Dying to Love (An FBI Romance Thriller Book 18)

by Morgan Kelley

“Yeah, and we never once talked marriage. We were all we had at that point in our lives. You needed me, and I needed you. We soothed each other with the sex, the cuddling, and being a couple. If we tell them, it’ll hurt them. I don’t want to hurt either of my husbands.”

  “We should have told them from the start,” he stated. Pulling off his own glove, he reciprocated the touch to her cheek. It made him want to laugh. There was no sexual heat there. It burned out all those years ago at the end of their relationship. Now it was only love.

  Pure.

  Love.

  “I know. When I hired you for FBI West, I almost did tell him, but then he flipped his shit that I even let you call me Lyzee. It was a knee-jerk reaction, and I have to stand by it.”

  He trusted her.

  “I panicked. I don’t regret us. We learned a lot from each other. You taught me compassion, Christopher. You taught me to love. Without you, I couldn’t love them the way I do.”

  “And you taught me lies bite you in the ass.”

  She wanted to weep.

  Tears filled her eyes.

  He hated that he’d put them there.

  “I know, and every night, I live with the truth. I want to tell them, Christopher. I just know that I’ll lose him. He’ll walk away and I’ll never be the same again. I can’t lose Ethan. I can’t survive if he hates me.”

  He hugged her. “It’s okay. I understand, honey.”

  “Please help me keep this quiet. I know it’s wrong, but Ethan…he’s not the man I married. When he was abducted, he changed. Please do this for me, Christopher. I’ve never asked for anything. Let this be the one thing I ask from you. It matters to me more than anything.”

  He kissed her on the forehead. “I promise.”

  That was all she could ask for, and she knew it.

  “Thank you.”

  “Elizabeth, if we had stayed together…?”

  She stared into his eyes. “Then we would have still been together. I don’t cheat on the person I’m with, Christopher. I hope you know that.”

  He did now.

  Years too late. They’d broken up because of him. Did he regret it?

  A little.

  Only now he couldn’t turn back time, and he couldn’t help but see how happy she was with the two men in her life. His screw-up was a blessing for the woman he would always love.

  “I love you, Newton. I always will.”

  And that was why he could survive now.

  Callen was heading their way.

  He saw them talking, and although he couldn’t hear it, he knew it was important.

  His wife looked upset.

  Chris was trying to sooth her.

  They were touching each other’s faces.

  Yeah, this was huge.

  He could feel it.

  When he approached, he saw the kiss, and the way Chris wiped away the tears. It was with love and tenderness, and in that moment, Callen’s stomach dropped.

  It was something lovers did.

  It was something he and Ethan did all the time when their woman was hurting.

  Was their wife cheating on them?

  Was that what was happening?

  It took everything to keep from freaking out. When he got her alone, it was done.

  The game was over.

  “He’s still locked up,” he said, staring down at his phone purposely. Callen wanted to catch her off guard, and that meant pretending to miss what he just saw.

  “Great. Then we can forget that angle,” she stated. “Do we have ID? I want Johanna and Broderick to do the notify. If they have family, I want them to be made aware.”

  Amir rushed by his bosses, shouting over his shoulder as he hustled past them. “They had purses. I gave them their names and the two agents are already on their way to the victims’ homes. Their photo ID’s are in evidence bags on the kit over there in case you want to see them.”

  Great.

  “Let’s see who we have,” she offered, grabbing the two bags. “Callen, can you run them?” she asked.

  When he didn’t reply, she looked over.

  “Uh, Callen?”

  He’d been staring off into space.

  “What?”

  “Can you run these two names? I want to make sure they really are hookers, and not two victims playing dress up after they were killed.”

  “Sure thing, Elizabeth.”

  Callen tried to keep his voice steady, even, and lacking any emotion.

  He was ready.

  She read off the names.

  “We have Sharon Jones and Jody Landry.”

  Callen typed them into the database. It didn’t take long for the tablet to beep. “We have arrest records on both of them,” he offered.

  “Are you okay?” she asked, moving toward him. When she touched his cheek, he wanted to weep.

  His heart sunk.

  He knew he was right.

  That was the same way she had just touched Christopher Leonard. With each second, his fears were validated.

  “Yeah, this case just bothers me. I’m thinking about Ethan’s dream.”

  It wasn’t a lie.

  He was thinking about it.

  Was Ethan the weaker bloodied bird? Was Elizabeth going to fly off without them to be with someone they had trusted and called brother?

  Betrayal sucked.

  Could Ethan handle it again?

  No.

  “Were they practicing the oldest profession?” she asked. “Are we looking at two dead hookers?”

  He typed away.

  Finally, he had the answer.

  “Yes, they were.”

  “Well, that will help Johanna and Brody. They need to start with Johns, and work their way out.”

  Before she could say anything else, her phone beeped. It was a text message from her agents.

  ‘You need to get to this address. It’s a mess. We have more dead. Bring Doctor Leonard.’

  Well, that was shitty.

  More dead?

  What the hell was going on? Was this more of a mass slaying and less of a serial hooker killing?

  Elizabeth tossed Chris her phone. “You’re going to have a busy day in autopsy.”

  He read the message. “I’ll get Amir to handle the scene, and I’ll head there in the spare van. I can give them time here, and call out more techs.”

  She took her phone and started walking back toward her Escalade.

  Callen was right behind her.

  “You’re passing this off, right?” Callen asked.

  “As far as I know. I’ll see what’s at the other scene, and go from there. If it’s another hooker roommate, they can handle it. I’m not in the mood to play in the dead right now.”

  Yeah, he bet.

  Women hiding things rarely were. This was one of the warning signs that something was off. Here, he thought it was her doing them a favor by passing.

  It wasn’t.

  It was so much more.

  In the ride, they headed there. Callen programmed the GPS, and he noticed Chris was driving behind in a van.

  “So.”

  She glanced over. “So what?”

  “How long have you been having an affair with Chris behind our backs?” he asked.

  Her world bottomed out.

  She wanted to be sick.

  “What?”

  “You heard me. Something is there. I just noticed it. Before, I was suspicious, and so was Ethan, but we were reassured that you didn’t have sex with him. I just watched you touching his face, and he yours. You’ve had sex with the man. Before you lie, think about what we all have to lose. It’s best to come clean and own it. Maybe we can salvage our family.”

  She couldn’t stop the vehicle, but she wanted to be sick.

  “What?”

  “Don’t do it, Elizabeth. I saw what I saw, and I’m not a fool. The woman I love cheated on me.”

  “Callen.”

  He glanced over, tears in his eyes.

  She
pulled out her cell and dialed Chris. “Head there. I have to stop with Callen for a minute.”

  She hung up and then pulled into a parking lot. Chris beeped and drove right past them towards the other scene.

  “Callen James.”

  “Elizabeth, why? We love you so much. This is why Ethan didn’t want him in our home. This is why we were afraid. How could you?”

  It scared him that she wasn’t denying it.

  When she parked, she dropped her head to the wheel.

  He wanted to puke.

  Here was his proof.

  Callen was right.

  Their world was destroyed.

  “You’ve got it wrong.”

  “Do I?”

  “Yes.”

  Well, so much for keeping this a secret. Of course, Callen was going to figure it out. He was astute, and he spent every second of the day with her and Chris.

  This was bad, but she wouldn’t lie to him.

  “Tell me how I have it wrong because right now, I want to punch out that windshield, and then find YOUR ME to do the same to his face.”

  “I didn’t cheat on you.”

  “Did you have sex with him?” he asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Oh Jesus,” he said, before getting out of their ride.

  Callen had to put space between them.

  If he didn’t…

  He slammed the door and began pacing.

  Elizabeth knew this was the end. She could feel it, and her heart was dying inside her chest.

  This wasn’t what she ever wanted.

  “Why would you hurt us?” he asked, and then he punched the side of the vehicle, leaving a dent.

  She was out and by his side.

  He stared at her. “Why? What more could we give? Why weren’t we enough?”

  She had to slow this down. He was jumping the gun, and he was way off.

  “I need five minutes of your time. After that, if you still want to hate me, I’ll understand. I did lie. I just didn’t lie about what you think I did.”

  He stared into her icy blue eyes.

  There were tears there.

  “How could you? I’m with you all the time. How could he? We let him into our circle. We made him one of us.”

  She moved closer.

  He moved back. “Don’t touch me. I can’t have you touching me now. I’m furious.”

  She didn’t move after him.

  Elizabeth kept the pain in, and gave him the space.

  “You better tell me now.”

  She did what he asked.

  “It started fourteen years ago. We were working this case, and it’s all coming to the surface.”

  Callen listened.

  He wanted to rage around, but he had to stay calm. They had children. He knew who would get custody, and it wouldn’t be him or Ethan.

  He had to be collected.

  “Finish.”

  “We had sex. We fell into bed, we had sex, and we had a relationship.”

  He watched her. “Fourteen years ago?”

  “Yes. It ended when we both decided that we were going to move on. Chris started dating other women and cheated on me, and I started dating other men, Dakota, and then Ray, my one-night stand. Then I was shot, and I left the FBI.”

  Callen tried to process all of this.

  It wasn’t easy.

  His head was spinning.

  For a brief second, he swore she was telling him that it was in her past—not their time together.

  “Wait. Are you saying you haven’t cheated on us with Chris?”

  She shook her head. “We were both so alone,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around her torso. “Everyone hated me. I’d bungled ‘The Butcher’ case, and no one would even give me a break. I would leave work crying each night. I was on the verge of quitting my job. Chris was trying to find someone to fill the holes in his life too. We found each other.”

  “And?”

  “I hate this term, but it began as friends with benefits. We’d work, have a rough day and relax. It was just sex at first. Then we decided to call it dating.”

  He was calming down.

  “Then?”

  “After all those years, we decided we’d been right. It was just sex. We couldn’t work as a couple. It wasn’t what we have. He’d get jealous, and I’d get impatient. Toward the end, we began fighting, and so we kissed, said goodbye, and stopped having sex.”

  “And this was before us.”

  “I’d never met either of you.”

  He relaxed.

  “Why didn’t you just tell us?”

  She wiped at her eyes. “I was going to tell Ethan. When I hired Chris for the job and transferred him out, I was going to say ‘hey, we dated’, which seemed harmless.”

  “But?”

  “Then there was you. I didn’t think he could handle hearing it. He was so worked up about so many things, that I just opted to keep it quiet. I never thought Cyra would die, Chris would need a crutch, and Ethan would be abducted.”

  And there it was.

  Callen got it.

  “You’re afraid he’s going to lose it.”

  “I’m scared shitless. I was just telling Chris that if you found out, we’d be okay. If Ethan found out, he’d divorce me in a rage, not even caring about the facts, and he’d punish me. Chris would wear the bull’s-eye, and I’d lose half of my heart over what happened fourteen years ago.”

  He knew she was right.

  Shit!

  His heart broke for her. She had to carry this the last few years…alone.

  “Angel, you could have told me. You could have pulled me aside and I would have kept your secret.”

  “And then you would have been wearing the target too. I wanted to tell you. Chris wanted to tell you both. We made a pact, and we swore. He did it to keep our promise. At twenty-six and twenty-nine, we never saw this day coming. We were young. God! We were children then—bright-eyed crusaders who thought we could change the world. We were so wrong.”

  He understood.

  “We only had each other. Now we have so much to lose, and I know Ethan will flip out.”

  Callen was now officially in the middle.

  He hated that position, but he got it.

  Elizabeth was right.

  Ethan would lose it.

  Then they would lose everything they’d built up because his brother had issues controlling his anger. In that moment, he realized something.

  “You were right not to tell him. I agree with you there. I don’t agree with you not telling me. I wish you would have trusted me.”

  She began crying. She sat on the bumper and wept. The tears were bitter, painful, and filled with regret.

  Callen sat beside her and held her hand. “I love you. I know how much secrets hurt to carry. I carried plenty. Don’t tell Ethan. I’ll keep this secret with you as long as you look me in the eyes and swear that you never touched him sexually after either of us.”

  She stood and moved between his knees.

  “I couldn’t. I love him, but I’m not in love with him, Callen. I’m only in love with you and Ethan. I’d die before hurting either of you. I didn’t have sex with Chris after I left the FBI. You can ask him.”

  “I’m going to. I know I should trust you, but I don’t need to have this fear in my heart. I need to talk to him, and I need you not to warn him.”

  “I won’t.”

  “Swear on our children’s lives.”

  She’d never do that.

  Until now.

  Now she had something huge to lose, and she couldn’t let that happen.

  “I swear on our children’s lives that I never had sex with him past leaving the FBI, and I won’t warn him.”

  “Come here,” he said, pulling her against his body.

  Elizabeth broke down more. “I’m so sorry, Callen. I’m so damn sorry.”

  He stroked her back and left kisses across her neck. “Angel, it’s okay. You made a mistake by n
ot telling us. Before we became a couple, we all did things we regret. We’re human. We made mistakes. You’re not to blame, and you’re not supposed to regret them.”

  “If I didn’t have Chris, I wouldn’t have made it, Callen. I wouldn’t have survived. After I lost Livy and Gabe, I wanted to die. I wanted to go out in a blaze of glory. I had nothing left. Without Chris to lean on, and to love, I wouldn’t be here. He was my crutch then, and I’m his now.”

  He got it.

  That was why she doted on him.

  It was love and repayment for what he’d done for her. Callen not only got it, he respected it.

  “It’s okay, my love.”

  She held on as the tears continued.

  “Did he ever ask you to marry him?” Callen asked. He needed to know.

  “No. Well, in a joke after the first time we had sex. He told me he didn’t feel like marrying me, and he didn’t get why. We joked about it all the time, but no one ever wanted to do it.”

  Callen was calm.

  “We have this.”

  “If Ethan…”

  Oh, he was aware.

  “Compose yourself. We’re going to go to that scene, see what it is that Johanna found, and then we’re going back to the office. Maybe you should head home early, spend time with the kids, and call it a day.”

  “Will you come with me?”

  “Yes, I will,” he said, bringing her lips to his. “I get it, Lyzee. I totally get it.”

  She knew he would.

  “I hope you don’t punish him. He wanted to tell you. He wanted to own it, and I wouldn’t let him. Punish me.”

  “Okay. One spanking…”

  She snorted. “And this is why I could never cheat on you, Callen James. You’re the one. You and Ethan are my everything in life. He got me to this moment when I met Ethan, and then we found you.”

  That was the ONLY reason Callen wasn’t freaking out. He believed her, but he would check it out.

  “Do you hate me?” she asked.

  “I could never hate you, Elizabeth. You didn’t do anything but make a mistake.”

  “Do you hate him?”

  He had to take a few minutes to think about it.

  “Callen?”

  “No, but I need to have a man to man with him. Once I do, and I can look into his eyes, I’ll answer that question later. He had sex with our woman—for a long time. I need to know if he still has hopes of it happening again.”

  “I don’t cheat. I’ve had it done to me, and it sucks.”