For Lovers Only

by Alex Hairston

  “Not at all. All they wanted to do was to help you.”

  “I feel so stupid. But tell them I said thanks.”

  “You shouldn’t feel stupid. You couldn’t help what happened. You were sick. That could have happened to anybody.”

  “Why are you being so understanding?”

  “What do you want me to do, kick your ass while you’re down? Because I can if you want.”

  They both laughed.

  “No. I want you to hold me for a second because that would make me feel a whole lot better.”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  Renee looked dazed and confused—she couldn’t understand why Joel didn’t want to touch her. She worried that he no longer found her attractive. “I promise not to bite.”

  Joel laughed and said, “Okay.”

  He took Renee into his arms and he could feel her melt. Actually she felt really good to him because just a few days ago he thought that she was gone for good. Their embrace seemed to go on a little too long and Joel’s arms began to loosen.

  Renee held him tighter and whispered, “Don’t let go ... don’t ever let me go again. I’m sorry for everything I did to you. I missed you so bad that it hurts. I still love you, Joel.”

  “Stop. I can’t go there again.”

  Renee felt herself clinging and slowly peeled herself away from her sweet obsession and said, “Don’t treat me like a stranger. I’m sure you still remember what we used to share. You can’t tell me that things like that don’t run across your mind from time to time.”

  “That’s all in the past now.”

  “Deep down inside I know that you still love me. You still love me, don’t you?” Joel didn’t respond. “Something’s different.” She prepared to ask a question that she really didn’t want answered. “When did you stop loving me? I need to know.”

  “I don’t wanna answer that.”

  “Because you still love me.”

  “I’ll always love you, but I’m not in love with you. I realized I wasn’t in love with you the day I met Erin.” Joel paused and said, “I’ve said too much and the last thing I came here to do is to hurt you. I would never want to hurt you. The best thing I can offer you right now is friendship. As far as I’m concerned we’ll always be friends.”

  “You don’t understand. Friendship isn’t enough.”

  “Nothing is ever enough for you. That’s one of your biggest problems.”

  She let out a heavy sigh. “You’re my biggest problem. Why can’t you understand me? The pain I feel right now runs almost as deep as the love I feel for you ... it hurts so bad. I’ve been waiting for this moment to be face-to-face with you again, but this conversation isn’t going like I had planned. I’m pouring my heart out and you don’t understand a word I’ve said. I’ve never felt like this about anyone and I don’t want to be without you.”

  “I understand what you’re saying. You just need more time to clear your mind. You’ve been through a lot.”

  “I’m still going through a lot. Stop treating me like I’m crazy.”

  “I know you’re not crazy.”

  “Well, you’re treating me different. You used to love me and treat me like I mattered.”

  “You still matter.”

  “I wanted to die, but you saved me. Save me one more time. Let’s get back together. That’s all I’m asking you.”

  “We can’t. I didn’t want to tell you, but things between me, Erin and Kenya are more serious than you probably think. We’re having a commitment ceremony in the Bahamas next Friday at four o’clock. We’re renting a spot on the private island where they filmed that movie The Blue Lagoon.”

  Renee pressed her lips together and fought to hold her tears back. With sarcasm she said, “That’s lovely, but I can’t imagine you with those lesbians like that. What do you see in them and why do you think y’all have a future together?”

  Joel laughed and said, “Don’t call them lesbians.”

  “That’s exactly what they are. And you avoided my question. Why do you think y’all have a future together?”

  “I’m in love with them and the three of us just belong together. Everything is so smooth when we’re together. I’m in love with them—”

  Renee cut him off. “You’re not in love with them. Don’t be stupid. It’s called infatuation. It won’t last.”

  “If it ain’t love then I don’t know what love is.”

  “You don’t.”

  “You’re bitter.”

  “No, for once in my life I’m being real. My heart is aching and excuse me for saying this, but I’m horny as hell too. We could be having sex right now and nobody would know.” Renee turned on her side and said, “Don’t you miss this ass and being inside me?”

  Joel had never heard Renee talk dirty and tried to hide the fact that he liked it. He looked at her and said, “Come on, how are you gonna ask me something like that?”

  She touched herself and asked, “Remember how tight and wet it used to feel? I know you remember. I remember how good you used to lick me down here. You used to fuck me so hard. But I liked when you took your time and made love to me real slow, like nothing else mattered in the world but me. I had the best orgasms that way. It felt like something was building up inside of me and then out of nowhere I’d have the most intense orgasm. You used to be my man and I need you back so bad ... oh, so bad.”

  Joel put his finger up to Renee’s lips and said, “Shhh.”

  Renee had an unexplainable effect on Joel. He took her in his arms again. He used the heels of his feet to take off his tennis shoes. The next thing Renee knew she was lying in her bed wrapped up in Joel’s strong affectionate arms. He knew that he was sending mixed signals, but he just couldn’t help himself. To Renee it felt like heaven being in Joel’s arms.

  Joel had incredible willpower. He was in control, knew his limits and how far he would allow things to go. Joel watched as Renee’s medication began to take effect. He held Renee until she fell asleep. He gently kissed her on her forehead and then eased his way out of her house and, he hoped, out of her life.

  Chapter 39

  The following Monday morning Erin, Kenya and Joel boarded a nonstop US Airways flight to Nassau. Their four-hour, fifty-minute flight was smooth and relaxing. The whole time they were filled with excitement and anticipation of spending passion-filled days and nights together in paradise.

  Joel had booked an ocean-view suite at the Atlantis Resort on Paradise Island. Bright and lively Caribbean colors filled their suite. From their balcony they had a breathtaking view of the Atlantic Ocean. On the opposite side of the building was an incredible view of the Nassau Harbor and the Atlantis Marina. The resort had its own water park, aquarium, and a host of other attractions. This was the type of place that could keep the threesome busy with activities or they could enjoy themselves doing nothing at all.

  They spent most of their first day sightseeing and getting familiar with their surroundings. At all times they were surrounded by unimaginable beauty. The broad horizon was where the blue sky and turquoise water met. The turquoise water faded into crystal clear water along an enormous stretch of beachfront that was covered in hot white sand.

  The threesome developed a daily routine. They began each day with an early morning swim, breakfast and then a walk along the beach. Their afternoons were spent hidden away amongst the resort’s lush tropical greenery. They spent hours relaxing and swaying on a hammock under two huge shady palm trees with nothing but the peaceful sounds of the ocean and the gentle Bahamian breeze flowing through the trees.

  All of the romantic alone-time had the three in perfect sync. They were far removed from the stresses and strains of the real world. They managed to pull off a few late night rendezvous, making love in secluded spots along the beach. This was just an introduction to passion, fun, excitement and relaxation because they still had their ceremony and honeymoon to look forward to.

  The next day they found time to g
o over to the public beach to mingle with the natives and the other tourists. There were cabanas set up along the beach for chaise lounge and umbrella rentals. Small groups of Bahamian women braided female tourists’ hair. Two or three women worked together on one head at a time. One of the ladies noticed Erin and Kenya walking in her direction and asked, “Braid the pretty ladies’ hair?”

  Erin and Kenya smiled and said in unison, “No thank you.”

  Every few minutes a man walked along the beach carrying a cooler filled with ice, milk, juice, fruit, coconuts and rum yelling, “Who wants to get hammered? Drink all day for ten dollars ... Bahama Mamas and Pina Coladas.”

  The idea of tropical drinks all day for ten dollars caught their attention. They spent hours relaxing in the water or on the beach, sipping Bahama Mamas and Pina Coladas from hollowed-out coconuts. Erin and Kenya decided to get their hair braided so they could fit in with the other tourists.

  Joel got hammered for real. He didn’t even remember walking back to their suite. He woke up in bed alone at one-thirty in the morning. A tiny glow of light could be seen under the door. When Joel listened closely he could hear the sounds of feminine moans and groans. He was fully awake now and full of excitement to see Erin and Kenya in action. He took off his T-shirt and swim trunks and headed to the living room butt-naked with a raging hard-on, hoping to join the fun.

  Joel was quiet because he wanted to catch the girls in action. The first thing he noticed was their neatly braided hair and then their glistening brown flesh. What he saw next wasn’t at all what he expected to see or how he dreamed Erin and Kenya would look when they made love. He imagined that they would look extremely beautiful and passionate, but instead they looked like they were part of a pornographic lesbian fuckfest. He wondered what happened to all of the gentle touching, caressing and slow passionate kisses.

  Erin and Kenya had bottles of lubricant and their devices laid out in front of them on towels. Kenya was on the floor lying on a huge beach towel with her legs spread-eagled while Erin jabbed her to death with a big black dildo. Erin used her free hand to stimulate herself with a multifunctional motorized dildo. They looked like they were having the time of their lives. Joel was shocked, amazed, intrigued and disappointed at the same time.

  Kenya tapped Erin’s arm to let her know that it was time for a change. Things really got out of hand when Kenya reached into her duffel bag and was about to put on a strap-on when she noticed Joel standing there looking at them. Then Erin noticed him too. Their hearts stopped. They instantly tried to hide their embarrassment and their sex toys. They felt weird and uncomfortable with Joel watching them during one of their intimate girls-only sex sessions. They had thought he was drunk and completely done for the night. They never guessed that he would come sneaking up on them, disturbing their precious alone-time the way he did.

  With a look of disappointment on his face Joel said, “Damn, it looks like y’all don’t even need me anymore.”

  Before Erin and Kenya answered Joel all they could do was breathe heavily and look at him with dazed and confused expressions.

  Chapter 40

  On Friday morning Renee was on her way to her weekly therapy session with her psychiatrist when she was struck by an irrepressible urge to be with Joel. She thought to herself, At four o’clock the lesbians win.

  Out of nowhere she started talking to herself. “I can’t let them win and just take my man without a fight.”

  The next thing Renee knew she had made a U-turn. She was speeding down the street, headed away from her therapy session and was on her way to BWI Airport. She knew that she was being impulsive again, but didn’t care. All she knew was that it was eight-fifteen in the morning and she needed to get to the Bahamas before four o’clock, by any means necessary.

  Usually Renee would have parked her Escalade in the $8 per day long-term parking lot and caught the courtesy shuttle to the terminal. But she was in such a hurry that she parked her truck in the $65 per day garage attached to the terminal.

  The airport was overloaded with summertime travelers. Most of the passengers already had reservations and their boarding passes in hand. All Renee had was a crazy impulse and an almost maxed-out Visa card. She didn’t even have a clue what airline flew to the Bahamas. It was as if her female intuition or something guided her directly to the US Airways terminal. She looked at a monitor for departure times and destinations. Her eyes nearly popped out of her head when she saw a flight departing at nine-forty to Nassau. She was nervous and excited. Her emotions seemed to overpower the effects of her medication. She fought like hell to stay composed.

  “Please God ... please God ... I gotta make it,” Renee kept mumbling to herself.

  The last thing Renee expected was a line at the ticket counter. She broke out in a sweat. Somehow she managed to stay calm even though it seemed like the line wasn’t moving at all. Within ten minutes she had made her way to the head of the line.

  A lady with long red hair signaled Renee over to the ticket counter and asked, “How may I help you, ma’am?”

  “Hi, I need one ticket on your next flight to Nassau.”

  The lady asked, “One way or round-trip?”

  Renee thought for a second and then said, “Round-trip.”

  “Will you be returning to BWI?”

  “Yes, I think on Monday.”

  The lady looked at Renee like she was crazy and said, “So, you think Monday or you know for sure Monday?”

  Renee gave the lady a look that said I know you’re not giving me attitude because I will slap you. She remained calm and said, “On second thought, I better make it a one-way ticket. My fiancé is already there. He might surprise me and decide to extend our trip or something. You know how guys are.”

  The lady said, “Sure. Wait please, while I check the availability.” She paused for a minute while the information popped up on the computer screen. “Our next flight leaves at eleven twenty-five.”

  Renee yelled, “No! I need to be on the nine-forty flight.”

  “I’m sorry ma’am, but that flight leaves in approximately forty minutes and I don’t think you’d be able to make it. We’ll have to check your bags, and you have to make it through that long security check-in line over there.”

  Renee shook her head and said, “I don’t have any bags.”

  The lady looked confused. “You’re going to the Bahamas and you don’t have any luggage?”

  Renee smiled and said, “I told you my fiancé is already there. He’s got everything I need.”

  The lady returned a soft smile and said, “Oh, I’m glad to hear that because I was getting kind of suspicious ... last minute flight ... no luggage ... one-way ticket, and you look kind of nervous. You know, ever since 9/11 we have to take everything seriously. I mean, you wouldn’t believe some of the people who come through here. One day—”

  Renee was about to snap because she didn’t have time for small talk. She interrupted the lady and asked, “Could you please speed up a bit? I’m really in a hurry.”

  The lady put on a fake smile and said, “I’m sorry. I don’t know where my head was. I’ll need your identification and I’ll try to book you on the nine-forty flight, but there’s no guarantee you’ll make it in time.”

  The airfare was a little over seven hundred dollars. Renee didn’t think twice about paying it. The butterflies in her stomach had taken flight and were doing loops and nosedives. She looked down at her watch and mumbled, “Please God ... please God ... I gotta make it.”

  When the lady handed Renee her boarding pass she felt like she had cleared a major hurdle, but she still had a few hurdles left. Getting through the Transportation Security Administration check-in was a major obstacle in itself. There was a check-in line that snaked around five times before she could even reach the line that led to the metal detectors and x-ray machines.

  Renee freshened up her lipstick and began to ask people to let her up in line. To her surprise people allowed her to get ahead of them.r />
  Renee mumbled, “Please God ... please God ... I gotta make it.” She looked at a little old white man who had a kind face. He was one person away from the TSA security guard who checked the IDs and boarding passes before the metal detectors and x-ray machines. Renee tried to look pitiful and said, “Excuse me sir, my plane is boarding right now and I was wondering if you would let me in front of you so I won’t miss my flight?”

  The old white man looked at Renee and said with a raspy voice, “I’m sorry. You’ll just have to wait like everybody else.”

  Renee accepted the old man’s rejection and simply said, “Thank you anyway.”

  The old man began to feel sorry for Renee and said, “Miss, if these other people don’t mind me letting you up, then I guess it’s okay if you go ahead of me.”

  Most of the people in line were an hour-and-a-half to three hours ahead of schedule and couldn’t care less whether one teary-eyed woman who was about to miss her flight went ahead of them or not.

  Renee made it through security and ran down to her gate barefooted, with her shoes in one hand and her open Coach bag in the other. By the time she made it to the gate the last passenger was headed down the corridor toward the plane. It appeared that she had made it just in time.

  During the flight Renee was too worried about making it to the Bahamas in a timely manner to even remember that she had a terrible fear of flying. Her plane touched down in Nassau at two fifty-five. She couldn’t believe that she had made it to the Bahamas. She wasn’t too sure about where to go or what to do. She remembered Joel saying something about the Blue Lagoon. Renee knew that she had come too far to mess up or to give up now.

  Hundreds of tourists rushed past Renee as she stood in the middle of the airport. She was momentarily at a loss, but something guided her to a full-figured black woman with a round glowing face and a tiny afro-style hairdo.

  Renee said, “Hi, can you please tell me how to get to the Blue Lagoon from here?”

  The lady said, “Oh honey, that’s another island. You need a taxi to the Paradise Island Ferry Terminal. It’s about a half hour from here and Blue Lagoon Island is a twenty-minute boat ride from there.”