Dying to Love (An FBI Romance Thriller Book 18)

by Morgan Kelley

  “And you’re softening the blow. I’m getting fired, aren’t I?” she asked.

  “I don’t know. Honestly, I wish you would. I know you don’t want to hear that, but now I’m afraid.”

  “Why?” she asked, tucking her legs beneath her as she took a seat beside him.

  “If something happens to me, there’s only you. What if you die in the line of duty? Who will raise our kids? Gabriel is only five. He’s a child.”

  She thought about it. “We have a will.”

  “Yeah, and Elizabeth and Ethan don’t need six more kids added to their brood. There will be twelve children at their house—if they would want them. You did punch their godmother in the face.”

  Okay, so it had been a big mistake.

  She got it.

  “Twelve kids are a lot to handle.”

  “Eleven if Chris moves out. It’s weird he’s still there. I don’t get why he’s sticking around.”

  Gabe shrugged.

  “What?”

  “Nothing.”

  “You’re lying, Gabe. My mom detector is going off. What is it that you know that you’re not telling me?” she asked.

  He stared at her.

  “We don’t lie and keep secrets. Look what it just did to us yesterday.”

  She had a point.

  “They have a past. She’s keeping him safe like she always used to do.”

  She thought back to years ago. “Did they have a thing like in a sexual thing?”

  He shrugged but wouldn’t look at her.

  “They did!”

  “Livy, shhhhh. Let’s keep that to ourselves.”

  “She never told me.”

  Gabe wasn’t ratting her out. “I found out accidentally. Ethan doesn’t know.”

  “Oh.”

  “I think I hear the kids,” he said, as there were car doors slamming from outside the house.

  “Yeah, they’re home. They’ll be glad to see you here. Amy is going to know something is up. She’s very astute.”

  He smiled. “She’s her father’s child.”

  That brought a tear to her eye.

  “Yeah, she really is.”

  * * * B l a c k h a w k - W h i t e f o x * * *

  Whitefox-Blackhawk

  Compound

  He watched her moving around the bedroom trying on all the different things she had in her collection of kink. It was driving him insane and he was pretty sure she knew it too.

  Elizabeth was slipping in and out of some of her sluttiest gear, and Callen was getting peaks of skin, ass, and then more leather.

  That was his trifecta.

  Callen didn’t believe for a single second that she was dressing to go out in the field. His wife was dressing to make him insane.

  This was for him.

  He’d bet money on it.

  When she bent over, he couldn’t help but gawk. In fact, he tipped his head to the side to look up the back of her skirt.

  Sue him.

  He loved his wife’s body.

  “Callen.”

  He didn’t hear her.

  She snapped her fingers. “Callen James.”

  “What?” he asked, looking around.

  “Can you text the team and tell them I’m going to stop in before I go out in the field?”

  “You’re going to head into the office dressed like a hooker?”

  It wouldn’t be the first time.

  “Yeah, why?”

  He laughed but did what she asked. Callen knew she was likely running down to the wire and needed to talk to her team. She liked to check in when they were on a case.

  “Really, why are you laughing?” she asked. “Do I look ridiculous?”

  Maybe that was it.

  She wasn’t young anymore. Elizabeth was over forty, had kids, and maybe she shouldn’t even try to pull this off.

  He stared at her. “You’re far from ridiculous. If I didn’t know you, I’d buy you in a heartbeat. I’m laughing because the men will have strokes, and by men, I mean all the staff and Ethan when he walks in and sees it happening. I was picturing Mr. Suit and Tie’s reaction in my head. That was the amusing part.”

  She relaxed.

  “Chris and Tony both saw me dressed like this. They won’t even bat an eye.”

  As she continued to get ready, Callen was plagued with a question he really needed answered.

  “Lyzee?”

  She glanced over. “What?”

  “Did you ever…you know…play dress up with Chris when you were with him?”

  “Are you asking if he got off on Miss Kitty?”

  “Yeah. Is it wrong I’m curious?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t think it’s wrong to ask. If you need to know, then go for it.”

  “Did he?”

  “I didn’t dress up like Miss Kitty to get him off. There may have been a few times where I was coming back from working undercover that we had sex. Honestly, Chris is very straight-laced in bed. He’s like his doctor persona. Most of the time, we had fun to forget how shitty everything was around us. We laughed a lot, giggled, and it was more like that first crush at sleep away camp. It was comfortable.”

  “Did you ever want to marry him?”

  “Nope. I did want to be his best friend because he kept me safe.”

  “Was the sex hot?”

  She snorted. “It was sex. It’s always really good if you get off.”

  “Be honest. Where did it fall on the husband scale?” he asked, knowing she wasn’t going to lie to him.

  “Are you sure you want to know that?” she asked.

  “Yes, I need to know it.”

  “Chris, at first, was tentative in bed. I was the one with more sexual experience.”

  “Okay.”

  “Then as time went on, he got his skills down.”

  “And?”

  “The sex was really good. We were together a long time. It became something that I looked forward to because it was my safe place.”

  “That’s weird to know.”

  “I can’t compare him to you and Ethan. It’s not fair to him or to you both. Chris was Chris, and you guys are you guys. Do you compare me to Kaya Cheek?”

  “No! Never!”

  She waited for him to get it.

  “Why?”

  “Because she was just someone I slept with and you’re…all, Elizabeth.”

  “That’s how I feel. I don’t see it as the same. They’re completely different.”

  Now he got it.

  It really was different.

  “Training wheels’ sex.”

  “What?” he asked.

  “I was his training wheels. I taught him how to romance and woo a woman. He taught me what to expect from a man, and what to do when someone loves you. We learned from each other. Without our past, maybe I would suck at our future.”

  He stared at her. “I didn’t think of it that way.”

  “Everything happens because it’s meant to happen that way. Fate sets the path. I didn’t meet you before Ethan because you were meant to teach Ethan that he had to let the anger go.”

  “Yeah, that’s his big crutch in life.”

  “He’s like his mother.”

  Callen stared at her. “What do you mean?”

  “When Wyler cheated on her, she held a grudge the rest of her life. She never forgave and let go. I know I’d be angry, too, if you betrayed me with another woman, but I wouldn’t kick you out of your children’s lives.”

  Callen listened. “Now I know why Timothy handed you this family. You’re very observant.”

  “It’s my job. Ethan holds onto the anger, and that’s his lesson in life.”

  “And mine?”

  “That you’re worthy and important.”

  “And yours?”

  “That I can be a good mother despite losing mine.”

  Callen touched her cheek. “I love you.”

  “Now I have a question.”

  “Shoot.”


  “Kaya Cheek…”

  “It was young man hot. You know when you first discover something, and you think it’s awesome, but then you find the real thing and it’s nothing compared to the newest version?”

  She laughed. “Like?”

  “Masturbation.”

  “I’m not sure I want to hear this one,” she teased.

  “When I was a boy and I discovered it, I thought it was great. It was a way to escape life, and it didn’t make me feel shitty like when Charlene’s asshole boyfriend violated me. I was in control of my pleasure.”

  She sat beside him and listened to what he had to say. If Callen was talking about his past, it was important. He didn’t really go into details unless he thought it was vital.

  This mattered.

  She could tell.

  “Then I realized that there was sex with the opposite gender. Yes, jerking off was good, but sex was better. Ethan told me Kaya was hot in bed, and I was curious. I was a virgin at that point.” He paused to rephrase it. “Well, with girls.”

  She held his hand.

  “I have you, Callen James.”

  He smiled at her. Callen knew she always would.

  “Ethan would toss the ladies my way, and I’d screw it up. My head wasn’t in the game. I had to lie to him and tell him I scored when I couldn’t do it. I just didn’t have the ability to pull it off.”

  “Chris was the same. He needed training wheels.”

  Yeah, only there was no one like Elizabeth around. The rez had slim pickings.

  “I figured Kaya was safe. I knew Ethan didn’t love her. I thought he was just using her to get off. So, I fell into the trap of thinking with my dick.”

  She got it.

  “It wasn’t hot. It was sex for the first time. She rode, and I came.”

  “Did you ever tell Ethan any of that?”

  “No. I never told him because I’d have to explain why I purposely lied about getting with half the babes I said I did. He thought I scored countless times. Boys talk. We were the Blackhawk boys. We were known for screwing the babes and stealing the cars. I was too scarred up to have sex. It sucks that Kaya was my first. That damaged me.”

  “I wish I was around to be your first. I would have liked that, Mr. Whitefox. You’re a very sexy man, and I love when you share little pieces of your soul with me.”

  She kissed him.

  He wished that too. Had she been on the rez, he never would have left. Callen would have been content to live there the rest of his life.

  When he pulled away, he stared into her eyes.

  “I’m lucky to have you both, and I know it. I won’t ever turn my back on what we have. I may not like that Chris was part of your past sexually, but it doesn’t change anything about us. You’re my wife.”

  She hated hiding things.

  “I hope Ethan feels the same if he ever finds out.”

  Yeah, Callen did too.

  “Well, am I slutty enough?” she asked, turning in a circle in front of him.

  He checked her out.

  “Hike your skirt, pull your breasts out more, and you need to tease up your hair. It’s not hookerish enough.”

  She snorted. “This whole conversation is wrong on all kinds of levels.”

  Callen kissed her on the red lips. “I think it’s just right. It’s who we are. It’s raw and real.”

  She smiled.

  Then it occurred to her.

  “Wait! Did you just call me a whore?” she asked, pointing at him.

  When he opened his mouth, she gave him a shot to the gut. Elizabeth already knew what he was going to say.

  She could read Callen like a book.

  A perverted one.

  “No,” he hissed. “I would never do that. I’d have to be out of my mind to even go there when my wife can clearly kick my ass.”

  “Let’s go, my sexy, pervy Native.”

  He followed her.

  In that outfit, he’d follow his wife anywhere.

  Once they got downstairs, in the living room, Wyler stared at her.

  “Uh, date night with my one son?” he asked, jerking his head toward Callen. “This screams one of his escapades.”

  “HEY! I like her all prettied up too! I’m not a degenerate,” Callen replied. “Tell him I like you as a MILF too!”

  She laughed. “I’m playing a H.O.O.K.E.R for a case,” she said, spelling it so the kids wouldn’t hear that word. That was the last thing they needed popping up at parent teacher conference. Already, Kat told the teacher she was too big for her britches.

  Unfortunately, her teacher was overweight.

  She took it the wrong way.

  “Momma, you look pretty,” EJ said. “I’d marry you.”

  Callen started laughing.

  “What is funny?” she asked.

  “The apple didn’t fall far from the tree,” he said. “My boy likes what my boy likes.”

  She wasn’t shocked.

  “I see your panties,” Cat said. “Grandma said if she ever saw my panties, I was going to be a nun.”

  Elizabeth snorted.

  And that was why they loved Maeve. She fit right in to the madness. While she was religious and Catholic, she didn’t seem to mind the family’s heathen ways.

  Wyler picked a good one.

  “These panties are special ones, Cat. I need to work. These are my crime fighting britches.”

  She stared up at her mother with big green eyes.

  “I’ll pray for you.”

  Then she walked away.

  Elizabeth found that amusing. While she wasn’t a big advocate of religion, she tolerated her new mother-in-law’s beliefs. To each their own.

  At one time, she believed.

  Now…

  She was trying to find a baby and hooker killer.

  “Will you be safe?” Wyler asked.

  “Callen will be watching me from Ethan’s ride.”

  “Oh, I’m sure he will. You should probably search him for lotion and tissues.”

  Maeve stared at him. “Wyler Timothy Blackhawk! That was so inappropriate. What a man does in the privacy of his vehicle is his business!”

  Wyler blushed.

  Callen crossed to his new stepmother and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “I love you, Mom. Dad is being mean to me. Hit him.”

  Wyler sputtered. “Did you just use my new wife against me?”

  “Elizabeth has been your favorite for years. Maeve is ours. It’s not fun, now is it?” Callen asked.

  “Turncoat.”

  Elizabeth hugged her father-in-law.

  “I feel dirty doing that when you’re dressed like a H.O.O.K.E.R.”

  Cat was watching them.

  The kid was trying to figure it out. She could tell by the way her brow was scrunched up. There was going to come a day when they couldn’t trick her.

  The kid was too damn smart.

  Elizabeth loved her to pieces.

  “We’ll be home later. I think Ethan is working late,” she stated.

  They got it.

  They were on kid duty.

  Elizabeth headed over to her babies and gave them all kisses. She even snuggled Bethe when she crawled into her lap.

  “I love you, Bethe. Daddy misses you. When I see him, Auntie Lyzee will give him this hug from you.”

  Callen watched and his heart skipped.

  Yeah, she’d learned how to be a mother. Elizabeth was a natural.

  “We should go, angel. We have to get this hooker show on the road.”

  “What’s a hooker?” Cat asked.

  Elizabeth stared at her husband. “Well, Callen? What’s a hooker?”

  He sputtered.

  Maeve raced to the rescue. “They are women that your mommy and daddy are trying to save with her crime fighting britches.”

  Elizabeth blew her a kiss.

  Thank God for Maeve.

  They headed out. In the driveway, Elizabeth was struggling with the stones and her heels.

/>   “Hop on.”

  “You want me to get on your back with my ass already showing?” she asked. “Igor is right behind us. You know I step out of the building, and he’s lurking.”

  He wiggled his eyebrows. “How better to fluster and embarrass the hell out of him that that?” he asked. “You are always telling him to kiss your ass.”

  Callen had a very valid point.

  She jumped up, and her hands found their way into the front of his shirt.

  “Remind you of anything?” she asked.

  “Yeah, when we first became a couple. We were working on finding Desdemona’s sister. I sprang you from the hospital, and I was planning to molest you.”

  “I think I was doing the molesting, Callen James. You know how I am around Natives.”

  Yeah, he really did.

  He laughed. “Ah, the memories. My control is far better now. I couldn’t believe you wanted me.”

  She licked his earlobe.

  “I’ll always want you. Ethan is my calm, and you’re my wild.”

  He liked that.

  It was fairly accurate for him too. Ethan helped keep him calm, and with Elizabeth, he wanted to run wild.

  Inside the garage, he helped her into the Mustang. She stared up at him with icy blue eyes. “Can I drive?”

  “Lyzee…”

  “How about this? If I can’t make you cum by the time we get to the Hoover building, you can drive. If I do…”

  He held out his hand.

  “My control is better. You won’t be able to pull it off, even dressed like Miss Kitty.”

  She licked her lips. “You’d better hope so, or you’ll have some explaining to do to Ethan.”

  Screw it.

  It was worth it.

  Every.

  Damn.

  Second.

  Chapter Eight

  How he survived the onslaught of her mouth on that ride to the Hoover building, he’d never know it. It was brutal. She’d pulled out every trick in her arsenal, but he wanted her to know he wasn’t the same man all those years ago.

  Callen had grown.

  He’d changed.

  Besides, he was already working on his plan for the post hooker stroll. He wasn’t an idiot. Ethan was working late, the kids were with grandma and grandpa, and Callen was buying himself a hooker.