by HC Warner
I could have slapped him. ‘Oh for God’s sake, Ben! That’s typical of you. You aren’t the one who’s worked your backside off to get her into her routine. I’m not wrecking all my hard work just to suit you.’
‘Fine!’ Ben snapped. ‘Then we’ll have lunch first and they can see her when she wakes up.’
‘Well, you needn’t think I’m cooking lunch. I’ve got enough to do, thank you very much, without having to entertain your parents.’
His jaw tightened with the effort of controlling his temper. ‘I’ll do the cooking,’ he cajoled, clearly desperate that I didn’t change my mind. ‘You can sit and chat to them.’
‘Oh yes, that’s a good idea, because we get on so well.’ I knew I was being unreasonable but I couldn’t help it. He just irritated the hell out of me.
Ben came over and pulled me into a hug that I didn’t return. ‘Please, Bella, don’t turn this into a feud,’ he said. ‘They’re my parents and they’re Elodie’s grandparents. I don’t want them to become strangers.’
I wondered for a second how it would feel to tell him that Peter was actually Elodie’s parent, rather than her grandparent. The words would literally kill him. For a second, I felt a tiny hint of sympathy for him. None of this was his fault. ‘I’m sorry, Ben. I just … feel that your mum doesn’t like me and it’s really hurtful.’
‘She does like you,’ Ben insisted, tilting my chin up so that I was looking at him with my best doe-eyed expression. ‘So don’t go looking for insults and slights. Just be yourself and they will love you as much as I do.’
Unlikely, I thought, smiling at the idea. ‘I love you, too. I’m just tired, I think. How about we get an early night?’
Ben grinned at me with genuine love and tenderness in his eyes. ‘There was a time when that would have meant something else entirely. And do you know what? Even though I know you’re only talking about going to sleep, I can’t think of anything I’d love more.’
‘Who says I’m only talking about going to sleep?’ I gave him my best seductive look over my shoulder, as I took his hand and pulled him towards the bedroom. I needed to keep him sweet.
Chapter Twenty-Three
‘They’re here!’ Ben called from his vantage point, looking out of the living-room window into the street beyond. He had been like a cat on hot bricks all morning, awaiting his parents’ arrival. He had prepared a lasagne for lunch and made sure everything was just so in the flat, clearly desperate that nothing should go wrong.
Like Ben, I had been making preparations all morning, too. I had had a long soak in the bath, before spending almost an hour on my hair and make-up. Finally, I spritzed with the Hermès scent I knew Peter always loved and dressed in a deceptively sexy fitted shirt and my most flattering pair of skinny jeans, which showed off my long, slim legs and perfect bum. I felt pleased with what I saw in the mirror, as I put Elodie down for her lunchtime nap, buying time until I had to face Peter and Jo.
‘Hi, Mum, hi, Dad,’ I heard Ben say, sending a shiver of excitement through me. ‘You’ve lost weight, Dad, are you OK?’
I held my breath waiting for Peter’s answer. ‘I am now.’
I waited in the gloom of Elodie’s room, listening as they bustled into the flat.
‘Hello, darling, these are for Bella – and Elodie.’ Jo’s voice still had the power to set my teeth on edge, even after all this time.
‘Thanks, Mum, come on in!’ Ben sounded happier than I had heard him in a long while – clearly, she didn’t have the same effect on him.
‘She’s just put Elodie down for her lunchtime nap,’ Ben said. ‘She’ll be out in a minute.’ I decided to prolong the moment for as long as possible, so I leaned against the door, listening.
I heard Ben go into the kitchen to make tea. While he was gone, Peter and Jo didn’t appear to exchange a word. Probably too scared to speak in case I overheard, I thought with satisfaction.
‘So … how have you been?’ Ben asked in an overly chirpy voice, as he returned to the living room.
‘Fine …’ Jo started to say, but Peter cut across her.
‘Not great – we’ve been wondering when we’d finally get to meet Elodie …’ My heart skipped at the sound of his voice, which seemed full of pent-up emotion, as his words tumbled out over each other.
‘Peter …’
‘No, Jo,’ Peter cut her off. ‘I want to know why you haven’t been in touch. Have you any idea how upset your mother’s been? How upset I’ve been, for that matter?’
I wished I could see his face, to see the anguish that was evident in his voice. Good. He deserved to suffer.
‘I’m sorry,’ Ben replied quickly. ‘We’ve been so busy with the baby. Time ran away from me.’
‘Rubbish!’ Peter spat. ‘You forget that we’ve had two children ourselves and yes, it’s hard work, but it’s also possible to find time to make a bloody phone-call! How could you have left it for so long? Do you have any idea how hurtful that was?’
In one movement, I opened the bedroom door and stepped over the hallway into the living room.
‘It was because of me,’ I said, making them all jump visibly. Jo and Peter both swung around to look at me simultaneously and both of them gave a half-gasp. Peter’s eyes met mine and for a second, I could see the confusion, as lust fought against his already dwindling anger. It had been worth putting in so much effort to look as good as possible.
‘I didn’t want Ben to contact you. I’m sorry,’ I continued, aiming for calm, yet vulnerable. ‘I was just so hurt by what happened at Christmas and …’
‘Of course you were!’ Jo leaped out of her seat and for one awful moment, I thought she was going to hug me, so I wrapped my arms around my body defensively, hoping to ward her off.
It seemed to work and she stepped back slightly. ‘I am so sorry for what I said, Bella. It was in the heat of the moment and I was feeling very stressed after Emma’s accident …’
I nodded and adopted a stoic expression. ‘It’s fine. Let’s forget about it.’
Jo nodded eagerly. ‘Thank you!’ she trilled. ‘How are you, Bella? You look truly amazing! I can’t believe how quickly you’ve got your figure back.’
I smiled. All the hard work had paid off. I had barely eaten for weeks. ‘Apparently my mum was the same with me. Lucky, genes, I guess,’ I said breezily before twisting the knife a bit more. ‘She says Elodie’s identical to me as a baby so hopefully she’s inherited them, too.’
My words landed and Jo swallowed hard. The truth was, my mum hadn’t been around that much either recently because she drove me mad, but Jo didn’t need to know that.
She blinked quickly, as if to squeeze away any tears that might be threatening. ‘And what’s she like? Elodie, I mean? I can’t wait to see her.’
I could tell she was treading on eggshells, unsure if I would take anything she said the wrong way. I decided to be beneficent for once. After all, I didn’t want any of them thinking I was an unreasonable bitch.
‘She’s perfect. She’ll be up in a little while but you can have a peep at her if you like?’
Jo’s face lit up with joy. ‘I’d love to!’ she breathed.
Although I didn’t look at him, all the while I was aware of Peter watching me with those sleepy brown eyes of his. I didn’t invite him to join us, wanting to make him wait for as long as possible before he got to set eyes on his daughter.
We tiptoed together into Elodie’s room, me aware that Jo was being exaggeratedly careful not to make a noise. We made our way to the white wooden cot in the corner where Elodie was lying on her back, sleeping soundly. I watched Jo’s rapt expression as she peered down at her. She put her hand to her chest, clearly fighting back tears. ‘She’s so lovely,’ she whispered. ‘And she looks so much like you.’
Well, she’s certainly not going to look like you, is she? I thought meanly. ‘Thank you. And yes, I think she’s lovely too but I’m a bit biased.’
‘You’re allowed to be. You’re her
mum,’ Jo gushed, before we both tiptoed back out of the room.
In the kitchen, Peter and Ben were chatting quietly, as Ben prepared the lunch. I deliberately avoided making eye contact with Peter as we joined them, but made sure that I was as charming as possible. I laughed at all Ben’s stupid jokes and listened intently to Jo’s dreary stories, knowing that Peter’s eyes were on me the whole time. I wondered idly if he ever felt any regret over me. Whether he ever imagined what it would be like to set up home with just me and his new baby daughter. It killed me to know that if he just said the word, I would still run away with him in a heartbeat.
‘And how has Ben been looking after you?’ Jo suddenly piped up, interrupting my thoughts.
‘He’s been amazing,’ I said, aware as I spoke of how true it was. ‘But he works such long hours. I think we might need to rethink.’ I could see Peter’s eyes narrowing as I spoke, wondering what I might be up to now.
‘Rethink what?’ Ben chimed in, his mouth full of lasagne.
‘Your job. It’s not even as if you love it that much. A fresh start somewhere out of London might be good for all of us.’ An idea was beginning to form in my mind.
‘You never mentioned it before. What’s brought this on?’
‘Oh, I don’t know. Maybe hearing your mum and dad’s stories about you growing up in Suffolk. It sounds idyllic …’ I deliberately left the words hanging for a second. ‘I’d like Elodie to have that sort of upbringing.’
‘What was your childhood like, Bella?’ Jo asked, annoyingly interrupting my flow. ‘I’m not sure I’ve ever heard you talk about it.’
‘That’s because I don’t want to bore everyone rigid. It was dull as ditchwater.’ I rolled my eyes to close down the conversation. ‘There’s honestly nothing to tell.’
‘I’m sure that’s not true,’ Jo persisted. ‘Where did you live again?’
I put a hand to my ear. ‘I think I can hear a certain little someone stirring!’ I stood up and left the room. It was the only way to shut her up.
I hated waking Elodie but there was no choice. I opened the blackout curtains and unzipped her sleeping bag, shaking her gently as I did so. Her eyes popped open in surprise, before she stretched out her arms and legs and gave a huge yawn. I watched her, smiling to myself. She was so beautiful it was impossible not to fall in love with her all over again.
I scooped her up, drinking in the sweet smell of sleep that still clung to her and carried her back into the kitchen where Peter and Jo were waiting with bated breath.
‘Here she is!’
‘Oh my word, she’s just perfect!’ Jo cooed, as they stood either side of me. ‘Isn’t she, Peter?’
I looked up at Peter, who was gazing at Elodie with undisguised awe. ‘She certainly is,’ he breathed. ‘Can I hold her?’ He looked up and met my eye with an expression that said so much.
‘Of course,’ I replied, after a moment. I lowered Elodie into his arms, watching him closely as I did so. It felt as though all my senses were heightened, I was so aware of his smell, his touch and the sound of his voice.
‘What do you think then, Dad? Do you think she looks like me?’ Ben came over and tickled Elodie’s stomach, causing her to squirm and smile at the same time. I thought of all the terrible things I could say that would smash his world to smithereens.
‘Not really, son,’ Peter said carefully, causing my stomach to drop with fear. Was he about to blab everything in a moment of madness? I held my breath until he finished. ‘She’s far more beautiful than you.’
We all burst into peals of exaggerated, relieved laughter and I caught Peter’s eye. He gave the tiniest of smiles. So this was how it was going to be: like a continuous jousting session, with one or other of us scoring points against the other. Well, that was fine by me.
Later, when the dishes had been cleared and we were finishing our coffee, I stood up and hoisted Elodie over my shoulder. ‘I think someone needs changing,’ I said by way of explanation as I turned to leave the room.
‘I’ll come and help,’ said Peter, giving a warning look to Jo, to stop her following. It wasn’t a question, it was a statement, and before I could object, we were alone together in Elodie’s room.
‘What do you think of your daughter, then?’ I asked in a low voice, careful to make sure my words didn’t carry through the flat.
Peter swallowed hard and fixed me with a fierce stare. ‘I should have been able to see her before now.’
‘Really?’ I pretended to consider his words. ‘Only, I seem to remember that you were rather keen for me to abort her. I didn’t think you’d be too bothered about seeing her.’
Peter shook his head. ‘It was cruel of you, particularly towards Jo.’
I gave a dry laugh. ‘So? She’s not actually related to her, is she?’
He reeled slightly, as if I’d struck him. ‘But she doesn’t know that!’ he hissed. ‘And of course, we’ve only got your word for it …’
‘Seriously, Peter? You’re still going down that route? I’d better book a DNA test to prove it once and for all. I can get the results sent to your home …’
Peter’s eyes slid from me to Elodie.
‘But I don’t think you really need a test, do you?’ I turned her around so that he could see her more clearly. ‘You know she’s yours, don’t you?’
Peter’s eyes filled with tears and he nodded miserably. ‘What a bloody mess.’
I laid Elodie down on her changing mat and began to change her nappy. ‘There was no need, though, Peter. You could have had a happy life with me and her.’ I turned to look at him. ‘Just the three of us together.’
He shook his head. ‘That would never have happened. I couldn’t leave Jo.’
‘But you could shag around behind her back with no trouble!’ My voice was louder than I had intended and we both gasped slightly, straining to hear whether my words had reached Ben and Jo. But the murmuring sound of their voices burbled on uninterrupted.
Peter came to stand beside me, as I buttoned up Elodie’s babygro. I cursed the renewed shiver of excitement that ran through me at his proximity. ‘Look,’ he said in an urgent undertone. ‘We need to work out a way to make this bearable for both of us – for all of us, actually,’ he added, looking at Elodie. There was genuine affection in his eyes. ‘This isn’t a game, Bella, this is Elodie’s life we’re talking about. Ben’s life. I want them both to be OK.’
I didn’t reply. It annoyed me that he was making it out to be my fault when it was his selfish actions that lay at the root of everything.
Peter put his hand on my shoulder, causing a crackle of electricity to shoot through me. I didn’t want his touch to have any effect. I just wanted to be able to mentally shut him out, whilst making his life a living nightmare for the way he’d treated me. But he triggered such a violent reaction in me that it was impossible. To my horror, my eyes filled with tears and I blinked them away furiously.
‘Bella?’ he prompted, his tone slightly softer.
I nodded slowly. ‘If you behave, Peter, then I will, too.’
Peter exhaled, relief flooding his features. ‘Thank you …’
‘But,’ I continued, ‘the second you put a foot out of line, I will make your life hell. Remember that.’ I picked up Elodie and laid her over my shoulder, rubbing her back gently.
Peter gazed at her sadly. ‘How could I ever forget? I’m glad I’ve finally seen her. She’s beautiful. Really beautiful.’
I couldn’t help smiling. ‘Yes. She certainly is. Well, you might be seeing a bit more of her soon anyway.’
Peter’s own smile died on his lips and his eyes narrowed slightly. He was always so suspicious around me, albeit with good reason. ‘And why’s that?’
I shrugged. ‘I’d like Elodie to have the sort of childhood your other children had. So I think maybe we should buy a house similar to yours in Suffolk and move there.’
Peter blanched. ‘Close to us, you mean?’
‘Yes. Then you could ge
t to see Elodie whenever you wanted.’
I could see the internal battle as his thoughts raced. ‘But how could you ever afford a house near us?’
I wanted to laugh at his naivety. ‘We couldn’t. But you could.’
As understanding dawned, his expression darkened. ‘You want me to buy you a house?’
‘Well, you bought your other children a house, so I don’t see why you wouldn’t buy Elodie one.’ I adopted my most annoying sing-song tone, knowing it would irritate him further.
‘Ben wouldn’t accept it,’ Peter said at last. ‘I know what he’s like and he’d be too proud. It was different when he was young, just getting started, but now that he’s a husband and father …’
I fixed him with my steeliest stare. ‘Then it’s your job to make him accept it.’
Peter ran his hand through his hair, looking panicked. ‘And if I don’t succeed?’
I smiled. ‘I don’t think I need to answer that one, do I, Peter?’
Chapter Twenty-Four
He had told me. Of course he had. But I pretended that he hadn’t. ‘What the hell did you invite them round for?’ I yelled at his retreating back, as he walked out of the bedroom, having reminded me that Matt and Freya would be arriving in about half an hour for a final, goodbye get-together. When I saw the alert pop up on his phone calendar earlier, I had deliberately gone back to bed, claiming that I didn’t feel well.
Ben stopped walking and sighed heavily, his shoulders dropping before he turned back to face me. ‘Because they’re my friends, Bella. Our friends. That’s what friends do – they spend time together.’
‘They’re not my bloody friends!’ I spat. ‘Well, anyway, I don’t feel well so they will have to come another time. Or not at all, preferably.’
Ben closed his eyes in that way that really wound me up. As if he was trying desperately hard to keep his temper. ‘No, Bella, it’s too late to cancel them now. They’ll already be on their way.’
‘Well, call Matt on his mobile and tell him your wife is sick and you are going to do the right thing and look after her, rather than getting pissed with those two arseholes.’