by S. J. Sylvis
And for a fleeting moment, I let myself relish in his sudden protectiveness, but only for a second, because I knew, without a doubt, that he’d go back to disliking me eventually. This was a minor time lapse in our story. Maybe if we were in a different reality, in a different time, this could have played out differently.
“I’m fine, Eric. You can go home now. I won’t be able to sleep for the rest of the night.” The clock on my table read just after three in the morning, which meant I’d actually gotten a decent amount of sleep for once.
Eric’s broad chest rose swiftly underneath his tight t-shirt. His arms were still crossed, and his expression was unreadable. When he flicked his eyes to me, I jumped. “Who else knows about this?”
I gulped, clutching my knees even tighter. God, I have to look so…vulnerable. “No one.”
His eyes widened for a split second. “No one? No one at all?”
I shook my head slowly. Of course no one knew. Who would I tell? All my friends? My boyfriend? That’s right, I had neither. “No.” Panic hit me fast. I snapped my spine into place. “Please don’t tell anyone.”
Eric didn’t move his attention from me. Not even a slight dip of his eye. Nothing. He just blinked a few times before letting his arms fall.
“Here’s the deal,” he started, advancing toward the bed with a wide, confident stride. “Tomorrow, you can go back to being your strong, I-don’t-give-a-fuck, thorny self…poking anyone who comes near…and I’ll go back to remembering all the reasons I absolutely fucking hate you.” My eyebrows hunched together as I angled my chin up to meet his stance from above my bed. He swallowed, his prominent Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. “But for now…what do you usually do after a nightmare like that? You said you don’t sleep, so what do you do?”
I licked my dry lips, confused as hell. My heart flew through my chest at the prospect of Eric not hating me for just a few more hours. “I…I read…or binge-watch a show. Something interesting…to keep me awake.”
He nodded, looking all around my room before he landed on the remote laying on my dresser. He walked over briskly, snatched it with one swift hand, and then came over and flicked his chin at me.
I scrambled to move over, all way to the very side edge of my bed, and sat up tall. The mattress dipped as Eric sat down and flipped his legs onto it. He smelled clean and fresh.
What was he doing?
“Stop looking at me like that,” he said before snapping his attention to me. Our eyes met, and I felt myself jerk back. Eric may not have been the star quarterback or the alpha in his trio friendship with the Powell brothers, and he may not have been labeled the king of English Prep, but he was every bit as intimidating. His steely eyes, dark features, and the knife-like cut of his jaw angled in my direction paired with the low raspy bite to his tone and subdue attitude... Eric was every bit as terrifying as he was hot. And that meant a lot coming from a girl like me. I didn’t usually allow men to intimidate me, but Eric did just that. Maybe it was because I knew he hated me, or maybe it was because every male was now skewed in the worst way possible inside my brain, or maybe it was because I was so attracted to him. Either way, I was thrown off course.
“Look at you like what?” I finally croaked, looking away.
“Like I’m some hero. Wasn’t it just a few hours ago that you told me to stop looking at you like I wanted to be such a thing?” A light chuckle came from him, and the butterflies came back. They stunned me so much I actually looked at my stomach, but at that moment, a noise echoed throughout the house, followed by faint laughter. I felt Eric’s entire demeanor change. His back straightened up, and he hissed through his teeth.
My mom was home.
And she wasn’t alone.
The hair on my arms stood erect as my heart galloped in my chest. The thumps were hard and painful. I peeked at Eric from the corner of my eye, and he was wound tightly, ready to snap something with his clenched fists. A man’s slurred voice floated underneath my locked door, and relief kicked in. I didn’t even realize I was holding my breath until I gasped for air. Eric’s fists loosened, and it seemed we were both swimming in relief.
I was relieved it wasn’t the dark voice from my nightmare. And he was likely relieved it wasn’t his father. What a predicament he and I were in.
Minutes passed, the clock ticking by slowly. The remote was still laying between us, neither one of us touching it.
Before I could backtrack and put my walls back together, I blurted out an apology. “I’m sorry.”
The entire room froze like we were in an ice castle. Not a single sound was heard. Not a single movement was made.
“You’re sorry?”
A breath floated out of my mouth, and I honestly expected to see it in the ice-cold room. “I’m sorry my mom slept with your dad.”
Eric laughed sarcastically, shaking his head. His tone was sharper than before. “That’s not what you need to be sorry for.”
I picked at the little threads on my blanket. “I know.”
Painfully long seconds passed, the room somehow even colder than before.
“Why didn’t you just fucking tell me?”
Because I couldn’t risk my father finding out. There was too much to explain. Too many questions Eric would ask if I told him the whole truth. So I didn’t.
“Because I’m selfish, Eric.” As soon as the words were out, I caught his eye. I dug my fingernails into the palms of my hands, almost recoiling at the validity in my response. I truly was selfish. It wasn’t a lie; it just wasn’t the whole truth.
Eric’s stern expression never wavered. We were locked and loaded. He was angry, and I was angry. The only difference was his anger was directed at someone other than himself. But me? I was mad at myself. I was mad for letting myself feel this way. For letting myself feel guilty with my selfishness.
Who would protect my mom and me if it weren’t for me?
I shouldn’t feel guilty about that. But I did. I did because looking at how hurt and angry Eric was made me feel things I hadn’t felt in a long time.
I was growing weaker each second I was alone with him. I was allowing hidden truths to dictate how thick my steel wall was.
Eric’s harsh gaze was ripped from mine. I gazed at the tick in his jaw as he grabbed the remote and turned the TV on.
We stayed eerily stiff on my bed, not touching or looking at each other as some Netflix show played in the background. As soon as the sun started to peek in, we both glanced at my window.
Eric finally moved, swinging his legs over the side of my bed, and stood up. He didn’t look at me once as he moved the chair from underneath my door and unlocked it, stepping over the threshold. He left without a single word.
It was as if the entire night never even existed, and it was probably better that way.
Chapter Sixteen
Eric
“The severity of the war was unmatched. Tens of thousands of young soldiers died, never going back to their families or loved ones.”
Mr. Kahn’s voice was monotonous. His teachings were similar to watching paint dry for hours upon hours. I liked to consider myself a good student. I got excellent grades—you kind of had to in order to attend English Prep—but when Mr. Kahn went on a rant over a war that could have been summed up in ten minutes or less, there was no end in sight. He droned on and on and on until the bell sounded and he was summoned back to reality.
Pair his annoying voice and twitch of his nose every three seconds above his graying mustache along with Madeline’s head bobbing up and down from falling asleep every so often, and I was agitated.
Every time I’d glance at her, with his voice in the background, I’d get even more irritated. I was on pins and needles when it came to her. When I’d left her house Saturday morning, I jumped into the shower and banged my fist against the tiled wall. Blood seeped from my knuckles and washed away down the drain along with every rational thought in my head. Her scream was on repeat, and the need to pick up her broken p
ieces was a substantial weight on my conscious. I barked at her for the rest of the night, acting as if I was doing her a favor by staying in her room, but really, I was doing me a favor. I knew if I left her room, I’d do nothing but lose my shit over the fact that someone had touched her like that.
The vulnerable, sobbing girl with hair as bright as the sun standing on shaky knees shook me to my core. I was angry. So incredibly angry over the fact that someone took her and broke her.
I was also shaken to my core over the fact that I was losing my cool. I was supposed to be hating her. Fuck, what would my mom even say if she knew I was at their house in the first place? If she knew I was lending a helping hand to the daughter of the woman that had a hand in ruining her marriage, how would that make her feel? Probably just as betrayed as she felt when my father cheated.
I was torn. Pissed off even more than usual. Madeline was fucking everything up. I wished I could have let it go. I should have ignored all the clues that something big was going on with her because now look at me. I was stuck in a tangled net over her.
Madeline’s head fell forward again, and the pencil in my hand snapped in half. Hayley glanced at me from behind and gave me a questionable look. I ignored her, and thank God the bell chimed throughout the room, and everyone started gathering their books. Madeline jumped up, her light hair swaying back as her head snapped to attention.
A few snarks and giggles sounded from around us. I couldn’t bring myself to look down at her tired eyes, knowing it was only a matter of time before that, too, would haunt me.
As soon as I was in the hallway, meeting up with everyone before lunch, my shackles rose.
“Did you see the way her head was bobbing? I think my dick is still hard.”
I swallowed harshly, focusing on Hardin and his childish laughter at his own joke. He was a lowerclassman but often hung around us and the rest of the football team because he was actually pretty good on the field. He’d likely be the quarterback next year since we will be off to college. He was a sharpshooter with the girls in the classes below. They oohed and awed at him every chance they got, hanging off his arm during the on season at a chance to become popular. But his pussy-eating grin made me recoil because of the words coming out of his mouth. “No, no. For real. Do you think I could tap that?” He grew serious, taking a step back and glancing down at Madeline digging in her locker. Her long legs, both toned and smooth below her plaid skirt, caught my eye too. I’d give him that. But he didn’t get to say those types of things. Not now. Not after I knew what I knew. He laughed, and Christian and Ollie rolled their eyes jokingly. “No one else wants her anymore. Not after our king tossed her out.” A few girls snickered around us as we began walking down the hall to the lunchroom. I kept my attention straight ahead, trying to tune out his tiresome voice and her legs.
Don’t do it. Don’t do it. Keep fucking walking, Eric. I wasn’t going to be her hero.
My heart strummed violently behind my rib cage, climbing, climbing, climbing…
“Okay, wait. With her bobbing like that in class, I bet she gives really good head. Someone hurry, push her down to her knees and hold her hands behind her back. I bet she’d be all over me fucking her vile little mouth.”
Snap.
I was over to him within half a second, his body flying back into the metal lockers. “Take it…” I pushed my forearm up to his windpipe, hearing him gasp for breaths. “Back.”
His eyes grew dark, his brows furrowing with confusion. I could feel the depth of my anger, and it rolled off me in crashing, thunderous waves. “How would you like it if I pushed you to your fucking knees and held your arms behind your back… I’m sure someone in this school would fuck that annoying little mouth of yours, Hardin.”
“Bro…what the fuck are you doing?” Ollie’s face came into my vision, his eyes widening. “For fucks’ sake, let him go before a teacher comes out. There’s only so much Christian can do with the headmaster to evade punishments for the three of us. Don’t fucking start a brawl. Again.”
I forced my anger to dissipate, trying to push the unleashed emotion down. My pulsing arms slipped from around Hardin’s neck, and he wheezed. “If I ever fucking hear you talk about her like that again, I’ll snap that glorious throwing arm in two. Do you fucking hear me?”
My peers murmured around me, trying to confirm whether or not I was referring to Madeline.
Fuck.
I growled, shoving my finger into his chest. “If you talk about any girl like that, I’ll snap it in half. You got that? Be a fucking man. Not a cocky little boy who thinks girls are toys. Grow the fuck up.”
Ollie was still giving me a look, his stern jaw clicking back and forth. I finally dropped my hand, and the entire hallway grew quiet. Christian stood back, just far enough away not to interfere but close enough that I knew he heard everything. He looked skeptical and disapproving at the same time. His eyes moved from mine, and as I turned around to see what he was looking at, I felt like I’d just given up my reins.
Madeline was standing there, her books clutched tightly to her uniformed chest. She was fuming. Her pretty features, that just a couple days ago appeared so utterly broken and sad, were skewed together in roaring, dismayed betrayal. She turned around quickly, pulling her attention from everyone that was now staring at her, and rushed down the hall. The door that led to the stairs slammed so hard people in the crowd jumped.
“Now what’s your excuse?” Ollie half-whispered to me.
“What are you talking about?” I ripped my tie from around my throat and loosened it.
“That’s twice now that you’ve stuck up for Madeline. Still going with that whole “I hate her” lie or…?” He looked amused, and I wanted to push him up against a locker too.
“Fuck off,” I ground out before plowing through the dispersing crowd to find the one person that should have been thanking me instead of throwing a dirty look my way.
Madeline had a lot of nerve acting like I was the bad guy in this situation.
I pushed through the door she had run through and instantly scowled. She was pacing with her books splayed all over on the shiny floor as if she had thrown them the second she was alone. Her tiny feet stomped back and forth, lingering echoes reaching up the stairwell and down again.
“I told you I don’t need a hero, Eric!” she shouted when she pierced me with those blue eyes. I ripped my backpack from my shoulders and dropped it to the ground with a loud thud. It was like we were getting ready to step into the ring. Fists up and all.
My hands went to my hips as I dropped my head in a low chuckle. Dark strands of my hair fell into my eyes. My words were cool coming out of my mouth. “Well, you surely fucking act like you need one.”
“I don’t need anyone!” she shouted again. I could hear the rising panic in her voice that she was desperately trying to cover up with anger.
Her legs carried her over to where I stood, and my heart thumped hard. I could hear it pounding viciously in my eardrums. “Now everyone is going to be suspicious! I hate you for bringing that unwanted attention to me!”
My head snapped up fast, and her eyes widened. I put my hands on her waist and flipped her around, backing her up to the door behind us. Her back hit it with a soft bump, and I bent down into her face. “You don’t want me to be your hero, Maddie?”
Her strong facade started to slip just slightly, like a veil being dropped just far enough that I could see the girl behind the blind rage. “No. I don’t need you or anyone else.”
I chuckled, still caging her in with my body. My hands flexed on her hips, and her lush, baby-doll lips fell apart just enough that I felt myself burn on the inside. “Good,” I seethed. “'Cause it’s the last thing I want to be.”
Her eyes dropped to my mouth, and something inside of me was bending in unimaginable ways. If there weren’t that tiny voice in the back of my head, reminding me of what she’d been through, I’d rip off every last article of her uniform and fuck her.
Shit. Panic clawed at me, and I was seconds from dropping my hands and leaving her pressed against the door, all out of breath, but her words stopped me from doing anything. “Then stop acting like it.”
I can’t fucking help it.
My hands slowly left her slender hips, and I watched her breathe a sigh of relief.
“Fine,” I blurted out before reaching down and snatching up my backpack, unable to look her in the eye. She had her wall up again. And it was thick. Madeline’s features were coiled together, small divots on her pretty skin. But I couldn’t get those sad eyes out of my head. I couldn’t stop hearing her racking sobs that I somehow felt in my own chest.
“Fine!” she snapped back.
I gave her one last chance. One longing look. She knew what I was saying without saying the words. I’d protect her if she needed me to. I’d be a hero for the day, or night, if it meant she’d stop being so fucking wrecked. It was a contradicting lapse of judgment. A minor dip in my own personal beliefs when it came to her, but either way, I couldn’t make myself move without giving her one more chance.
My heart stood at attention when her eyes fell to the ground. I caught her lip trembling as she hid herself from me. There you are, Maddie. The air cracked with a high-strung energy when her blue eyes caught back up to mine. Her attention shifted from my mouth to my eyes several times before she gingerly walked past me and began picking up her books.
I kept my back to her as the words came out strong. “Last chance, Maddie.”
What the fuck was I doing?
She softly answered, “I have no clue what you’re referring to. You said you’d go back to hating me…and you’re doing a poor job of it. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you still had a thing for me.”
I spun around fast, catching her off guard. Her blonde strands shot past her high cheekbones as she leveled her shoulders. I scoured my gaze across her flawless features. “You’re not fooling me, Madeline. You can’t hide from me. I know why you act this way. The second someone gets close to you, and they start seeing past all your barriers, you start pushing them away. You treat people like shit so they can’t get close to you. But I see you. You do need a hero. You’re just too fucking stubborn to admit it.”