“Does Shaun know?” She almost whispered the words, and had I not understood why, I might have laughed. He wasn’t going to be happy. I knew that. It’s exactly why I wanted to have this conversation with Sherry first.
“No. He’s on set right now.” My eyes jumped to the closed trailer door. I swallowed, the reality of what I was doing sitting heavy on my chest. “I can’t finish the day.”
“What happened, Mona? The last I heard, everything was fine. Is he being a dick again?” Concern softened her words. “Or did he start drinking again?”
“No, he’s been great, and as far as I can tell, he’s making huge strides without the alcohol. The sponsor you hired must really be helping.”
“I don’t think it’s the sponsor, sweetheart.”
I closed my eyes against that thought.
“If that’s the case, I’ll still be on set if he needs a friend to talk to. I just can’t work for him anymore.”
Her silence spoke volumes. I could almost hear the ah-ha blaring in her head.
“Fine. I can’t tell you how much of an asset you’ve been. I doubt I’ll ever find someone as good as you at handling that man.” There was a reluctant finality to the words. She might as well have reached into my chest and ripped out my heart. “If you ever decide to follow in your sister’s footsteps, give me a call.”
We hung up and I sank onto the sofa. A mix of emotions swirled around inside my mind, fighting for supremacy until they converged. Sadness, relief, regret.
Shell shock.
I’d experienced so much in this tiny space in the last month, I was reluctant to leave it. But I had to. I had to move before Shaun came back. Telling Sherry first wouldn’t matter if I lingered long enough for him to confront me. One look at those sad eyes and I’d buckle.
Tilly agreed to my moving in the following weekend. After turning in my resignation, there was no way I could consider the flat I’d viewed with Shaun. I wouldn’t have that kind of money anymore. Tilly was a far better option. If she noticed any change in my demeanour, she didn’t comment. Alys gave me the day to get my shit together, and given that I’d burst into tears the moment the car door shut, that was probably for the best. Just because it was the right thing to do didn’t mean it was easy.
A couple hours later, someone began hammering on my door. I lay there, buried under a duvet, seriously debating ignoring them. But that would have been a dick move. It wasn’t his fault we couldn’t trust ourselves around each other.
“You quit?” he said by way of greeting when I opened the door, his face set like thunder.
I stepped out of the way and gestured him in. He brushed past me, storming straight into my bedroom without another word. I braced myself for the onslaught the moment I closed the door. He paced my small room like a caged, angry tiger. I leant back against the wood and watched him.
Urgh, why does he have to look so good even when he’s angry?
“What happened to talking later? Pretty sure quitting falls under the list of things we needed to discuss with each other.”
“You would have argued.”
“Of course I would have argued,” he roared, pausing in his tenth lap of my room. “It’s a stupid fucking idea. I can keep my hands to myself. We would have been fine.”
I snorted. “You call this afternoon keeping your hands to yourself?” He had the good sense to look sheepish. “Shaun, we’re as bad as each other. I can’t resist you. If we keep working that closely, we’ll be a timebomb waiting to blow. My way, we get distance.”
“I don’t want fucking distance.”
“Tough shit. You’re getting it.”
His hands shook at his side, and I had the belated realisation that this could tip him over the edge and back into a bottle. I’d consoled myself with the fact that this was the right move for us both, and I’d still be nearby to talk whenever he had a weak moment, but what if I was the thing that pushed him over?
Before I could reassure him that I wasn’t actually leaving him, realisation wiped the anger off his face.
“You don’t work for me anymore,” he whispered, wonder and disbelief merging in the lilt of his accent.
A light went on in his eyes and he stepped towards me. I held out my hand to ward him off.
“No, I don’t.”
“So, there’s no reason we can’t explore this now.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Mona,” Shaun growled, frustration marring his beautiful face.
“I’m starting another new and foreign job tomorrow. I want time to enjoy that without getting lost in this.”
“You won’t get lost.”
“You don’t know that.” I crossed my arms, fixing him with a determined look. “I also won’t be the source of any unsavoury gossip headlines.”
Shaun’s shoulders fell before he collapsed onto my bed with his head in his hands. I joined him, keeping a small distance between us.
“It doesn’t mean I don’t want to be friends, hang out and listen to you vent,” I said, my tone gentle, easing him into the idea.
He dropped his hands and turned towards me with a sad smile. “Same goes for you. I don’t want to go five months without hearing you shout at me out of frustration.”
I chuckled. “Pretty sure you’ll find a way to annoy me even when I’m locked in the production office cleaning up someone else’s mess.”
“You can count on it.”
The weight pressing down on my chest eased as he smiled at me, finally getting it. There was something potent brewing between us. I was excited to explore it when the time came, without fear of our lives imploding.
“So, our plan to wait until after production wraps still stands?” I asked, biting my lip. I thought that’s what we’d just quietly agreed, but I needed the words. If I could persuade him to chisel it in concrete, I would.
“Yes, the day we wrap, I’m whisking you away from here, and we’re going to enjoy every fucking moment together.” His voice turned gravelly with lust.
“Maybe we should talk about it once we wrap?” I said, trying to buy more time to figure out what he wanted. To figure out what I wanted, even!
“Once we wrap.”
He held out his hand to shake. I laughed at the gesture until he quirked his brow and refused to drop his hand.
Okay, so we’re shaking on it.
I slid my hand into his and he closed his smooth fingers around mine. Such a simple touch and yet it had me itching to move closer, to crawl into his lap and wrap my legs around him again.
“Deal,” he said as we shook, a small smirk forming as he considered my flushed face.
Oh yes. Distance is definitely needed.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Day one on the job, Shaun appeared in the production office with my tablet. Heather’s eyebrows flew up when she saw him. Principal cast didn’t just wander into the production office. Ever. They stayed in their trailers, away from the chaos, where they could be managed. Shaun messed with all of their norms by just being present, let alone hand-delivering me something.
“What can we do for you, Shaun?” I asked, acutely aware of Heather, Alys and Cassie observing this little scene.
He held up the device. “You forgot this in my trailer.”
My brows drew together as I glanced from him to the tablet. I stood, guiding Shaun out of the production office.
“It’s not mine.”
He shrugged. “I thought you could use it here.”
“Not that I’m not grateful for you thinking of me—”
“But it’s weird for me to bring you things?”
I nodded, relieved that he got it.
“They’ll get used to it.” He leant in until his mouth almost brushed my ear. “You look gorgeous today, by the way, Sparky.”
Heat engulfed my face as he swept a finger across my cheek. A soft smile graced his lips. “I like it even more when you blush like that.”
With that, he turned on his heel and wa
lked away, leaving me reeling. Please tell me this isn’t going to be the next five months. I’ll combust.
“Mona, do you have a second?” Shaun called through the open production office door the next day.
He leaned against the doorframe directing a charming smile at Heather. His t-shirt stretched tight across his chest, barely containing his biceps. I was in heaven, and Heather, well, she didn’t stand a chance. It disarmed her enough that she forgot to be shocked by his presence.
I pushed my chair back and rushed out of the office before he caused a scene.
“What are you trying to do?” I hissed as I caught his arm and pulled him away from the team.
He grinned. “Why? Flustered?”
No. Yes. Argh, men.
The devilish gleam in his eyes told me he knew exactly what that tight shirt did to me. In fact, it was the sole reason he wore it.
“You’re not playing fair.”
“We said nothing about playing fair when we made our deal.”
My eyes widened. He planned to torture me for five months until I caved. The sneaky bastard.
“Was there a reason for your visit, or did you just come to drive me mad?”
He chuckled. “I have a question for you, but seeing that rosy colour on your face again was a nice bonus.”
I sighed. I couldn’t even shout at him for that. I loved his short visits. Maybe a little too much. It made me feel stupidly warm and fuzzy inside that he seemed drawn to me.
“What’s the question?”
“Come to the refugee charity dinner with me in two weeks.”
His words snuffed out the warm feeling. I immediately shook my head.
“No.”
Good for him following through with his commitments. Still a hard pass for me.
I started walking back to the office. But I wasn’t fast enough. He caught my hand, pulling me to a stop and spinning me around until I had to tip my head back to see his serious expression.
“Hear me out,” he said, his eyes imploring me.
I nodded.
“I need a date. I don’t want to take anyone else, but if I turn up with some random actress on my arm, the press are going to start blathering on about whether it’s fake or real and giving us nicknames. I don’t want that kind of attention right now.”
I shut my eyes. Of course he didn’t. Catch their attention on one thing and they’d start digging into him again. How long before they’d have his addiction plastered all over the front pages?
“You would be an unknown to them, they’ll look you up, find that you’re just a member of the crew and get bored,” he said, his words rushed. “It’s the perfect media distraction.”
My eyes widened at his flawed logic. “Or they’ll catch you looking at me the wrong way and fixate on me. Shaun, it’s not a good idea.”
Panic filtered into his expression. “Please, Mona. I can’t deal with the cameras without you.”
“So skip the receiving line.”
“I can’t. Sherry will flip out.”
I shook my head, leaning fully into denial. “There has to be another way.”
“There isn’t. If I go alone, they’ll roll out the same slew of articles claiming I’m still pining for Lily. That hurts my image just as much as the violent headlines.” His voice edged into begging territory. “Please, Mona.”
When he looked at me like that, like I could solve all his problems, I couldn’t deny him anything.
“Fine,” I sighed, my head falling back as I gave in. “I’ll go but you need to be on your best behaviour. No lusty looks, no inappropriate touching,” I said, pointing at him, hard determination settling over my features.
He nodded vigorously. “All above board, I promise.”
I rubbed my hand across my eyes. This was going to be a shitshow. I’d never walked a red carpet before. Doing it with him was going to be next-level terrifying. Yet despite knowing that, I couldn’t say no to that vulnerable side of him. He needed me, and as twisted as it was, I enjoyed being wanted.
“I don’t have anything to wear.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
I don’t know why I expected to get through Thursday without a visit from Shaun. When he knocked on the production office doorframe, I almost snorted. Yet despite his sudden appearance, the sight of him made me smile.
He caught me watching him, then tilted his head towards the outside. I nodded, somehow containing the eager smile I could feel brewing beneath the surface. Shaun backed away from the door, disappearing from sight.
“Is everything alright?” Alys asked with a knowing smile. Meanwhile, Heather and Cassie stared at each other, each wearing puzzled expressions.
I shrugged them off and chased after Shaun.
“You’re going to have the entire crew talking about us if you keep this up,” I said when I stopped in front of him.
He wore another skin-tight t-shirt, and my eyes devoured the defined ridges of his chest without permission. “Sorry,” he lied. “I keep thinking of things I want to tell you.”
“Then text me!”
“But then I won’t get to see your face.”
The flutters in my stomach stole any reply I might have made. I couldn’t stay annoyed with him when he said things like that. “What did you want to tell me?” I asked, crossing my arms.
He pulled a book from his back pocket. “I wanted to give you this, actually.”
I accepted the paperback copy of Frankenstein, my brows climbing. His smile dimmed at my questioning look.
“I know you like to read – not that I gave you much time to do it before.” He tapped the book. “This is my favourite book. I, uh…” His gaze dropped to the grass beneath our feet, his brow furrowing. “I thought you might like to read it. But thinking about it now… it was a stupid idea.”
He tried to take the book back, but I pressed it to my chest before he could.
“I’ve read it. We had to study it for English. I’ll gladly read it again.”
Shaun sighed. “I should have realised you would have read it. We had to do it in school too.”
I smiled reassuringly. “Why did you want to share this with me?”
“It’s always struck me as a story about the importance of human connection and life.” He shrugged, meeting my gaze despite the vulnerable edge in his voice. “With my dad, it taught me to appreciate kindness and look for the truth in the actions of those around me.”
“So, it was important to you growing up.”
He nodded, relaxing before my eyes. “Exactly. I just had this urge to share it with you. I don’t know why.” His hands slipped into his pockets and he rocked back on his heels. I grinned, drawing an answering smile from him. “What?”
“I’ve never seen you so nervous, Shaun.”
He fixed his green gaze on me, unwavering. “I don’t want to wear a perfect veneer with you.”
Warmth spread through my chest as his words sank in. I wasn’t sure if he understood just how much he was baring himself to me. Did everyone else get the polished version of him, cheerfully flat? He’d never been like that with me. Had he made the choice to show me the real him from the start? I’d underestimated him for so long. There were so many unexpected dimensions to this man; I was constantly unearthing new facets. Was that part of the reason he fascinated me, maybe?
I reached for his hand, squeezing as tears burned my eyes. “Thank you.”
“You’re thanking me for being me? That’s a first.” He chuckled, but it sounded half-hearted.
“For trusting me enough to be yourself. It means a lot, considering our start.”
He grinned. “Well, I did put you through the ringer. How else was I meant to be sure you’d stick around?”
I slapped his arm weakly. “You joke now. What if Sherry had let me quit weeks ago?”
“I’d have convinced you to stay,” he said, and from the intense gleam in his eyes, I believed him.
We said our goodbyes and he left me, s
lightly shaken in the deserted corridor between offices and cast trailers. Something had shifted. I didn’t fully understand it, but I couldn’t ignore the fact I was staring after him, on the verge of calling him back so I could hug him or kiss him or something.
“So, there’s something going on with you and Shaun,” Alys said behind me, dragging my attention from Shaun’s retreating figure.
I felt the colour drain from my face. I knew it was only a matter of time before other people caught on, and Shaun wasn’t helping. Neither was I, staring after him longingly where anyone could see.
“Of course not.”
Alys tilted her head, her eyes telling me she wasn’t convinced. Still, her smile was kind as she said, “I get why you don’t want to tell me, but if you ever need to talk to someone and you need a sounding board, I’m here. Your secrets are safe with me.”
Her intent hadn’t been to shock, but it surprised me all the same. I didn’t think people would be understanding. The genuine look on her face made me wonder if I was wrong. And if I was wrong and no one on the crew would care or bat an eyelid, was I wasting time holding Shaun at a distance?
Chapter Twenty-Five
Shaun: Wat are U doing?
Mona: Just reading. Are you okay?
Seconds stretched into minutes while I waited for Shaun’s reply, unease growing.
Mona: Shaun?
Shaun: Can U come over?
I sat up, alarmed. The book I’d been devouring fell to the duvet, forgotten.
Mona: Yes, but are you okay?
Shaun: Feel weird.
Mona: What does that mean?
Shaun: Just come over.
Shaun: Please?
I ordered a taxi and rushed out the door, not bothering to change out of my yoga leggings. He’d barely said anything in his messages, but my stomach turned itself inside out all the same. And it wasn’t because of the one glass of wine I’d had.
The taxi pulled onto the road and I chewed my lip. Was this his way of telling me he was on the edge? It was a Sunday, there was no filming and he’d been fine when he’d stopped by the production office to say good night yesterday. If he was struggling, it had nothing to do with work.
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