by S. J. Sylvis
I pulled my phone out and shot a quick text to Atticus, asking him to meet up again for more Ambien. I needed to sleep. I needed to heal. I needed to hold myself together until college.
Then I could breathe.
Then I wouldn’t have to lock my door.
And I wouldn’t have to fear my father’s car in the driveway.
Just as I shoved my phone back in my pocket, I heard familiar voices coming down the hallway. I rushed to the bathrooms just past the locker room and pressed my back into the corner so I’d be temporarily hidden.
Ollie’s laugh boomed and echoed along the lockers, and even though it was faint, I could tell Eric was chuckling beside him.
I took a teeny, tiny peek around the corner, catching a fleeting glimpse of him. A warmness coated my belly, and a faint, content smile ghosted over my lips. Eric was grinning at Ollie and Piper, happiness evident in his dark eyes. It was rare to see him happy. Whenever he was around me or glanced in my direction, his cheery attitude would fall, and he’d turn that cheeky grin into a malicious scowl.
I quickly pulled myself back, tucking away that rare visual of a happy Eric into my back pocket for later, and continued to listen.
God. How the tables had turned for me. Here I was, on the other end of the English Prep popularity stick, hiding away and lurking in corners to hear what the cool kids had to say.
So pathetic. Yet, I couldn’t seem to stop.
I nibbled on my lip, straining my ears.
“That was fucking weird.”
“What was?” Piper asked, talking to Christian.
He and Hayley must have come out of the locker room when I was in my Eric trance.
“Madeline…in the locker room.”
Hayley huffed. “I told you to stop being a jerk. Something is totally off with her. She hasn’t said a snide remark to me in weeks. Not even a dirty look. Has she to you, Pipe?”
Piper spoke. “Actually…no. I noticed something off with her at the dress shop a few weeks ago. Do you remember how she looked like she wanted to tell us something, Hay? Then she clammed up at the end?”
“Yeah. I know something is wrong with her. Something bad. I can see it.”
“Who cares?” Christian said. Their voices were getting farther and farther away, and I had to force myself to stay hidden against the wall instead of following them around. I wanted to hear what Eric had to say, even though it would likely hurt me.
Apparently, I liked the feeling of a knife twisting my insides.
“What happened in the locker room?” My heart sparked at the sound of his voice. My stomach dipped.
“She pretty much said she deserved the bullying when I threw an asshole remark at her.” He paused. “Surprised the shit out of me. I never thought I’d see a day where Madeline actually looked remorseful. Sad, even.”
Silence filled the hall, and I wasn’t sure if they’d left or if the conversation ended.
Just as I was about to step out into the hall, Hayley spoke. “Something made her the way that she is. It’s just catching up to her now. I think we should help her.”
My body stilled.
I started to feel a little unsteady on my feet. My skin was clammy to the touch.
I heard the sound of lips smacking. “And that, babe, is why you’re you.” Christian must have given Hayley a kiss for being nice. The thought used to make me snarl, but now I was hopeful. Hopeful that someday I’d feel like I deserved that type of love.
Once I felt the coast was clear, I hurriedly darted down the opposite hallway and out the side doors of English Prep. The parking lot was basically desolate, everyone on their way to their happy fucking weekend parties and whatnot, living their best high school lives.
I looked over to where the guys usually parked, where I used to park, and I stopped my feet just along the patch of grass separating the parking lot from the sidewalk.
Eric was leaning back along his Range Rover with his arms crossed over his button-up shirt. His tie was loosely hanging around his neck, the first two buttons undone, showing off his tanned skin. My mouth went dry as his gray eyes surrounded by long, dark eyelashes squinted. Too many empty parking spots laid between us for anything more than a long glance, but I saw the way he questioned me with the tilt of his head.
Eric was beginning to see a lot more than I wanted him to see. He was paying attention to my subtle mood changes and behavior. I wasn’t sure why, because he had a serious vendetta against me. Maybe he wanted to watch me crumble. Maybe he wanted to make my life even harder by gaining some recon.
I didn’t know, and I really didn’t want to find out.
I pulled my attention away as I unlocked my car and climbed inside.
As I was pulling out of the parking lot, pretending I didn’t notice Eric still leaning against his car, all hot and mysterious, I got a text from Atticus.
Atticus: I’ll get them. Meet me at 9. Same house. Same room. Same price.
I rolled my eyes at the last part, but I’d still show up. And this time, Eric wouldn’t be there to interfere.
Chapter Twelve
Eric
The music in Christian’s Charger rattled the change in the cup holder beside me as we headed to Jesse’s frat house again. Usually, he and Ollie would both be with Piper and Hayley on a Friday night, but they were having some girls’ night or something with Ann, Hayley’s ex social worker.
I wasn’t even sure what a girls’ night was. I’d never been in a lengthy relationship before, and I was an only child—meaning I didn’t have a sister. I had nights spent with girls—multiple, even—but I didn’t think that was anything close to what Hayley and Piper were doing with Ann. I surely hoped not.
My mom was working a late shift again at the hospital, and I couldn’t bring myself to ask about the impending divorce. The papers were moved from the counter to her bedroom, so I assumed that meant she wasn’t ready to talk to me about it. Which was fine. I’d be here when she needed me.
As for my father… Well, he’d given up on the threatening texts and now called me once a day. I ignored every last ring.
Just like I had ignored the light being on in Madeline’s bedroom every night for the past week. I was pretty good at denial.
Madeline’s car was gone when Christian picked me up, and I couldn’t ignore the thrilling thought that she might show up at Jesse’s again. I mean, it was likely, considering every single pill she bought from the party last weekend was gone. But if she knew what was good for her, she wouldn’t be here tonight.
Madeline was playing a very dangerous game with taking those sleeping pills. I’d learned enough about drugs lately that I knew nothing good came from them if being taken illegally. She didn’t know what she was fucking doing.
“Why are you shaking my entire fucking car?”
I whipped my head over to Christian who was eyeing me. “What are you so mad about, bro? Look at your fists.” He nodded his head to my thighs, where my hands rested in achingly tight fists on top of my jeans.
“Nothing,” I snapped. “Let’s go.”
I pulled the handle on the door as Christian just barely got his car into park. The rumble of the engine cut off quickly as I began rounding the steps of the frat house.
The sun was finished for the day, the moon well above my head. But even in the bleakness of night, I could tell the classic, Victorian-looking frat house was a hunter-green color. The peak had scalloped siding, and it reminded me a little of a gingerbread house. I bypassed a few groups of college students loitering on the lawn with red cups in their grasps when a hand clamped onto my shoulder. The grip was firm, and it felt like claws shot out from my fingers.
“What, Christian?” I asked, spinning around. Ollie was smirking from beside him, waiting for us to have words.
“Are you going to act this uptight the entire night? Because I’m about sick of the whole angry, pensive vibe you’ve got going lately.”
Ollie rubbed his lips together, chuckling under his
breath.
I ran my tongue over my teeth angrily. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding. You were a fucking ass for the last few years of high school. Just because you’ve got Hayley now, and you’re all fucking happy, doesn’t mean the rest of us are.”
Christian’s hands flexed. “Then why don’t you do something about it? Go fuck someone. Go fuck lots of someones. Get whatever the fuck is up your ass out, because we have a few months left of school, and then we’re off on our own. Do you really want to spend it being like this?”
As if it were that easy to just snap out of it.
My long strides brought me over to him quickly. We were like two angry bulls, ready to fight, both of our brows bundled together with anger. “You have no idea what you’re talking about. Did you hear me or Ollie asking you to quit being a depressed dick when you were hating the world?” I got closer, my voice rumbling out of my mouth. “No. We fucking backed you up—always. Now, I’m asking you to back me up. Let me be mad. Let me hate everyone. Let me work through my shit. Jesus. You’re as bad as my fucking father.” I wanted to hit him. I wanted to punch his stupid straight nose and make it crooked.
Fighting wasn’t foreign to me. Or to Christian. But it’d been years since he and I had fought. We had once gotten into a fight, freshman year, which was what had decided our fate at English Prep. He thought I was fighting him to prove a point in front of everyone, but I wasn’t. I was fighting him because he took Madeline from me, and I was so fed up with pretending like it didn’t darken my soul a little each time they kissed.
I remembered pounding his face until I caught a glance at Madeline’s heart-shaped mouth pursed into a frown through the formed crowd. I let Christian win that day. I let him win because I knew I’d always be on the losing side if I kept chasing her. That I’d continue resenting him for being with her even when he had no idea.
A couple of college girls roamed past us as I came back to reality. Christian was about to spit something else in my face, but his phone rang. He sighed angrily and took a step back. Once he pulled his phone out, he turned around and answered.
“Hey, baby.”
His tone was no longer pissy and domineering. He was obviously talking to Hayley.
“Yeah, we just got here. Don’t worry. I’m the DD. Ollie and I just came to hang with Eric.” He looked over his shoulder at me and glared, as if he were telling me we weren’t done with the conversation.
Fuck him.
Ollie sauntered up beside me and nudged my tense shoulder. “It’s honestly astounding how quickly he can go from fucking pissed to a whipped boyfriend in three seconds flat. Isn’t it?”
I didn’t answer, but apparently, Ollie didn’t catch on to my don’t-fucking-start-with-me mood. There was some serious pent-up aggression trying to claw its way out of my chest.
Between my family shit and the unyielding thoughts of Madeline and her stupid fucking light glaring into my window each night, I was drowning in shit I wanted no part of.
It wasn’t even that I was denying the fucked-up shit going on in my life currently. I just wanted to stop caring for the night.
Ollie was still talking. “It’s almost sickening. Listen to him talking all sweetly to Hayley, and I bet when he gets off the phone, he’ll turn back into his true alpha form and start on you again.”
I grunted in response. Christian was an alpha, but I was too. People didn’t fuck with me. People didn’t talk back to me. I wasn’t an easy-going guy, by any means.
The only reason Christian dominated the halls of English Prep was because I had let him back when we were freshman. There was no fucking way I was fighting for that role, because if I did, that’d mean I’d have to put up an even bigger fight of denying my feelings for Madeline. Because up until recently, she was the queen of English Prep. I wanted absolutely no part in her world.
Yet, somehow, I kept finding myself circling the pits of hell with Madeline right in the center.
“Eric, you do you. We’re here for you, even if you do have a pole up your ass.”
I finally let my gaze wander to Ollie. He was smiling in his typical happy-go-lucky way, but I saw the pointed look in his eye. It twitched at the last second. He knew something was going on with me, and I wasn’t sure what Piper had told him. She was the most invasive of all of us, yet in her own secret way.
“Thanks,” I managed to force out, side-stepping him and leaving Christian, who continued talking to his girlfriend on the phone.
I scanned the cars lining the street and didn’t see Madeline’s car anywhere. It seemed she went somewhere else tonight, which was good. I was going to grasp tightly to that little break in my spiraling thoughts for the next few hours.
Madeline wasn’t winning this one. I wasn’t going to feel bad for her or wonder why she slept with her light on every night.
Maybe Christian was right. Maybe I did need to fuck someone else.
Chapter Thirteen
Madeline
I pulled up to the frat party right before the clock hit eight and felt relief settle into my bones. Eric’s car was parked in his driveway when I’d gotten home from my hair appointment—the one my mom had set up for me to keep my hair the platinum blonde that it was to please my father who only popped up into our lives occasionally—so I knew Eric wasn’t going to be here tonight.
I needed to get in, get out, drive back home, and sleep for the rest of the weekend without the anxiety of another nightmare waking me up.
Kicking an empty beer bottle out of the way, I made my way through the opened door of the house. The party was much busier tonight than last weekend. Too many people were crammed into the open floor plan. Weed and stale beer lingered in the air, along with cheap cologne and perfume from those who were trying too hard to get laid. I hardly managed to swallow back the putrid smell.
I skirted my gaze over the room quickly, trying to spot Atticus. There was a young couple arguing in the corner, a few girls gathered together on the disgusting couch, talking with their heads down low, and a lonesome dude with long blonde hair in the other chair, typing on his phone. I glanced to the other corner of the room, past a few girls dancing drunkenly, and my eyes widened. The heel of my Doc Martens squeaked on the hardwood as I spun around quickly.
Shit! What the hell are Wellington Prep boys doing here?
I bristled at the very vivid recollection of when I inevitably fucked my entire existence at both English Prep and Wellington Prep—the opposing prep school in the area—with an awful rumor I’d started revolving around one of their own.
I don’t even remember why I did it. The old Madeline was malicious in an attempt to protect herself and her tough-girl image. The new one realized that no matter how malicious or forthcoming you were, you still weren’t invincible.
And not long after I’d started the rumor and everything fell apart, karma made her stop at my house and completely ruined me. Everything before that moment became one giant blur. It was cruel how the worst memory of your life was the one that stood out the most. Fear was a strong and blinding emotion.
I shuffled my feet to the stairs, keeping my back to Cole, the one guy who should hate my fucking guts the most, and began climbing them hastily.
The damaged girl that now lived within my bones begged for me to apologize, but I was too ashamed to even look in his direction. I was a little afraid too.
I did him dirty.
Really dirty.
Each door in the upstairs hallway was shut, even Atticus’, but I wasn’t wasting any time. I raised my shaky fist to knock, and that was when Cole’s smooth voice sounded from behind.
“Did you think you could sneak past me?”
Since your back was to me, yes. I actually did, Cole.
My hand dropped to my side slowly, and I had to make the decision between fight or flight. My limbs ached to take me into the room in front of me and to slam the door in his face. But I was stronger than that. I was. At least I used to be.
I ran my tongue ov
er my lips before spinning around and locking onto his green eyes. Cole was an attractive guy. He was a bad boy through and through. Dark, shiny hair. Thick eyelashes and a strong jaw. His bottom lip had a tiny, faint scar in it that led down to his chin—the perfect touch to his bad-boy appeal.
“Cole,” I managed to croak out. It infuriated me that I could hear the fear in my tone.
“I knew it’d only be a matter of time until I ran into you.”
I nodded my head as my eyes dropped.
I heard him shuffling closer to me. There was no one else in the hallway. Everyone was locked behind closed doors, doing God knew what in random bedrooms. For a moment, I took my eyes off my shoes and glanced over at the landing of the steps. Cole’s entire crew was staring up at us in the midst of the party around them, all with swag-like grins covering their faces.
Oh, God. What does he have planned?
I began panicking. The floor felt like Jell-O under my feet. “Listen, Cole,” I started, backing up just a hair. “I’m…” I darted my gaze away from his haughty one.
He took a step closer, taking advantage of my paranoia. “What’s that? Cat got your tongue there, Madeline? It’s funny, because it didn’t seem to have your tongue when you told that nasty fucking rumor to Christian fucking Powell.” His wide shoulders came closer to mine, caging me in against the door. I wished that Atticus was on the other side and he’d open it so I’d fall backwards and out of Cole’s trap. Atticus likely wasn’t the hero of any situation, but for now, he could be mine if he’d just open the fucking door. My breaths were coming in short spasms. My skin grew clammy.
I used to be strong. I didn’t put up with people’s shit. People were scared of me, not the other way around.
But now I was weak and scared. I wanted to turn around and bang my fists on the door, begging someone to save me.