For Lovers Only

  Erin had reached the 911 operator and relayed as much information to her as possible.

  Renee’s arms and legs flip-flopped as Joel repositioned her. He placed the towel under Renee and held her head over the side of his bed. He stuck his finger down her throat in a desperate attempt to make her throw up the sleeping pills. Renee gagged and small amounts of clear fluid oozed from her mouth. She didn’t seem to bring up enough stomach contents to make much of a difference.

  Joel said, “Hopefully that will help, but I’m not sure how long ago she took the pills. She had the nerve to wash the pills down with wine. What was she thinking?”

  Kenya read the label on the pill bottle and then yelled to Erin, “Tell the operator that the pill bottle has today’s date on it and that she took the full bottle of sleeping pills.” She read the rest of the label and said, “There might have been thirty pills in it.”

  Joel and Kenya kept calling Renee’s name, trying to revive her, to no avail.

  Kenya held Renee’s hand and said, “I hope she isn’t too far gone.”

  Joel held Renee’s head steady and responded with a simple, “I dunno.” Then he said, “This is serious. If she took thirty pills then she really wanted to die, and didn’t just do this because she wanted attention.”

  Kenya looked at Joel. “I hate to say, but she must have wanted your attention. That’s why she chose to come here and do all this.”

  Minutes later sirens could be heard blaring in the distance. The fire and police departments were the first to arrive on the scene. By the time the ambulance arrived the building was in a complete uproar. Neighbors were in the hallway and had eased their way into Joel’s living room, trying to figure out what was going on. The police department tried to keep the onlookers as composed as possible.

  The paramedics placed an oxygen mask on Renee and started an IV. Minutes later they placed her on a gurney and loaded her in the back of the ambulance. Most of the neighbors recognized Renee and jumped to all kinds of wild and crazy conclusions when they saw Joel get into the back of the ambulance and watched Erin and Kenya follow in Erin’s little Mitsubishi Eclipse.

  Ms. Benson had already contacted one of the local news station’s hotlines to report the story. The reporter who answered the phone was anxious to get the scoop. Ms. Benson spilled her guts and embellished the truth by calling the incident a domestic dispute over a threesome. Once the reporter found out that Renee was still alive she didn’t consider the story newsworthy. Ms. Benson was disappointed to lose her fifteen minutes of fame, but she still used the opportunity to be in the spotlight by spreading vicious rumors about the threesome and Renee.

  Chapter 32

  It was two in the morning and the emergency room’s waiting area was full of strange characters. Every two minutes or so, a nasty cough could be heard. About a half-dozen patients were in tears from their intense pain. A couple of assault victims sat in the waiting area applying direct pressure to their bleeding wounds. Everybody in the waiting area looked like they were tired of waiting. The overcrowding and treatment delays in the emergency room were caused by the majority of the patients being there for nonemergency complaints like colds, chronic joint pain and needing new prescription refills. The main people complaining about the long wait time were the ones who should have been seen at their primary care physicians’ offices.

  There were all types of sights and sounds to take in. A tall, slim, goofy-looking lady paced back and forth, scuffing her big yellow Sponge Bob Square Pants slippers across the floor. There was a guy sitting on the floor in between his girlfriend’s legs as she braided his hair. No one wanted to look in their direction because the sight of his thick flaky dandruff falling like snow made them sick.

  A loud ignorant woman sat in a wheelchair talking on her cell phone about how she hadn’t paid any of her previous hospital bills and didn’t plan on paying this time around, either.

  She said loudly into her cell phone, “This hospital already knows I ain’t paying their asses. They know my history. Shit, the way I see it, health care should be free in this country anyway.”

  People around the lady smiled and agreed about free health care. She was ignorant, but at least she realized something that the government didn’t.

  The waiting room’s television was tuned to CNN, running the same stories over and over. A teenage boy had his headphones turned up so loud that his music, laced with offensive rap lyrics, could be heard throughout the waiting area. Some people felt like reporting him to hospital security, but they didn’t. Maybe they didn’t because he wore a T-shirt with a big stop sign on the front that read Stop Snitchin’.

  The air inside was cool and crisp until a new patient sat down smelling like a hot nasty cheesesteak sub with extra onions.

  Erin, Kenya and Joel sat in one corner of the waiting area looking sad and uncomfortable while Renee’s parents and sister sat in the other corner looking tired and annoyed. Renee’s family barely spoke to Joel. All they wanted from him were the facts about what happened to Renee. They acted very insensitive and inconsiderate toward him. It didn’t bother Joel too much because he was used to them treating him badly. He just didn’t like the dirty looks Renee’s mother and sister kept giving Erin and Kenya.

  Joel and the girls stayed around because they wanted to make sure Renee was going to be okay. Once they got confirmation of her status they planned to leave. The longer they sat in the waiting area the more tired and uncomfortable they became. The three decided to go around the corner to a small, dimly lit canteen. The area was actually closed, but that didn’t stop them. They sat alone at a tiny cafeteria-style table.

  Joel thought that this was the perfect opportunity to share what was on his mind. He said, “I’m so tired of other people that I don’t know what to do.”

  Erin smiled, nodded her head and said, “Tell me about it.”

  Kenya said, “It’s so much better when it’s just the three of us alone.” She paused for a second and said, “I’m going to slap the shit out of the next person who gives me a dirty look.”

  Erin said, “Yeah, I’m getting tired of getting those dirty looks too.”

  Kenya said, “Renee’s family looks at us like we’re a wild balancing act that they can’t wait to see fall over and come crashing to the ground.”

  Joel said, “Fuck them. I don’t really care what they think because I’m happy to have the two of you in my life. I don’t know what I did to deserve y’all, but I’m thankful.”

  Erin smiled and said, “I feel the same way about you. God brought us together for a reason.”

  Kenya said, “He brought us together because He knew that we needed each other.” She reached for their hands and said, “And I’m so glad He brought us together.”

  Joel gave each of the girls a quick peck on the lips. Then he felt the need to apologize and explain his mother’s actions from earlier.

  Joel looked at Erin and Kenya and said, “I wanna apologize for the way my mother acted earlier this evening. I know that y’all picked up on her attitude.”

  Erin said, “Of course we noticed something strange was going on with her, but overall she’s a sweet lady. No need to apologize. Your mom was fine.”

  Kenya said, “Yeah, don’t worry. I knew she would have a problem with us.” With a giggle in her voice she said, “Mrs. Davis kept giving me funky looks all evening and I was on my best behavior.”

  Joel said, “Sorry about that.”

  Kenya shook her head. “It was nothing.”

  Erin laughed. “Oh, I caught a few of those funky stares too. Your mother is a very religious woman, so of course I knew she would frown upon everything we stand for. I had already prepared myself for scrutiny and rejection. To be honest, she handled things a lot better than I had expected.”

  In an apologetic tone Joel said, “She’s dealing with a lot of issues right now. I should have mentioned it before, but I didn’t want to bring myself or anybody else down by dwelling on so many depressing is
sues.”

  Erin asked, “What’s going on?”

  “My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. Her doctor found two one-centimeter lumps in her left breast.”

  Erin said, “Oh, no. I’m so sorry to hear that, Joel.”

  Kenya said, “Awww, poor thing. I feel so sorry for her. Is there anything we can do?”

  Joel looked drained. “Yeah, just keep her in your prayers. I think she’ll be fine ... I know she’ll be fine. My mother is scheduled for surgery here later this morning. Her doctor plans to perform two lumpectomies instead of a mastectomy.”

  Erin said, “I feel bad. Breast cancer is so common nowadays. My grandmother and two of my aunts are breast cancer survivors. So far my mother has been blessed and remains cancer free. Because of my family history I’m at risk and I know I’ll have to start getting mammograms a lot earlier than the recommended age of forty.”

  In a soft tone Kenya said, “No one in my immediate family has been diagnosed with breast cancer, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have it. For the most part, I think my mother has been avoiding mammograms for years because she heard that they’re painful. And I think she’s afraid to be examined because she fears that they might actually find cancer. She said just finding out that she had cancer would kill her.”

  With a serious expression Joel said, “Not knowing could kill her even faster. That’s exactly why black women are dying at a faster rate from breast cancer than any other group.” He paused for a brief moment and said, “Well, my mother is dealing with a lot more than cancer. My father wasn’t home when you visited because he left her for another woman ... some young girl with two kids.”

  Kenya’s eyes watered and she appeared too choked up to say anything. She shook her head and then lowered her face into her hands.

  With tears in her eyes Erin said, “That’s too much to deal with. How could your father leave her at a time like this?”

  “She never told him about the breast cancer. I guess she didn’t want his pity and wanted him to do what felt natural.”

  Kenya thought about how healthy Mrs. Davis looked and said, “Oh my God, she’s strong.”

  “To top all that off, my brother and his girlfriend moved in with my mother and are completely taking advantage of her kindness. I’m sure the two of them are still using drugs and that’s why they can’t afford to pay her.” He let out a heavy sigh and said, “My mother is dealing with too much stress. The woman that y’all met this evening is nowhere near the real Mary Davis.”

  Erin said, “I know this sounds crazy, but is your mother’s illness the hardest thing you ever had to deal with?”

  Without even thinking Joel said, “Yeah. Dealing with my mother’s diagnosis and all of this unnecessary family drama is hard. There’s never a dull moment. My father is in a midlife crisis. He just wants to feel young again, or feel like he’s still got it. But that’s gonna wear off sooner than later. Everything that I’ve ever known about love and relationships stems from what I learned from my parents. And now they’re getting a divorce after all these years.” Joel paused for a moment as he remembered something that he hadn’t thought about in a while. He said, “I’ve had to overcome a lot in the past. I wanna tell y’all about something.”

  With a curious look on her face Erin said, “Go ahead.”

  Kenya looked up and asked, “What is it?”

  “You can’t really know me without knowing my past. I’ve never shared this with anyone besides my parents. I feel really close to the two of you and that’s why I feel the need to tell y’all about a huge obstacle I had to overcome.” Joel took a deep breath. “Back when I was eighteen I started dating the daughter of our church’s pastor. Her name was Nia and she was my first real girlfriend. To make a long story short, I got her pregnant and her parents forced her to have an abortion. Then they moved her down South to make sure we never saw each other again. I didn’t think moving her away would have worked, but eventually our interests drifted in other directions and we lost contact. We never saw each other again. The whole incident kind of scarred me. I was heartbroken, mostly because these so-called religious people took the love of my life away and helped murder my child. I always felt that Nia was carrying my son ... my namesake, but I never got the chance to see or hold him.”

  Erin and Kenya came around to Joel’s side of the table and laid their heads on his shoulders.

  Erin whispered, “I never would have imagined you experienced something so traumatic at such a young age. No wonder you’re so passionate about everything you do.”

  Joel said, “Sometimes dealing with loss has that kind of effect on people.”

  A few minutes passed, but Joel’s story was still swirling around in Kenya’s mind. With a spaced-out expression in her eyes she said, “That was probably one of the saddest stories I’ve ever heard. I think we all have secrets. I have something I want to share.” Kenya paused. “If y’all really knew me you’d know that I had it rough growing up. When I was little my mother didn’t live in a big expensive house in the suburbs or drive around in a Mercedes-Benz like she does now. To be honest, she struggled throughout most of my childhood. She suffered years of physical and mental abuse from my biological father until he decided to walk out on us when I was five. I barely even knew him, but I knew that he was mean to my mother and caused her a lot of pain. Some things you just don’t forget. For some reason I still have vague memories of a caring father figure too. Don’t ask me why I’ve held on to those memories for all these years, because he never really did anything for me. Maybe I wanted him to be caring so bad that subconsciously I created a caring fatherly image to make myself feel better. When he walked out on me and my mother we had to move out of our house and were forced to move into subsidized housing. I’ve been terrified of rats and roaches since I can remember, but that’s what we were forced to live with. As the years went by, my mother worked the nightshift full-time at a nursing home, and attended nursing school full-time during the day. I admired her for that. When I got a little older I had to stay in our apartment alone, sitting in the middle of my bed, too scared to move because of the rats and roaches running free. Eventually I got a little better, but I never grew accustomed to living in a rat- and roach-infested apartment. We were so poor back then.” She let out a heavy sigh. “My mother finished nursing school years later, got married, and my stepfather moved us to a much better place. I’ve always tried to forget about the horrors of my childhood. I pretended that my stepfather was my real father and that I always lived in a pristine environment. I’m not a phony or anything ... I just wanted to escape my painful and ugly memories. Maybe that’s why I work so hard now, so I’ll never have to live like that again.”

  Erin said, “Girl, if anybody understands, you know I do.”

  Joel said, “So do I. You turned out pretty good to have had such a rough start.”

  Kenya smiled and said, “Thanks. It was weird hearing myself say something aloud that I’ve been holding inside for so long.”

  Erin said, “Well, I have a secret that I’d like to share too, but I’m just not ready to share right now. I don’t think this is the right time or place.”

  Joel shrugged and said, “That’s fine. Whenever you’re ready to share I’ll be ready to listen.”

  Kenya said, “I feel the same way. You know Joel and I are here for you. Take your time because we’re not going anywhere.”

  Erin said, “Thanks. I’m glad y’all understand.” She paused for a second and then said, “Since everybody’s sharing their deep dark secrets I guess the least I could do is share mine too.”

  Kenya said, “If you want to share then we’re here to listen.”

  Joel nodded and said, “Go ahead and open up. Just say exactly what’s on your mind.”

  Erin said, “Okay.” She closed her eyes and began to rock back and forth a little. Her slow, gentle rocking motion seemed to relax her as she prepared to share her secret. Joel sat close to Erin to provide extra comfort and s
upport. Kenya repositioned herself on the opposite side of Erin because she could tell that whatever was on Erin’s mind was heavy. Erin said softly, “It was summertime, about two weeks before the start of my senior year. I was supposed to spend the night at my best friend Nicole’s house. Her parents had gone out for the night, to a party all the way down in Annapolis and we were home alone. It was no big deal for two seventeen-year-old girls to be home alone on a Saturday night. We were in her bedroom listening to music and dancing. All of a sudden Nicole left her bedroom without saying a word. I assumed she was going to get us a snack and something to drink because she had mentioned that earlier.” Erin paused for a moment. When she continued, the canteen area appeared to have gotten colder and darker. Joel and Kenya were caught up in Erin’s story and relived her experience right along with her. “The entire house was dark and quiet, except for Nicole’s bedroom. I remember feeling cold. Cool air filled the house, thanks to their central air-conditioning unit. After dancing for a few minutes I began to warm up and the cool air didn’t bother me as much. Before long I was into my own little world, just enjoying the music. The next thing I knew I heard Nicole’s bedroom door open. I had my back to the door and was so preoccupied and zoned out that I didn’t even notice her older brother Teddy standing right behind me until I felt someone breathing on the back of my neck. I looked up and was startled by his reflection in the mirror. He startled me so much that I stopped dancing and screamed. He just laughed. That’s when everything turned really weird. He asked, ‘Did I scare you, shorty? Don’t stop dancing because of me. Who taught you to dance like that? I know you ain’t trying to turn into one of them freaky-ass girls from around here, are you?’ I said no. He made me show him how I danced again, and then he danced with me, pressing himself all against me. He was aroused and I could feel it. I stopped dancing and he forced me to continue. He started feeling on me. I called for Nicole, but there was no answer. That’s when I realized that she thought she had done me a favor by hooking me up with her brother. I always said that Teddy was cute, but I didn’t want to be alone with him.” Erin began to sob a little, but was able to continue. “That song called ‘Bump and Grind’ by R. Kelly started playing. Teddy said, ‘I’m gonna see if you can handle me.’ At some point it seemed like he was being kind of playful, but then he got aggressive. I knew that he had been drinking because he smelled like beer. He got real rough and held me tight and forced me to dance again. He said, ‘I like you a lot now that you got bigger tits and a fatter ass. Bet you think you’re a woman now. You been fucked yet?’ I didn’t say anything. He said, ‘Come on, you can tell me. I’m like a big brother to you and I have a right to know. You better tell me the truth.’ I said no, I’m still a virgin. There was a strange look in his eyes. He said, ‘Oh, yeah. You better not be lying to me. Let me check you out to make sure.’ I screamed, no. He picked me up and slammed me on Nicole’s bed. He put his hand up my dress and all of a sudden he snatched off my panties. Then he pinned me on the bed. He was strong ... a whole lot stronger than I was.” Erin began to cry. “I felt his fingers moving around down there as I squirmed from side to side. I felt his finger penetrate me and I screamed. He pressed his body against me even harder. He kissed me as I tried to scream louder. I kicked, hit and bit him. He was way too strong for me. He said, ‘I’m gonna see if you really can handle me now.’ I remember feeling a strange pain between my legs and then he applied more force. I could smell and feel his hot beer breath against my skin. Sweat dripped from his forehead all over me, and then he rubbed his coarse facial hairs against my face. When he was done he just lay there holding me as tight as he could. Then he started giving me kisses and telling me how sorry he was. I just lay there lifeless, like I had been murdered. He might as well have taken my life. I was breathing, but I didn’t want to. He left me lying there with the bottom half of my body exposed. I couldn’t move, so he pulled my dress down and told me to go into the bathroom and make sure I washed. He begged me repeatedly not to tell anyone about what he had just done to me. I cried, but I was too messed up to even wipe my own tears. He wiped my tears and said, ‘I know you don’t want me to tell your mother how hard you made me. You’re a nasty little thing. You started this by dancing around like that.’ I never said a word to him. He kept telling me to remember what he said. I got up and ran all the way home. When I got there my mother was fast asleep and I was so thankful because the last thing I wanted was for her to see me looking like that. I made my way to the shower and washed myself over and over again. No matter how much I washed I still felt dirty. I felt and smelled him on me for the longest time. It felt like he had stained my soul, but over time I found the strength to get beyond that night and I eventually got myself back on track. I never reported Teddy to the police. For all these years I acted as if that incident never happened. I guess that’s why I had so many sexual hang-ups. Well, if y’all didn’t know me ... hopefully you know me a little better now.”