"Oh, OK then," said Camicazi excitedly. "Thank you for picking me!" She was a little fed up because her mother Big-Boobied Bertha always said that she was too small to play at The Thing.
"I want you to nick that Stone, and then throw it to that big good-looking bloke over there." Hiccup pointed at Humungous. "Can you do it?"
[Image: Camicazi getting ready to do a little BURGLARY.]
140
"Of course I can do it, " snorted Camicazi. "Us Bog-Burglars can burgle ANYTHING. You should try stealing the underpants off Madguts the Murderous; this is easy-peasy in comparison. Watch and learn, Hiccup my boy, watch and learn ..."
And Camicazi skipped off merrily toward the scrum.
The Hairy Scary Librarian blew the bugle, which was the signal that Stoick's one minute's talking was up.
There was a great roar from the crowd as Stoick threw the Stone up into the air. A forest of arms came leaping up out of the scrum to catch it, and then the Stone disappeared again.
[Image: Men and a woman.]
Stoick waited, confidently, for Gobber the Belch to bring the Stone out for him so that he could speak
141
again. Gobber the Belch was the best Bashyball player in the Archipelago, so Stoick and the Hooligans tended to dominate the proceedings at The Thing.
However, to Stoick's immense surprise, when the golden Fire-Stone eventually emerged from the knot of bodies in the scrum, it was in the arms of a tiny child with a great deal of long blond hair, who wriggled out through the legs of a burly Visithug, neatly eluded the tackle of a great lumbering Bashem-Oik, and threw a truly magnificent long pass to ...
... Humungously Hotshot, by the Armpits of Woden, what was he doing on the field, looking irritatingly Heroic and perfect as ever?
Stoick thundered toward Humungous, trying to intercept the Stone.
[Image: A man and a woman.]
142
I am afraid that Humungous couldn't resist the impulse to show off a little. He sidestepped Stoick, caught the Stone, juggled it from hand to hand while Stoick made clumsy grabs at it, twiddled it on the end of one finger tauntingly right in front of Stoick's nose, and then gracefully touched it down on the plinth.
Who can blame Humungous for that very gentle tease?
[Image: A man.]
143
"TOUCH-DOOOOOOOWN!!!!!!!!" roared the crowd. "NICE STONE SKILLS!"
"NOT FAIR! WHOSE TEAM IS THIS GUY PLAYING FOR!?" bellowed Stoick the Vast.
Humungously Hotshot handed the Fire-Stone to Hiccup.
Hiccup cleared his throat awkwardly and stepped up to the plinth.
This was going to be hard.
"Um, he's playing for MY team. Sorry, Father.
LISTEN TO ME, FOR I AM HOLDING THE
[Image: A hero had to stay supper...]
144
STONE!" Hiccup called out. "The plague of Exterminators is going to be too strong for us to fight. I'd like to introduce you to Humungous the Hero."
There was a gasp of amazement from the watching Viking Tribes, and cries of "WOW! Humungous the Hero! Where has HE been for the last fifteen years?"
[Image: Men.]
145
And "Humungous the Hero -- was he the one who went on the Quest to tame the Rude-Rippers? Ooh, look at his moustache, I wonder if I should wear mine like that..."
Hiccup held up his hand for silence. "Humungous here has been on Lava-Lout Island, and he tells me there are THOUSANDS of these Exterminator Eggs, isn't that right, Humungous?"
Hiccup handed the Stone back to Humungous.
"That's right, guys," agreed Humungous the Hero.
"HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS ... Trust me, there's no point in trying to fight these Creatures, Word of an Ex-Hero."
That was enough for the Viking Tribes.
If Humungous the Hero, the bravest, coolest man in the Archipelago, who had slain the Rude-Rippers, who had fought the Slobberings, who had done a thousand daring Quests in his day, if HE thought they should flee, then it was clearly Fleeing-Time.
They leaped to their feet and thundered out of the Circle, Meatheads, Bashem-Oiks, Ugli-Thugs, and all.
"HANG ON A SECOND!" yelled Hiccup. "I'M STILL HOLDING THE STONE! THIS ISN'T THE ONLY WAY, MY FATHER IS RIGHT
146
ABOUT NOT SURRENDERING ... WE COULD RETURN THE FIRE-STONE TO THE VOLCANO AND SEE WHETHER THAT STOPS IT FROM EXPLODING..."
But nobody was listening anymore. Panic had set in, and now they were stampeding out of the Circle, down toward the Harbor, in a desperate hurry to get to their ships and out of the area.
"Errrr ... what do we do now then, Chief?" asked Gobber the Belch.
Stoick was looking like a thundercloud.
"BETRAYED! BY MY OWN SON!" fumed Stoick the Vast.
Hiccup flinched.
Stoick removed the Stone from Hiccup's hands and drew himself up to his most impressive height.
"HICCUP HERE IS RUNNING AWAY," shouted Stoick.
"No, Father," said poor Hiccup, "that ISN'T what I'm saying, please, will you just LISTEN, I think we should--"
"SILENCE!" roared Stoick. "YOU HAVE HAD YOUR SAY, HICCUP, AND NOW IT IS I WHO AM HOLDING THE STONE!"
147
Hiccup was silent.
Stoick struggled to contain his anger, and then continued speaking, with great Chiefly dignity "My son is deserting, and you have my permission to follow him. But I am going nowhere. I shall stay right here, and fight to the bitter end. 'Never Surrender' is the Horrendous motto."
The Hooligans looked at each other.
"And we shall fight with you!" yelled Snotlout.
And Hiccup looked on in total misery, as his father patted a smirking Snotlout on the back, and told him he was glad to see someone who had the spirit of the Horrendous Haddocks in him.
"NEVER SURRENDER!" yelled the happy Hooligans.
They all joined in a rousing musical chorus of "These bogs are OUR bogs ... these bogs are YOUR bogs ...," sung in male voices of such beauty, that they would have set the gods a-weeping on their thunderclouds.
"Oh brother," moaned Hiccup, his shoulders drooping.
"What are you doing still here, Hiccup?" asked his father sternly. "I thought that you were leaving."
148
Stoick pointed sternly toward the exit of the amphitheater.
When they came out, Fishlegs was waiting for them, with his Running-Away Suitcase on his back.
"So?" he said eagerly. "Everybody seems to be seeing sense at last, and getting out of here."
"All except for us Hooligans," said Hiccup gloomily. "Apparently we Never Surrender."
"Quite right, too," said Camicazi, appearing out of nowhere, swinging her sword. "I'm ashamed of us Bog-Burglars, running away like bunny rabbits at the first sign of a little danger. So, what's the plan, then, Hiccup? What does Team Hiccup do now, then, eh?"
"We can't leave without the other Hooligans," said Hiccup. "And they're clearly going to stay here whatever happens ... in which case, we have to try and stop the Volcano from exploding ourselves."
Fishlegs's mouth dropped open. "I don't believe I'm hearing this," he said. "Stop a Volcano from exploding? How are we going to stop a Volcano from exploding? With our bare hands? Ask it, pretty please?"
"If the Fire-Stone is powerful enough to keep a volcano dormant for thousands and thousands of years," said Hiccup, "maybe if we RETURN it to the Volcano, then we can stop it from erupting ..."
149
"Maybe!" squeaked Fishlegs. "What happens if not?"
Hiccup said nothing.
"Oh goody!" smiled Camicazi, absolutely delighted at the thought of a Truly Perilous Quest.
And from the front of her waistcoat she produced the Fire-Stone.
"Where did you get that?" gasped Hiccup.
"I grabbed it from under Stoick's fat nose while he was busy singing," said Camicazi breezily.
Humungous turned to go, but Hiccup stopped him.
"Where do
you think you're going?" said Hiccup. "I need you to show us the way to Lava Lout Island."
"I suppose I am still your Bardiguard," said Humungous. "But I will only go with you as far as the island. Climbing up the Volcano is Hero work, and I am out of the Hero Business forever."
"Right," said Hiccup briskly, "all we have to do now is borrow a fast boat, sail to Lava-Lout Island, chuck the Stone in the Volcano before it explodes, and sail back home again. Follow me."
"That's all we have to do now?" squealed Fishlegs.
They had to fight their way through the crowds of fleeing Vikings at the Harbor.
150
The ship they borrowed, The Peregrine Falcon, was the fastest Hooligan ship in the fleet.
"We'll bring it back," said Hiccup to himself, feeling very guilty, "and if we don't... well, if we don't, it won't matter anyway."
On that cheery note, with the sun climbing high in the sky on Sun'sday Sunday, Hiccup, Fishlegs, Camicazi, Humungously Hotshot the ex-Hero, Toothless, the Windwalker, and the White Dragon sailed off out of Hooligan Harbor on the Quest-to-Stop-the-Volcano-from-Exploding.
[Image: Smoke.]
151
11. THE-QUEST-TO-STOP-THE VOLCANO-FROM-EXPLODING
The Peregrine Falcon was a very fast ship.
It was still absolutely baking hot, but there was a feeling in the air that the weather was about to change, that it was building up for something stormy.
For months, the seas around Berk had been as eerily flat and glassy as a puddle. But overnight, a hot wind had sprung up, carrying with it large flakes of soot from the scorched devastation of the Highest Point and sending them flurrying across the Isle of Berk and out over the Sullen Sea like autumn leaves.
Only a couple of hours later, this sweltering wind had blown them right out of the Archipelago and into the Open Sea. There was a steady stream of dragons
152
fleeing from Lava-Lout Island overhead, and they were joined by an ominous cloud of smoke coming from the same direction. Every now and then there was a rumble, but it was not clear whether it was thunder, or the Volcano.
I wish I could have explained to my father what I was doing ... thought Hiccup, looking wistfully back at the outline of the Isle of Berk. Somehow, without meaning to, and while trying his hardest, he always seemed to be letting his father down. I wish he didn't think I was a traitor... if we don't succeed, he'll think I really DID run away... If only he had LISTENED to what I was trying to say.
Stoick rarely listened.
Fishlegs clung on to his Running-Away Suitcase, muttering to himself, "This is not a good idea ... this is not a good idea ... this is not a good idea ..."
"I'm not quite sure what the guy with the face like a fish is contributing to the Team, Hiccup," whispered Humungous. "You're the Leader, and the little blonde is the Stone-Carrier, but what is he doing? He seems rather a negative influence."
"Don't be fooled by appearances," Hiccup whispered back. "He is a Berserk."
"Really?" said Humungous, in great surprise. In
153
his experience, Berserks were generally rather LARGER, and did not normally suffer from asthma, eczema, and knock-knees.
Eventually the outline of Lava-Lout Island appeared on the horizon, with its smoking Volcano, and this was such an ominous sight that even Toothless lost some of his cheekiness, and went to perch on Hiccup's shoulder.
Misery seemed to have been trapped up in the island for so long now, the land was trembling in feverish shivers; great reverberating trembles that rocked the sea crazily around it.
[Image: A ship in the middle of the sea.]
154
The roasted landscape was dotted with these greeny-yellow spots like pimples or pustules, as if they were symptoms of some deadly contagious disease, but as they drew nearer and nearer it became clear that these were not spots but Eggs, thousands and thousands of evil Exterminator Eggs, waiting for the Volcano to explode so they could hatch and spread their dusky devastation across the whole of the Archipelago.
They found a long scoop of a beach to land on, curved like a horseshoe, and The Peregrine Falcon skimmed across the shallow waters, until its belly landed on the black sand, and the boat came to a sludgy stop.
Clearly, the Windwalker was not going to set foot on the island.
Humungous sighed. "I'll take the boat out a bit, and hang around, just in case ... just in case ..."
Humungous never finished the end of that sentence, but it lingered, unspoken, in the air ... just in case, by some outrageous miracle, you DO come back here alive.
"Good luck, guys," called Humungous.
The three small unlikely Heroes began to trudge reluctantly up the beach.
Fishlegs took his suitcase with him.
155
He knew that it was stupid, but somehow he felt a bit safer with his Running-Away Suitcase. It gave him courage. As if he could leave at a moment's notice if he wanted to. And, of course, he'd have some nice clean socks and knickers to change into when he got to Valhalla.
[Image: The Island.]
156
12. WELCOME TO LAVA-LOUT ISLAND
The Exterminator Eggs were so numerous that they found themselves picking their way through them. The Eggs had been laid hundreds of years earlier, so they were embedded very deeply into the soil, and grass, moss, heather, and bracken had grown over them over the years. Now, however, all the vegetation had been burned down, so it had exposed them like gigantic fat white maggots.
A furious, frenzied, scratching noise was coming from within them. It wasn't clear at first what this noise was, but as the Vikings climbed higher they began to come across Eggs that did not have the white, greasy opaqueness of bacon fat like their brother-Eggs further down.
These Eggs had skin that was wearing thin, and fine lines were appearing all over the surface, like cracks on china that was about to break. They were clearly close to hatching, and on some the shell was so fine that it had become see-through, and the Exterminator fledgling was clearly visible within, all twisted and snarled in an angry knot.
157
These fledglings had grown so large over the centuries, and were so cramped in their Egg prisons, that their limbs were contorted into the most grotesque positions, and it was the ends of their talons that were making that feverish scratching noise, as they tore at the hard shell exterior that was keeping them trapped.
Once you have looked into the eyes of an Exterminator, it is impossible to forget them. The look in an Exterminator's eyes, of pure, concentrated, white hot FURY, the irises vibrating with pinpoint anger, is a look that haunts a person through their waking hours and in their nightmares forever after.
The Vikings had to climb over these horrible, slimy see-through Eggs, and as they did so the eyes of the Exterminators fixed upward on them in a frenzy of impotent rage, and the scratching became even more screechily furious.
"Oh ... yuck ... this is vile ..." groaned Fishlegs, giving a shriek of horror as he slipped and fell with his face pressed up against one of the Eggs, with only that hard exterior separating him from the manic eye and madly scraping sword-talon of the Creature within.
Once he had made sure that the carnivores really
158
were trapped inside the Eggs, Toothless couldn't resist the opportunity of teasing them, of course.
He flapped right up and landed on the Eggs, sticking his tongue out and making faces at the imprisoned beasts, which drove them into extremities of temper, and they tried to throw themselves at him, but the most they could achieve, of course, was to make their Egg rock slightly in its bed of burned-out carbon.
Toothless thought that this was a very good joke, and carried on doing it, despite Hiccup telling him repeatedly NOT to infuriate the Creatures any more than they had to.
Dragons have a cruel streak, and I'm afraid that Toothless even made up a song about the Exterminators, which he sang as he cheekily swooped over the Eggs making
farting noises, and setting them rolling down the hill with his nose.
[Image: A dragon and a fire stone.]
"Can't c-c-catch me
O w-w-weedy little Extermi-babies
159
Frogs without legs
Tadpoles in your cradles
I can see youcrying in your Eggs
But you c-c-cant... catch... ME!"
Everywhere they walked there were these grim entrances to the Fire-Gold Mines, out of which great clouds of steam mixed with gold dust were billowing. Hiccup swallowed hard, peering down the sinister dark holes, cruel bright streams of magma snaking through the bottom of them, and imagining the poor Windwalker forced to crawl down there, struggling like a fly without wings.
The Lava-Lout Village gave an even grimmer vision of what the life of Humungous must have been like, kept for fifteen years as a slave by these greedy savages.
[Image: A dragon and a fire stone.]
There were CAGES everywhere, manacles, chains, whips, weapons of all description. Huts with
160
barred windows, beds of stone or iron. No wonder poor Humungous didn't want to step on this cursed island again.
Hiccup, Fishlegs, and Camicazi walked on, Fishlegs lagging slightly behind, puffing away like anything, but still stubbornly dragging his Running-Away Suitcase.
Every now and then they came across these unusual man-made Statues, of the kind that Humungously Hotshot had been describing, raised up high on a prominent rock so that they were clearly visible to all the Eggs round about.
They were Statues of a Face, three times as large as any man, and the Face did look just a little bit like what Hiccup remembered Alvin the Treacherous looking like.
How to Twist a Dragon's Tale (Hiccup) Page 7