She

by HC Warner

  Emma nodded.

  ‘Well,’ Jo continued, ‘that’s because the son usually gravitates towards his wife’s side of the family. As Bella doesn’t seem to have much of a family, she won’t be interested in taking him away from us, and we get the best of both worlds. So,’ she concluded, feeling more optimistic than she had all day, ‘there’s every possibility that we may have struck gold with Bella.’

  Chapter Five

  Ben felt uncharacteristically nervous, as he carefully navigated the icy country lanes. It was Christmas Day and they were heading out to Suffolk for their annual gathering at his mum and dad’s house. The weather was clear and crisp, with the sun reflecting on the patchwork fields, making them look like they were wearing a twinkling coat of frost.

  This time last year, he mused, as he steered to avoid the patches of black ice that greeted him at every turn, it was Charlotte sitting beside him and he was still expecting to propose to her in the New Year. Now it was Bella in the passenger seat, her hands carefully resting on her neat, football-shaped bump.

  Ben almost laughed to himself as the thought left his head. She may not have been actually driving the car, but there was no way anyone could describe Bella as being in the passenger seat. She was the one steering their lives in whatever direction she wanted them to go, of that he was quite clear. Sometimes, very occasionally, he wanted to object. To say that he didn’t want to do this or that. That he would prefer to stay in on a Saturday night and watch TV, rather than going to the theatre, but he had very quickly learned that it wasn’t worth the grief it caused.

  He thought back to the time, not long after their wedding, when he had invited Matt and Freya round for an impromptu meal one Friday night. He had casually mentioned it to Bella as they’d eaten breakfast in the kitchen of their flat that morning. ‘Oh, by the way, Matt and Freya are coming round tonight. I thought we could get a takeaway.’

  He was scrolling on his iPad at the time and wasn’t looking up at Bella but he sensed, rather than saw, the furious expression on her face. Looking up, he almost recoiled. Her beautiful dark eyes were blazing and her mouth was set in a grimace. ‘No, they’re not. It’s not convenient.’ It wasn’t the opening to a discussion of any kind. It was a statement that was intended to shut down any further debate.

  Ben frowned. ‘But … I’ve already invited them. And they’ve accepted.’

  Bella’s face took on an amused expression. ‘Well, you shouldn’t have. Not without clearing it with me first.’

  Ben took a deep breath and drew himself up to his full height. ‘I’m sorry, darling. You’re right. But I’ve asked them now so they’re coming. I’ll know better next time.’

  Bella looked at him for a long moment, before standing up and throwing her paper napkin on the table. She pulled her short satin robe around her and strode out of the kitchen. Ben watched her go, feeling a mixture of annoyance and worry. It was such a strange over-reaction to something that was no big deal.

  Matt and Freya were always popping round for hastily arranged dinners when he was with Charlotte. He didn’t remember her ever objecting, even the time he’d forgotten to tell her altogether and she was in the shower when they arrived. She had just pulled on some sweat pants and a T-shirt and joined them at the table with her wet hair hastily scraped into a bun on top of her head.

  He shrugged to himself and tried to shake off the feeling of unease. He certainly wasn’t going to cancel. It would be rude and embarrassing. And it wasn’t as if Bella had any friends she wanted to invite instead. No, he decided, she would have come round by the time they arrived. Even so, he made a mental note to make sure that he gave her a bit more notice in future.

  By the time Matt and Freya arrived that evening, Bella still wasn’t home. Ben had been calling her frantically for several hours but her phone appeared to be switched off. Her job as an executive PA to the boss of a large investment company in the City meant her hours were very regular. There was no reason why she would have been delayed at work, especially on a Friday night, when the whole company tended to head off home an hour or two early.

  ‘Hi, mate!’ Matt held up in front of him a carrier bag stuffed with wine and beer. ‘I’ve brought the usual!’

  Ben smiled as convincingly as he could. ‘Fantastic! Come on in. I’ll order the food. What do you fancy tonight – Chinese or Indian?’

  Matt and Freya dumped their coats in the hall and followed Ben into the kitchen, almost as familiar with his flat as with their own. ‘Ummm … Indian, I think.’ Freya opened the kitchen drawer and took out the bottle opener. Then she took four glasses out of the cupboard and poured three of them. ‘What’s Bella drinking?’ She turned towards Ben expectantly.

  ‘Um, she’ll probably just have water.’

  Freya’s face fell slightly. ‘Of course. Where is she?’ She looked over Ben’s shoulder, as if expecting Bella to materialize.

  Ben swallowed. ‘Um, yeah, she sends her apologies but she’s been held up at work. Hopefully she’ll be here soon. Let’s just order the food and I’ll save her some.’ He saw a look pass between Matt and Freya and felt himself redden slightly. He hated lying to them but he especially hated lying to them when they knew it.

  They ordered the food and ate it at the round, modern table in Ben’s kitchen, as they always had. The gap where Bella should have been sitting and where Charlotte always used to sit, seemed to loom large and the conversation didn’t flow quite the way it usually did. Ben tried to ignore the undercurrent of tension but there was a knot in his stomach and despite drinking a fair bit, his throat seemed dry, making it difficult to eat. He couldn’t remember the taste of anything.

  Finally, earlier than they ever had before, Matt and Freya started looking at their watches. ‘Listen, we’d better be off.’ Matt threw Ben a sympathetic look that caused his stomach to knot even more. ‘I’m playing football in the morning.’

  ‘And I’m on night shifts from tomorrow night, so …’ Freya added, pushing back her chair.

  Ben nodded and stood up. ‘No worries. It was good to see you guys.’

  Freya gave him a hug. ‘Give our love to Bella.’ Her words were heavy with unspoken meaning.

  Ben could feel himself reddening again and cursed himself for it. ‘I will.’

  After he shut the door behind them, he stood in the kitchen with his hands on his hips, wondering what to do. Should he be worried? Somehow he didn’t think so. He knew instinctively that she was punishing him. He began to clear up the plates and glasses and put the remains of the Indian takeaway in the bin outside the back door. Bella hated the smell of food in the flat.

  When everything had been cleared away, he went into the lounge and sat on the sofa, waiting, his heart thudding. The ticking sound of the clock over the fireplace seemed to echo loudly around the room and Ben wondered why he had never noticed it before. Finally, as the hands of the clock clicked round to one o’clock, he heard the key in the front door and stiffened as a wave of anger surged through him. How dare she show him up in front of his oldest friends? And what was wrong with having them round on a Friday night? It was his bloody flat, after all!

  He listened as Bella dropped her bag in the hallway and made her way straight through to the bedroom. With his anger growing, he leaped up and marched into the bedroom behind her. ‘Where the bloody hell have you been?’ he hissed, through gritted teeth.

  Bella, who was sitting on the edge of the bed with her back to him, shook her head.

  Ben rolled his eyes. ‘Well?’ he demanded, a deep torrent of rage soaring up inside his chest. ‘Answer me! Do you have any idea how embarrassing that was?’

  Bella turned her face towards him and he immediately recoiled in shame. Her make-up had run and the tracks of her tears were still visible. Her large, brown eyes were ringed with dark circles and she was deathly pale. ‘I’ve been at the hospital,’ she whispered. ‘I thought I was losing the baby.’ As she finished speaking, she dissolved into tears and put her head in her
hands.

  ‘Oh my God! Why didn’t you call me?’ Ben dashed to her side and put his arms around her slim, shaking shoulders. All his anger had evaporated in an instant and he now felt like the lousiest husband in the world.

  ‘There wasn’t time … I just wanted to get there. Marcus took me.’

  Ben bristled. Marcus was Bella’s boss and a very successful banker, with whom he knew she had had an affair in the past. ‘Right,’ he managed.

  ‘He was so lovely,’ she continued, her sobs beginning to abate. ‘He waited while they checked me over and then insisted on bringing me home.’

  ‘That was very nice of him,’ Ben agreed, stroking her silky hair. ‘But of course, if you’d rung me, or not had your phone switched off, I would have come straight away.’

  Bella nodded and wiped her eyes, further smudging her mascara. ‘I know, I’m sorry – but I didn’t want to spoil your evening with Matt and Freya …’ She let her words hang in the air. Without her having to say it, the unspoken suggestion that he had prioritized a night of drinking with his mates over looking after his pregnant wife was loud and clear.

  Ben swallowed the lump in his throat. ‘So what happened? What made you think you were losing the baby … and is it OK?’

  Bella shook her head and made a swatting motion with her hand. ‘I don’t want to talk about it. But the main thing is that everything is OK and the baby’s fine.’

  ‘Oh, thank God!’ Relief made Ben feel momentarily light-headed. He was glad he was sitting down. ‘I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you, darling.’ He kissed the top of her head and squeezed her towards him.

  Bella gave him a watery smile. ‘It’s OK. Luckily Marcus was there, so he took care of me. Don’t feel bad.’

  OK, Ben thought, so she was definitely punishing him. But then again, he reasoned, he probably deserved it. ‘Well, let me look after you now,’ he said, bending down to take off her shoes. ‘From now on, I’m not leaving your side.’

  Bella allowed herself to be gently laid down on the bed and smiled up at him. ‘Thank you,’ she whispered, as Ben tried to ignore the slightly triumphant gleam in her eyes. It occurred to him that she had just won a battle that he wasn’t even aware he had been fighting.

  Chapter Six

  Ben and Bella pulled onto the gravel driveway, Ben’s Mercedes sighing to a halt, as if it had run out of breath. They didn’t get out of the car immediately, but seemed to be having a terse conversation, both their faces set rigid as they stared straight ahead.

  Jo felt a prickle of unease, as she watched them from the doorway. She had had a strange feeling of foreboding since she woke up this morning and couldn’t put her finger on why.

  She hoped she was imagining it, but Ben’s body language seemed different, as he finally got out of the car and opened Bella’s door, before helping her out.

  Jo plastered a smile on her face as she swung open the door and waved. ‘Hello, you two! Happy Christmas!’

  Ben grinned as they reached her and he bent down to kiss her on the cheek. ‘Hi, Mum, happy Christmas.’

  ‘And look at you!’ Jo beamed, motioning to Bella’s rounded stomach. ‘You’re cooking nicely.’

  Bella’s face hardened as she offered her cold cheek to accept a kiss from Jo. ‘You make me sound like a bloody turkey!’

  Jo looked at her in surprise. ‘Oh! Well you’re certainly the most glamorous turkey I’ve ever seen.’

  There was an awkward pause as both Jo and Ben watched Bella to see if she would accept the compliment. ‘Right,’ she said eventually. ‘Are we standing out here all day or are we allowed to come in?’

  Jo’s unease deepened. Why was Bella being so bloody prickly? She decided to blame the pregnancy hormones and gave what she knew was a fake laugh. ‘Of course! Come on through. Peter’s in the kitchen.’

  Ben took off his jacket and hung it on the coat rack in the hallway, before turning towards Bella and reaching out to take her coat. ‘Leave it!’ she snapped, slapping his hand away. ‘I’m cold.’ Jo caught Ben’s eye for a split second. There was a look of resignation there that she didn’t like one bit.

  ‘Look who’s here!’ she said brightly, as they reached the kitchen, where Peter was busy stirring his mulled wine on the Aga. He made it every year at Christmas and every year they all pretended to like it. The time had long since passed when they could tell him they all thought it was disgusting. At least the home-made mince pies went some way towards taking the taste away.

  Peter wiped his hands on a tea towel and turned towards Ben and Bella. ‘Hello, you two. Happy Christmas!’

  Jo watched with interest to see if Bella gave Peter the same prickly response but to her surprise, and annoyance, she moved into Peter’s arms and gazed up at him with a radiant smile. ‘Happy Christmas, Peter! That mulled wine smells divine … almost makes me wish I could drink it.’

  Peter flushed and flicked Jo a panicked look, before clearing his throat. ‘Well, you’ll be pleased to hear that you can … I made it non-alcoholic this year, knowing that you didn’t drink.’

  ‘Did you? You didn’t say.’ Jo felt a sudden spike of anger towards Peter that took her by surprise.

  But either Peter didn’t hear her or chose to ignore her, as he reached for one of the pewter goblets he had lined up on the pale granite work surface and poured Bella a generous serving. Bella took it with her eyes shining, as if he had handed her a goblet of solid gold. ‘How wonderful,’ she murmured, sipping it, gazing at Peter over the top of her glass. Jo watched her carefully, noting the slight blanch as she swallowed each mouthful, clearly detesting it but valiantly hiding her dislike from Peter.

  ‘Well,’ Jo clapped her hands a little too over-enthusiastically, ‘let’s go through and make ourselves comfortable, shall we? Bella, are you sure you won’t take off your coat?’

  ‘No.’ Bella didn’t look at Jo as she spoke. ‘I’d rather keep it on as I’m feeling a bit chilled.’ She glanced up at Peter with an apologetic smile.

  ‘Oh dear, I do hope you’re not sickening for something?’ Peter said, causing another ripple of annoyance to quiver through Jo’s chest. Peter was notoriously unsympathetic to anyone who was ill. Then she wondered if he was being sarcastic. She couldn’t tell.

  ‘Pregnancy’s not an illness, is it, Bella?’ Jo was aiming for a jokey tone, but her voice sounded sharp.

  Bella raised her large eyes towards Jo with a hurt expression. ‘Um, no, I guess not.’

  Ben looked at Jo with an accusing stare and she could feel a flush spreading up her neck. Why did she feel as if she was in the wrong when it was Bella who was being so offhand?

  After an awkward silence, the four of them made their way through into the sitting room. Jo had spent days decorating the freshly cut Norwegian Spruce Christmas tree and trailing pretty lights and baubles around the large marble fireplace and along the picture rail, but no one seemed to notice or made any comment. With the fire lit and roaring, the room was cosy to the point of being too warm and Jo wondered if Bella might actually take her coat off at last, but instead, she pulled it around her tightly, wincing with an exaggerated grimace as she sat down gingerly on the plump grey sofa.

  Ben’s forehead creased with concern. ‘Are you OK, darling?’

  Bella threw him a brave smile. ‘Yes, I’m sure I’ll be fine.’

  Jo took a couple of deep breaths, trying to dampen down the irritation that was still quivering through her chest. She wondered why she was the only one who could see that Bella’s behaviour was simply attention-seeking, rather than due to any kind of genuine discomfort.

  ‘What time is Emma getting here?’ Ben addressed the question to Peter.

  Peter looked at his watch. ‘Any time now, I should imagine. I told her she should have hitched a lift with you two. Seems a bit crazy to bring two cars to do the same journey, especially as the roads are so icy.’

  A look passed between Bella and Ben and Jo knew, without them saying so, that Emma would not have been
offered a lift. She thought back to last Christmas, which suddenly seemed like a lifetime ago, and how much things had changed since then.

  Emma and Ben had always been so close. Even when Ben was with Charlotte, his relationship with his older sister had remained strong. But since meeting Bella, there seemed to be a distance between them. Emma was as perplexed as Jo and the two of them had spent many hours discussing whether she might have done something to upset him.

  Jo had never voiced it, but she knew instinctively that it was Bella who had a problem with Emma and that Ben was just going along with it for an easy life. She looked at Bella now, so beautiful and so charming when she chose to be. So cold and brittle when she didn’t. She wished she could shake off the heavy feeling of anxiety that had dogged her ever since they announced that she was pregnant and they were getting married.

  Looking back, it was then that Ben had started to change towards them. Well, that wasn’t quite right. He had started to change towards Jo and Emma. He had become more distant and a little more formal. He seemed fine with Peter, which was ironic, considering it was Peter who had voiced his reservations about Bella and the speed of their relationship in the first place. But he had also changed in himself. He was becoming quieter and less confident, as if he was slowly but surely having the stuffing pulled out of him.

  As if she sensed her watching, Bella suddenly turned her gaze towards Jo. Jo quickly rearranged her features into a smile but Bella’s large brown eyes narrowed and there was a glint of something that Jo couldn’t read, except that she knew it wasn’t pleasant.

  She sighed and stood up, fed up with being excluded from the conversation.

  No one seemed to notice as she left the room. Walking back into the kitchen, she caught sight of the pan of mulled wine gently bubbling on the Aga. Feeling a sudden spike of annoyance, she picked it up and tipped it down the sink. She watched the dark red, gloopy liquid congeal around the plughole, with its crimson tendrils clinging to the stark white walls of the sink like blood. She turned on the tap and swished water over the incriminating evidence until it was all gone.