For Lovers Only

  Mrs. Davis was a lot sicker than anyone had suspected. She knew that her health was failing, but didn’t want to admit it to Joel. The battery of diagnostic tests she had undergone failed to pick up on certain uncommon characteristics of her cancer. The type of cancer cells she had didn’t have the common proteins or receptors that made them treatable or responsive to chemotherapy. She had an aggressive form of breast cancer that had already begun to rapidly spread to her surrounding organs. There was a good chance that she wouldn’t even make it back home from the pilgrimage. Actually, she didn’t want to come back home and had given in to the idea of visiting the Holy Land and then dying. Joel said goodbye to his mother and they both knew that this was possibly the last time they would speak to each other.

  Chapter 35

  So much had happened in such a short amount of time. On the way home he talked to Erin and Kenya about the details of his mother’s decision to forgo any type of cancer treatment. Their hearts went out to Mrs. Davis for making such a life-altering decision. They looked at Joel in amazement because they couldn’t believe how strong he was. He seemed to be carrying on with his life as if none of this family drama or relationship drama from his ex even existed.

  Erin knew that the pressure had to be building up inside of Joel and would eventually come to a head. She asked him, “What are you thinking right now?”

  “I’m thinking about a whole lot of things. I’ve always had this I-can-save-the-world mentality, but I can’t even save one woman ... my own mother. It hurts.”

  In a sympathetic tone Erin said, “Awww, don’t think like that. You can’t do everything. You try so hard, but it’s impossible to be everything to everybody.”

  Kenya added, “She’s right, Joel. It’s too much for one person to bear.”

  “I’m used to it. As a teacher I always feel obligated to save all of my students. And y’all can’t begin to imagine how overcrowded my classroom is. Everybody wants to be in Mr. Davis’s class. Those kids need to be saved from all of the adversities they face. Most of them look up to me because they know that I grew up in the same neighborhood, went to the same school and sat in some of those same seats.”

  Kenya said, “You talk about me putting too much pressure on myself. You can’t save the world ... not by yourself anyway.”

  When they stopped at a red light Erin took Joel by his hand and said, “The crazy thing is that you have so much pressure on you and not once have you shed a tear. It’s okay for you to cry. As a matter of fact, it’s healthy.”

  Joel shook his head and said, “I don’t wanna cry. Crying won’t do me any good.”

  Erin asked, “Do you think crying is weak or something?”

  He said, “Kind of.”

  Kenya asked, “Why is it that most men don’t cry in real-life situations, but when it comes to sports y’all just let the tears flow? I see athletes cry like babies whether they win or lose.”

  Joel said, “I don’t know how to explain it. I’m just trying to figure out what’s gonna come out of all this. Trust me, it’s gotta be something good.” He yawned and said, “Hopefully all of this despair is going to broaden my perspective on life and stimulate some kind of growth.”

  Erin laughed and asked, “What? I’m sorry for laughing, but what are you talking about? Poor thing. You’re drained. We all are.”

  Kenya laughed too and said, “I know, right. I’m so sleepy I can hardly see straight.” She nudged Joel and asked, “Are you all right, man?”

  Joel smiled and said, “I’m okay. Just trying to stay awake and be as optimistic as possible. Don’t worry, I’ll be all right.”

  Joel’s cell phone rang. He looked at the Caller ID and saw his mother’s home number pop up. He said, “Hello.”

  “What’s up, Joel? It’s Shawn.” There was a long awkward pause. “Your brother, Shawn.”

  Joel was so shocked he could hardly talk. “Yeah ... hey ... I know ... what’s up ... Shawn? I was just wondering how you got my cell number.”

  “I got all of your numbers. Is that a problem?”

  “Nah, not at all. I just haven’t heard your voice in a while.”

  “I really haven’t had the need to call you until now. You should be glad you haven’t heard from me because that means I’m doing all right. I always try to save you as a last resort in trouble situations.”

  “Uh-oh. What do you need, some money?”

  Shawn laughed and said, “Ain’t that some shit? See what you think of me. Nah, I don’t need none of your damn money ... not right this minute anyway.”

  “What’s going on then?”

  “It’s Momma. Something ain’t right with her.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “She gave me a hug, a kiss on the cheek and then told me that she loved me. She left out the front door with some bags and didn’t say where she was going or when she was coming back. Now check this shit out. Daddy just called looking for her and told me to get the hell out of his house because he and that girl broke up. He said he was on his way back home and my black ass better not be here when he comes home. I need to know what the hell is going on around here and what I’m supposed to do. Momma said I could stay here. I need a roof over my head and I feel like Daddy is seriously trippin’. I’m gonna have him call you so you can help me straighten this out.”

  “Don’t have him call me because I don’t have nothing to say to him ... nothing. Do you understand?”

  “I hear you, but I don’t understand.”

  “Look, Momma is sick. She was supposed to have surgery done this morning, but she refused.”

  “What’s going on with her?”

  “She has breast cancer.”

  Shawn had difficulty trying to process what he had just heard. “Aw, shit.” He lowered his tone and couldn’t get his thoughts together. “Aw, shit.” Shawn lowered his tone even more as Joel’s words sank in and he repeated, “Aw sssssssshit.”

  “Is that all you have to say?”

  “What I’m gonna do? I mean, is she bad off?”

  Joel shook his head because he knew that his freeloading brother was thinking of himself more than their mother. “I think she’s pretty bad off considering the fact that she won’t let her doctors do anything.” Joel paused for a second and said, “I know you’re worried about yourself, but you’re just gonna have to be a man. Keep your head up and try your best to stay clean.”

  Shawn moaned, “I haven’t had anything in me in a while.”

  “What’s a while?”

  “I’m gonna be honest. It’s been a few days now.”

  “Well, at least that’s a start. Maybe you should go to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting or something.”

  Shawn laughed and said, “I don’t need no meeting. I said I haven’t used in a few days. I can do this on my own. The urge is gone.”

  “Yeah, for now.”

  “You don’t even know what it feels like, so stop trying to talk about something you can’t relate to.”

  “I just call myself trying to look out for you, big bro. If you need me, you know my number. Don’t call me for no dumb shit though. Do me a favor and stay out of Daddy’s way because he’s gonna feel real guilty when he finds out about Ma. His guilt is gonna turn into anger and I know you don’t want him to take it out on you.”

  “She didn’t even tell me she was sick,” Shawn said, in tears. “See how y’all treat me,” he cried. “Damn.”

  “Be a man, Shawn. Do you have a job?”

  “No.”

  “Do you want a job?”

  Shawn paused for a few seconds and then said, “Yeah, I want a job. I’m trying. Stuff like that takes time when you have a record. Nobody is in a hurry to hire somebody like me. You think you can bring me an application from your job?”

  Joel laughed and said, “I’m sure you’ve heard that old saying, you gotta get up ... get out and get something. Show some initiative and do it for yourself. You gotta see it, believe it and want it. The future is right
now. Don’t let another moment or another opportunity pass you by.”

  Shawn got offended by Joel’s little speech. “Hold up a minute. Who you think you’re talking to ... one of your students or somebody? I don’t even know why I called you anyway. Fuck you, Joel.”

  The phone call ended with an abrupt click. Joel wasn’t surprised that Shawn hung up on him. He had come to expect just about anything from his unstable brother. Joel continued to act unfazed, all the way to Erin and Kenya’s apartment. As soon as they made it to Erin’s bedroom they all crashed in her bed and slept for hours.

  Chapter 36

  Later that evening, Renee awoke to the muffled sounds of roaring, hissing and beeping machines. As her hearing became clearer, she began to recognize the familiar voices of her family members. The head of her bed was elevated at a thirty-degree angle. She slowly opened her eyes to a dimly lit room, but was blinded by the bright lights from the hallway. Her vision was blurry, but gradually she was able to focus clearly on her sister on one side of the room and then her parents on the other.

  Cheryl was the first to notice that Renee’s eyes were open. “Look, Renee’s eyes are open.” She stood up and moved closer and said, “Hey, girl. Welcome back. Look at you. You’re doing just fine now.”

  Renee’s parents moved in closer. Her family tried to be supportive and acted as natural as possible, even though Renee looked like she was in pretty bad shape.

  Mrs. Rhodes said, “Oh God, look at you ... so precious.” She kissed Renee on the cheek and said, “God can do all things but fail. I knew He’d bring you back.”

  Mr. Rhodes said, “Hey, Renee. How you feeling, baby?” He smiled. “I know you’re all right.”

  Renee returned a blank stare. She realized where she was and became incredibly sad and frightened. She felt lethargic and momentarily confused. Her eyes watered and she began to cry. She didn’t know what day it was or why she was in the hospital. She assumed that she had been in a car accident. This was a dramatic scene—a profound moment that Renee and her family would never forget.

  Mrs. Rhodes said, “Don’t cry, baby. You’re gonna make me cry again. You’re fine. Everything is gonna be okay.”

  Mr. Rhodes was about to break down himself. He acted strong and said, “I’m gonna let the doctor know that Renee is awake.”

  Mrs. Rhodes answered, “Good.” She looked at Renee and said, “You’re such a fighter. You know that?” Renee returned the same blank stare. Her mother smiled and said, “I know you know.”

  Cheryl and Mr. Rhodes couldn’t bear to see Renee looking so incapacitated. A big part of the problem was that they both had unrealistic expectations about her recovery. They assumed Renee would awaken and instantly be just like her old self. The two of them looked deflated, but tried to hide their real emotions. They quietly exited the room to notify the doctor of Renee’s status.

  Mr. Rhodes never guessed Renee would end up in a crisis like this. She was so beautiful that he had imagined she would be happily married by now and her strong youthful husband would bear most of her burdens instead of him—a burned-out, over-the-hill father of two overly dependent adult daughters. He had always wanted sons, but wouldn’t trade his girls for anything in the world.

  Mrs. Rhodes stayed by Renee’s side. She felt as guilty as ever, seeing her child in such a compromised condition. She wanted to exchange places with Renee because Renee had inherited this unforgiving mental disorder from her.

  Renee lay there, trying her best to assess her situation. She looked down at her toes and wanted them covered because they were cold. She tried to speak, but realized she couldn’t because she had an endotracheal tube jammed down her throat. With every passing second she became more aware of her body and surroundings. She wanted to rub her nose, but couldn’t because her hands were restrained to keep her from pulling on any of her tubes, lines or drains. She struggled to piece her thoughts together, but everything was a blur. She was sorry that her family had to see her like this because she knew that she looked awfully pathetic lying there.

  One face that she longed to see was noticeably missing. She wondered where Joel was and why he wasn’t at her bedside. In an instant her thoughts of Joel triggered an eruption of images inside her mind. It was hard to figure out whether the images were real or imagined.

  Mrs. Rhodes noticed a panicked look in Renee’s eyes and asked, “What is it, baby? Relax yourself and go back to sleep. You gotta get your rest.”

  Mrs. Rhodes feared that if Renee remembered what happened it might hinder her recovery. She applied a cool compress to Renee’s forehead. She held Renee’s hand and stroked her face gently.

  Renee was caught up in a brief flashback. She began to remember the bottle of sleeping pills, the cold wine and the unbearable feeling of worthlessness. She slowly pieced the main elements together and knew that she had done something to hurt herself. Everything else was a blur. At that moment she realized that she had survived a suicide attempt. She worried about what the future held for her, and wondered whether she had done any permanent damage to herself. Suddenly, Renee wished that she had died.

  The walls were closing in on her. She felt like she was suffocating and began to breathe against the ventilator. That caused an alarm to sound. Mr. Rhodes and Cheryl had returned to the room along with Renee’s nurse. Her family panicked, but the nurse quickly reset the alarm. The problem had already been corrected because Renee was unconscious again. It was normal for a person in her condition to slip in and out of consciousness. Being awake in this condition was entirely too much for her to deal with. She was mentally and physically exhausted.

  Renee reentered la-la land and soon began to relive vivid, sweet memories of being with Joel. She immersed herself so deeply into the memories that she created images of moments that had never actually happened. This was like a priceless form of virtual reality. The new images were so real and beautiful that they gave her an overwhelming sense of peace and calm.

  Chapter 37

  The threesome had willingly gone into seclusion, away from the unrelenting and scorching summertime heat. They stayed inside Erin and Kenya’s comfy apartment eating, sleeping, bathing and making love together almost all week. Nudity had become the norm, and spine-tingling sex had become a regular part of their daily ritual. They were temporarily cut off from the outside world that didn’t really understand or appreciate a relationship like the one they shared. They seemed to feed off of each other’s energy and showered each other with lots of affection. Being together like this confirmed that they possessed the power to turn the ordinary into the extraordinary. The intense nature of the world they created on the inside changed their view of the outside world. To them everybody else was an outsider.

  Although sex played a major part in their relationship, the emphasis began to shift more toward love and belonging. All three seemed to have found their niche. They welcomed the change and embraced it. More than anything, they began to develop a better understanding of the subtleties and nuances that went into making a successful polyamorous relationship.

  Joel spent a couple of days planning what he considered a much-needed two-part surprise getaway.

  On Friday morning the threesome woke up in Erin’s snug queen-sized bed looking like they were in the middle of playing a game of naked Twister. They missed Joel’s apartment and his king-sized bed. They had carried out a series of clean-up and recovery efforts in his apartment, but for the most part the place remained in a shambles. Joel came to the conclusion that it was time to give up his apartment. Since he had a month-to-month lease, Erin and Kenya planned to move Joel and his king-sized bed into their apartment.

  The moment had almost arrived for Joel to reveal the first part of the surprise he had planned for Erin and Kenya—what he called the ultimate date. He asked them to dress in evening gowns because a limousine was scheduled to pick them up later that evening. As the hours passed, Erin and Kenya knew that they were in for a treat. All that day there was something extra s
pecial about the way Joel looked at them, held them and kissed them.

  A white Lincoln Navigator stretch-limousine arrived at five-thirty that evening. The driver was a heavyset middle-aged white guy named Chuck. He parked the limousine and made his way up to the apartment to meet his clients.

  As usual the three were dressed to impress. Joel exited the building first, looking very formal. He was decked out in his fresh-to-death black Hugo Boss tuxedo with a crisp white dress shirt and an extra-thick black silk necktie. The two-button peacked-lapel jacket accentuated his athletic physique. Joel held the door as Erin exited wearing a stunning celery green silk gown with an embroidered bust and thin spaghetti straps. Kenya followed close behind wearing a sexy chartreuse silk chiffon gown with halter straps. Erin and Kenya purposely chose to wear shimmering summer-colored gowns with styles that showed off their individuality. Their gowns were made by a well-known African-American designer named Rudy Alston. His fashions were known to accentuate black women’s coca-cola figures—plump bottoms, ample bust and narrow waistlines.

  A lot of their neighbors were just arriving home from work. They stopped and stared as Erin, Kenya and Joel got into their limousine. Ms. Benson stood frozen on the sidewalk simply admiring how handsome Joel looked in his tuxedo and how dazzling Erin and Kenya looked in their elegant gowns. The neighbors thought of the three as weird and very hard to figure out. In reality they were just bold, daring and different.

  Joel made sure that there were two dozen long-stemmed roses along with a chilled bottle of champagne waiting for Erin and Kenya inside the limousine. They thanked Joel for their surprise, but had no idea where they were headed or what else he had in store. They just sat back, relaxed, cuddled up with their man and enjoyed the ride.

  It took about thirty-five minutes for the limousine to arrive at the Joseph Meyerhoff Symphony Hall. A crowd of well-dressed classical-music enthusiasts moved at a snail’s pace toward the main entrance. A few black concertgoers were scattered throughout the predominantly white crowd. Chuck parked his limo and then made his way around to open the door for Joel and the girls. Joel stepped out first and took Erin on his right arm and then Kenya on his left arm. Heads turned, smiles gleamed, eyebrows raised and there were some double takes.