Dropped me off outside his building, I rushed through the lobby, waving to the receptionist, who thankfully recognised me. He called the lift for the penthouse from his desk, and I raced towards it.
As I tapped my foot, impatiently waiting for the doors to close, thoughts of Shaun sped through my mind. What is the problem?
I arrived to find his door off the lock. I pushed it open, hesitant to just invite myself in.
“Shaun?”
“Come in, Mona,” he called back from somewhere out of sight.
I found him scowling at a bottle of whisky on his dining room table. He sat in a chair in front of it, a battle raging across his face.
“Where did that come from?”
Shaun scrubbed a hand over his cheek, his jaw tensing.
“Where did it come from?” I repeated with a harder edge.
“I don’t know. It was waiting for me in reception,” he said, his voice strained.
“Was there a note?” I snatched it off the table, but he caught my wrist before I could take it away. He continued staring at the bottle with painful indecision in his eyes. “You don’t want this, Shaun. You’re doing a lot better on your own.”
He nodded, but his gaze didn’t shift. I unwrapped his fingers from my wrist gently, never taking my eyes from his. When I stepped away, he covered his face and rested his elbows on the table, hanging his head.
I poured the entire bottle down the drain. Next, I fired off a quick text to Sherry with a request for her to handle the producers. Who else would deliver expensive whisky to Shaun?
Easing into a chair, I took his hand, pulling it away from his face. His grip tightened, clinging to me. Guilt sat heavy on my tongue. Even though he hadn’t wanted anyone to know he was suffering from an addiction, I could have found a way to tell the producers, could have dropped hints for them to keep the alcohol away.
“I shouldn’t have quit.”
Shaun’s head snapped up, his tortured eyes widening.
“This isn’t your fault.”
I shook my head, averting my eyes. “If I’d stayed, that wouldn’t have happened. You wouldn’t have had to text me, pleading for me to come over. It just flat out wouldn’t have gotten this far.”
He squeezed my hand, tugging until I glanced at him. There wasn’t an ounce of blame on his face. That didn’t mean I wasn’t wrong.
“If you hadn’t quit, we’d both still be struggling to keep our hands to ourselves. You are not to blame for my lack of self-control.”
My eyes dropped to the table where the bottle had sat, the seal intact.
“If that wasn’t the perfect example, I don’t want to know what you class as self-control,” I muttered, meeting his gaze again, my admiration plain to see. “You didn’t open the bottle. You didn’t have a drink. Yes, you may have thought about it, but you didn’t. You texted me instead.” He stared at me, his uncertainty plain to see. “It could have gone so many other ways, but you chose not to go there. That took some serious strength, Shaun.”
The realisation slowly sank in, and the tension faded from his features as he started to believe me.
“Thank you for coming.”
“I said we’d still be friends. Of course I came.”
I’d always known it was possible he’d fall. Assistant, friend, lover. No matter what word he used, I wouldn’t have done anything else.
He rubbed at his face before focusing wholly on me with an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry I interrupted your weekend. Was it a good book, at least?”
My lips curled, recalling the scene I’d been in the middle of reading. The guy had just realised his sweet co-worker was pranking him. “Pretty good, yeah.”
“I’ll let you get back to it.” He released my fingers, pulling his hand back.
I studied him, searching for cracks. There had to be one I couldn’t see if he’d been tempted by that bottle.
“I’m pretty hungry. Want to order in some food and watch TV?” I asked, mentally crossing my fingers that he’d agree.
His smile crept over his lips, but when it blossomed, oh boy. Maybe I should have gone home. It screamed “let me eat you instead” and honestly after that book, I was already on edge.
I mentally shook myself. Biting hard on my cheek, I pushed any such thoughts out of my head and focused on the elephant in the room instead. What was pushing Shaun to the bottle?
We ordered food and settled down on his far-too-pristine sofa. Honestly, the fact we were eating Indian food on it gave me anxiety. An action film droned on in the background. Shaun did a quick scroll through the channels and picked it when I had nothing good or bad to say about the choice.
“Why do you have a white sofa? It’s so impractical.”
Shaun’s lips twitched, his eyes shining with mirth. “You’ve given this a lot of thought, haven’t you?”
I pressed mine together, sinking deeper into the sofa. “Maybe.”
“I didn’t choose it. I just let some designer redo the place after Lily dumped me.” He swallowed, his gaze flicking to the TV and staying there. “I didn’t want anything left behind to remind me of her.”
“Do you still feel like that?” I asked, straightening.
His focus snapped back to me. “Of course not. They’re just things. She’d done all the decorating when I first bought the place, and it always looked too feminine to me.” He bit his lips, considering how far he wanted to go, no doubt. “Redecorating helped close the book on her a little as well.”
I nodded. “Erased the ghost.”
“Exactly. It helped stop me expecting her to walk through the door at any moment.”
“I did the same thing with my ex. For a different reason, but the goal was still the same: exorcise them from your space.”
He seemed fine now. He’d settled into idle chatter so easily, the average person would have a job figuring out there was something wrong. But there was definitely something wrong. Despite his relaxed exterior, lines creased around his eyes from tension and his smile dimmed. He wasn’t fully here.
“But she still affects you?” I asked.
“Not in the romantic, pining sense.”
“But in the ‘this is what my life should be’ sense?”
He eyed me. “Maybe.”
“Did you see or read something about her today?”
He glanced away, and I contained my internal screams of “ah-ha” like a pro.
“You know you can’t compare the story told by the tabloids or even her social media to your reality, right?”
He nodded, refusing to meet my patient gaze.
“Good, because you’re presenting perfect to the world too. So you know better than anyone that perfect on social media doesn’t mean things are perfect for Lily either.”
Surprised eyes clashed with mine. His expression softened, turning thoughtful as my words sank in. “I hadn’t thought of it like that.”
“So let me ask again… did you see something that pushed you the wrong way?”
He nodded.
Progress. If I could get him to admit it, maybe it wouldn’t hurt him the next time. “What was it?”
“Her band won a Grammy,” he said quietly.
“That’s huge.”
“I know. For a second, I was proud of her, and then I remembered I had no business feeling that way.”
I frowned. “Why not?”
He shrugged. “She’s not mine anymore?”
“But you were friends once, weren’t you?” I waited for his confirmation, ploughing ahead when he gave it. “And you grew up together, started your careers together. At one point, you both loved each other. Just because you don’t anymore doesn’t mean that you have to throw out all the good moments and stop being proud of the people who meant something to you.”
Only I had. They were all lies, so holding onto them would have been pointless. I didn’t like the person I’d spent four years with. But I didn’t think that was the case for Shaun; otherwise, why would he propo
se?
For the first time since I set foot in his flat, he smiled properly. It lit up his eyes and eased the tension overshadowing him. He put his food down on the coffee table and reached for my hand, pulling me towards him. I held my takeaway box out before it painted the white sofa yellow.
His arms wrapped around me, his head rested on the top of mine and he hugged me. It felt so right that I had to close my eyes to get a grip. He’s just grateful. No need to get all mushy on the man.
“I think I needed to hear that,” he whispered into my hair. “I’ve spent the last year hating myself for not being able to forget how important she was in making me who I am. At times I thought the press were right – I was failing to move on – but you’ve helped me see it differently.”
I pushed off his chest and placed the takeaway box on the table. Settling back into his arms, I was hyper aware of his fingers toying with the edge of my t-shirt.
“You make it sound like you’re living in her shadow.”
He groaned. “Come on, Mona. You know that’s not what I meant.”
“How do I know that?” I asked, shifting so that I could see his face. “You don’t talk about it.”
He tilted his head, conceding that I was right.
“I’m just grateful for the way my life turned out, and I’m man enough to admit that I couldn’t have done it without help.” His eyes fixed on me, unwavering as he said, “And I’ve been ready to move on with the next chapter of my life for a while. I just didn’t know what it was.”
“And you do now?”
“Can we stop with the twenty questions, please?”
“I’m just trying to make sure you’re okay,” I said, my voice sounding shriller than I’d like.
“I am.”
“Okay, but—”
His mouth covered mine, cutting me off. For a second, I stiffened against him, hyper aware that we’d agreed to wait, but then his tongue flicked against mine and I was lost. My hand smoothed up his chest, grasping onto his shirt as he worked his lips across mine.
Within moments, pressure started to build between my legs and I needed more. More of what, I didn’t know, but more. I shifted until my breasts plastered to his chest, trying to get closer. But that wasn’t good enough for him. He placed his hands on my hips and tugged me into his lap until I straddled him. I groaned at the feel of his hard-on pressing against my core. With little thought, I rubbed back and forth, driving us both crazy with nothing but my thin yoga leggings and his joggers between us.
So much for waiting.
I broke the kiss, panting for air. His lips were red from my kisses, his hair stood on end and his eyes were at half-mast. I did that. I put that dazed look on his face.
“I don’t think I can wait until the production wraps,” I whispered.
He smiled, but the cautious edge remained. He brushed a featherlight kiss over my lips.
“What about our employment issues?” Shaun whispered. He sucked my bottom lip into his mouth, distracting me.
“I’m not your assistant anymore.”
“And plenty of people work with their partners.” He trailed kisses along my jaw.
“Exactly,” I sighed against him, latching onto that tidbit with both hands.
“And the press issue?”
I groaned. “Shaun, stop stalling.”
He chuckled, the vibrations delicious against my skin. “I just want to make sure you’re in.”
“We’ll be careful,” I said, breathless. “Keep it quiet.”
He smiled, reaching for another kiss, and I leaned into him without hesitation. My tongue danced with his, tangling in a long kiss that clouded out all other thoughts.
Shaun pulled back to consider me. “So, we’re fuck buddies until we say otherwise?”
“Until we say otherwise, but we keep it between us. The crew can’t know.” I searched his eyes, desperate for him to agree without argument so we could get to the good stuff.
He nodded. “Fine, but not just sex. We’re friends. I get to see you regularly out of hours?”
“I’d like that.” We smiled at each other like a pair of fools.
“And you won’t shout at me if I turn up at your door at six AM on a down day?”
I almost nodded. The bugger was trying to take advantage of my dazed state. “Not a chance. Find another running buddy.”
“But my current one looks incredible in leggings.” He pouted like I’d stolen his favourite toy. After a hard stare, he buckled. “Alright. No more early morning running dates.
He captured my mouth again, but rather than the frantic mashing of our lips like our first kiss, this one was slow, measured. His hands worked their way under my t-shirt and around to my bra. My nipples peaked with the first pass of his fingers across the thin fabric, and I moaned.
My t-shirt came off and his followed. When we’d had sex in the trailer, it had been hot and fast. I didn’t get a chance to just revel in him. Now, my fingers danced across his chest, tracing every line.
He dusted kisses down my neck and across my shoulders. My bra fell away and his fingers circled my nipples. Groaning, I started grinding on him again, and then he was the one unable to keep his noises to himself.
“I need you out of these fucking leggings now,” he growled, his fingers dropping to my waistband.
I caught his hands before he could tug them down. “We are not having sex on this sofa.”
“Mona.” His head fell back and a pained look crossed his face.
“No.”
“Fine,” he muttered.
In a rush, he stood, and I squeaked, wrapping my legs and arms around him before he dropped me. He chuckled, shaking me as he made his way through the flat and up the stairs.
Placing me on the bed, he hooked his fingers into my leggings and underwear, dragged them down my legs and threw them across the room. He raked his gaze down my naked body.
“Fuck, you’re beautiful,” he said, his eyes smouldering as he took me in. “I was a bit distracted to tell you last time.”
I let my eyes roam his bare torso, coming to rest pointedly on his joggers. “Fair’s fair.”
Grinning, he tore his trousers off but kept his black boxers in place as he advanced on me. My eyes lit with pleasure, wandering his toned thighs, the ridges of his abs. All of it testament to the hours he’d spent dodging his opponents on the tips of his toes.
“Uh, that’s not my idea of fair.” I held him off with an outstretched hand. “Boxers on the floor. Now.”
“You’re a hard woman to please.” He said it like he’d relish the challenge, and I just about melted into the bed.
He climbed onto the duvet, straddling me. His fingers immediately reached for my skin, caressing up my sides, making me shiver. I reached for him, desperate for another kiss. Shifting until he lay next to me, his fingers continued to explore the hollows of my body until I squirmed against him.
He captured a nipple between his teeth as his talented fingers delved into me, curling and pressing softly against a bundle of nerves I’d never felt before. My eyes rolled back as he concentrated solely on that spot. He sucked hard on my nipple, the contrast making me moan.
“Please, Shaun.”
“Please what?” he asked, raising his head with a lazy smile.
“Let me come.”
Grinning, he slid down the bed, feathering kisses as he went. I jumped when his tongue flicked my clit, adding to the flood of sensations coursing through me. I came fast and hard, crying his name.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Glaring sunlight woke me early the next morning. I squinted at the strange bedroom with its wall of uncovered windows. Who wanted to torture themselves like that every morning? The fog cleared and a smile curved my lips as the memory of last night resurfaced in glorious technicolour.
I didn’t want to look at the time. I just needed to enjoy the peace and quiet in our own world for a little longer. We were due on set at 8AM, and with the sun rising, we probably did
n’t have long.
Giddy with happiness, I rolled over to find Shaun’s side of the bed empty, the sheets cold to the touch. Frowning, I sat up, holding the duvet to my naked chest, self-conscious in the cold light of day.
“Shaun?” My voice echoed in the big room.
The bedroom door stood open and our clothes lay scattered across the floor. The flat was eerily silent. There wasn’t even a ticking clock to break it.
Scrambling from the bed, I grabbed my leggings and tugged them on, then padded on silent feet into the bathroom. Empty. Maybe he’s downstairs. I headed to the main level and the kitchen, collecting the rest of my clothes while the time glared back at me in block blue numbers above the oven. It was well past 8AM. I’d slept late and Shaun had left me.
My phone sat on the counter with a sheet of white paper wedged beneath it.
Meet me on set. Shaun, it read in surprisingly crisp handwriting. I don’t know why I’d expected him to write in pidgin scratch.
I frowned at the brief message. No kisses. His texts had been more expressive than this. I couldn’t read his mood from those five words.
Oh god, what if he’s changed his mind and decided the sex wasn’t good enough so we should be friends and nothing more? I wasn’t a professional at masking my feelings, unlike him. If we entered the “only friends zone”, I wouldn’t have to deal with him as much, but I’d still run into him.
One week on the production team and I was going to be late. What a way to prove my worth! I fired off a quick text to Alys, thankful that we’d finally started to shift into later call times.
In a mad dash, I showered, dressed and hot-footed it out of Shaun’s lush penthouse, taking extra care to avoid looking at the rumpled bed. I needed my head in the game, not flashes of last night blindsiding me.
Exiting the building, I took a deep breath and forced my shoulders to relax. I could handle any shit he threw at me.
“Ms Baines,” a familiar voice called, haunting my determined stride towards the nearest bus stop.
Except that.
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