Between Takes

by Morgana Bevan

  “I’d get a good mark in something and Dad would belittle me, claim it was all pointless because I’d never amount to anything. My mother worked her ass off to support us, and he just kept drinking it all away.”

  “I can’t imagine what that must have been like.” I truly couldn’t. My family had always been nothing but supportive. Sure, I’d accused my parents of abandonment when they’d announced their move to Cornwall, but I’d been joking and they’d known it. This was… I had no words for the shitshow he’d grown up with.

  “When I got offered my first modelling job, I thought it was a joke. When your father’s yelling abuse at every little decision you make, understanding that I actually had something people wanted was…” He stared at me, his gaze unfocused as he searched for the word. “Foreign. I nearly turned it down, and then Ryan flipped out when I told him how much they were offering to pay, which dragged Lily into it. There was no turning it down with the two most stubborn people I’d ever known ganging up on me.”

  Again, he was smiling and his entire demeanour changed, softened. I wanted to see more of this man. The man who couldn’t believe his best friends would care enough to stop him making bad life decisions, who appreciated them for their support.

  “Without the pair of them, who knows where I’d be.” He lifted the glass to his lips and took a deep drink. “If he hadn’t died, I probably would have skipped the country with Lily. It was easier to pursue my dreams without facing his scorn every day.”

  Shaun’s haunted eyes searched mine. They begged for comfort. I clenched my fists in my lap until the pain of my nails digging into my palms reminded me why that would be a bad idea.

  “It’s twisted, but sometimes I think I wouldn’t be the person I am today without his abuse. Like, I wouldn’t be as strong or something ridiculous like that.” His laugh was bitter.

  “Is that why you’re drinking so much?” I whispered. My heart had dropped to somewhere in my stomach as I uttered those words without thought.

  Really, Mona? Did you have to go and ruin the mood?

  His head fell back against the sofa and he shut his eyes. For a moment, I thought he wasn’t going to answer, and relief became a tangible thing I could taste, a mix between marshmallow and sweet cherries.

  “I didn’t used to,” he said, his voice just a thread of sound. My gaze jumped to his, and he rolled his head towards me. His lips were set in a grim smile. “Before Lily and everything blew up, I hadn’t really overindulged. Seeing your father wreck himself and anyone around him kind of puts a damper on a Friday-night binge, you know?”

  I nodded but kept my mouth shut. He frowned at the half-full glass.

  “I can’t even remember what drove me to reach for it every time the pain got to be too much. Isn’t that stupid? Can’t remember what made me look at a drink as medication. There was an incident, I know there was, but I can’t for the life of me remember.”

  Tears shimmered in his eyes when he glanced back at me and I couldn’t take it anymore. Taking a breath, I reached out and grasped his hand, squeezing, trying to communicate that I wanted to help without forcing the words past the lump choking me. Shaun’s face relaxed. He threaded our fingers together, holding tight.

  My heart couldn’t take the rollercoaster that was Shaun Martin. It pounded against my ribcage. It was a wonder Shaun couldn’t hear it. He just wanted a friend, someone who wouldn’t judge him for having a past.

  “I need to stop,” he whispered.

  He considered the amber liquid in his glass with a pained expression. His hands shook as he handed the tumbler to me.

  “Is that definitely what you want?” I asked, keeping my voice as casual as I could. He wasn’t on the verge of committing to a life of sobriety. This was just a normal conversation people had with their bosses.

  “Yes. It’s turning me into my dad.” He reached out, caressing my cheek. “The things I said to you, to the crew… I don’t want to be that person.”

  I nodded, my mind racing with the things I needed to do. Find him a sponsor, sweep the trailer and the equipment room for bottles. Didn’t alcoholics always have a hidden stash? Should I sweep his flat too?

  “Okay. How about we get you home to bed and deal with the logistics of this in the morning?”

  His head fell back against the sofa again, but he nodded.

  “Shall I get Tom to stop for some food for you?” It was a perfectly normal question for an assistant to ask, but it stood out stark against his momentous decision. We should be celebrating, but from the set of Shaun’s jaw, I knew that was the last thing he wanted.

  Shaun agreed before launching to his feet. He stared at me, indecision eating him. I waited while he sorted his thoughts. I’d wait as long as he needed.

  “I don’t trust myself to throw it all out,” he said, his breath hitching slightly. “Will you…” He swallowed, turning away and raking a hand through his hair.

  “I’ll clean out the set and trailer. I’ll even have a chat with production and the producers if you want.”

  “No!” he shouted, his eyes widening. “No, don’t tell them. I don’t want anything to change.”

  I frowned. “You don’t want them to know you were suffering from an addiction and your shitty behaviour will be a thing of the past?”

  He shook his head. “It’s not that. I don’t want them to know I had a problem.” He stared at me, his eyes imploring.

  The size of the secret he was asking me to keep dawned on me. I got it: the press were already speculating; he didn’t want it confirmed. I was the only one standing between him and a rabid mob of gossip rags. I nodded my understanding.

  “What about Sherry?”

  “Yeah, tell her.”

  A to-do list began forming in my head, and I was pretty sure I couldn’t wait to set it in motion.

  “Uh, Mona?”

  I glanced at him, tilting my head with a silent “what?”

  “When I said I don’t trust myself to throw it all out?”

  I nodded.

  “Would you come home with me? Do it for me?”

  “Are you going to tell me where your hidden stash is?”

  His eyes widened in surprise, but his nod was swift.

  “Okay.” I nodded. “Let’s go.”

  That night I cleared close to fifty bottles of hard liquor from Shaun’s flat, trailer and the equipment stores. The call to Sherry was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do, but she wasn’t remotely surprised. She was, however, thankful, because Shaun had admitted his problem, but also because I was there to keep him straight.

  The magnitude of the task ahead of me hadn’t fully sunk in until that moment. I was it, the barrier between him and going off the rails again. That was utterly fucking terrifying. What if I couldn’t get this growing attraction under control? What happened when the show wrapped and we parted ways? If I wasn’t careful, I’d get so invested the worry would eat me alive. I didn’t think I could stop myself from feeling responsible for him, but I had to try. We both had to survive the next few months with our sanity intact.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “Are you going to stay in here every day now?” Shaun asked a couple of days later.

  I sat in his trailer at the table. I’d claimed it as my office space for the moments I needed to stare a little too closely at the tablet. Trying to crosscheck his messy schedule with email confirmations gave me enough of a headache. I didn’t need to add crowds of people and changeable lighting to the mix.

  “I hadn’t planned to.” My response tapered off as I squinted at the screen, searching for a lunch meeting with Ryan Evans. Shaun’s text said it should be in there for Friday, but all I could see was a full set day.

  The silence stretched while I frowned at the calendar. I found him studying me with a guarded expression.

  “What is it, Shaun? Did something happen?”

  It had been four days since he’d admitted his faults and made a plan. He’d talked to Sherry and agr
eed to meet a sobriety coach. Both of them realised I couldn’t be entirely responsible for keeping Shaun straight. For one, I didn’t have the slightest clue when it came to addiction.

  I’d cleared out every bottle I could on Thursday night, and the following days had gone pretty smoothly. And shock of all shocks, he actually left me alone on my day off, which in hindsight might not have been a good thing. I walked in Monday morning with suspicion written all over my face. Did he drink? Would he lie about it? The answer to both was no, but c’mon, how was I meant to really trust that?

  “What would happen on my set?” Shaun asked, interrupting my spiralling thoughts.

  He looked genuinely perplexed by the question, and I relaxed. Okay, so no one prepositioned him, and he hasn’t found any bottles I missed.

  “Then why does it matter if I’m not on set with you?”

  “I just noticed you weren’t and I wondered why.” For the first time since he’d entered the trailer, he refused to meet my gaze.

  I smirked. “Did you miss me?”

  “What?” he barked, his eyes jumping to my face. He tried to shrug it off with a laugh, but it sounded defensive. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

  “You totally did.”

  “I just like knowing where you are.”

  “Whatever you say.”

  “Are you done?” There was an eagerness in his voice that I’d never heard before. I nodded. “Do you have plans for tonight?”

  I’d been in the city for three weeks. Other than Tilly, I didn’t really have friends in Cardiff yet. And she worked the same crazy hours as me. Making concrete plans with her was difficult. I just shook my head.

  “Good. I’m done for the day. Do you want to do something?”

  I narrowed my eyes as he bounced on the spot. “Does that something involve me running five miles?”

  He smirked. “Do you want it to?”

  “I’d rather go home and clean my kitchen.”

  “It wasn’t that bad!”

  “Says the man who boxes and drinks protein shakes.” I gestured to his trim shape in case my meaning didn’t translate. “This body is made for Pilates, not panting and labouring for breath.”

  His focus dropped to my lips and a heated look entered his eyes. If I had less sense, I’d say he was into me.

  “Where do you want to go?”

  “Huh?” His dazed gaze met mine. The embers cooled but didn’t fade, which left me with a whole lot of confusion.

  “You said you wanted to do something. What do you want to do?”

  “It’s a surprise.”

  My eyebrows rose at that. He hadn’t struck me as a surprise type of guy. Although showing up at my door at 7AM maybe should have given me a different perspective.

  “Do you trust me?”

  I laughed. “Not even a little.”

  “That hurts, Mona.” He held his hands to his heart like I’d shot him. What a dork. “Come on, when have I led you astray?”

  “I’ve known you for three weeks!”

  “The answer you’re looking for is never,” he countered, his smile stretching teasingly wide as he pulled me from my seat and collected my things.

  “This is not what I expected.” My voice was hushed as I gazed in awe at a short woman expertly twining herself around a purple silk.

  “Pretty cool, isn’t it?”

  Shaun left me to my gawking. I mean, there was silence, so I assumed he’d wandered off. Tearing my eyes away from the aerial performance was too difficult. Inexplicable jealousy tightened my gut. I was flexible and years of lifting my own body weight for Pilates should make me perfect for aerial arts.

  Yet despite the shoulds, I wasn’t so certain.

  I’d dreamed about trying aerial silks for far too long. What if I can’t even lift myself?

  I gasped as the woman overhead released the silk. The rope around her waist unravelled. My heart raced as she rolled maybe ten feet before the silk caught her in an upside-down split.

  How freaking epic was that!

  A tap on my shoulder dragged my gaze from the performer. Shaun wore an arrogant but dangerous smile. I didn’t want to think about my dopey grin and saucer-wide brown eyes. I was too bloody excited to care.

  “We’ve got a two-hour session, so you’d better not develop a fear of heights,” he joked before leading me to a waiting instructor.

  She looked about fifty with her greying black hair, but her tight workout clothes revealed a strong, toned body. She wore a patient smile, and any jitter of nerves I felt from watching the performer rocket towards the hard floor earlier eased. The extra-thick mat laid out beneath the waiting strips of silk likely helped too.

  Still, my smile fell slightly as I eyed the silks. They stretched at least thirty feet in the arched space. I’d never been that high up. I had no issue with flying or standing on tall buildings. However, that was different from dangling in the air with nothing but fabric and a mat to break your fall.

  “How did you know I would go for this?”

  His smile faltered slightly. “Sherry might have asked your sister.”

  I flashed back to my phone call with Isla last week. I’d barely had time to sleep and we kept missing each other, managing not much more than a brief “Sorry, I’ll call you back.” It seemed she’d assumed I’d be terrible at making friends – past experience said she was right – so she’d brought one to me. I didn’t think she’d condone me spending any time with Shaun outside of work after our conversation, but it seemed she could still shock me. What she failed to realise was that this was nothing more than Shaun’s attempt to butter me up and play nice to ensure I’d be a good little PA.

  “Penny for your thoughts?” His breath tickled the shell of my ear as he leaned into me.

  My heart stalled and I jumped. His eyes laughed at me as he danced out of reach. He’s lucky I’ve never been the violent type.

  Before I could tell him off for invading my personal space yet again, the instructor called for our undivided attention as she ran through a safety briefing. It was for the best. For some stupid reason, I liked him being close and I didn’t need him to realise it. That would lead to all sorts of inappropriate questions I didn’t want to field.

  We threw ourselves into the session and, thankfully, any sly and teasing looks stopped. He didn’t really have a choice. If he hadn’t given the silks all his attention, he would have hit the mat faster than I could say “Golden Globes.”

  For once in my life, my height worked to my advantage. Because I was so short, I had a much easier time than Shaun, whose six-foot-three inches of lean muscle slowed him down. Plus, the online Pilates classes I followed had improved my flexibility enough that I could hold some kind of a shape, however brief.

  “You lied to me.” Shaun’s face tightened with displeasure. “Somebody lied to me.”

  “What are you talking about?” My voice sounded strangled from my upside-down position. Note to self: don’t talk while upside down. It’s uncomfortable.

  “I thought you’d never done this before.” He frowned at me.

  I released my hold on the silk and slid down until my feet hit the ground with a satisfying thump.

  “I haven’t.” I wiped my hands on my leggings and stepped off the mat.

  Shaun stood, arms crossed, scowling at me. My answer hadn’t helped. It irked Mr Hotshot Know-It-All that he might not have all the facts. Amusement teased my mouth, but I bit my lip to hold back a smug smile.

  “Honestly. I did a bit of gymnastics when I was very young and now I do a lot of Pilates. I’ve always wanted to try this.” My voice rose with excitement. I let the stupid grin I’d been trying to suppress take over my face.

  I laughed at the look of horror scrunching up his features. “Are you jealous?”

  “What a ridiculous question.” He refused to meet my gaze. Instead, his eyes roamed the room, studying the performers practising their skills. None of them paid him any attention, too focused on perfecting their routine
s to care about the celebrity in their space.

  “It’s not ridiculous if it’s true.”

  He grunted and turned back to the silks. He concentrated on securing his grip and started to climb.

  “Thank you, by the way,” I called up to him.

  He froze and glanced at me with narrowed eyes. “Are you trying to make me fall?”

  “Of course not. I just appreciate you trying to help me adjust to a new city.”

  “You couldn’t have said this while I was on the ground?”

  “And miss out on watching you sweat? No chance.”

  Shaun shook his head and continued to climb. I took a seat on the ground and leaned back to watch him manoeuvre his bulky frame into different holds. It was slow going, but my god, the man was a sight to see – hanging in the air held up by nothing but the power of his upper body. He barely shook. I’d joked that he was jealous, but truly, I was the envious one.

  I quickly lost track of time, completely absorbed in the exhilaration that came with pushing my body to its limits and learning a new skill. The windows in the converted church were all blacked out and there wasn’t a clock in sight.

  We’d started out low to the ground, but as my confidence grew, I’d climbed ten feet or so to force myself to be braver. The more I tried, the more my body shook. When my hold slipped during the last exercise, I wasn’t surprised. I shut my eyes and prepared for the impact of the mat.

  I’m proud to say I didn’t scream.

  Rather than the soft but painful slap of the mat, I slammed into a hard chest. Shaun grunted as he caught me in his arms and my eyes flew open.

  The sounds of the active hall faded as I caught my breath and tried to slow the pounding of my heart. Shaun’s concerned gaze roamed my face and my heart began to race for an entirely new reason. The smouldering look he directed at me struck a match, and something sparked to life inside me. My skin tingled beneath his hands, which flexed against my torso and thighs.