Erin looked so vulnerable that Joel felt the need to hold her and make her feel safe. But Kenya put her arms around Erin first, and their prolonged hug made Joel feel momentarily excluded.
A couple of minutes later Kenya and Erin allowed Joel to share their embrace. This was an emotionally charged moment. There was a long period of silence. Renee’s suicide attempt had helped bring a lot of pain, sadness and honesty to the forefront. The three had opened up and flowed with honesty. They had let each other inside to face issues they usually faced alone. Their weaknesses and vulnerability made them even closer. The three were naked—stripped down emotionally, but flawless and beautiful to each other. Their exuberance for life made them so strong—too strong to let the past beat them down.
Chapter 33
A few minutes later Joel said, “I guess we better get back around to that crazy-ass waiting area and see if the doctor has an update on Renee’s condition.”
As soon as Joel and the girls stepped into the waiting area they noticed that Renee’s mother and sister were crying their hearts out.
Joel stopped dead in his tracks and braced himself for the bad news. His stomach felt like it was tied up in knots. He looked at Erin and Kenya and said, “I don’t wanna go over there because I don’t wanna know ... I don’t wanna hear whatever they have to say because I know it’s bad news.”
Erin said, “It’s obvious that they just found out something. Hopefully it’s not as bad as you think.”
Kenya said, “You need to find out what happened.”
Joel said, “All right, give me a second.” He took a deep breath, prepared himself for the worst and said, “I’ll go, but I’m still not ready.”
Erin said, “It’s probably best that Kenya and I stay over here. I’m sure Renee’s family doesn’t want us in their business. If you need us we’ll be right here.”
Joel gave her a little smile and said, “All right.”
Mrs. Rhodes and Cheryl were so upset that they didn’t even notice Joel walking in their direction. When Mr. Rhodes noticed Joel he stood up and greeted him with much more respect this time. Mr. Rhodes seemed incredibly humble.
With a worried look on his face Joel asked, “What’s going on?”
Mr. Rhodes said, “Things aren’t as bad as they seem. Victoria and Cheryl are just upset because the nurse let us go in the back to see Renee and they had her on a ventilator.”
“Is she okay?”
“I think she’s going to be fine. The doctor is supposed to come out and take the family into one of the conference rooms to discuss Renee’s case. You’re welcome to join us if you’d like.”
This made Joel feel a little better. He nodded his head and said, “Sure.”
“Look, I’m sorry for the way we treated you earlier. It’s just kind of unsettling seeing you with your girlfriends. . . together ... like that and all. Victoria and Cheryl didn’t want you or them here at first, but now we realize that you didn’t do anything wrong.”
Joel felt so many emotions raging inside of him that he was about to explode. He managed to stay composed and said, “I’ve always treated your family with respect, especially Renee. It’s not like I really wanna be here ... she got me involved in this. I thought the two of us had moved on, but evidently not. She’s the type of ex-girlfriend that just won’t go away.” Mr. Rhodes gave Joel a funny look, as if to say his comment was inappropriate. Then Joel said, “You know what I mean.”
“Of course, I know what you mean.”
Joel sighed loudly and said, “I’d love to be home in bed right now, but your daughter destroyed my apartment and then attempted to take her life in my bed. Can you imagine how that made me feel?”
“No ... I can’t,” he said evasively.
“My girlfriends and I tried our best to save Renee’s life and instead of y’all thanking us ... everybody treated us like we tried to kill her.”
“I understand what you’re saying. Again, I apologize for what happened. I’ll pay you for any damage she caused.”
“We can talk about that later. Right now I just want Renee to make a full recovery.”
A few minutes passed, then a nurse gathered Renee’s family and Joel and they all headed to a conference room. Mrs. Rhodes and Cheryl were civil, but gave Joel the silent treatment. As they sat there in complete silence a doctor entered the room wearing light green scrubs.
With a mild Latin accent he said, “Hello family, my name is Dr. Richard Diaz. I’ve been taking care of Ms. Rhodes tonight and she has shown some minor improvements. Her heart rate and blood pressure are normal. We did a gastric lavage and administered a medication to counteract the effects of the sleeping pills. She’s still in what we call a medication-induced coma. Luckily for all of us they don’t make sleeping pills like they used to. She took a new class of pills that are less potent than the old benzodiazepine class. The new class can be lethal when taken in large amounts. We assume she took the full bottle of thirty tablets.”
Mrs. Rhodes cried out, “Oh God.”
“Ms. Rhodes experienced some respiratory distress earlier and I felt the need to put her on a ventilator ... temporarily. . . just to give her system a break. I expect her to sleep for hours, but she should recover within the next twenty-four hours. However, we’re going to admit her so we can observe her for the next couple of days or so. I had the chance to review her records and speak to her primary physician. Has she been acting strange lately? Been depressed? Trouble sleeping? Mood swings? Increased energy and restlessness?” Dr. Diaz watched as everyone nodded their heads in agreement. Then he asked, “Did any of you know that she suffers from bipolar disorder?”
Mrs. Rhodes said, “I knew it.”
Dr. Diaz asked, “Does anyone else in the family suffer from bipolar disorder?”
A dead silence fell over the room.
Suddenly Mrs. Rhodes broke out crying and said, “Me. I’m bipolar too. I’ve known for years. I was diagnosed with manic depression when I was in my twenties, but I have been in denial the entire time.” She cried so hard she could hardly talk. “I saw the same symptoms in my daughter ... the deep sadness, helplessness and then the euphoric moods. She jumped from one idea to another and could hardly sit still. The poor thing spent all of her hard-earned money ... shopping for all kinds of things. Her judgment was impaired. I tried my best to cover it up and now look what that led to. She tried to kill herself.” Mr. Rhodes put his arm around her and handed her a couple of tissues. She continued, “The only time she was truly happy was when she was with this wonderful young man sitting right here.” Mrs. Rhodes paused for a second and Joel looked completely blown away. Mrs. Rhodes continued, “My daughter’s illness started to get the best of her and made her do all kinds of things, including break Joel’s heart.” She looked at Joel and said, “I’m so sorry we never told you what was going on with Renee, but we were ashamed. She never meant to hurt you.”
Joel had a huge lump in his throat and could barely speak. With tears in his eyes he said, “It’s okay. Now I understand exactly why she did the things she did.”
Dr. Diaz said, “You all have to work together as a team and recognize what triggers the depressive and manic episodes in Ms. Rhodes. From now on it is critical that she take medications and see a psychiatrist on a regular basis. With bipolar disorder she will experience ups and downs that are too much to handle on her own. There is no cure for bipolar disorder, but it can be treated.”
After the conference with Dr. Diaz, Renee’s family headed out to the waiting area and allowed Joel time to visit alone with Renee.
Joel hated seeing Renee in the condition she was in, so he tried to keep the visit as short as possible. He took Renee by the hand and whispered in her ear, “Renee, I know you can hear me and I want you to hurry up and get better.” Something inside of Joel made him say, “I love you.” He kissed her on the cheek and then headed back out to the waiting area.
Chapter 34
The aroma of fresh brewed coffee drew
Erin, Kenya and Joel back to the canteen that had served as their confessional during the wee hours of the night. It was officially open for business and had lost most of its intimate appeal. The area was now well lit and flowed with employees and visitors looking for a quick Monday morning pick-me-up.
This time the three sat at the same cafeteria-style table with lightly sweetened black coffee for Joel and mocha lattes for Erin and Kenya. Each of them had bran muffins. Erin didn’t have much of an appetite. She split the top of her muffin and spread butter into its warm center. As the butter began to melt she sampled the goodness by eating a small piece. Erin assumed her nurturing role. She broke her muffin into smaller pieces and hand-fed the rest to Kenya and Joel.
Joel seemed distant. He tried his best to ignore the morning paper that sat inches away from him. He caught a quick glance at something about Baltimore’s 190th murder of the year and the stock market plunging. Joel actually turned the paper facedown to avoid reading the depressing headlines because he already had enough on his busy overloaded mind.
At six-fifty, the three switched themselves into overdrive and headed upstairs to the operating room’s registration area to meet up with Mrs. Davis, whose surgery was scheduled for nine o’clock. Joel went straight to the registrar and asked if his mother had arrived. She was an attractive plus-sized sistah who kept giving Joel goo-goo eyes. Erin and Kenya noticed, but got a kick out of seeing other women sweat their man.
The registrar hadn’t seen Mrs. Davis. To be on the safe side she double-checked with a couple of the nurses before giving Joel an answer. After a few minutes she told him that Mrs. Davis hadn’t arrived yet. Joel was tempted to call his mother, but he decided to give his mother a little more time.
As the minutes passed everybody began to worry that something might be wrong, especially when Mrs. Davis hadn’t arrived by seven. A few minutes later the registrar called Joel to the desk and informed him that he had a call. He looked confused for a second and then quickly figured that it had to be his mother.
He picked up a phone at the farthest end of the desk and said, “Hello.”
“Good morning, Joel.”
“Hey, Ma. Good morning. Where are you?”
“Home.”
“Home? Did you forget about your procedure? They’re waiting for you. You were due here by seven.”
Erin and Kenya looked at Joel with concern and curiosity in their eyes. He looked back at them with total confusion in his eyes and simply shrugged his shoulders. They shook their heads in disbelief. It was obvious that it was his mother and she was being stubborn.
Mrs. Davis said, “I know what I was supposed to do this morning. Last night I prayed harder than I ever prayed in my life. When I woke up this morning I felt a change. God healed my body. I’m telling you ... today is a blessed day.”
“Okay. Now you just have to get here as soon as possible for the surgeon to do his thing.”
“You don’t understand the change I feel. I’ve never felt so good. The lumps are gone. I don’t have any aches or pains and my mind is clear. I’m not having the surgery.”
“What?” He let out a heavy sigh. “There’s nothing to be scared of. I’m on my way over there to pick you up. I’m going to see if they can still do the surgery as long as I can get you here before nine.”
“Please listen to me, Joel. Whatever I have right now is what I plan to leave here with ... my cancer included. Nobody’s cutting on me. The biopsy was enough. I know what I have and what it will eventually do to me, but I’m okay with it. It’s in God’s hands now.”
“Do you understand what you’re saying? I’ll ask the staff to reschedule the procedure. You just need a little more patient education. I’ll come over later today and review the patient information packet with you. I’m sure we can have your doctor or one of his nurses review the information with you. Would that make you feel better?”
“No ... I’m already better. You don’t understand. I don’t want the surgery. All I want to do right now is go on that pilgrimage to the Holy Land ... get baptized in the Jordan River ... walk the same path my Savior walked before He made the ultimate sacrifice.” She paused for a second to praise God and then continued. “I’m ready to move on to a better place. I know that God has already prepared a home for me. I put a down payment on my heavenly home when I gave my life to Christ a long time ago. My debt has been paid. Yes, I’ve been redeemed. God is so good to me. I’ve lived my life. I’ve had my share of good days and my share of bad days. And you know what? God has given me the strength to bear it all. This is my sunshine after the rain. The storm is over and now I can clearly see the path that I’ve chosen and it’s the right one. I’m going to heaven and I’ll see you when you get there. Oh Joel, I know you’re gonna make it there one day and we’ll both share the glory. I’m so sorry for saying the hurtful things that I said to you yesterday. I just know that God is trying to tell you something. If you just take the time to listen I’m sure you’ll figure it out. He’s trying to make a change in your life too. Don’t forget who you are and where you came from. Most of all, don’t forget God. You were raised in church, and I want you to start going again on a regular basis.”
“I know. I will. I haven’t forgotten about God. I still pray every day.”
“It’s time to get closer to Him. Choose the right path. We all fall along the way, but you have to get up again. You’ve fallen ... get up Joel ... get up. Tomorrow is a brand new day and all of your sins can be washed away. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“Yes.”
“It’s so true. Do me a favor and tell those people to give somebody else my slot because I don’t need it.”
“I hope you know what you’re doing. What can I do to change your mind?”
“Nothing. I know what I’m doing. Don’t worry about me. I’m fine. I’m not depressed or crazy. I’m just tired of this world. I love you, Joel.”
“I love you, too. What are you going to do?”
“I’m about to make arrangements to go to Jerusalem as soon as possible. I’ll leave today if I can. This is something that I need to do for myself. Don’t come here looking for me because I won’t be here. It’s time that I do something for myself for a change.”
“Call me and let me know that you’re all right when you get to wherever you’re going. I don’t know what else to say. You might be making a huge mistake.”
“Well, it’ll just be my huge mistake. I don’t have any babies or a husband to worry about anymore, do I?”
Joel closed his eyes and said, “No. Maybe you can reconsider the surgery when you get back home.”
“Okay ... if that makes you feel better.”
Joel began to realize that his mother was being guided by a stronger power and that resisting it was useless. At that moment he felt a strange sense of calm. He felt himself gradually letting go of his mother and giving her and her problems to God. She had chosen her path, just like his brother and father had chosen theirs. Joel opened his eyes and looked directly into Erin and Kenya’s eyes. When he looked at them he saw love and knew that he couldn’t go wrong. He accepted his fate and chose to continue down his current path side by side with Erin and Kenya.
For Lovers Only Page 26