by Louise Bay
“Yes, for lunch, and of course, longer if you wish.”
My stomach churned. I hoped he didn’t think he was going to be holding anything but my hand.
As we walked into the lobby, Jake trailing behind, I tried to push images of Jake and me in Paris back into the corners of my memories where they’d been hiding. The hotel was beautiful, somewhere you could imagine Louis XV hanging out, but I wondered why of all places, this was Louis’ favorite. Memories of Rodin’s The Gates of Hell crashed over me. I smiled to myself.
“I knew you’d like it here, princess,” Louis said as we sat at a table for lunch, mistaking my smile. I could see Jake in the lobby, looking agitated. Today was the last time we’d have any reason to spend time together. My heart sped up and I started to think of more excuses to see him again. Maybe the wrap party for the Sandy Fox film? She said we’d get an invitation.
Louis followed my line of vision. “Excuse me. I’ll be back in a second,” he said as he got up to leave the table.
He went to Jake. They hadn’t said much to each other all day. I wondered what it was all about. Jake started to gesticulate with his hands. I couldn’t make out what was being said, but the volume of their conversation increased, and I stood, wondering whether or not I should go over and interrupt. Louis leaned forward as if to whisper something into Jake’s ear. Whatever it was it didn’t go over well. Jake punched him square on the jaw and Louis landed on the floor.
What the hell?
I raced over. When Jake saw me coming, he lunged toward me, took my arm and dragged me toward the exit.
“Jake, what’s going on? Are you okay? What happened?”
“Let’s get out of here,” Jake said. “Please don’t fight me on this, Haven.” His gaze was flitting around the lobby.
“I’m not fighting you, Jake. I told you that I trust you,” I said, and he looked at me, as if he were trying to confirm what I was saying.
He exhaled and grabbed my hand in his. I had to half skip to keep up with him. We crashed out of the hotel and into the Parisian rain. Jake looked left and right, then pointed toward a rank of cabs. We ran toward them just as the last one sped off.
Shit.
“Will he call the police?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” he said. The rain came heavier and Jake’s hair darkened as it clung to his face. The wet had felt dark and foreboding with Romano, but with Jake it became intimate, romantic.
“We’re getting soaked,” Jake said.
“I don’t mind,” I replied.
“You’re going to get cold and you don’t have your nine hundred scarves and twelve coats to keep you warm.” Jake smiled, then scanned the road. “Let’s head up here and try to get a cab.”
Finally, we came across another rank with a taxi waiting. I was wet to the bone, and so was Jake. When we climbed in, Jake met my eyes. Where to? “We need to dry off,” I said. I wasn’t ready to leave Paris now that it was just us. Jake nodded, and I could see his mind start to whirl. Before he said anything, I leaned forward. “The W, Opéra,” I said.
Twenty-Three
Jake
Jesus, it had felt good to punch that sleazebag. The adrenaline was racing through my veins. I should have done that a long time ago. I looked at my hand and stretched out my fingers. The skin hadn’t broken and everything was moving. There didn’t seem to be any physical damage. Not to me anyway.
I glanced over at Haven. I owed her an explanation, but where did I start? I didn’t want her to think I was acting like a jealous idiot. That hadn’t been it. Well it hadn’t been all of it.
And now we were on the way to the hotel under her direction. The place where I’d first got to know her body. What was she thinking? I wanted answers from her.
We pulled up outside the W and got out. Everything was enticingly familiar as we made our way across the lobby. She’d suggested a hotel and I’d not really had time to think about the implications. “I’d like a shower. I need to cool off and warm up,” I said. “Shall we get a room?”
Haven laughed. “That you do, Mr. Harrison.”
“Ugh, don’t call me that. That’s what that creep called me all day.”
She put a reassuring hand on my arm. “Sorry, come on. Let’s get a room.”
“I can get two,” I offered. Last time, we’d been here together despite our different rooms and now?
“That’s just a waste. It’s no big deal. Just get one room. We don’t need two if we’re not staying. We can shower, dry off, order room service and decompress.” I didn’t have to convince her. I was surprised, relieved and full of anticipation.
“Sounds like a plan,” I tried to keep my voice even as we approached the reception desk. I stopped myself from putting my arms around her.
“Do you want the first shower?” I asked as I closed the bedroom door behind me. Haven was standing awkwardly by the window. We were in the same layout of room we’d had when last we’d been here. The atmosphere felt thick with memories, with possibility and anticipation.
“No, you go first. I’ll check out the room service menu. Just hand me a robe and I can change out of these wet clothes,” she said.
I stepped under the water and cleansed off the stench of Romano. I hoped I hadn’t fucked it up for Haven. He might withdraw his consent to the article she was writing. I was grateful that she had come with me and abandoned him back at the Crillon. She trusted me. That had to mean something. And now here we were—it was as if we were being given a second chance.
I wrapped a towel around my waist, rubbed my hair dry with another and headed into the bedroom.
I locked eyes with Haven as soon as I opened the door. Her hair had started to break out of its bun. She looked less than her normal perfect self—she looked totally amazing.
“Feel better?” she asked, fiddling with the pins in her hair and laying them on the table.
“Yeah, much.”
Being wrapped up, most of her hair had avoided the rain. She ran her fingers through the strands and spread it across her shoulders. There she was. My Haven—soft, open, unraveling. She knew what that did to me. Was it an invitation?
She caught me looking at her. “What?” she asked in an almost whisper.
“I’ve been thinking,” I said. I watched as she scanned up and down my body, giving herself away in a look. My skin tightened under her inspection and her breath hitched. I stopped half a step away from her and brushed my knuckles down her cheek. She turned her face into my hand and I closed my eyes, overwhelmed at the feel of her and the small movement that suggested she might want me.
We stood, the gray skies of Paris as our backdrop, watching each other, waiting for what was next.
“I’m sorry,” she said softly.
My chest tightened at her vulnerability. “I should be saying that to you.”
“It’s difficult for me,” she said, turning toward the window. “Letting someone new see me. I used what I heard when you spoke to Robert as an excuse.”
“But I knew that, and I should have fought harder,” I replied, cupping her face.
Her chest rose, as she shook her head. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
I pulled her toward me and wrapped my arms around her as she slid her hands around my waist. She felt so good, so right and I became lighter, better just from touching her. I rested my cheek on her head as we stood there, holding each other, the past weeks apart just melting away.
My clothes were piled on the chair behind her and I reached to take the belt out of my jeans. She watched me, her mouth slightly parted.
“Do you remember last time in Paris?” I asked as I looped one end of the belt through the buckle and pulled, creating a small noose.
“Jake . . .”
I shook my head. “I won’t let you keep me out anymore. I’m fighting for you and I’m going to win.”
“Jake,” she said again as if it were a final plea before she gave in and stood tentatively. The inches of air between us seemed
charged with energy. They were pulling us closer together.
“You know you only tell me what you want me to do to you, and you do as I say. Did you forget?”
She looked up at me as she chewed the inside of her cheek. I brought my thumb up to her face and stroked the puckered flesh.
“Tell me you don’t want this.”
She took a deep breath, closed her eyes and presented her wrists.
Jesus, that got me hard as steel. The way she struggled, then submitted like that. As if I had real power over her, when in reality she totally owned me.
I looped the belt over her hands and she opened her eyes as I pulled the leather tight.
“I won’t hurt you,” I reassured her.
“I know,” she said. “That’s not what I’m frightened of.”
“Tell me what scares you?” I wanted her to feel completely protected.
“Myself. Wanting you. Needing you.”
My knees buckled slightly at her admission. I placed a small kiss on the corner of her lips. “I want to take that feeling away.” Using the belt, I led her over to the bed. “Lie down.”
She didn’t hesitate. She lay back and put her hands overhead. I tied the other end of the belt to the bedpost.
“Jesus, you are beautiful,” I said as I walked to her feet and drank her in from the tips of her toes to her incredible hair fanned out behind her. I luxuriated in her laid out like that. All for me.
Where should I start? I untied her robe and crawled up the bed and lay on my side, my head propped up my hand. I watched her as she waited for me to touch her.
“Jake,” she said.
“Yes, baby?” She twisted her body toward me. “Patience,” I said as I rolled her hips back to the bed.
Twenty-Four
Haven
I was feeling anything but patient. Somewhere along the line, I’d let Jake in, but it hadn’t been today. Maybe it had been the last time we were in Paris. And now I needed him.
He swept his hands over my partially revealed body. I closed my eyes and groaned.
“Baby, you’re desperate, aren’t you?”
It was embarrassing. I was desperate, and I couldn’t hide it from him. Was it just me?
He answered my question by pulling his towel open and revealing his hardness.
“Is this what you’re desperate for?” he asked, circling his cock with his hand, dragging his fist upward.
Relief crawled up my body. He wanted me. I couldn’t take my eyes from him, and I was sure I’d suffer further embarrassment when he discovered the wetness between my legs.
“You want it?”
He didn’t need to ask. I wore the answer all over my body. I strained against the belt, but that just pushed another jolt of desire through me as the leather scuffed against my skin. Did he need me restrained? Did I need to be restrained?
He brushed my hair from my face, leaned down and ran his tongue underneath my top lip.
“You want it?” he repeated.
I nodded. “Yes,” I whispered.
“I need you to understand a couple of things first. So I’m going to explain how it’s going to be.”
I drew my eyebrows together, my breaths becoming shorter, tighter. Why was he prolonging this? I needed to feel him.
“This is not a Paris thing, Haven,” he said softly. “You won’t run from me when we get back to London.”
Initial panic gave way to relief as I realized that I didn’t want to go anywhere. I wanted him right then; I needed him, always. He began to sprinkle kisses down my neck.
“There is not, and there will never be, a reason for you to push me away. Do you hear me?”
Right then I’d say anything to get him inside me. “Yes,” I breathed. I was tired of building walls.
“I mean it. We’re together now and when we get back to London. We’re together when I go to Palo Alto, when I come back, and the week after that and the month after that. Do you hear me?”
I nodded as he scooped his fingers into my bra and found my nipple, squeezing it between his thumb and forefinger. I arched off the bed.
“This is the start, not the end, Haven,” he said.
I couldn’t bear it any longer—my words broke free. “Please, Jake.”
“We’re crazy for each other, and I’m hard as a rock for you. This is going to be a night to remember.”
He moved off the bed and dragged off my panties.
“Oh, yes, beautiful. You are so completely ready for me, aren’t you?” he asked as his gaze skimmed my underwear. I couldn’t hide my desire from him.
I scrunched my eyes, embarrassed.
“Never be shy about wanting me, Haven,” he said. “I enjoy seeing the evidence. Now I want to hear it.” He rubbed his hands up my thighs, his eyes flitting from my face to between my legs. “Tell me.”
I didn’t know what to say. I was half-crazed from his touch, half-mute with shame from needing him as much as I did. If I spoke, I was afraid he’d know everything. He’d see into my soul and although it was what I wanted, I’d fought so hard for so long to keep it hidden, buried from his light.
“Tell me.” He sucked hard on the flesh of my inner thigh, first one side, then the other. It felt dangerous and delicious, as if he was cracking me open. Then again, higher and higher. My breaths came shorter. I could breathe in, but not out. I couldn’t let anything go.
“Do I need to spank you? Is that what you’re waiting for?”
Something in my head snapped and I felt myself let go of whatever I’d been holding. “I want you, Jake. I want you to fuck me, please. I need you inside me,” I said on an exhalation.
I heard the rustle of a condom wrapper and he crawled over my body, his hands on either side of my face. “I can’t wait a moment longer,” he said as his tip hovered at my entrance. I widened my legs and lifted my hips toward him, urging him forward.
“I’ll try to be slow, baby,” he growled.
I didn’t want him to fight his urge to slam into me. I wanted it as he did. My body needed to feel him. “I want it hard,” I said.
He groaned and pushed into me, farther and farther. Despite my plea, he was giving me time to adjust to him. I slid my knees up, trying to make room for him, but I gasped as he hit the end of me.
“Fuck,” I said, my hands clenching above me.
He brought his mouth to mine and pushed his tongue through my lips. I strained at the belt, wanting to be able to touch him. Last time, he’d released me after he’d made me come with his mouth. I was desperate to run my hands through his hair.
He pulled out and then pushed back in, faster this time, slick from my arousal. Then he stilled.
“I’m not going to last long, baby,” he said. “But I want you to come first.” I was close. He’d been in me only seconds, but my body responded so quickly to his hands, his mouth, his words, his touch. It was overwhelming. I shivered with need. He rounded his hips, pulled away and then slammed into me. The beginning of my orgasm fizzed across my muscles. The power he had over my body was absolute.
He rammed in again and pushed me up the bed with the force of his movement, loosening the belt. He caught me as I tried to break free, and hooked his hands over my shoulders, his fingers pulling me onto him. The sensation of the leather tightening around my wrists, a few whispers of pain mixed with the pleasure of him plunging deep, turned the fizz of the beginning of my climax into a buzz. I wanted to freeze time. That way I knew he’d never leave me. We could stay this way, a second away from ecstasy, safe, never quite letting go.
He watched me, our eyes locked as he moved above me, dragging my orgasm from every part of my body.
“Now, Haven. Come for me,” he instructed, and my body gave him what he wanted as I tensed and I came, juddering around him.
From somewhere I heard him shouting—indecipherable sounds of desperation and desire that intensified my climax and merged our bodies further into each other.
As his muscles relaxed above me, he re
ached to loosen the grip of the leather and pulled my hands free. I wrapped them round his neck and he dragged me closer as he rolled to his back, still inside me. Somehow, I needed him nearer to me. I moved my hands from his neck and tried to pull at his chest, his waist, but my hands couldn’t grasp him.
“Hey,” he said as he grabbed my hands and kissed my wrists.
“Jake,” I said, my voice quivering. I needed to know he wasn’t going anywhere. I wanted him closer.
“Hey,” he repeated and looked at me. I glanced away, not wanting him to see my glassy eyes. “What—?” He pulled out and I whimpered.
“No!” I said.
He sat up, took the condom off and discarded it on the floor. He searched my face, looking for reasons for my outburst. How did I explain that I couldn’t have him gone, not even for a second?
“Talk to me, Haven.”
“I want you near me,” was all I could say. How did I say that now that he’d cracked me open and shone a light into the darkest parts of me, I belonged to him? He might get bored, discard me, find someone who deserved him, but I would always be his.
He pulled me onto his lap, his arms engulfing me. It felt good, better, but not enough. I wrapped myself around his waist and buried my face into the hard muscle of his chest.
“Don’t leave me,” I mumbled against his skin.
“What? I’m not going anywhere.” He was talking about tonight, but I meant forever.
Twenty-Five
Jake
Sex had always been a physical activity before Haven. With her, something shifted and it became holistic, elemental. It was as if she reached into my soul when she allowed me inside her. And holding her afterward, so vulnerable in my arms, I wondered if maybe it might be like that for her, too.
My dick twitched underneath her, and I tried to think of anything but how she felt, smelled and tasted. I didn’t want her to think I didn’t want to talk. She moved slightly, and I could tell she’d noticed.
“I’m sorry. You’re beautiful and naked and, well, that’s biology.”