain if she would tell me where the razor was. Anyone who knows Ariel also knows that shopping is her favorite thing to do; she has a clear appreciation of money. Still, no luck; she said she didn’t know where the razor was.

  After a few days, I took a different approach. One morning as Ariel stood next to my bed, I said to her, “Close your eyes and take a deep cleansing breath, and exhale so that I can hear you. Is your mind a blank canvas? Are you relaxed? Now, where is Dad’s electric shaver? What is the first thing that comes to your mind?”

  “It’s in a drawer, I think, in Marie’s room.”

  I went to Marie’s room and looked in her dresser; it wasn’t there, but since Ariel was seeing the razor in a drawer, I stepped three feet away from the dresser to the door of Marie’s room, and there reached for the first drawer in the hall. Bingo! Joe’s electric razor. I told Ariel that although it wasn’t actually in Marie’s room, it was very close and that was good work, especially considering the size of our two-story house.

  Being close but not exact is a common experience. Sometimes a psychic or medium has a hit, just not a direct hit. Taking into consideration Ariel’s age and lack of experience, her information was impressive, and I let her know it. By positively supporting Ariel, I piqued her interest in psychic games, which is critical in preventing a child from closing her mind to her gift.

  Encourage your kids to trust their first instincts and the original information received. They shouldn’t alter the information by mixing in preconceived notions. This was a great exercise; Ariel saw it as a challenging game and enjoyed it. At the same time it is strengthened her psychic capabilities, and the ability to locate objects is one of the most useful of all psychic tools. Ariel is learning to trust what she gets and to be comfortable enough with her gift to share it with me.

  I tell my daughter not to shout from the rooftops about her gift, because not all people understand what they can’t see. I also tell her to appreciate and honor her talents because they are special. Encourage your kids, but don’t force it on them. If they are uncomfortable doing these exercises, then back off.

  If your child approaches you, be open to talking freely about anything. This subject should only be approached if your child seems confused by a related matter or directly comes to you with premonitions or questions about the other side. We don’t want to confuse kids who don’t really have psychic abilities.

  If you see such strong signs in your child that you can’t ignore them, try sharing a story about a family member who has the gift (I believe the sixth sense is most often genetic). Talk to your child about angels or about Grandpa in heaven. The child will be more comfortable opening up if you are personally extending yourself.

  Don’t beat your child over the head with a two-hour discussion, especially if it seems to be a one-way talk. Slide the topic out there, see if your child reciprocates, and take it slowly. If your child is uninterested, drop it. When and if your child wants to talk, the discussion can resume.

  If your child’s gift is causing fear, it’s important to address that carefully. I tell my guides to monitor the energy that comes around my kids and to keep out any negative or mischievous energy. Let your child know that she has the power to tell the energy to leave, if it’s not welcome. This technique is effective for anyone, big or small. It’s important for kids to know that spirits cannot harm them.

  My oldest daughter occasionally comes to me and says that she feels crowded. By this I know she means that she is experiencing strong spirit activity and is feeling the people she sometimes can’t see. Fortunately, what Ariel can’t see I can, because I have more experience and know how to retrieve a visual of the spirit at will.

  I tell her to ask the presence some basic questions, such as “Who are you?” and “What do you want?” If her discomfort continues after she receives an answer, I tell the spirit that it’s frightening her and it must go. I also tell my daughter that if she’s frightened she should envision herself draped in a beautiful powerful cloak of white light. She loves clothes, so I’ve incorporated her personality into this exercise so that it’s comforting and familiar to her. I tell her that the cloak of light will protect her from things that frighten her.

  Ariel refers to her guides as her “angels” (the term she’s comfortable with). They watch over her and make her feel safe, which in turn makes me happy. A child’s security and feeling of comfort and safety are always a priority.

  Another reason for my daughter’s discomfort would be that she is absorbing too much energy all at once. By this I mean that sensitive people (those who are extremely empathetic or feel other peo
ple’s energy around them) sometimes feel bombarded by too many energies at once. This type of thing can happen to anyone. Most people have had the experience of standing next to someone and for no apparent reason being repelled, not by the person’s appearance, but by a feeling that they get from him or her.

  Just as often, people are drawn to others who seem to have an approachable energy or an energy similar to theirs. People have their own individual energies and, like personalities, these energies vary. What one person finds attractive, another person might find repellent. The more people are clustered around you, the more variations of energy you take in.

  If you’re sensitive by nature, everything in life feels magnified. Picture one person who is arrogant and self-centered getting right in your face. Then add an annoying person who is giggly and mischievous; next, add a loud, heavy talker. Are you feeling uncomfortable yet? This can be what contact with others’ energy feels like for a medium.

  If you have heightened senses, other human beings don’t even have to be in your face to feel as if they are. You must therefore establish boundaries for yourself and try to keep yourself in an atmosphere you find comfortable. Some people don’t mind having their personal space invaded. I find that these are usually the very same people who tend to invade the space of others.

  Personally, I try to avoid crowded situations like concerts or busy shopping days. Too much sensory overload. I like smaller, quieter venues. My husband is an aerospace engineer. I find Joe’s company gatherings pleasant enough, because engineering generally draws pretty laid-back people. This I can handle. On the other hand, a high school football game is too much for me. Don’t get me wrong, I love young people. I am just too sensitive for a stadium full of electric, hormonal teenage energy.

  When Ariel overloaded once at an amusement park, I found a quiet corner and sat down with her to calm her. We talked about how she was feeling and shared some valuable mother-daughter time. I really understood how she felt. Since we had been at the amusement park for a while, I suggested we go back to our hotel and unwind.

  Ariel insisted that before we leave we visit a century-old house located in the park. She seemed excited about it, so I agreed. Ariel went to one side of the house and I went to the other. Ariel came tearing around the corner, smiling.

  “Mom! Come over on this side of the house! It has the most activity!”

  Ariel and I share a love of old houses. We enjoy seeing the spirits who inhabit buildings and sampling the time period from which they lived. To my family this is normal living; there’s never a dull moment. I am proud and honored to share in my children’s gifts and ease them through their journeys.

  If you are trying to determine whether your child is a medium or has had contact with the other side, take note of some of the signs I looked for with my own kids. I know firsthand what terms I am likely to hear from another person with this gift, as well as what questions to expect from inexperienced or young mediums. After all, I’ve been there.

  The criteria I use to determine a child’s abilities are as follows:

  1. Does your child ever say a room feels crowded even when it’s not physically congested, or does your child seem easily flustered in certain surroundings?

  Sensitive children may feel the presence of energy around them but may not be able to see any of it. Sometimes sight isn’t available to the medium, which can be confusing if they are hearing, feeling, or even smelling or tasting signs from the other side. This is especially common among young mediums whose skills aren’t well developed.

  2. Does your child want to avoid being around a lot of people because the experience is overwhelming?

  Just like adults, sensitive children absorb energy from all the people around them, and too much of it can overwhelm their systems.

  3. Does your child tell you that he or she notices apparitions? Does he or she talk about “seeing things?”

  If your child is able to give you personal details about a family member or close friend of yours who passed away before your child was born, that’s a compelling sign that she sees the other side. Of course, be sure to ask yourself whether this information is something you talk about around the child that could be simply overheard and repeated. You want to be certain that your child is sharing information he or she couldn’t possibly have learned any other way.

  For example, when Ariel was two and a half she woke up in the middle of the night calling out to Joe and me. We went to her and asked what was wrong.

  Ariel said, “A man was here and he said he is a jeeeneeeus.”

  Joe perked up. “Did you say ‘genius’?”

  I asked him who he thought had visited Ariel. Joe replied that his father had always referred to himself as a genius. Since Joe’s father had died three months before I met him, I knew very little of him. He was highly intellectual, with a chemical engineering degree from MIT, but his personal traits were more of a mystery to me. Ariel couldn’t have known what her granddad called himself. Joe was touched and amused by the message.

  The unique nature of the message told me that Ariel really had heard from her granddad, so we talked to her about what had happened. Don’t dismiss your child’s encounters. Young people are uninhibited; they are without walls, and thus are easier for the other side to access.

  4. Is your child able to describe what he or she sees in great detail? She should be able to cite physical characteristics, objects that may have been important to the individual, possibly even a name. The information should seem clear to the child without the need to ponder it too long. For instance, my six-year-old daughter told me that my great-grandmother had a bathroom she loved, with pink tile and roses. I had to call my grandma Jenee to ask about this, because Grandma Ruth had died when I was thirteen. She confirmed that my daughter had accurately described the bathroom in the house that they had lived in over fifty years ago.

  I was a part of my youngest daughter’s first reading. My dad had died about eight months earlier, and she had just turned four. One day she jumped up on my bed with a picture she had drawn of two people.

  “Marie, who did you draw a picture of?”

  “It’s you, Mommy! And Grandpa Mike! You’re dancing together.”

  I wasn’t prepared for that.

  “Honey, Grandpa died.”

  “No he didn’t, Mommy. He’s still here; he tells me so.”

  I realized that—much like me when I was six years old looking at Great-grandpa Johnson—she thought Grandpa Mike was still alive. Of course, in a sense they are, but children know no difference between being alive in spirit and being alive on earth.

  Later, out of the blue, Marie started saying, “Cha cha cha, Mom!”

  That shocked me.

  “Marie, why are you saying that?”

  She started dancing around the room, repeating herself.

  “Grandpa Mike, that’s why!”

  Of course. Silly me. What was I thinking? My dad always said that. I feel so lucky to have three little reminders of my dad. Even if your kids aren’t mediums, you can see those who came before them in the faces and personalities of your children.

  Another example: The week after the first anniversary of my father’s death, I was feeling pretty down. I didn’t want to impose my heartache upon my kids, but I had several quiet moments of daydreaming about him. I thought I was pretty good at keeping them to myself. I was sitting at the kitchen table when Bridgett, my second daughter, sneaked up behind me. She leaned toward my ear to tell me a secret:

  “Mom, Grandpa Mike says he doesn’t like it when you’re sad, and he says for me to tell you that he loves you.”

  Well, you could have knocked me over with a feather. I hadn’t said a word about my dad. This was so meaningful to me. I get a taste of my own medicine every time one of my girls demonstrates her ability to see the unseen.

  5. Does your child describe events that later come to pass? Can he or she sense where something is without traditional clues? The ability to predict eve
nts and identify locations is a strong sign of talent. Marie does this frequently. It’s a hard sign to miss, and it’s exciting.

  Ariel does it, too. One afternoon Joe and I were preparing to drive to Tucson, which is about two hours away and a place my children have never been. We would be meeting some friends there for dinner. Before we left, Ariel said, “Mommy, look at the picture I drew.”

  With a marker on a white erasable board she had drawn a huge picture of an exotic-looking flower with long, very thin petals. She referred to it as the Italian flower. Joe and I praised her work and then left for our drive. We met our dinner companions at the host’s house and then headed for dinner at an Italian restaurant. We walked in, and on the wall hung a huge picture of an exotic flower with long, very thin petals. Joe and I looked at each other in amazement. The picture was identical to the one that Ariel had drawn. That she had called the flower Italian made the occurrence even more significant. Even the length of the stem was the same. It was eerie, but I like that.

  I’ll use my four-year-old, Bridgett, as an example for parents with really young psychics. This is not a prediction, just an example of knowing something is there without using your eyes to see. This ties into locating objects psychically.

  Bridgett is good at seeing what is hidden. On a trip, our family was in a restaurant, waiting at the counter for our take-out so that we could go back to our hotel room and have a snack. The counter was about a foot higher than the top of Bridgett’s head. Bridgett extended her arm straight up into the air and said, “Mommy, Mommy, can I have a piece of candy?”

  Before I could ask her how she knew there was candy on top of the counter, three friendly but perplexed women standing behind us asked her that very question. Without answering, Bridgett looked around, grabbed a box from the side of the counter, pushed it up against the front of the counter, and stood on it. She peered over the edge of the counter, saw the dish of candy, then stepped down and said, “Well, there is a dish of candy up there. See?”