For Lovers Only

by Alex Hairston

  “You’ve got time. Can’t we just stay right here for a few more minutes?”

  Erin wasn’t trying to budge because she was totally captivated by Joel’s touch. “Sure. I’m so used to getting up and rushing. I don’t really have to worry about that for a while.”

  “Me either. I had planned on working at a summer camp, but I’m about to call them and cancel. I’ve got other plans.”

  “Are you canceling because of me?”

  With hesitation Joel said, “Yeah. But I also need to relax. I’m not hurting for cash. Plus, I’m trying to get to know you better. The idea of spending the whole summer with you is exciting. Do you have anything planned for summer?”

  “Usually I teach summer school, but since I was moving I decided to leave the entire summer open to allow myself enough time to get settled.”

  “That was smart. Since we have all this free time we need to plan a vacation. I had a dream that we went on a cruise. And guess what?”

  “What?”

  “Kenya surprised us and was on the cruise, too.”

  Taken aback, Erin turned around and looked at Joel. “Kenya was in your dream?”

  Joel smiled and said, “Yeah.”

  Erin continued staring at Joel. She was trying her best to read him because she wasn’t sure whether he was trying to throw a subtle hint that he heard her and Kenya on the phone last night or what. “That’s so strange. You’ve never even seen her in person and she was in your dream already.”

  “Yeah, but don’t worry.” Joel paused because Erin’s stare became more intense as if she was trying to read his thoughts. “Stop looking at me like that. It’s not like I’m trying to get at your friend or anything. I don’t even know her.” He shrugged and squinted. “To be honest there is something about her that I like—something in her voice, but I can’t quite put my finger on it.”

  “It’s called flirtation.”

  Joel laughed and said, “You’re probably right.”

  “What exactly did she say to you?”

  “She said that I sounded nice and mentioned how much she looked forward to meeting me.”

  “I’m sure it wasn’t really what she said, but more like how she said it. She’s slick. It’s called planting the seed. Your dream is proof that the seed is already starting to grow. I gotta give it to my girl—she’s been blessed with the gift of persuasion.”

  Joel laughed and said, “She’s good, but not that good. You can say that she kind of made a lasting impression on me, just from speaking to her on the phone. Her personality seems odd but cute. I could tell that she loves attention. Every time your cell phone rings I think it’s her.”

  Erin felt safe and turned down the intensity of her stare. “I know exactly what you mean about Kenya. She has a way of getting to you. She’s not even here and it’s like I can sense her presence. I guess that’s just how close we are.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with that. I think the two of you are funny—like how her picture comes up on your phone whenever she calls.”

  “That’s nothing. My picture comes up on her phone the same way when I call her. I dunno, me and Kenya might be a little too close. I’m not calling her today.”

  “No. Don’t do that. Please don’t change because of me. I don’t want Kenya to hate me or to think I’m trying to come between the two of you. I’ve seen friendships deteriorate over guys. I don’t wanna be in the middle of any confusion. Keep doing whatever you’d usually do.”

  “Okay. But you’re absolutely right about friendships deteriorating over guys. Stuff like that does happen. That’s a scary thought. I could see me and Kenya being like that.”

  Joel laughed. “Is Kenya a hater?”

  “No, not at all. She’s definitely not like that. Kenya and I do everything together and I don’t know how she’s gonna accept our new friendship slash relationship.”

  “How did she accept your last relationship?”

  “She was fine for the most part. She had a boyfriend too, but after they broke up she seemed really clingy and needy.”

  “And she’s been that way ever since?”

  “Yeah.”

  “She needs a man. She needs one bad.”

  “Easier said than done. She’s really picky and critical of the stupidest details.”

  “I thought so. Like I said, she’s odd.”

  “You literally have to hook her up with a guy in order for her to date. Every relationship she’s ever been involved in was prearranged. She carries a big red rejection stamp in her right hand, ready and willing to stamp a brotha on the forehead with the quickness.”

  Joel burst out laughing. “Damn that’s funny.”

  “Can you blame women for being so skeptical?”

  “Not really. I understand why y’all are like that, but at some point you’ve gotta give us a break. The new guy can’t be held accountable for the mistakes that the previous brotha made, you know?”

  “That’s true.”

  “You gotta have faith.”

  “I’ve got faith.”

  “I dunno. You don’t seem to have faith in love.”

  Without hesitation Erin said, “I don’t.”

  “Well, I do. I believe in love whether I can see it or not. Now, that’s faith.”

  “Love is dead.”

  “Love is alive. It breathes and has a pulse. Remember that faith is confidence, trust and a strong belief in the seen and unseen. Have you ever seen love?”

  Erin paused. She wanted to tell Joel that she had seen love when she looked at him last night and was caught up in its afterglow. She saw love every time she looked at him, but she refused to acknowledge it. She laughed and said, “I see what you’re trying to do. I’m not falling for your little trick. All right, maybe love isn’t dead.” Erin made a silly face. “Saying that love was dead was really a negative statement, huh?”

  “Yeah, it was. But I’m telling you, love is alive and kickin’,” Joel said, as he kicked the sheet off of his legs. “Keep looking and I’m sure you’ll recognize love when you see it.”

  “You’re crazy. Enough about love. How about some breakfast? You got anything in the kitchen I can cook?”

  “My kitchen is packed with all kinds of food. I’ll help you get something started.”

  “I can handle breakfast on my own. You stay in here and I’ll surprise you with something nice.”

  “That sounds good. You won’t get any complaints from me. I haven’t had a woman cook a decent meal for me since I moved out of my parents’ house. I’ll stay in here and get my morning workout going.”

  Erin gave Joel a peck on the lips and headed to the bathroom with her overnight bag. Joel headed to his walk-in closet and took out his curl bar, dumbbells and space-saving folding treadmill.

  Erin showered and came out of the bathroom looking refreshed, wearing a Coppin State University T-shirt. She headed out to the kitchen.

  Within fifteen minutes or so, Joel smelled a wonderful aroma circulating throughout his apartment. He began to work out even harder because he could tell that he was in store for a delicious but fattening breakfast.

  Erin felt right at home in Joel’s clean and well organized kitchen. She planned a breakfast feast that took her a total of forty-five minutes to prepare. In the meantime, Joel worked out so hard that he developed a mild case of muscle fatigue and his blood sugar nearly bottomed out. He showered and then stood in front of the bathroom mirror, brushing and flossing his teeth.

  Erin called Joel to the kitchen. He was fully dressed and more than ready to eat by the time breakfast was ready. He made his way out to the kitchen looking kind of dazed from his rigorous workout and lack of food.

  He said, “Breakfast smells so good.”

  Erin looked at Joel closely and said, “Thanks. Are you all right?”

  “I’m fine. Just a little exhausted from my workout.”

  “Poor baby. I thought it was crazy for you to work out before breakfast. I should have given you some
orange juice or something. Sorry I took so long.”

  “No, it’s okay. This is how I usually function. But then again, you might be right. I haven’t eaten in I don’t know how many hours, and didn’t take into consideration the amount of energy I used last night,” Joel said with a smile.

  Erin gave Joel a hug. “And you put your energy to some good use. I’m sure that’s what it was then. Sit right here and let me help you replenish your energy. Hope you like what I made.”

  She set two big plates of food in front of Joel. The first plate contained four plump golden brown buttermilk pancakes covered in melted butter and maple syrup. The second had scrambled eggs, home fries, eight link sausages and a pile of bacon. Erin sat right on Joel’s lap and fed him. They sipped from the same glass of orange juice and ended up sharing breakfast just as Erin had planned.

  After breakfast Erin and Joel had a little time to kill. They sat on the sofa talking and watching the Saturday morning news. Erin decided to do something special for Joel. She grabbed her overnight bag from the bedroom and returned to the sofa. She had Joel lay his head on her lap while she massaged some vitamin-enriched shea butter into his hair and scalp. Then she brushed his hair as he continued to relax. This was a perfect example of what Joel meant when he mentioned something about a nurturing woman with an affectionate touch.

  Erin said, “I’m really enjoying being around you. Last night was perfect.”

  “I thought so too.”

  “Sorry if I came off as being a little abrasive earlier when we were in bed talking about love. It’s just that I’m a strong-minded woman and I get that from my mother. When we get our minds set on something then that’s pretty much it.”

  “I understand. You weren’t abrasive at all. You’re just passionate about your beliefs and feelings. I was wrong for trying to make you express something you weren’t feeling. For some reason I wanted us to have a love-at-first-sight kind of vibe going. I guess that was more or less a desperate attempt to fill a void.”

  “What’s the rush?”

  “I dunno. Maybe it’s fear of loneliness. I just think it’s time for me to really concentrate on settling down with one woman and eventually finding a wife. I don’t want you to think that I’m crazy or anything.” He laughed, “I’m a love junky going through withdrawal.”

  “I never heard a guy describe himself like that.” Erin smiled. “Joel, I like you because you seem to be a really open and honest type of guy. You’ve shown me who you are and what you’re about right off the bat.”

  “That’s good to hear. More than anything I wanted to get an idea of how you felt about love in general, and now I know how you feel.”

  “Love hurts.”

  “When I was younger I used to say that love ain’t supposed to hurt, but it does. I want you to know that love never meant to hurt you.”

  Erin felt her emotions kick in. Her voice quivered a bit. “It’s weird because my emotional scars run deep. Flesh wounds heal pretty quickly, but when your heart is wounded it takes a lot more than bandages to help it heal.”

  “Trust me ’cause I know from experience. I wear my scars proudly, like a soldier wears his medals on his chest. I know the pain, darkness, emptiness and abandonment associated with a broken heart. But what I know, more than all of that, is how good it feels to start the healing process and get rid of all of that negative energy.”

  “I’m getting there, but I have issues,” Erin said with laughter in her voice.

  “No, we’ve got issues. All relationships do. I felt the need to comfort you because I was worried about you dealing with how fast we slept together and all.”

  “Yeah, I was kind of stressing over that. You know how women think. The faster we give it up, the less likely you are to stick around.”

  “I’m not going anywhere. You can blame me for what happened because I didn’t wanna wait.”

  “You wanted yours right away, huh?”

  “Yeah. It just goes to show you how strong of an instant attraction I felt.”

  “I understand. Stop worrying because I’m fine. I was starting to worry about things between us getting too serious too fast, but I’m okay with that now. I feel subtle changes inside already. If you put everything aside, the most important thing is that I want you, and I enjoy being with you.”

  “And I enjoy being with you. Tell me something. What’s your fantasy? Think about it—any kind of fantasy.”

  “I dunno.”

  “C’mon, you don’t have a fantasy?” Joel smiled. “We all dream a little dream called fantasy.”

  “I’ve always dreamed of making love on a beach.”

  “Okay. We can do that.”

  They both laughed.

  “What’s your fantasy? Wait, don’t answer. You’ve always dreamed of making love to two beautiful women at the same time.”

  Joel smiled and said, “Yeah, what guy hasn’t? But that’s so unrealistic.” He was interrupted by the doorbell followed by three loud thumps. “I got it. Wonder who this is banging on my door like that,” he said as he walked toward the front door. Joel looked out the peephole. “It’s Ms. Benson.”

  “I can’t let her catch me in here looking like this,” Erin said as she jumped from the sofa and hurried toward Joel’s bedroom with her overnight bag in hand.

  Joel whispered, “Come back. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna open this door.”

  “See what she wants.”

  Ms. Benson knocked on the door again—three quick thumps. Joel just stood at the door watching her to see how long it would take until she decided to leave. He hated when people dropped by his apartment unexpectedly.

  Erin said, “Stop being mean and see what that old lady wants.”

  Joel held his laugh inside and nodded his head as Erin retreated to the bedroom.

  Ms. Benson raised her hand to knock again, but Joel opened the door quickly before her knuckles were able to make contact.

  “Oh Lord!” Ms. Benson said as she stumbled backward, grabbing her heart and trying to catch her breath. “You scared the life outta me.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay. Good morning, Joel.”

  “Good morning, Ms. Benson. What can I do for you?”

  “I’m looking for the young lady from across the hall. You know the one who just moved in.”

  “Yes, ma’am. I met her yesterday. She told me that you sent her up to meet me. Thanks for doing that. But I haven’t seen her today.”

  “You’re welcome. I figured you’d be glad to meet a pretty girl like that.” She paused for a brief moment and said, “It was a shame how your girlfriend and her new boyfriend came all up in your place and moved her belongings out.”

  Joel felt embarrassed. Then frustration began to set in because he figured if Ms. Benson knew details about Renee moving out then that meant the whole building knew as well. He tried his best to remain respectful. He stood there wishing that he had never opened the front door. He didn’t even have a reply for Ms. Benson.

  “Are you sure the young lady from 2D isn’t home, because I noticed that her car was parked out front, but she’s not answering her door.”

  “It’s early. She could be in there ... sleeping ... you know? Or maybe she’s just not home. Someone could have picked her up or something.”

  “You’re probably right.”

  “Is there a particular reason why you’re looking for her?”

  “No, not really. I just wanted to see how she was making out with her new place.”

  “I’m sure she’s all right, but I’m worried about you. Are you all right? It’s not even nine o’clock and you’re going around on a Saturday morning knocking on people’s doors.”

  Ms. Benson threw her hand at Joel and laughed. “Aw, don’t pay me any attention. I don’t mean any harm. I get outta my bed at five-thirty every morning just so I can see what’s going on.”

  Joel raised an eyebrow and asked, “Is that right?”

  “Sure is. Did yo
u hear about that young man down in 1A?”

  “No. But I’ve got a feeling you’re gonna tell me, though.”

  Ms. Benson lowered her voice to a whisper. “He messed around and got his girlfriend pregnant again. They already got two children living in a one-bedroom apartment. Where do you think all those children are gonna sleep?”

  Joel shook his head and said, “I dunno.”

  Ms. Benson continued whispering, “That woman up in 3C got a drug problem. If she comes to me begging for money or I see her daughter begging for sugar with that cup of hers one more time, I’m gonna have to call both of them out. This building ain’t what it used to be. All of these trifling people moving in here. When the family from across the hall moved they loaded their furniture on the back of an old broke-down pickup truck. You should have seen it. Their stuff looked like a junk pile all uncovered for everybody to see. Another family moved into the building next door the same way, using a pickup truck. Whatever happened to people using U-Haul or a professional moving company? I tell you, the ghetto has officially made its way to the suburbs. That’s why all the white people moved outta here—they saw this coming. That’s exactly why I’m moving back to the city. I’m just waiting to see how this new young lady is gonna have her stuff moved in.”

  “Erin looks classy, so I bet she’ll use professional movers.”

  “She didn’t look that classy. I think she probably rented a U-Haul and will have her friends help her move in.”

  “We’ll just have to wait and see. I wanna clarify some of the things you mentioned a moment ago. I think you’re exaggerating a little about the people in 1A and 3C. The guy in 1A is divorced, and only has custody of his two kids every other weekend, and this is his first kid by his girlfriend. Everybody knows that the lady in 3C is a recovering addict with over ten years clean. You know good and well she hasn’t been begging you for money. Her daughter did go around asking for sugar once and her mother punished her for two weeks for embarrassing her like that. You should be ashamed of yourself spreading rumors about that nice couple in 1A and that hardworking single mother in 3C. This building is full of young professionals trying to make a decent living.”